E224: How to Create a Life of a Life of Confidence, Certainty and Peacefulness with Sharon Valenti | Mental Health Podcast

Michael: Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. Super excited to be joined by my guest today, Sharon Valenti, who is honestly, one of the most incredible people I've had the privilege of bringing on the show the way she thinks, the way she processes, the way that she helps people become the master of their thoughts and emotion and seek a shift in themselves is really powerful. Sharon, my friend, how are you today?

Sharon: I am exceedingly well, how are you?

Michael: I love that. You know, it's because some people just go, I'm fine, I'm good and, you know, I love that, I love to take it to the next level. You know, I think even if you start off and go, I'm amazing like that change of people aren't used to that, right? But that also plays a pivotal role in your life. So before we get started, we dive in, can you give a little bit of background on context and tell everybody how you got to where you are today?

Sharon: Yeah, I'll make a long story short tour. Things just weren't good in my young life, like so many of us and I had a rough childhood alcoholic parents, sexual abuse by my father, physical abuse constantly from my mother and that became a pattern in my life as a child developed, all these underlying beliefs about myself. Fast forward, many years later in another, highly abusive relationship I just really had enough and I didn't fully understand I was a victim, but I knew something wasn't right and I knew I deserved better than that I just didn't know how to get it.

So that started me on a path of seeking, some of it I got through books, some of it I got through courses, some of it I got through divine intervention and as a result of that, you know, it's we can make our lives miserable or make it great either way takes us same amount of effort. So half of my life was spent making miserable and I determine the balance of my life is going to be phenomenal, and I teach people how to have that peaceful life as well.

So no more abuse, no more self down putting myself, no more name-calling to myself unless it's nice, sweet things that I say to myself, but it wasn't necessarily hard to do, it was the persistence piece of it that was hard to do and consistent piece of it was hard to do. It's very easy to fall back into old patterns because our mind has been conditioned to those old patterns so in the reconditioning of the mind and the body follows this, it takes a little bit of time, not a little bit it could be. I don't know, your audience, I know for me it was about five years of being really heavy duty in unearthing all those negative beliefs I had about myself that I didn't even know we really existed and that we're driving my life and then I took it to task by questioning whether they're even true and time after time after time, I found out, they weren't true. And I found that I was the one who created all those stories, you know, I've learned that there are three kinds of business, there's your business and there's my business and there's the divine's business. And I 100% know that the only time we get in trouble is when we're in somebody else's business and that can be even just in our thoughts, you say, no, that's not true, it is true. Think about little day-to-day things that we do, maybe our spouse or friend, or somebody puts an outfit on, on a particular day that we're meeting up with them and we take a look at we think what were they thinking, when they put that on, whose business it are we in that moment? It's their business how they dress, right? Or the car cuts you off on the road and we get all the fearful thoughts going when, the only thing that has happened is the car is cut us off, but we've already mentally seen the accident, seen the blood, the gore, the ambulance etc., and it has not happened. We're doing this to ourselves over and over; we got completely out of our business, which is just driving along the road and somebody went quickly in front of us, that's it, no story. Words are just words until we attach meanings to them, right Michael?

Michael: Yeah. I'm 100% agree with that, and I loved what you said, and I want to dive into this little bit deeper but I love what you said about this idea that you have to put in this time in this effort and I am a proponent that it takes as much effort to destroy your life, as it does, to make your life as amazing, as you want it to be. And you know, big part of that is what reality are you creating with your story? And I think people often misconstrued, this idea about mindset and what that really means but in a practical way Sharon, how do you further step into creating the reality that you want to have today?

