E279: From Zero to Hero (PART 2) | Trauma Healing Coach

That's why we're talking about this Tuesday night coaching, a zero to hero, that's why we wrote Think Unbroken, if you haven't seen the first book this is the baseline Think Unbroken Understanding Overcoming Trauma Childhood Trauma is the framework for everything that I believe it takes to start this journey, it's not everything encompassing because if it were, how long is this book, two hundred and thirty-five pages. If this was the book, I wanted it to be it'd be five thousand pages and nobody would read it that's the entry, right? For some people, for someone listening to us right now or watching right now, the entry that of what you need to do to go from zero to one, is to pick up Think Unbroken and read that book and to face the truth that your past may be impacting your present.

So many of us hide from it, we run from it and we say to ourselves, no it's okay, it doesn't matter, we stuff it down. When I was at my worst, when I was at my lowest myself talk was just so incredibly detrimental, it was not in this progressive way to push me forward but instead it was in this way that  was just so belittling. You're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough, you're a loser, this why your dad left you, this is why your mom cut your finger off, this is why you were homeless, your piece of shit, nobody's ever gonna like; that kind of self-talk is not gonna get you anywhere.

And so, when I talk about the self-talk where I'm like get your shit together that for me is about recognizing the truth that I'm not showing up and that's what some people you're gonna need that if you're like me. I don't think it's for everybody look and I've always said, I'm not for everybody and I don't aim to be. But what I will say is there are moments in which you have to pull your ass up and go and look in that mirror and face the truth of the reality that everything that you want in your life you can have, everything, it's right here, it's like fuck, if I could just give you a magic pill and I can hand it to you and this is the way that you build yourself, I'd be the richest person on planet earth, I'd be richer than Elon, Elon would be calling me, talk about hey, can I buy twitter from you? Right? But that's not what the truth is because that's not how wife works. If you want to create change in your life, if you want to be able to get into this place where even when it's at hardest for you to fight and you're like fuck, I just cannot do this, you have to go in that mirror and you have to give yourself a pep talk. And that pep talk might be radical kindness where it's you know hey, you can do this, you got this, one step out of time. And for a lot of people that works really, really, really well, I promise you it does. Some of my clients I've coached thousands of people around the world, for some of my clients that is how I have to coach them, that is what they need and then that way they can learn that kind of self-talk so that when they do it that's what they can leverage.

You know, when I was growing up, I played sports and I could not fucking stand the coaches that were kind to me. Now part of that's probably because of trauma like, let's not get it us like, I recognize and understand that about myself but it was the coaches who would look at me and say, you're not trying hard enough, you're not doing the best that you can. I'll never forget that, so there was this wrestling tournament in Indianapolis, growing up in my senior year I won the wrestling tournament, it was the city tournament. So, all the schools in the city they come together and they wrestle and I don't know, I think it's probably like January or February in the year and so, I'm in this tournament and my wrestling coach comes up to me in the morning. Now, I am supposed to win this tournament, I have the best ranking of anyone in the whole tournament and he comes up to me and he knows how to talk to me because every time that he talked to me, he was kinda he's like, hey Michael, you can do it, it'll be great, just go do what we practice. I fucking lose like, I would just lose, it's crazy to think about it because you know, I go back and I remember one time I was in the office with him after a meet and he was like, dude what happened, there's no way you should have lost, I was like, I don't know man, it's not being fucking nice to me about this; this is a hard thing that I need to accomplish. And he was new to coaching and I think this landed with him and he goes, got it. And so, we're in the city tournament, I got the best ranking, I am supposed to win this tournament and coming up at the beginning as soon as we got through the way in to get the scheduling for the day and the math assignments and all that stuff, he goes up to me goes, you've worked your ass off but you have not yet accomplished your goal get in hair and make it happen. And I remember that being this really interesting moment because it started changing the way that I was like, talking to myself when it came to sport, it was like dude, just fucking get it done like, find a way to win, find a way to make it happen. And I think that if you're willing to find a way to make it happen then you can find success; you can find success because look, there's a huge differentiation between putting yourself down and bringing yourself up in the way that you're talking yourself because think about this, so I talked about this, I actually dive really deep into it in the new book Unbroken Man and I broke this down into science. So, if you remember and Think Unbroken on Michael science things, I kinda did the same thing in this. So, Unbroken Man this will come out in June, I'll break down the simple side of it.

I think about mindset like this.

Mindset is about understanding the truth that, what you think becomes what you speak, what you speak become your actions and your actions become your reality.

And so, the things that you tell yourself they actually in turn start to be what you do and then you look at your life and you go oh, that thing I was thinking has become real. And what I want you to think about in this is that thing that you're thinking becoming real is based on the choices and the decisions that you make. And so, when I was in this place where I was just destroying myself because of what other people were telling me you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough, you're a loser that I did the things to make that a reality like, I'm telling you right now you don't get to three fifty pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking yourself to sleep, being stoned all the time, being in debt, having your friends hate you, having your brothers telling you to never talk to me, having people tell you just stay away from them because you're doing a good job in life like, you just don't get there because things are working and it was because my negative self-talk was so fucking strong that it was running everything in my life.

