E206: Going Through Hell | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Podcast

You've been through hell.

Its time that you acknowledge it, it's time that you take a moment. You reflect, you sit in silence, and you come to terms with the fact that you've been through hell. And in that coming through hell, but I want you to do is to give yourself a huge pat on the back.

What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well. Today, I'm coming to you again still recovering from surgery, pacing the living room, with the headset on, trying to create this amazing podcast for you today and stick to my mission, I said I was going to release a podcast every single day, this year. We have not missed a day yet, and I'm not going to let surgery stop me, but I will say this, the recovery is a motherfucker.

So thinking about something today and that is in this space of silence; in this space of kind of being by ourselves and getting to reflect upon our world. We can make meaning of the experiences of our lives and I believe this to be true that as trauma survivors, and I will speak for myself first one of the most difficult things that I have in my life is acknowledging and looking at my life today, where I am and being unbelievably grateful for all the shit that happened to me. I know that's a weird thing to hear. But the truth is this like when you look at your life and you have gratitude for those experiences, even though they sucked, right? Like sometimes I think about this ago, what lesson could I have possibly have learned from my drunk stepdad locking me in a closet, you know what I mean? And so it's this weird juxtaposition where I battle the reality of the experience while simultaneously thinking about the impact in the meaning that experience has had on my life.

Now, obviously, well, you don't know if you've never listened this, but I'll tell you, I don't have children, but if I did and when I do because I plan on fostering children one day, it's part of my life goal. I will know everything not to do because of the way that my stepfather treated me. Is there a weird thing about gratitude in that? Maybe, but I also don't want it to hold me back, right? And I'm gratitude for myself for. Look in that, its resiliency gets us through those experiences. I don't think any of us sign up or like – Yay, let's go get fucked up as kids, it's going to be great. I don't think that's how life works, but with resiliency comes the ability to do these really incredible things.

I was thinking about the Back that for many, like a lot of people, millions and millions and millions, like – covid is the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And again, you've heard me say, this, I'm not being dismissive of the terrible experience that has come along with that. What I am saying is, if you're listening to this fucking show right now, you have been through some shit. COVID, for many of us was like a walk in the park or like fuck, this is a fucking Tuesday, you know I'm saying. And I think about this idea of going through hell. It's like man, I remember how trying it was as a kid. I remember how exhausted I always was from never sleeping from running the streets, from dealing drugs, from getting beat from all those things. And I look at my life today and yes, there's pain.

I think, part of the human experience isn't paying, I'm literally limping in my living room right now like thinking to myself, okay, this pain fucking sucks, but isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. What I can be grateful about in this moment, even though everything in my life, kind of got flipped upside down for a little bit as I can go, I know what not to do next time. I know exactly how to not let this happen again, right? And so I have gratitude for that.

But in this and looking at life and going through hell and on this path in this journey. One of the things that's so fascinating, if you really think that you think about it, is that if you acknowledge how amazing you are, you can carry that weight, you can carry that power, you can carry that pride to start building confidence around your day-to-day.

A lot of people need that moment of like crossing the finish line to feel confident and I used to be that guy I'll tell you right now, I would look at these things I accomplished in my life. I cross the finish line and get to the other side immediately be like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to do now other than go directly to the next thing, but what if you fit and you pausing it for a moment? Think about the amazing things that you have been through hell to do. When's the last time you pause? When's the last time you acknowledged yourself for that? And celebrated yourself and got your friends together and be like fuck man, I went through hell, but I accomplished this mission. I did this for me and maybe it's internalized, maybe you just need to grab your journal and sit down and eat a piece of cake, I don't know whatever that thing is that brings you massive joy.

And for me, it's disconnecting, it's going to the movies on a Tuesday and just be like, ah, man, a break, beautiful this, I deserve so I'm going to set a mess or like as you know, I'm finishing the final touches on my new book and it's like that book is something I'm writing Unbroken Man to put out into the world to help give tools to men who survived trouble.

When that book goes out in a couple weeks of, you'll be the first to know, but if you want to get a copy, what you can do, I'm giving free PDF, copy to everybody. You email me to michael@thinkunbroken.com and just put Unbroken Man in the title. I don't care how you identify, if you want a copy of it, get it. And when it launches, what I'm going to do is I'll send you the link for the PDF and then if you want to get a physical copy, great, get a physical copy, whatever we'll worry about that later.

But I can tell you right now, when I launch that book, I'm going to celebrate it, I'm going to make a big deal about it, I'm going to enjoy it because it's been going through hell getting this book written and published, right? Just like the other two; just like the other one that has release yet. It all takes time, it all takes a tremendous amount of effort and energy, but I'm going to celebrate that for myself.

Think about how often as a child the things that you should have been celebrating were taken away from you or tarnished or you had this moment we're in the midst of it someone came along go, oh, you don't deserve that. Well shit, imagine how that works in your life. How many times have you gotten the promotion? Left the relationship? Started the side Hustle? Got the college degree? Graduated from high school, with whatever it is, how many times have you accomplished that thing that was so fucking difficult to accomplish that it felt impossible, but you did it and you didn't take a moment to acknowledge it?