Sharon: So my whole attention is focused on the kind of life that I want and I make sure when I say, I surround myself with, like, kind people, I'm not necessarily talking about somebody right here with me, it can be online like this, it can be podcast that I listened to that are uplifting and that are along the focus of where I want my life to go. I've attended some in-person events, like with Dr. Joe Dispenza and learned more about deep meditation and putting yourself in a space of nowhere, no time and experience that a little bit. So it's again, constant checking in with myself, I've definitely slowed down enough that if I get triggered and it's rare now that I do, I immediately am able to look inside of myself and find out what that underlying belief was that I just got triggered by because it's not you doing it to me it's me doing it to myself. And getting myself to this point where I can see that and not be reactive rather internalized to the degree that I'm helping myself, I'm not putting anything outside of me, I'm not expecting you to love me, like me, support me, take care of me because that in fact, is my job. If you choose to do that, that's lovely, that's your choice, your business, but I have to be aware of what I'm doing at all times. And that to me is the key of everything, am I being reactive if you call me an ugly name? In the past, I would have got defensive I would have been reactive and come right back at you and showed you just how ugly I could be. Nowadays, I can stop and think for a minute and I can find where I've acted that ugly person and I can say, thank you, Michael, I appreciate you pointing that out to me.

And my mind is going to go, how must I be showing up right now for you to perceive me that way? And even acknowledging, I have no control over the way you perceive me; again that's your business just as you have no control over the way I perceive you. I don't do that people pleasing behavior anymore, I don't do the act to time you to like me or love me, it's exhausting, treating myself that way and putting that expectation on you, that's my expectation. Again, being mindful, what am I doing or what am I trying to do to someone else? You know what, I'm angry at anyone that is a form of control and manipulation but underneath that, that manipulation part is still me thinking, let's say it's my husband and I asked him to go somewhere with me and he doesn't want to, in the old days I would have been, he doesn't love me enough. He doesn't think my ideas smart enough and the place I've chosen is good and it's always some form of not enoughness, knowing that I can tone that down and question it very quickly, is it true he doesn't like me? as it truly doesn't think the place? No, all he said was has no, I just got that big story, we all do it, we all punish ourselves and necessarily.

Michael: Yeah. I mean, that's such a great point. We can fabulate meaning the truth, right? We put ourselves in this position of creating these narratives and creating these stories whereas I think constantly about the idea of the control that we have in those moments like if you can really tap into be present with what's happening and to be fair, like you're using words that I think it takes a while to discover, you know what I mean? It takes some time to be able to look at your life and go, Oh, I'm making up this story or I'm doing this, I'm doing that and to shift from this place of victim, from this place of shame, and guilt and things of that nature to being more wholly within yourself. And I always come back to this idea about, like, what is your opinion of me have to do with me? What are your thoughts of you have to do with me? And when I've learned that; when I started teaching myself that, it became such a profound found tool. But I think that people still need more tips, they need more help for being able to be present in the present moment. So Sharon, how do you step into not only recognizing how to be present but is there anything practical that we can leverage to be more present in our day-to-day life?

Sharon: So presence is always a broad spectrum, people said, oh, you've got to be present nobody really teaches us how. A few key things that I've done to help me slow down and get more in the moment and this really came into play when I was endeavoring to learn to meditate because that mind just wants to keep running away and that's okay. The moment you recognize; it's running away you can bring your thoughts back into that moment. Now, you are beginning to recondition the mind to a new habit, the body will follow, and a perfect example of that is in our day to day life, you get up, we are habitual creatures, probably go the bathroom, have a cup of coffee, whatever it is. When you get dressed we always put the same leg in the same pant leg first, or the same arm in the same sleeve left arm, maybe first or brush your teeth if you're right-handed with your right for two weeks at a minimum if not longer. If you change that routine up and let's say you use your right leg all the time, goes in your pant leg first do you left leg, I promise you. You have to so focus on doing that or brush, your teeth with the opposite hand, write something and be comical in the beginning however, the more you do it, the more it sinks in. And again, you reconditioning yourself to this new way of life that you desire. And if you're watching this or listening to this, you're here because you must desire change at some level and instead of staying a victim and crying the blues, poor me, poor me, yes, it's an attention getter but it's the wrong type of attention.

