E272: The Ten Points of Power (PART 1) | Trauma Healing Podcast

We are live! Hello! Hello! Hello! My friends whether you are watching on zoom or Facebook or Instagram or wherever you are in the world today. Thank you so much for being here, I'm excited to be here with you, guys. If you're watching on Instagram or Facebook and you want to go live and ask questions there are some links in my BIO that you can click to come over and if not hang out it's gonna be an awesome fun exciting night, if you wanna ask questions you can definitely do so right down here just add your question, add your comment as we go through.

We're actually gonna go a little bit old school here which I'm very, very excited about is I'm going to talk to you guys about one of the first pieces of information that I ever created for Think Unbroken and that's called The Ten Points of Power.

So, I created this, I was sitting in my living room after having a coaching session with my mentor and we're talking about kinda like these rules for life. And so few weeks ago on Think Unbroken Podcast, I've broken down like these ten rules that I followed my life by, these things about the way that I think about the world, how I choose to show up and I encourage everyone if you had not ever created your rules for life. Go and create them, go find your rules for life, go and build the thing that you need to build in your life so that you can be successful. And as I was building this and looking at it, I thought to myself, well, how do you transcribe this a little bit deeper? How do you create a little bit more meaning?

So, if you're watching on Instagram, you can't see this but I'm gonna post a photo a screenshot of my Ten Points of Power after we go through the recording today, so, I'm very excited about that. So, my system's is gonna throw those up here, we're gonna do this, let me see, go share this screen. And so, I'm gonna go over these ten points.

Again, if you're watching on Instagram, Facebook or YouTube right now pop over and come and watch on zoom there's a LINK in my BIO to get over here, so you can actually see the ten points of power as I'm gonna down and go through these with you here.

So, what happened was I'm in this coaching session, I'm sitting in my living room, I'm thinking to myself okay, what does it really mean like, what does it mean to be unbroken, to live your life as an unbroken person, to be able to show up as you are every single day and live life in accordance with who you are?

And as I got deeper into it, I thinking about what are the things I do every single day? What are the things that I do every day and every week and every month and every year of my life that have helped propel me in the success? And what I want you to think about here is some of the things I'm gonna talk to tonight about are things that you've probably heard me say before but I'm gonna go a little bit deeper into because I think it's really important, so I'm very excited for tonight's conversation with you guys.

So, this we're talking about is The Ten Points of Power I'm gonna go through them number one through ten and I'm gonna talk to you about the impact that these have not only had a my life but the impact that they can have on your life as well, if you come, you follow through, you pay attention, you listen and the screenshot I'm gonna post on social later and I'm gonna email this out to the email list tonight so you'll actually be able to see these ten points of power print this off for a long period of time this was actually my phone background because I wanted to see them every day. I wanted to be able to look at them every day as a reminder of like all the things that I know for certain unequivocally work this journey.

• THE TEN POINTS OF POWER  

Number one is change happens when you become who you are. Change happens when you become who you are.

And what does that really mean, change happens when you become who you are? You see who you are today is not who you're going to be and so often we get caught up in this idea that this is us. We are an evolutionary species like if you really think about this view down who you are, we are in constant evolution and in fact I would argue you should not be the same tomorrow as you are today. You should not be the same tomorrow as you are today. Why? Because that means if you are the exact same tomorrow then you have not been doing the work to show up in your life, you have not been learning, you have that been paying attention.

Now it's easy to get like not only distracted in all this but lost in it too because there's so much information. But I think to myself what is the measurement for change in life? Can you be different tomorrow as opposed to where you are today? And look different doesn't necessarily mean better and I know that's a weird thing for people to reconcile but the truth about it is, I don't know how to define better like what does better mean and who gets to determine what better is? And for me, I've always just thought to myself okay, if I'm can be different tomorrow than I am today that means I'm winning. Can you be different tomorrow? Be different than who you are today, because who you are today, if you're paying attention will not be who you are tomorrow.

