E271: 3 Excuses that are holding you back | Trauma Healing Coach
In this episode, I will talk about the three excuses that are holding you back. All of your experiences leading up to this moment have shaped who you are. Still, the problem with that is when you say that this is who I am because of those experiences,...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e271-3-excuses-that-are-holding-you-back-trauma-healing-coach/#show-notes
In this episode, I will talk about the three excuses that are holding you back. All of your experiences leading up to this moment have shaped who you are. Still, the problem with that is when you say that this is who I am because of those experiences, you've automatically locked yourself in a corner until you decide to say, yes, those experiences happen to me, but they are not who I am you're going to be stuck. I don't want you to be stuck like, that's the thing about this, that's why we do this show, that’s why we have these guests, that's why I write the books.
So, change only happens when you become who you are, so hold on to that, stop making excuses, and do what you know you need to do.
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Do you know the three biggest reasons and excuses that you might be using right now in your life that are holding you back?
What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today, very excited to be back with you with another episode of the show. We are going hard over four months into the year, three and sixty five episodes on the docket. For many of you, if you do not know, we just recorded with Oprah’s coach, Tim’s story the other day, phenomenal conversation that'll be coming out very soon, so keep your ears to the podcast, for that. In the meantime, I want to share something with you, so I was working on Unbroken Man the new book, A man’s guide to being the hero of their own story, so you haven't seen it yet, it is available at men.thinkunbroken.com for pre order it's going to come out in June and you may notice all today I'm wearing a under armor hoodie it's because it's cold here and all my clothes dirty so but no excuses we get it done anyway. I was going through editing the book putting some more chapters in because like, I wrote this and I was like you know what I have more ideas I want to go deeper and so I decided to do that and as I was going deeper a thought came to mind about these ideas, about the excuses that we make, and the number one excuse that we make and I want you to think about when it comes to having a fixed mindset, now one thing I'll, I will tell you is that Carol Dweck book mindset and you've heard me say this before is probably an arguably one of the most important books ever written about the capacity of the human brain to adapt to change and to grow. And so many people are stuck in a fix mindset and that's what these three excuses are that I have found that are the most common.
First and foremost, as people will always go well this is just who I am, that was my excuse for a very long time but look this is who I am, just who I am and, that to me is so nonsensical, but that said, there is some foundational and empirical evidence that supports that that's true. All of your experiences leading up to this moment have shaped who you are but the problem with that is when you say that this is who I am because of those experiences, you've automatically locked yourself in a corner that until you make a decision to say, yes those experiences happen to me but they are not who I am you're going to be stuck, and I don't want you to be stuck like, that's the thing about this, that's why we do this show, that’s why we have these guests, that's why I right the books, is because that stuck is like I have been there, you guys know my story, I won't go into it but the truth about it is like, life is incredible you can have anything that you want like it does not always have to be cloudy but you have got to be willing to change and adapt a growth mindset that is built in the foundation of giving yourself the space to say, yes I understand these bad things happen to me but no that is not me, you can go and ask my brothers, my exes, my old friends, all of them will tell you that the number one thing I used to say about my behaviors was this is just who I am, and that is so short sided and honestly kind of irresponsible because when you hear something like this I hope the thing that you take away from it is recognizing the truth that who you are today does not have to be who you are tomorrow and what do you need to do today for you for tomorrow, and I think the first thing can do is adapt that kind of mindset. So much of this journey for me, and I didn't have Carol Dweck book, I did not have mindset when I started this, I had just made a decision, I’m like, I'm going to be different, I'm not going to let the past to find me that's what this is about, this saying I am not my past, that's about not getting stuck in the narrative of this is who I am and being okay with it because it's not okay, it's not okay to be who you were because of other experiences but instead what you need to think about is what do I need to learn, who do I need to become, and just dropping that this is who I am, if you ever tell someone well this is who I am, you automatically lose, you automatically lose, and I'm not saying it's like a competition or anything but what I am saying is like you have automatically put yourself in a position in which there is no space to growth and so unless you are very comfortable with that and you're the five percent of people who are going to listen to this and be like, this is who I am, I don't care what you're say, so unless you're that five percent of people, you really need to heed what I just said.