So as I said, it's, you know, we could it's just as easy to make our life miserable as it is to make it wonderful. So if you really say, I want a life that's peaceful and I always say, would you rather a billion dollars or peaceful thoughts? If you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired then you're ready to take these steps, you're ready to slow, down to start doing some of these day-to-day things opposite, this is how you bring yourself into the present moment. Keep bringing yourself into the present moment, that's the easy way of doing it. Self-love is another topic, people say, all the time, you have to love yourself. Great. How do I do that? I don't even know what love is kind of thing. Well, my dear friend, Louise Hay, love her books. She is a salad story that I love recounting if you go to make yourself a salad and let's eat cherry tomatoes and your lettuce and cucumber, and the lettuce is turning a bit brown, well, we just chalk off those leaves and put the rest of it in and that cucumbers soggy so we cut off most of it but the rest of it into our salad and then the cherry tomatoes a little creeply we put that in now I have a salad for ourself. Would you serve that salad to your company? No, of course, you wouldn't you were going to run out you're going to buy all new produce and make this beautiful meal for them. So, I asked you why would you do more for somebody else then you would do for your own self? That is not an act of self-love to give yourself those soggy pieces of salad.

And one of the reasons we do that is because again, the conditioning parents have taught us, teachers have taught us, let that student go first, let the company go first, let them serve themselves first. We always pass the food to the company first, right? Who says we're adults now, we don't have to do that anymore we do what we want, right? Our parents, get those voices out of her head, it feels a little funny and you might feel a little bit of guilt the first few times you start doing things like that again, it's the process of reconditioning yourself. And if you do it enough times, that guilt feeling goes away, it feels normal and comfortable, and there's no hard feelings on anybody's part. Do you really think the company minds whether you serve yourself first, if the dishes in front of you? Of course, they don't. Any more than if you were to friends home and they serve themselves as you simply wait for it to come around. So it's reprogramming, all those things that we learned and we're told a were drilled into us at kids. I mean, when we were kids and that sort of brings me to another topic if I may Michael where we talked about the one-liners that we heard it.

Michael: Before you go there, I have a question because I think this is really important and I know where you're going with the one-liners, but I want to talk to touch base on this. How does someone navigate the shame of putting themselves first? Because I think so often that becomes and even in my coaching practice and working with thousands of people around the world like, that's the thing that I always hear. People go, well, I feel guilty, I feel shameful about putting myself first because I've never been allowed to and I know that there's the misnomer and the nomenclature around the idea of never put yourself first, always be of service. But how do you navigate that shame and guilt side of that? Because I think, that's where people get held up the most so.

Sharon: So, shame and guilt, and let's say, you have the feeling of shame and I've experienced shame. What's underneath that? What are your underlying belief about yourself when you're experiencing shame?

Michael: Yeah, I've generally, I mean it's got to be fear, right?

Sharon: I'm doing something wrong, I'm a bad person, that's my underlying beliefs when I hit shame, it's my fault, I'm bad in some way. So now question that is it true, hundred percent that if I serve myself before you, that I'm a bad person. No, it's not but this underlying belief under that shame or under that guilt I'm doing something wrong, well whose belief are being still operating in our mind that person that originally told his grandmother, great-granny parents, whomever, that's their belief, isn't it time we get our own beliefs. So, in the shame and the guilt, I want to rewind a little bit in my life when my father molested me, it was I shut that down for years, I didn't even remember it until I was late 30s, I think. And then it, I guess was ready to come up. And as I started looking at everything behind that and the beliefs that I got and the pattern, that happened in my life as a result of that. I got to see that as that eight-year-old I believed it was my fault, that happened. I took all the blame for that and I took off all the shame with it. How does an eight-year-old even know to think that kind of line of thinking we just do we get those beliefs?

So for years, I carried that and again, looking back at that experience. It went all the way to, to the head the thought that if I had never been born, it would have never happened, and my father would never had been put in that position now innocent is that. So I took on those beliefs that it was my fault that I was a bad girl that this particular thing happened, as I learned to question and really see what was under that guilt and shame it was always I'm not enoughness, I must have been a good enough little girl, I must have been a really bad girl for him to do something I'd been told nobody should ever do and I was to tell my parents if it ever happened and here's the very I'm supposed to tell violating me like that. And I guess I was so traumatized I had shut it down for many years. But once I started looking at it, I still for a number of years later I didn't even occur to me to think of my father, as a child molester that word was like shocking to me. And yet when I looked at it like that, all of that guilt and shame in everything just fell away because I looked at the truth they had nothing to do with me and when you can get yourself to looking at those feelings of guilt and shame, and what's underneath that and who told you that you were bad, or what you were doing, was wrong, you'll find it yourself really that's telling you that, because you're the one that got that belief.

