E195: Community Connection Commitment | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Coach

Community Connection and Commitment.

I caught the three C's, I think that these are probably one of the most important acronyms in probably anything that I teach in Think Unbroken because the reality, and the truth about this is everything that is next in your life is going to revolve around this baseline.

So many people come into this idea of healing around trauma and think to themselves so I can do it on my own, I'll read a book, I'll go to a course, I'll download a video, I listen to a podcast and that'll be that; that shit doesn't work, I fucking promise you. The truth about it is that if you want to actually succeed, if you want to prosper in this, you're going to have to align yourself with Community, you're going to have to be committed to it, and you're going to have to have the connection to it.

And I'll dive into that here in just a second.

One of the things that's really important about what is next in the journey for you is recognizing the truth of the reality of the Human Experience, doesn't matter where you are right now, but you can be the person that you want to be. You can, it's possible. Trust me, I've done it, hundreds of my clients, have done it, thousands of people have taken my courses have done it and you can do it too, that's not fucking hyperbole like, that's real talk. You can go look at any of the reviews at thinkunbroken.com, you can read any of the reviews of the podcast at thinkunbrokenpodcast.com, you can go, check out my social media.

The reason why people get stuck here is because they have aligned themselves in this idea that they are never going to make it to what's next and that they have to do this process alone and that they have to heal by themselves and that's bullshit and it's not going to work for you.

And so, if you think that, what is next in your life is going to happen because you went to the library and you sat down for two hours or you watched a video or you listen to a podcast, you're out of your mind. It's just not going to Work and I want to shoot it straight with you because I think it's really important and there's why... My mentor Tom Bilyeu taught me this and I'm going to teach it to you. The struggle is guaranteed; the success is not.

And what that means, when you really break it down, is that an order to find success in your life you're going to have to align yourself by doing the right things all the time. You may have heard this ideation, or this idea, that how you do, anything is how you do everything and that's so incredibly true.

And so if you think that you're going to be successful in your life by yourself, you're in for a rude awakening and I don't want to be the bearer of bad news here and that's not what my agenda or my goal is in giving you this as a preface, but instead it's to tell you that alignment is everything in this journey.

You have to understand the truth about what is next in, that truth is, in order for you to find success, you are going to have to be willing to be communal to ask for help to be connected to the right people and then ultimately commit to what is next in your future because I'm telling you no one has ever done anything great by themselves, nobody. Not good people, not evil people, like no bullshit.

Think about this for a second.

Hitler did not take over Germany by himself, he didn't.

Walt Disney did not build the biggest company on planet Earth by himself.

Zuck’s did not build Facebook by himself, right?

I mean, even though he might want to think he did, he didn't, right?

We all need that; we all need that connection to a community with the commitment to drive us forward towards a mission. And I understand that in reading this, you go, yeah, but those people are different, they're fucking not different, they're not.

The difference between them and you and where you maybe today are that you have not yet, accepted the reality from the social conditioning of your experience of your childhood, your family, your parents, your teachers, your coaches, your peers that you can't somehow figure out how to be in control of your life. You grow up in this situation, where everyone tells you, how you have to act and who you have to be we know this, we talked about it and now you're at this position in your life, where you've convinced yourself so much, that your identity is the loaner that your identity as I will figure it out on my own. I raised my hand being one of the first people guilty, and having this identity for very long time, it is no longer my identity. My identity has now tied to the idea that I know that I cannot do this alone, that is why I have mentors, I have coaches, I have people on my team who helped me grow and build and be the best version of myself. And if you want to grow and build and be the best version of yourself, you're going to have to have that shit to, period.

And so what I want you to think about is have you positioned your mindset and your identity in a way that doesn't give you the space to go towards connection with other human beings to create the life that you want to have?

So, let's break this down.

The first C is Community, and it's also the most important word I believe in the trauma healing journey because Community is going to help you be seen and heard, and felt and often for many people it's going to give you a safe space to step into really hard fucking conversations so that you can face your truth to come out the other side; you have to have community in this.

When I was 30, I went to probably one of the most uncomfortable situations in my life when I stepped into men's group therapy, I was terrified, it was so fucking uncomfortable but in that I built community, in that I built compassion, in that I built this group of people who saw me for the truth, about who I am and what I'm capable of. And I've been to AA and all the A's and I've been in group mentoring programs and group coaching programs on the whole nine and the truth is and the reason why I still continue to do them is because that's where I can connect with people in a beautiful way that doesn't leave me feeling alone.

I'm gonna keep it real with you…

Social media, forums, Facebook chats, group texts, that stuff is not community in the way that I believe is the most beneficial. Yes, of course, it is community because it gives you a place to exist with other people but there is nothing, I have discovered more powerful than being in a community of people with a very specific connection and that's what we're going to talk about next.

The second C, Connection

You see, it's easy again Community.

