E213: How to Stopped Procrastinating | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Coach
In this episode, I talk about procrastination how we tie our identity to this idea that we have to wait. I'm a procrastinator; I think often, and this was my experience, that procrastination is an identity; it's this thing that we get tied to where we...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e213-how-to-stopped-procrastinating-cptsd-and-trauma-healing-coach/#show-notes
In this episode, I talk about procrastination how we tie our identity to this idea that we have to wait. I'm a procrastinator; I think often, and this was my experience, that procrastination is an identity; it's this thing that we get tied to where we acknowledge that you know what? Maybe I don't have to do it now; I can do it tomorrow. It's not a big deal. I'll wait till the last minute, and then boom, massive stress in our lives.
You have that thing inside you right now that you need to do, you have that ability to cross that threshold into what's next, and you keep putting it off because somewhere along the line in your experience, someone said, you always say what you want to.
So, today I will share with you what is procrastinating means.
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Are you one of those people who say I procrastinate?
I used to be that person.
Think about that identity – procrastinator.
Hmm… the impact that, that must have on your life.
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What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. We're excited to be back with you with another episode. Now, as you can tell, I'm still not using the mic, no, it'll get better, I promise. Some guys don't care but for me the professionalism matters and as soon as I can like sit down after this surgery, I will be back to it. So I appreciate your patience. Appreciate you guys, continuing to listen means the world to me.
So, I think about procrastination, how we tie our identity to this idea that we have to wait. I'm a procrastinator, I think often and this was my experience, that procrastination is an identity, it's this thing that we get tied to where we acknowledge that, you know what? Maybe I don't have to do it now, maybe I can do it tomorrow. It's not a big deal. I'll wait till the last minute and then boom, massive stress in terms our life.
Have you ever had that moment where you're working on the project?
Maybe it's school, maybe it's something you have to do around the house, maybe it's career, maybe the check engine light. I know one of you listening right now in your car as a fucking check engine light on. How long you going to keep that light on until the car breaks down? You have a 72-dollar problem right now; it's going to turn into a seventy-two-hundred-dollar problem because you are not taking care of what you need to take care of. But where does procrastination really come from?
So, I think I personally have two schools of thoughts on procrastination.
One is the fear of success.
Two is as we were children growing up we didn't have people to take care of us and so we in turn have no baseline for what it means to take care of ourselves and because of that, when it is our time to show up, we don't do it.
So, let's break these down a little bit…
The fear of success, I have been there.
So many people have you might be there right now, where you're at, the precipice of what is next in your life. You're in this position where the thing that you want is about to happen and all you need to do is to keep showing up, is to do that one task, that thing that's been sitting on your desk, on your calendar, in your notebook, on your mind for weeks. I know if I do this, my life's going to be different, my life may be improved, I may hit a goal, I may accomplish target, I may get that thing that I'm looking for. But the reason that you're not because you're tied in the identity that success isn't for you. You go, why do I get it successful? My parents weren't there. I was abused. I was homeless. I was all these things. Why do I deserve success?
The fear of that is crippling for people. The fear of success can be worse than the fear of death for some people worse than public speaking for some people because success means something really interesting that not only will you get what you were seeking, what you deserved what you earned, but also that other people might actually see you.
Being seen a scary for somebody who has come through traumatic background; for many of us being seen meant danger. So it's easy to hide in the back of a room, to be the quiet one, to not raise your hand, to not speak up during the meeting, to not put out your wants, needs and interest, because it's safety. But at what cost? At what cost your livelihood, your self-esteem, your confidence, your everything? Because of the decision you won't make to do the thing that, you know, you need to do to change your life and that's predicated on your past experiences, and it's entirely reasonable.
For many of us to be terrified of success. So what do you do about that?
Success is a mindset, right? Heard me, say this before…
what you think to becomes what you speak, what you speak, become your action, your action become your reality.
So, if you're telling yourself, you're a procrastinator, guess what?
You're going to procrastinate and then that's going to impact your world and that's going to become your reality and then you're not going to be successful in your life because you've already predetermined it, because you've already made the decision, because of the identity that you have attached to your past experiences about success that you're going to procrastinate. And when you let go of that, when you put yourself in this position of acknowledging that that's not actually true, that you actually need to allow yourself, (it’s interesting, this is the part you need to hear)
You must allow yourself the permission to be successful.
You must sit down with your journal and write it every single day.
- I allow myself to be successful.
To go and look in the mirror.
- I allow myself to be a successful.
To tattoo it on your fucking face if you have to.
- I allow myself to be successful.
Because people procrastinate and often that procrastination will put you in a situation where it's too late to still accomplish the goal, the deadline for submitting that thing gone. I'll do it right before, it's when I think best.