Now question it, is it 100% true that I am doing a wrong thing, a bad thing or something I'm supposed to feel uncomfortable about? No, you're getting food for yourself, because the dishes in front of you. I mean, it seems so basic, and as I say, it almost seems silly and yet those beliefs are such a part of our life, there's such a clutch in us internally that's what I said before it'll take a little bit of time and awareness and bringing yourself back and not being reacted, instead of just taking a moment. And if your inner rage was someone, that's okay, you have an opportunity afterwards to look at what picked record. What was the belief underneath that? And is it real, is it really true? And every time you'll find it is not true and not saying it's, there's nothing hard about that, it's simply making the time in your life, those split seconds that it will take it to see if you can find the underlying belief. And if as an adult, you identify, let's say my place 38 it didn't come up until then about my father and what happened when I was eight. Let's say something today, Michael, you and I have an argument till I get triggered and I have a belief what I like to do now is find the earliest moment in my life after I've identified the belief, when I felt like that, or what's the earliest moment in time that something like the argument you've had, we've had happened and I can go back and I said, okay, you know, it's my mother, I was 15 and I was in the kitchen and I got a glass of milk with that asking and I got the daylights beaten out of me and told if it was good enough for the dog, it was too good for me. So that was the statement that was said to me, the belief I took on was I'm worthless, I am the bottom of the barrel, I don't deserve anything good in life and that was no consciousness about that, I wasn't able to see this until I sat down and looked at that incident and then after I put down all of those beliefs, I God, then I was able to see how they've been running my life since I was 15 years old, all the way up into adulthood until I was able to identify them and question them. And it's pretty traumatic bringing this up, I cried obviously it was emotional and it was liberating. Soon as you identify those beliefs took on like that and that's not to say something else might not trigger that belief again, which you've already questioned it, you already know it's not true. So it's so easy then to just let it go and to recognize what's going on in that person, what they say to you is about them? Everybody is a mirror reflection and whether you see what you call good or bad and someone all of that resides in you, if you see someone, and you think they're being horrible, you've been horrible in your life at some moments, and you're simply recognizing something that's now, totally unattractive to you if you're no longer a horrible person.

If you see someone that you say, I want what they have, because they feel so awesome to be around and there's an aura around them, that's in you too, you just have to dig it out. The only way I know to do that is to find those underlying beliefs and question them, and let them go and after a while, the more you do this, the more you do this, the more you do this, those awful people just fade away, you don't even have to terminate the relationships, they just fall away and new people that are healthier match for the energy that you're giving off now, and that peacefulness in yourself, you'll find you'll be surrounded and those people were drawn to you and you'll be drawn to them and then life really does become more peaceful in our thinking.

Michael: That's really powerful. And thank you for sharing that story, it was really profound because you know, someone who's been through that experience as well, you know, I do recall these moments of like just the unbelievable shame and guilt about it the feeling like, why was I born if I have to suffer and so on and so forth and then really recognize in understanding exactly what you said and that had nothing to do with me and to carry that shame and that guilt is actually a hindrance to the ability that I have to create the life that I want to have. But when we look at them, we recognize and I think about this all the time were the sum total of all of our experiences leading to this moment and that means that all the experiences that we have ever had inform who we are. And there are so many aspects of our life that they kind of just go by the wayside and we don't really take into consideration where you and your concept about these one-liners really starts to play a role and I think this is pivotal and what I hear in that and I'd love for you to dive deep here is just looking at him pinpointing these things that maybe even in passing inform so much of our life experience.

Sharon: I agree with you and before I dive into the conversation about the one-liners. I agree that all of everything that has happened in our lives, has taken us to the point that we are in addition, though I would add our reaction towards those things has largely contributed. So like I said for me as some point I recognized and you obviously did too, we're being victims in our own life and it's actually our own creation and now we don't want to be like that anymore, so we're doing something about it and continue. Once you continue on this path of self-discovery, self-awareness, enlightenment to me means every aha moments I have, that's a moment of enlightenment and it sticks with me. So all of that is the sum total of who we are today, but mostly how we reacted to it, we could have stayed victims, we could have been singing the poor me story like some people do until the day they die.