So, change happens when you become who you are but people always say, well, how do I know who I want to become? Well, I'm gonna teach you a trick about this which will go into the rest of as we go through this but you know honestly you grab a pen and you sit down and you write who you want to be. I do a goals workshop at the beginning of every year and we talk about who you wanna be; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and hobbies, goals, relationships, career and all the things that you have accessible to you. You have to first define who you want to be so that you act in accordance with that person because if you define who you are then you start showing up like that every single day, then on a long enough timeline it's going to come to fruition that you will be that person. Now people get caught up in it because they want the overnight success, they want to be them tomorrow right now but they haven't put in the work yet. Think about anything you've done in your life, anything that you built, there's been a timeline, there's been effort and energy and just putting yourself in a position to be successful, right? And so many people don't give themselves the effort, energy and the space to be successful but instead they just say, well, it didn't work so, I quit. But it's never going to work until it works; that's a little mind trick I play on myself like, wherever you are today is not gonna be where you are tomorrow, if you're paying attention to the direction that you want to head by getting very clear and defining who it is that you want to become. You focus your energy on that and as you focus your energy on that change will begin to happen and change happens when you become who you are. So, when you define that person and you move towards being that person then inevitably and it's different for everybody like, it might be five minutes and it might be five years until you become that person but eventually you will as long as you choose to show up. So, number one the ten points of power that change happens when you become who you are.

Number two and you guys have probably heard this ad nauseam, right? Everyone talks about this all the time, meditate.

I do it every single day, for five to seven minutes, just meditate, just find the space to find peace and calm in your life. And for me, what I focus on in meditation are really threefold breathing just getting my brain and my body reconnected because one of the things you have to understand especially if you've had traumatic experiences in life like it's very easy to be dissociated. And dissociated effectively your brain and your body are not in communication, your kind of existing within the world without focus, without intention, without even at times knowing what you're doing like I don't know about you guys but I've had these moments in my life where I'm like suddenly in a situation like how did I get here? Right? Because I was so dissociated, I had no idea how I got to that place. And so, when I focus on breathing first it's simply about realignment. Can I get my brain and my body reconnected? Can I just pause for five minutes? This is really all it takes its five minutes just turn off everything around me, sit in silence and breathe. Just bring attention to where you are right now, think about your life and what it is that you need to do in this moment to sustain self-love and compassion, which are the other two things that I focus on when I'm in meditation, self-love. Like people get caught up and like I have to do all the self-care, I don't know that's true, I don't even know that you have to do anything on this list but I always think to myself, what do I have to do to be an alignment with who I need to be to love myself? Right?

A lot of times that's making hard decisions, a lot of times it's about showing up, a lot of times that's about just simply even in that moment being like hey, I need calm right now. I need to relax right now I just need to simply be me right now. And the other part is self-compassion we are our biggest bullies like it is crazy to me how often we beat ourselves up, we are so quick to shame ourselves, to judge ourselves, to put ourselves down, to say we're not good enough, strong enough, capable enough, to be so unkind to ourselves that you know realistically we say things to ourselves that if we said to another person; they might punch in the face you know and we're expecting to be successful then you have to think about the way that you're talking to yourself and focusing on self-compassion. I wanna be clear it's not about like cuddling yourself, it's about asking yourself a very simple question, am I taking care of myself on one hand? am I taking care of myself or am I taking it easy on myself here on the other hand? Because these things are not the same. And so, often we think that compassion is taking it easy on our ourselves when in fact I would argue that compassion is doing the more difficult thing that's on top of mind and following through until you execute because the most compassionate thing that you could do in your life is actually live life in accordance with the person that you say, YOU ARE.

And compassion in those moments is about giving yourself the grace to recognize that this is an iterative process and on your way to success per the words of a great leader John Maxwell, you're gonna fail forward, right? You're going to continue to fall forward in this way that is actually going to teach you more about yourself than success ever will. But what happens is failure such a difficult word for people that when they have fall backs, when they mess up, when there are mistakes, they like destroy themselves and this is the number one place in which you must perform and bring in compassion so that you can continue to go forward. So, when I'm meditating whether it's five minutes or seven minutes, I focus on breathing, self-love and self-compassion that's number two on the ten points of power.

So, again I'm gonna send this out to everybody, I'm gonna post this on social later, I'm gonna invite you to take a screenshot of it, do what I did at one point make your phone background because when it's your phone background you'll see it every single day. I've actually contemplated doing that again to be honest with you.

Number three is to write every day. I write every single day because you have to understand we carry so much in our head.