Think about that, why didn't you acknowledge it? Because those things were stripped from you that identity, that you are allowed to celebrate your greatness was taken as a child and now you have to take it back. So can you sit in the moment today where you are in your life and these moments and simply go, yeah, I'm done something great. I deserve this. I've been through hell, but I'm still fucking here because that's it like this, like there's going to be the next thing you know this as well as I do. There's going to be the next thing, right? There's going to be the next battle, the next goal. The next thing that you're moving towards in your life. I want this more than I want to breathe. And when you have that, take a moment when you get it, when you finally get it, you climb the mountain, it's taking you for years.

Take a moment, pause and just reflect on your life and acknowledge yourself, and be proud of yourself. Don't wait for other people to give it to you, we're not going to.

I remember, I'm going to tell you how hilarious story, holy shit is just popped in my head. I wasn't planning on selling you guys story, but just it literally just came up, I was this is fucking funny.

So I'm gonna get some sixteen or seventeen and this was a period of my life that was actually pretty good. My mom, she was away from me, we have the restraining order on her, she was in rehab. My stepfather was completely gone; my grandmother was actually healthy for a small period of time. My brothers and I weren't murdering each other at every opportunity. This was a period or season of my life, as we call it where I had straight A's no bullshit. I know you've seen the other report cards, but I do have a report card with Straight A's. I was dating a cheerleader things were looking good and I was captain of the wrestling team and I won this tournament pretty big tournament; the city tournament. All of the schools in the city, get together in the Russell, it's a long day.

I think I wrestled for five matches, something like that, and I won, I got first place, I got this award, I got this amazing medal, it's a beautiful experience. And a couple days ago by we're back at school then I remember, bringing out this medal and just being so proud of it and like flaunting it and showing it around to all the other kids, that, look what I did, look what I accomplished this weekend. Wanting them to validate me, holy shit, this is such a funny story, cannot leave am removing this. Wanting them to validate me, I wanted them to make me feel good about what I did. When you hear that again, I wanted them to make me feel good them to make me feel good about what I did. Not a single kid I showed that medal to gave a fuck, not one.

And I remember destroyed me because I so desperately wanted to be validated by other people. So that's why I'm telling you right now in this moment acknowledgement is for you and it comes from you and you give it to yourself because nobody else is going to fucking give it to you. They got their own shit and they don't care about yours but what you can do is celebrate yourselves in these beautiful moments where you do something acknowledge it, look at it.

You are here today because of the choices, the decisions, the actions and the circumstances of your life.

And if you're listening to this right now, that means that you have so much potential because you're still alive and even if you haven't got what you want yet, even if you're still working through the trauma, even if you're still trying to heal your fucking upside down half the time, you don't know what the fuck you're doing, you're trying to figure it out shit feels chaotic, great! Guess what? That's life, that's part of this process. That means you still have more to learn, that's not a bad thing. But what you can do is just sit and celebrate, where you are today.

Give yourself some compassion, build your confidence by looking at your life today, not shit from you. Look, I'm tell you right now, whatever happened yesterday, doesn't matter, doesn't matter, it's gone, it's over. Only thing you can do from yesterday's learn from that shit, keep moving forward.

So learn from that shit.

Keep moving forward.

Keep growing.

Keep acknowledging.

Keep looking at how incredible you are because today you're in a different place than you were yesterday or a year ago or six months ago.

I know some of you who listen to this podcast because you reach out to me all the time.

I know that you got that divorce you needed.

I know you left that relationship, I know you quit that job.

I know you stepped up for and lost thirty pounds.

I know you quit smoking.

I know you quit drinking.

I know you started eating healthy.

I know that you went to family therapy with your kids.

I know that you got the promotion at the job.

I know that you started getting paid what you're worth.

You deserve that shit and you earned it.

Nobody around except you. You learn it from this fucking podcast. You didn't learn it from your friends, you did this. Acknowledge it, hold on to that. Let that be something that helps you drive forward and confidence. But if you don't celebrate it, I'm going to tell you this is going to sound really fucked up, but I need you to hear it.

If you don't celebrate what you've done, for you and nobody else, for you, then there's no reason to do it.

I want you to think about that.

If you don't celebrate yourself, there's no reason to do the thing you're going through because that seems like a fruitless endeavor.

What's the point? Why go through hell for any other reason than yourself? And if you can't celebrate it, I want you to pause right now. When you grab your journal, grab your phone, type a note to yourself and have gratitude. Write a note of gratitude for yourself, right now in this moment for something you've accomplished, something that's leads you to where you are today because, you know, as well as I do, without a lot of choices and decisions you've made leading up to this moment you may not actually be where you are.

So acknowledge it.

Unbroken Nation, my friends, thank you so much for listening means the world to me.

Thank you so much for all of you who are leaving reviews.

My goal is to get to 200 reviews in the next month.

So I need you.

Please, if you I've not left a review, go to iTunes and leave a review.

You can also leave one.

If you go to thinkunbrokenpodcast.com and share this with a friend.

If there's somebody in your life today that you know, has gone through hell but never takes the time to acknowledge.

I want you to share this with them because they probably need it.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

-I'll see yah.