It's a totally, I think it is that brought up either Ecuador Don Miguel Ruiz has brought up about people, when they get ill to say they've had a bad childhood and they become ill, and adult life, they become their illness, this is the only time in their life that that they had the kind of attention that they're getting a poor you, Oh you put they let me get this added, wow, I'm going to really be sick for the rest of my life now because it's all unconscious attention and I'm sure they'll be people that will say, Oh that's not true, it is actually true. And when we get really honest with ourselves, we can find that in us and then we can make an informed decision, do we want to remain that way or do we want to restore our health and get on with a healthier kind of life?

So to talk about those one-liners. When were children and I think some of it might depend on your age, but certainly my age group, we heard things over and over, and over from our parents and one thing I repeatedly heard was children, should be seen and not heard. I also heard, boys and men shouldn't cry, suck it up, children should speak, only when spoken to. Michael, what one's did you hear?

Michael: Yeah. I mean that's so much of the same experience that I had. You know, when I think about that all the time and I even think about these small things, where you even coloring outside, the lines would be not acceptable or trying to wear a shirt that you want to share. I mean, there's just so many different levels of it where I feel like our thoughts were encumbered by other people's opinions of what we should or are capable of.

Sharon: Right. So to go back to the children should be seen and not heard I was with a group of, we were exploring a couple of things and then I took a really deep dive into that. And I realized for me, constantly hearing be quiet, children should be seen, and not heard from my mother. I took a belief inside of me that I should be invisible, I'm unimportant and that stuck and that showed up throughout my life I'd be in groups of friends and I'd be invisible. People would be at the same table talking around me and remember a few times saying, where am I chopped liver? That was an expression. I don't know where it came from what it means but I truly were showing up is invisible and they were treating me as invisible. Speak only when spoken to I was afraid to chime up and I'm chime in. Another one I heard was, don't air your ignorance and public and how that one manifested is I go to networking events and I'd be silent, I would be put in charge of projects and I'd be afraid to lead the project because I might are ignorance and then I'd be made fun of and everybody would know how stupid I am. None of which was true, those were the underlying beliefs I had gotten around those; men and boys shouldn't cry. Today we have an generation of men of whom their female counterparts say he never shows emotion, while Kenny was trained not to show emotion hopefully, today's generation is going to be brought up a bit differently. Anything that we give our attention to for any length of time is going to come into our lives, it really that whole law of attraction is true because it is our story that we are creating it has to happen because we are creating it in our minds and causing it to happen and it's a painful way of living life, it's very painful living life without understanding these unconscious beliefs exist in is and how they keep attracting the same thing over and over and over.

And at the point where I decided I had enough, I also had a realization especially with intimate relationships, I recall internally saying and recognizing I have to clean up my own baggage first or just going to take it to the next relationship, the next relationship because I'm always the common denominator in all relationships in my life, friends, co-workers, etc. So if I keep having a problem with these people around me, they're not the problem, I am. And if I'm the problem, I'm also the solution.

Michael: Yeah, and I think that just going back and playing through my own journey, that took a long time for me to understand and part of that sure we can call it playing the victim role but the other part of it was like I didn't even know I was allowed to have an opinion, I didn't know I was allowed to put myself for, I didn't know that I was allowed to show up in any capacity as this idea of the person that I thought that I could be and part of that had been taken from me, beaten out of me, you name it whatever. And so I found myself constantly in this struggle of, well, how do you become you if you have no idea who you are? And so what I'd be really curious about and for me that journey was okay, do all the therapy, do all the journaling, do all the self-help and personal development, go to all the conferences and just do all these other things but what really felt like started to hold true and stick together in the process of creating my identity was; I was just trying a bunch of stuff, right? And just taking out the things that didn't work and doubling down on the things that did. And so I'm really curious for people who have had that experience is like we have and it may be different for everyone, how do you start to really take, I'm going to call it ownership of your life and learn how to put yourself first, but also in that and I think this is where people really get lost but in that is trying you have awareness around what you want?

Sharon: So using us as an example at some point, you may know that there's something not right and you see other people who are happy and joyful and it looks like their life is amazing and you want that, you're almost pining for that while still a little bit of victim over here. And the more you focus on, I want that I want that, this is true story.