You can be in a community on a basketball league, on a racing team, a chess club, the gym, I don't know D and D the list goes on and on and on, right? Connection, however, matter so much because it's not going to do you a lot of good to be involved with communities that are not in alignment with what you're trying to accomplish, with what you're trying to cultivate, or what you're trying to build in your life. The connection is really important because you're going to be in this position where especially if you're coming through this place of healing, and you're trying to step into what's next in your life. You're going to need to be around people who understand and get this because they're doing the same damn thing.

If you're in connection with a community of people who are naysayers and doubters and want to bring you down and tell you oh, why are you doing that? I don't understand that stuff doesn't work, it’s bullshit. I'm telling you right now, you're going to fail, you're going to fail because we are a beautiful, even though I know this is difficult to read or hear, we are a beautiful amount of nation of the people around us, right? And that can be good or bad, it really can. And if you're around people who always just want to bring you down. Do you think you're going to be successful? If you're around naysayers, do you think you're going to be successful?

One of the hardest things that I've ever had to do in my life is when I was 18 years old, not only I stop being friends with my best friend, I took my mother out of my life and I told her, I would never talk to you again. And I ostracized myself from a community of people that I knew, if I continued to be in connection with that I was going to end up dead or in jail.

At the time carried, shame and guilt because I didn't understand it but in hindsight and in retrospect, I recognize it's actually probably one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life because if you don't put yourself first, nobody else will and in putting yourself first, when you're in a group of people who are also putting themselves first, but are moving towards a shared goal or idea, you're going to have a lot of support and success in that because when you get in this group of people who are like, yes, let's heal, let's grow, let's change, let's overcome, let's support, let's hold each other accountable and ultimately let's have each other's back. You're going to be and for an amazing surprise about what your future can be.

The last C is Commitment.

And the reason why this last C is commitment, is because if you do not commit, this is not going to work. I want you to hear this again.

If you do not commit, this shit will not work.

Because you're going to have to deploy a tremendous amount of patience, this healing journey I promise you is going to take you longer than you think. Right now today where you're at, isn't where you're going to be tomorrow or even after you finish what you're listening to or reading right now but I will tell you this, and I share this with my clients all the time.

I found of very beautiful sense of peace, in my journey when I came to realize that unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the day I'm having to be honest with you, that this is a lifelong journey. Healing trauma is a lifetime journey, overcoming the past as a lifetime journey because we are the sum total of all of our experiences and that means that every experience that we've ever had informs who we are.

And since those experiences inform who we are, it sets precedent for understanding truth and that truth is that you are always going to be in a position of trying to move forward and that's not a bad thing because without momentum you stagnate and in stagnation you die, that's where death is; death is the lack of movement. You hear a lot of people talk about businesses, if they're not growing, they're dying. And so one of the really incredible things that I've been able to do in terms of the way I look at my identity is to simply look at the experiences that I've had as a catalyst that have given me the tools to go forward, while understanding that those experiences also are going to require a lifetime of attention in the right ways to navigate, I still get triggered, I still get incredibly angry, I still have moments in which I will revert to old behavior patterns, I still break down, I still cry, I still get lost, I still get frustrated. But whereas a decade of go those experiences of that stimulus would keep me triggered or in a spiral for weeks or even months now it's minutes.

I want you to think about this for a second.

If you got triggered, hard, you had this really hard fucking day or this really dark experience and instead of it destroying your day which led to your week, which turned into a month and ultimately a year but instead what if it lasted one minute or one hour? Do you think that would impact your life in some kind of incredible way? I do and I see it every single day, I see it with my clients, I see with people I coach, I see it with people who consume the content that I put out under the world and that's why I say that this commitment is forever because you're going to get triggered again, it's going to happen whether it's at work, or with a partner, or at the gym or driving down the street. I've had moments in my life, where a smell has triggered me, you can probably relate to this, right?

And so in that, when you recognize that those triggers, in terms of time can dissipate more and more every day then you really start to take control over your future. And I have these moments and I see it on my clients to where we'll have these stretches for weeks and sometimes months where we're just on fire, we're crushing life, everything is awesome. And then one thing happens and when that one thing happens, you can spiral and I see this and I know that it's true or you can overcome.

The overcoming process comes in leveraging the tools at your disposal, the things that will go through, the things that we dive in together, when you step into the courses, when you step into the classes, when you read the books that we have produced that Think Unbroken to help you become the hero of your own story.

So, how's your head into what's next?

I want you to just think about the value of the three C's in your life and what it would mean in your healing journey to have Community, Connection and commitment.

Unbroken Nation, I want to thank you so much for listening, it means the world to me that you're here with me today, it means the world to me that you'd be a part of this community, as we continue to grow, just know that my number one goal is to bring you as much value as humanly possible.

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And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

-I'll see ya.