Now you don't the time, you think best is right now, I'll do it, I'll do it tomorrow.
What are you going to do if tomorrow doesn't come?
And I sit here, as I'm standing here in the living room, pacing, going through this surgery recovery, I'm thinking to myself, I don’t want to record a fucking podcast today, I'm in pain. I can't wait think straight, my body's aching, I'm exhausted. But what if I don't get tomorrow? What if today is podcast? What if this conversation was, the one that somebody in The Unbroken Nation needed to hear that pulled them the fuck into the next level that took them to where they need to go? And I'm not going to do it, that's selfish.
Now, there's a fine line of course, between showing up and self-care. If I truly was an agony and so exhausted to the point that I couldn't even get out of bed, I wouldn't do this because I would honor that. But there's that little voice still inside your head, goes, I do it tomorrow, it's okay, you can do it tomorrow. But you've got to let go of tomorrow. You've got to live in today. You've got to living right now.
So even though I have all the excuses in the world to not do the podcast surgery, recovery, can’t barely walk, had to take medicine, can't use the normal mic, can't make the video content, haven't shaved, you know, I can make all the excuses in the world, but guess what?
I allow myself to be successful.
And because that's the way that I think about myself in the world, I think about what is the one thing I have to do right now? What is the one thing I have to do today to continue to move myself towards the life I want to have? The impact that want to have the change in the world that I want to make? I show up and I do the thing that I say I'm going to do in the moment because procrastination is going to kill my dreams. And it's entirely reasonable that we procrastinate again, we can go back, we've been set up for failure, our whole life, we've already been told by everybody. Be quiet. Put your hand down. Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants to hear you. How many times have you heard that shit? Nobody wants to hear you. I'm gonna tell you a quick story, actually just popped in my head.
When I was 15, this is hilarious story, I was 14 as my freshman year of high school. When I actually went to school, there was a study hall and in that study hall, you know, you go in there, you sit down, you're quiet, you're supposed to be studying. To me I thought myself this is the most asinine class of all time but when I did go it was because there was this, a girl who sat next to me, that I had the biggest crush on and of course, you can't talk in study hall. So I never said anything to her, I just sat next to her and I was a fucking awkward kid, I probably smelled bad weird clothes, shaved head like I was a weird kid, right? You guys remember those junko jeans, they would like flare out really big, well, we couldn't afford them so I made my own literally I stitch them by my own hand. And I was the weirdest fucking kid because I was always trying to fit in, right? Always trying to get somebody else to notice me to see me.
So we're sitting there in study hall, and I look over at our one day and I go, if you could have any superpower, what could it be? And I'm like that is the homerun question, she's gonna fall in love with me, we're gonna go to prom even though her freshman, like we're going to be in, you know, the whole nine. And she looks at me, I'll never forget this until the day I die, she looks at me and she goes, do you always say what you want? And I was like, damn, I thought you were going to say like flying or something. And in that moment, I realized something important that, not speaking your truth is actually more dangerous than speaking your truth. Because there's always going to be people that judge you who tell you you're not good enough, who think that your questions are stupid, who asked you to go and get away from them, like, whatever that thing is, right?
And so, when I think about how that enter loops and plays into success, it's because you have that idea right now, you have that thing inside you right now that you need to do, you have that ability to cross that threshold into what's next and you keep putting it off because somewhere along the line in your experience someone said, you always say what you want to.
So you've learned to be quiet, you've learned to put yourself down, you've learned to be small but if you continue to procrastinate, you will continue to be small. If you continue to not do the thing and missed the deadline and don't show up for your life and don't take care of your needs and your responsibilities, you will continue to play small.
Keep waiting for tomorrow, but I'm telling you;
Tomorrow it ain't coming, so do whatever it is you need to do today because live in this moment, be a part of this experience, present, with showing up and allowing yourself permission to be successful.
Unbroken Nation, I appreciate you so much for listening.
Please do me a favor.
Go to iTunes, hit that five-star, leave a review.
We're trying to get the 200 reviews this month and so I need you to help us because the only way that people are going to grow and finding this show as if we share it. Also, please screenshot this. Put it on your social media. If it brought value to you, tell a friend, somebody in your life needs us. You know, somebody right now where you're like, fucking Steve, you just stop procrastinating, your life would be so different. Send this to Steve because he means it. Call him out. We need to hold ourselves and our communities accountable because that's the way we create change in the world.
And I appreciate you, my friends.
Thank you so much for being here means the world to me.
And Until Next Time.
My friends, Be Unbroken.
-I'll see you.
Michael Unbroken
Coach
Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.
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