We're living Germany at the time and I just so wanted different parents that's all I thought about because I couldn't take the abuse anymore, I was a teenager, I was embarrassed by my mother, I was beaten at just been take it. I was able to years later look back on this but different I've always attracted people who tell me their problems including adults and it different things in school or different babysitting jobs I did, there were a group of individual separately that invited me to move Stateside with them to literally become part of their family, my best friend's mother approached, my mother and asked to adopt me and that's what focus does, that's what prayer is, it's just this total concentration.

So if you truly know your life is so miserable and so unhappy and that's all you know, and that you have got to get out, you've got to change it, it's not just the other person happens to, it can happen to you to success, fabulous life, Etc. So you so start reading stuff, I use EFT as well that's emotional freedom tapping and if you go on YouTube and pull up EFT, you can put in almost any topic in the world and there's some tapping to do it hits Meridian points in the bodies like acupressure points and what happens is as you're doing this tapping it will bring up things that are ready to be released and it usually is most unexpected and you might burst out in tears. Great. Let it roll, let it come out, it's ready to come out. This is where and we'll discuss this at the end programs like what I offer now, having been through this I know how to get to those first in the first lesson, how to uncover those underlying beliefs and then when you see them and do the exercises with them like fast-tracking it and it's within six weeks, the six lessons you've got enough tools for lack of a better word to help you be consistent with this.

Now, we get lazy from time to time or procrastinate, so lazy. Yeah, it's a bit of laziness in a way. We want that magic wand and there isn't such a thing there certainly quick help, but you have to do the work, you can't just say, okay, I'm going to buy this book, I'm going to read chapter one and put it on the shelf forever, how many times have you done that? I'm definitely guilty of having done that and I recognize I'm doing a disservice to myself because it was obviously something I thought it was going to get from it and he only gave it one-chapter chance. So anything that you're going to do to create, what feels like it's going to turn out, or it's going to turn you out feeling better about yourself, step by step by step, you must do it, wholeheartedly, rather than half heartedly because you won't get anywhere otherwise and I know we can all relate to this, everybody has done this regardless of what it is started to watch something on Netflix and gave up on the series halfway through because something else another shiny object caught our attention,  stick with one shiny object at a time, two at the most those books, if you get one thing out of it, write it down anything you watching the EFT or doing the AFT, write down. There have been things that I've done through a couple of EFT people, one was, I always heard from my mother I would never amount to anything and that statement kept recurring, I just could not seem to shake that thought in my head and one day I found an EFT practitioner and YouTube who was addressing that particular thing they remember a lot of the nasty things that happened in our life, we think we are the only ones who experience it. So the first aha was like, oh my gosh, somebody else had heard this growing up to incredible.

So, as I listened and went through the tapping, I didn't immediately get my answer, I felt better after I done the tapping, it was more thought provoking though, and I pondered it on my morning walks and I realized that the word I had been looking for was my mother made me feel insignificant by telling me I'd never amount to anything she made me feel insignificant. Well, the truth is, my mother, all she said was, I'd never amount to anything, I said I was insignificant, she never even mentioned the word. And I was able to see that, and let that go and that was really powerful now and EFT have to help me with that. The other one side, find what the belief is, then I take it to task of questioning, is it true? She said, you know, the situation was my mother said, you'll never amount to anything and then, all right, I'm angry at my mother because she said I'm insignificant and then I'm going to take it to task and when I get to the very end, I find its first of all, in my mind, I said she was insignificant, I beat her up, I crucify during that moment mentally for her nastiness towards me so I made her insignificant, did the very thing I accused her of doing to me. And then I saw I made myself insignificant, how is that possible? Well when she's telling me, I'll never amount to anything, I believed her, I took that to heart, I made myself insignificant when I believed her, and when I didn't question the truth of that, I made myself insignificant. So it was me doing it to me and I firmly entrenched that belief into my life for many many, many years and I know, I'm not insignificant, I'd really didn't before that it was deep down inside. So, it's just back to what I said, you must be consistent and persistent and I know we hear this all the time, but it's like, if you went to a buffet and all this food choices there, you could not eat all of that food in one city, you would explode, right? So just like these underlying beliefs on an emotional standpoint, our mind knows how much we can handle and our body at one time so, just bits and pieces will come up at different times. So going back to whatever your experience as Michael, it didn't all come up, but once right, it trickle, it was like a trickle effect and each time it was pretty emotional who such a relief to identify it and then see how is it running my life and goodbye, no more, and the more awareness you have of how It's been driving your life, there's a little bit of morning like you know, so sorry, goodbye and now get on with the new life. So everything that happens, how do I know something should have happened? Because it did, that's a good Mantra to adopt.