Number two, my parents and my friends are like this so I need to be like this too. Oh my god, I cannot tell you how many times that I've have said that, that is such a gnarly excuse to measure yourself against other people, my parents are like this so I have, that's like saying my parents hit me so I'm going to hit my kids, I know for certain that you guys listen this show don't agree with that, but I want you to think about what that really means my parents were this way, my friends are this way, the people in my life are this way, so I have to be this way, that's so much about bending yourself to the world that those are massive, massive excuses and they're dangerous, whereas instead what I want you to think about is just simply going I am not going to bend myself to the world, I'm not going to do it, I refuse it, I am going to live life on my terms and the world will been to me, and if it doesn't more specifically if those people do not, I'm going to take them out of my life, again hard conversation that you're going to have to have hard discoveries, you're going to have to make with yourself but ultimately the truth about this entire journey is, it is those hard questions that you answer that are going to change your life, they're also going to build confidence in time because you won't be settling for the idea of the person that you could be instead of living up and into the person that you can be and so I want you to think about that as you go through this, you know, are you hedging against your friends, and your family, and toxic relationships as the defining point for who you are, I’ve been there, I've been, I used to be the drinker, and the party-er, and the stay up night-er or you know I used to be the guy who did all the things all the time because that's what my friends did, if my friends jumped off a fucking bridge, bet, I'm off let's go and the friends want to go get stoned at three in the morning, play video games all night, miss work, do it, a hundred percent, let's go, and then what happened is now I stepped into this other side of this journey and I lead, I lead myself first and none of my friends follow, you're going to have things change when you change, and that's okay you want that, that's the whole point of this. And I won't say all my friends that would be unfair because many of them have been incredibly supportive and very beautiful but I would say the majority, the majority of my friends from fifteen, ten, eight years ago, I'm not friends anymore, that's how this works so, I don't bend myself and I've had people be like you're different, I'm like, I know, that's the whole fucking point, so be willing to step into that.
Number three, and number three is a hard one, number three is very simple, number three is I don't know how to change, I don't know how to change. Oh man, talk about the number one cop-out. You're listening to this show, look at some of the people who been on this show, look at the leaders of the world who have been on this show, don't tell me you don't know how to change, you're choosing not to, now that doesn't applied to everyone let me be clear I'm just going through the excuses, I used to say this all, I don't know what do, I don't know, I don't know, yeah it's nonsense, you do know, you know exactly what to do you're choosing not to do it because you're scared, because you don't know what's on the other side of that decision, I don't either 99.999% of the time, I just say okay let's go let's figure it out, it's, it's going to hurt, it's going to be uncomfortable, it's going to be difficult, I’m going to learn something but I'm going to do it and that's the thing that I want you to be able to take away from this, you have the tools, they're right here, everything that you need is right here, I've written the books, I've made the programs, we have the pie, everything I teach is literally in this podcast for free you're just not going to find it, you're not looking for it. And so the thing about that is like how deep are you willing to go? Don't say you don't know when all the tools are here, YouTube is incredible, the library is incredible, ninety nine dollar courses are amazing, I've learned so much from every ninety nine dollar and nine thousand dollar investment I've ever made and you've going to be willing to do that and stop making these excuses, and so if you tell yourself any of these three things that I've just gone over, you need to sit down and pause and ask yourself, why? Again those three excuses are this is who I am, my parents, my friends are like this and I don't know how to change, change only happens when you make change happen, change only happens when you become who you are, so hold on to that stop making the excuses, do the thing that you know you need to do, because those excuses are going to keep you stuck forever and I don't want you to be stuck but I can't do it for you, I can't wish you into success as much as I wish I could, so my friends, please ask yourself the right question, get out of your own way, become the hero of your own story.
Thank you so much for listening Unbroken Nation.
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Tell a friend.
And Until Next Time.
My friends, Be Unbroken.
I'll see you!
Michael Unbroken
Coach
Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.
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