Think about this, now there are a couple different studies, I mean who knows who's, right? Because I mean how could you ever measure this. But there it's estimated that we have sixty thousand thoughts a day, it's even estimated we have upwards of ninety thousand thoughts a day. And the predominant thoughts that we latch onto and anchor against are more often than not negative thoughts. And so, think about this, even if on average you're having call it fifty percent negative thoughts on a day, that's thirty to sixty thousand negative thoughts that you're having every day like, that's crazy what happens is people get stuck in that loop. And so, what I do with journaling as I think to myself okay, how do I take all these thoughts both good and bad and then be able to decipher what is actually true and what is not? There's truth in our words and so if I take a pen then I start writing down and I'm having these negative thoughts, I'm getting out of my head on the paper, I evaluate those thoughts and I ask myself a very important question, is this true? Is this thought true? Is this negative thought that I have that I have just written down true? I cannot recall a time where it was ever true because I was able to sit there and make meaning of it.

We get so stuck in our damn heads about this that we can't actually look at it remove from the present moment and what happens and this is my opinion when I write, I remove myself from the moment and the emotion of it and I look at it and I think to myself is this true about who I am? Yes or no? It's almost always no, that applies also for the good thoughts because I try not to get so tied into good or bad but instead compartmentalize and recognize the truth of the human experience, whether it's good or it's bad it will pass, whether it's good or bad it will pass whatever is happening in this moment it could be the greatest moment of your life, it could be your wedding day you're walking down the aisle and there you are and it's like your love of your life and there's dove and fireworks the whole nine and you're like this is the greatest day of my life, that will pass. In the same way that the worst day of your life where you're like, oh, my god, I’ve destroyed my life, everybody hates me, I cannot go on one step longer that will also pass. And when you take this time to find the space to write every day you will find that most of those thoughts that you have that consume you, they're fleeting we just get tied into them because we loop because that's part of the natural human behaviors, we tie ourselves to these emotions. We think to ourselves immediately oh, this is who I am because it happened one time ever in history, right? And so, what you discover as you go through this is like it's not true that you are nor that you have to be who it is that you think that you are in that moment because that moment will pass.

And so, when you're writing, you're defining who you are by evaluating whether or not what you have written is true. And that's this really interesting personal exercise that I think people miss out about what it is that journal really brings to the table because when you are making evaluation of yourself you're able to further and better understand whether or not whatever that notion is that is in your head about self actually has any empirical evidence of validity, because where is the supporting fact that you're a loser? Right? Where is the supporting fact that you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough? Where is that? Because to me it's just so much trapped in the nomenclature of the experiences that we have that we tie into that negativity and so we just start to loop we go, yeah, I guess, I am a loser. Fucking based on what like, who chooses that, right? And so, when you write down, when you step in the number three and you sit down and you write every single day, you'll suddenly find the truth that your thoughts are lying to you. And it's this really incredible thing that you'll see happens the deeper that you go into this.

So again, one on the talking about the ten points of power, if you're just joining it's Tuesday night coaching, thank you guys for being here. Every single Tuesday night we're doing this 5 P.M. Mountain Standard Time and you can sign up to get notified if you just click the link in my bio if you're on social media and then if you got in through the email, you're already on the email so you don't need to do anything. So, on Tuesday night some coaching because I want to give you guys the tools that I've learned over the years to help you change your life. This is a huge way that I get to give back to my community to you guys, the Unbroken Nation, I know many of you listen to the Think Unbroken Podcast so, thank you for that. I know many of you have bought the next book that I have coming out called Unbroken Man, thank you for that like it means the world. And Tuesday night is just my way to give back to you. My Mondays are too chaotic, we're gosh shit it's Monday and then by time it's Friday like nobody wants to do this like let's keep it real. So, I said to myself Tuesday nights for the night so every single Tuesday, 5 P.M. probably until I don't wanna do this anymore, who knows how long that'll be, this is where we're gonna be.

So, this evening we're talking about the ten points of power we're on number four.  Number four is my favorite these are no particular order it's just how happened to write them when I wrote them and to give you guys a little context actually wrote this initially four and a half years ago so this became one of the foundational pillars of everything that Think Unbroken is almost five years later, where it's gonna be five years this summer, I sat and I wrote this for the first time.

Number four in the ten points of power as you are not broken. You're not broken. You are not your past. You are not a victim but you have got to be willing to adopt that truth.