When my son when I got the news that my son died my all day Mantra, how do I know he should be dead? Because he is. If I had argued with that and done that, and I'm not making light of death, and I miss my son very much and he is around me, I know this but I kept saying, how do I know he should be dead, he is, instead of my God, he left me alone, you know, what am I going to do now? And under than that, made me a bit that would make me a victim and that would make his death about me. How I know it was this time to die, because he's here in front of me and his body is dead, his soul lives on. But anything, how do we know we should a trip down the stairs this morning? Because we did. How do we know our neighbors should have thrown a party for us? Because they just love us, because they did. And so when we stop arguing, and we accept, what is now you no longer arguing with reality with what has happened and you can keep moving forward. Does dragging up the past over and over and over? Make you feel good? No, of course not. So why would we want to live in the past?

When you stay focused in this goes right back to what we talked about earlier, when you keep your focus on what you do want, you'll see it's a friendly universe and more of what you do want and you can want something you can't control the outcome.

So, I want money, I want a lot of money. Well, I can't control how that money is going to come to me per say, you know, I might think, oh, I'm going to grow my business and it's going to be phenomenal, heck, I can buy the winning lottery ticket or vice versa, right? I mean it could come to me, I always wanted to see Alaska and a friend of mine called me up, she said oh the other girlfriend can't come and I got this ticket, I'll treat you when I go to Alaska, heck yes, same thing happened with the trip to China. I want these things and they come to me, and they come with ease, but I didn't dwell on it, I didn't keep saying, Oh, I want to go to China, want to go to China. I want to go to Alaska, it was just a passing thought, wouldn't it be nice if and I let of the outcome and I just trusted one day, it would be there and didn't know when and within a year both of those trips had happened.

So this doesn't woo woo or airy-fairy stuff, this is just not living in the past anymore, it's done, cannot change the past but you can change though, is your perception. You can rewrite the story that way, just like the example of my father, I can look at him and I'm not one to forgive people, I accept and there's a big difference for me there, if I say I forgive someone in the back of my mind, I'm still holding that they done something wrong and the relationship will always be slightly off but if I accept, that's who and what that person is was, then there's a relaxation inside of my body doesn't mean I have to keep on the relationship which I didn't, I just accept, that's who he is. Gone.

Michael: Yeah, that's so powerful share and I think like, you're so spot-on on so many different aspects of this and those are great parables for thinking about life is so much about acceptance and letting go and allowing the world to exist in the way that exist because of this is our reality and we could go so much deeper and so much more into this and I love this conversation because I'm right there with you. But quickly before I ask you, my last question, can you tell everybody where they can find out more about you?

Sharon: Thank you for that. So you can go to our website which is, isittrue.com and I invite you to go there's a document out there called relationship restoration and it has eight fantastic topics in it that I addressed and looked at them in just the way we've been talking about to help you see certain things a different way and we do these things every single day a one is about expectations, when is about anger and I really break it down and then just becoming aware of it those are some of the first steps forward to changing, like towards how you want it to be. And you can follow us on Facebook which Is It true, I think we're the only @isittrue out there Instagram. And if you want to reach me directly, you can do info@isittrue.com and I'd be happy to respond to you.

Michael: Amazing. Thank you so much for being here and for such an incredible conversation today, my friend, my last question for you is, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

Sharon: It means that I gave up my need to be right and there's a lot of peace in that, it means I accept everything as it is, and I don't argue against reality anymore, it's just futile and that's part of the problem in the early life, just constantly fighting against it, instead of accepting it, and that's it. Unbroken means I'm peaceful, I live a life, I love today, I truly do, I have a wonderful husband, wonderful Greyhounds and then rescue cat and we live a great life.

Michael: I love that. Very beautiful poignant, and well said, my friend.

Thank you again, so much for being here.

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