Breaking the Stigma: The Importance of Men's Mental Health in Modern Society
Welcome to the Think Unbroken Podcast hosted by Michael Unbroken that delves into the importance of men's mental health in modern society... See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/breaking-the-stigma-the-importance-of-mens-mental-health-in-modern-society/#show-notes
Welcome to the Think Unbroken Podcast hosted by Michael Unbroken that delves into the importance of men's mental health in modern society. In this podcast, Michael explores the societal expectations placed on men from a young age, such as "boys don't cry" or "man up," and how these expectations have created a lack of openness and emotional intelligence in men. Michael aim to break down the stigma surrounding men's mental health and encourage men to speak openly about their struggles.
This podcast is not a replacement for mental health care, but rather a platform to raise awareness and provide support for those who may be struggling with mental health issues. Remember, if you are having a life-threatening emergency, please contact your local emergency number. Join Michael Unbroken as he works towards creating a society that is welcoming to the notion that men also face mental health issues.
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Hey, I'm Michael Anthony. I am an author, international speaker and advocate for adult survivors of child abuse. Today I wanna talk to you about the importance of men talking about mental healthcare.
In 2019, it is so unbelievably important that men have a safe space to talk about mental health, and unfortunately, society just is still not giving us enough space, it is growing. It is vastly different. I think we all can admit that the universe of mental health care, especially around men, is vastly different. But societally, we still live in a place where we want you to talk about it, but not really. And I seem to run into that a lot, especially with my male peers and being in conversations at a very surface level and not really stepping into vulnerability with each other is something that's only at the detriment of society as a whole.
And constantly I think about what is it that it takes for men to become emotional human beings, and ultimately, I think it's support. I don't know because I wasn't around then, but I have a sneaking suspicion that not that long ago, maybe only a couple hundred years, a few hundred, maybe a thousand, I don't know that men were able to talk about feelings and emotions with whatever capacity it was that at that time we had.
And between war and society and the industrial revolution and now the technological revolution feels like men are in this position where we just aren't allowed to fully open up and be who it is that we are. I know that this is something that comes on the hills of a lot of really important movements happening in feminism, and I respect that and I want those things to keep happening. But it is time for men to have a movement as well, it is imperative at this point because we can no longer be in community as a society and keep our emotions to ourselves. It is going to start seeping out in the worst kind of ways, and we've seen it happen again and again.
You know, I'm not gonna harbor on politics, but we know what the president of the United States of America says about women. I mean, he ran a campaign in a disgusting way, you know this, I know this, we won't dive in. But when you look at the leader of the free world speaking that kind of ill will towards women, you have to wonder like what is the subconscious of men across the board like right now? And I don't think it's great. I think it's probably, and this is conjecture ‘cuz this is only my opinion and that's why you're listening to me. I think it's probably worse now for men who have mental health issues than ever before because on one hand, and there's a reason, and let me be very clear. On one hand, we're put in this place where everyone is saying men should step up and be supportive and be communal and talk about their mental health issues, and seek help and seek guidance, and talk about the things that have kept us buried within ourselves for years and decades in the course of our life.
On the other hand, we do that and we're ostracized and we're told, oh, you probably shouldn't talk about that. Or women look at us as not being masculine or our peers look at us as not being masculine, and we lose a sense of that. And I challenge that narrative because I think it's b**h*t. I think the most masculine thing that you can do as a man, that I can do as a man is to speak my truth, to talk about the things that are bothering me, to talk about my mental health issues, to talk about whatever it is that I feel like talking about within the context of safety and security, and knowing that I deserve the same freedom that everyone else does to express my emotional thoughts.