People love to play and look I played the victim, you guys, know this I've shared this, if this your first time ever hearing me speak first thank you for being here. I'm always the first to raise my hand and say that I played the victim. When I was in twenty-five heading in twenty-six, I was three hundred and fifty pounds, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, drinking myself to sleep, getting high from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to bed, my life was a disaster, I was playing the victim, I blamed everybody, I blame you, I blame my family, I blame the community, I blame the school it was everybody's fault but Michael's fault it was everybody's fault but my fault. And it wasn't until I realized the truth about victimhood, it takes the same, I want you if you're taking notes right now, I saw a couple of you are, if you taking notes this will be one of the most important things you will ever write down. I promise you guys. When I had this understanding and I came up with the notion that you are not a victim this changed everything for me. It takes as much energy to build your life as it does to destroy your life. I'm gonna say that again, it takes as much energy to build your life as it does to destroy your life. And so, you choose how that energy is displaced into the world. Who do you want to be? Because you're not a broken person, you're not a victim, that's bullshit, it that's a lie, that’s something that you're telling yourself that's something that you leverage because life isn't what you want it to be yet and instead of finding tools to continue to move forward we leverage that victim hood and we go up, I guess this is all capable of, oh, I guess this is my life, oh, I guess is what I deserve and that's not true. You're not broken, you're not your past, you're not a victim, you just have not yet put yourself in a position to be successful. You have to put yourself in a position to be successful by understanding the truth of this current moment that every single choice and decision that you make matters. Look, what I believe truly that we are all valid, that we all have worth, that we all deserve to be here but we are not good enough yet like and people get caught up in this because they go aren't we supposed to be good enough? You are good enough as who you are right now today in this moment. Period. I will never argue that. But think about the life that you want to create, if you change nothing about your life how will your life be different?

Please explain it to me, somebody tell me, how your life can be different if you change nothing, right? It cannot be, it will not be, it will never be. And so, what you have to do even though this is uncomfortable is you have to acknowledge that you are not good enough yet to be the person that you're going to become because you have not put in the work and when you do put in the work watch your life be different.

Now look people will get heightened into this thing about well, I can't and it's too hard and it's too difficult that is a victim's mentality and if you think that way that will be your reality. You have to recognize that you're more than just a survivor, you're a lawyer, you have the ability to do whatever it is that you want in your life but you've gotta be willing to do it. Nobody's gonna do it for you, nobody's showing up for you, nobody's gonna give you the tools, nobody's gonna ever be anything for you that you cannot be for yourself.

One of my business coaches who I love dear his name is Brandon Dawson, some of you guys are watching know who he is. He said something me one day, that really transformed the way I think about life, he says you know you're never going to hire someone to solve your problems; that blew my mind and it made me realize the truth about what coaching is. Coaching is about (me), giving people tools very much like what we're talking about right now to then take into life and use then if you are not willing to use those tools and you will leverage your victim hood nothing in your life will be different. And look I'll be clear with you; you have the right to play victim, we all do and I've played that role so, I'm gonna be the first to be like yep, been there done that but ask yourself, who do you wanna be? Because if it's not in accordance with a victim you might wanna question what's going on. And look let's be very clear you're not responsible for the bad things that have happened to you like, you're just not. There's no culpability in it, is no way your responsibility that people who should have taken care of you did not take care of you, that is not on you; that is not. But you have to understand that from this moment forward everything that happens in your life is up to you and that's empowering and it's beautiful and I promise you if you pay attention and will change your life forever. So, that's number four we're talking about the ten points of power. Number four you are not broken.

Number five exercise every day. Even if only for twenty minutes, move your body, a healthy body and mind go hand in hand.

I have found and I won't harp on this, let me be clear about that I won't go deep because I recognize how difficult physical movement can be for people. As someone who personally and I don't talk about this a lot, I have autoimmune disease and so because of that I have to frequently force myself in the physical movement but I found that every time that I do I feel incredible, some of you probably noticed the other day that I posted that I'm running a marathon in a month from now and the reason why is because I said, I've gotta challenge this, I need to move my body because a healthy body in mind go hand in hand. So, find a way to move we're so sedentary and my friend Gary Brecka who's an amazing, amazing human being you know he was speaking just recently and he goes you know, sitting as worse than the new smoking, sitting is going to kill you faster than anything else on planet earth and I was like damn that's crazy. And it's so true there's so much research that's being pointed out right now to this idea that sitting is going to be something that will really take away in your life. And so, I want you to think about that as you go through this is really important.

And when you think about exercise like it's not running it's not sprint you don't have to do iron man's they, just go for a walk like it's crazy like have some endorphin release, get a little bit of good dopamine, not dopamine from your phone or electronics or video games or food but moving your physical body. So, invite you to think about that that's number five...