The biggest thing is we grow up in society. If you are like me, I grew up playing sports and I grew up in a home where I wasn't allowed to cry, and that just kind of seeded and planted and grew into this really nasty black blob of a soul. And for a long time, I thought I was a sociopath, I'm dead serious about this. I had no emotions of any kind for 15 years; I would be in relationships with people. I would be at funerals. I would be at like awful sad movies or romcoms or whatever, and I just couldn't cry. I could not tap into the emotional side of myself because I kept all of my emotions very deep within like buried all the way down, and the light never saw of them. And I realized that that was to the detriment of myself by not sharing my emotions, by not being an emotional human being, by pretending that things did not bother me, that somehow, I was greater than all of the abuse, that I was somehow greater than heartbreak, that I was somehow greater than longing, and hope, and joy and happiness really started to destroy me. And I see it happening all the time with my friends and my peer group and around the board, across the board of men and recently what has dawned on me is like we have to step up. And the reason that we have to step up is because I think if the next generation, our children and their children, if they come up in society where it's taught to us that boys aren't allowed to cry, where boys are not allowed to be emotional, nothing is going to change, and we're gonna continue to have this narrative of a lot of men who are going about life in, I would consider an unfulfilled way. To not be able to tap into your emotions, you are missing a piece of who you are. And now given its gonna take work, and it's also gonna take responsibility of you and men like me and other men, our peers, to give each other the safety and security, to be able to be emotional human beings without sh**ting on them. One of the worst things that happens is as a man, we go and we say, oh, I feel this way about something and our peers go, well, don't be a pussy. Don't be a bitch. Stop crying. It doesn't matter. Man up. Do this, do that. The reality though is that we've done that for so long that now we're breaking down, that now that's festering, now it's turning into this black blob, the same thing that I experienced it's negatively impacting our self-image, our self-esteem, our relationships, our friendships, our groups, our community, our family, our career, everything. By not being emotional human beings as men, we are missing a key component of what it means to even be alive.
One of the greatest things that's ever happened to me in my life was the first time that I cried of happiness, and it was just, I realized I had tapped into something that I didn't know was there, because for so long I was told, you can't do that like you literally cannot cry for any reason whether it's because you won a game or lost a game, whether it's because I was getting hit or not hit, or whatever, I wasn't allowed to. And to finally be able to step into that and tap into that motion, and the first time it was so overwhelming, I couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to. It was the day I left Indiana. It was the day I packed up my car, said, you know what? I'm going on this adventure into life, I'm seeking that thing. I was so overwhelmed because I had promised myself like that was a thing that I was going to do.
As that has grown, as these emotions have come out of me through a lot of work, this is through therapy, this is through having men's group therapy and support groups, and this is through, you know, being around people who want that out of me, and I want that out of them. I've been able to tap into it in an even greater capacity.
The other day, this, I don't know if you guys have seen this as a shoe commercial where this old man is in a nursing home and they will not let him run anymore, but he loves running like it is his favorite thing. And all the other people who live in the home with him block the guards who try to stop him every day from running. And on this one day he gets out, he puts on his shoes and he runs and they're barricading these guards, so they can't stop this man, and he like bust through the door and he is running. And I was overwhelmed because I was like, that's what it is, right? That single moment is what it is for me as a man to be emotional. I busted through the door, that giant wall that sat in front of me for the majority of my life that said, it's not okay. And I gave myself permission to say it's okay because as men it is okay. It is okay now more than ever for us to be emotional human being. And you're probably saying, well that sounds good, but like, what do I do when I don't have the support? You have to build that support around you. You have to be around people who are gonna be supportive and we live in a manly culture, it is just the nature of the world that we live in, it is a patriarchal driven society. I can't change that, but I can change the people that I'm around. To go 15 years without crying is insane to me, to not be around men who support me in my emotional endeavors is insane to me. I want high fives for hugs for being close, for being in connection, not for the number of people I've slept with, not for business accomplishments, not because I got a cool new car, I want that because I feel like it is so necessary right now for us to come together as men and support each other. And this is one of those things that it gets shunned in society and I am begging us all to come together to make it more safe, to make it a more palatable thing that we have the option to experience.
I want men around the world to be able to come together in connection and be like, you know what, man? It's okay if you're having a rough day, I support you. I don't feel like that's so much to ask. I want us to stop carrying that weight. I want us to stop carrying that festering seed that puts us in this place of not being able to grow to our fullest potential.
Think about it like this, if you were driving a car and it only had three wheels and that fourth wheel was a motion, wouldn't you need that to keep going forward? I think so.
Guys, these are just my thoughts as usual.
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen.
My new book, Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma is coming out very soon. You can check that out now at thinkunbroken.com/paperbook.
And Until Next Time.
My Friends, My Men, My Sisters, My Family, My Community.
Be Unbroken.
I'll See You Soon.
Michael Unbroken
Coach
Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.
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