And so, this shift in my mind understanding the truth about mindset came through this filter of recognizing something really interesting about life. Kindness is everything, you see, I teach people when they come into coaching all the time and say, you know, you grab a pen and you guys have probably heard me talk about this. You grab a pen, this thing right here and you write this sentence down and you convince yourself that this is true…

I am the kind of person who is kind to myself.

I am the kind of person who was kind to myself.

Because here's the truth about life. The people who operate through the scope of kindness are going to push themselves into doing the thing that is uncomfortable that is going to build confidence in their life because they know that is the thing that they need to do for themselves.

And so, when I'm operating in kindness with myself and look, I get it the words you may not understand but I have been able to build this within myself, I go, get your shit together. Dude, get on the treadmill, get to the gym, write the book, do Tuesday night coaching, be a good person to yourself, eat good food, don't get drunk, don't get high all day, that stuff comes from kindness and the language in, it's the intensity. I don't want you to misconstrue the difference between tonality and intensity and intention and just fucking anger and mean this because they're not the same thing, maybe like, get your fucking shit together that intensity is what I need, that's the same thing that in the morning of that city tournament and my coach being like, let's go you haven't done it yet, that level intensity that is what has driven me to success in my life. But it's always through the scope of kindness thinking about what do I need to do today to be successful? Who I need to be today to be successful in my life? And that's what I want you guys to think about.

When you're at zero, when you're at your rock bottom, when life feels as hard as it could ever fill that is the moment in which you must ask yourself the question, what am I willing to do to have the life that I want to have? And in that pushing yourself to what is next then the difficult part about pushing yourself to what is next, is that it's incredibly uncomfortable, none of us want to do it. I promise you there's nothing I enjoy better than getting stoned in eating gummy bears and playing video games, nothing. There's nothing on planet earth that I like more than that, I swear to you and I don't do that; that is not the life that I live, that is not how I show up in the world because through kindness and I say to myself, who do I need to be today? And because I need to be a person operating through kindness today and pushing myself to what it is that I wanna accomplish in my life, I have to get myself built up and say, get it done, no excuses, show up. The thing that's really interesting about this is when you're at zero, when you're at rock bottom, when you're like this is so fucking hard, I cannot do this, I cannot bring myself to it, I cannot possibly ever, you know, those are the words that are the most dangerous.

If I could teach you one thing tonight on Tuesday night coaching and again thank you guys for being here means the world like, I love being able to do this and share this knowledge with you guys. And this will be over on Think Unbroken Podcast, so if you haven't checked out Think Unbroken podcast, go check it out thinkunbrokenpodcast.com you can also just go to Think Unbroken on iTunes or Spotify.

The number one thing that I want you to take away from tonight the difference between going from zero to one like going from I'm at rock bottom, my life is a disaster to one, just one, not ten years from down the road, not even a week down the road but just to one, just to one, is you have to take the word CAN’T out of your vocabulary, you have to take the word can't out of your vocabulary. I will argue that the word can't is the most dangerous word in the English language, the most dangerous word in the English language because if you think about this idea that you can't and those are the words that you are using and you're saying, I cannot do this, I cannot do this, this is not a part of me, this is not me, it's literally this simple. The definition of can't is to be able to be unable to do something, to choose not to do something.

And so, if you're at zero and you're like, all I need to do is just be able to get out of bed today and I've been there. So, let me tell you this, this the thing that you guys haven't seen, you didn't see me eleven years ago at rock bottom you weren't there when I had to struggle to pull my ass out of bed and to start going to the gym and doing hot yoga and eating well and stop drinking and I know some of you are there right now and if you are there and you're like, fuck, I'm at fucking zero, life is a disaster, I promise you. If you do this one thing everything will be different you take the word can't out of your vocabulary and you start telling yourself I can do this, I have the ability to do this, I have the power to do this, I can do this.

And the this for you like, when it was at the beginning for me the this for me was like get out of bed on time, brush your teeth, take a shower, do the dishes, take a walk around the block, buy a yoga mat, go through the process of the journey of healing like, that's what my cans were.

My can't said they stop me for so long, I could never be me like, if I rewind, imagine this. We have this moment ten years ago, I would never be daring to get on this, I'd be terrified, I’m like, I can't do this, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't and when you're willing to take that word out that is what differentiates the people who go from zero to one.

People get so caught up in one hundred, in a million, in life so far down the road but I always ask myself, what can I do today? What is that I can do today?

So, going back to the beginning of this conversation think about this.

I signed up for this marathon, I made a decision, I said I'm gonna train, I get in the truck, I've got the flat tire, I'm running behind, I have to still work out, I've gotta get on the call, its Tuesday night coaching, I have to show up, I could have just said I can't, not tonight, I'll do it another night. And you know what would happen? I would not build self-esteem,  I would not build confidence, I would not build myself up and this is the thing that I'm telling you right now in those moments in which you're just like, you feel like you cannot do something you might need to kick yourself in your own ass, you really might and you might need to give yourself radical, radical kindness and only you can determine that because I promise you there are moments and I give myself radical kindness especially when I make mistakes, especially when there's failures but if I'm in the window of not even trying the step through a threshold you best believe I'm gonna make it happen, I'm going to find a way, I'm gonna force it.

For some of us that's what we need. We need to force yourself into creating the success that we want in our life because the only way you build confidence again, I'm gonna tell you again, the only way you build confidence is by consistently doing incredibly, uncomfortable things constantly, that's how you do it. And for some of us the incredibly uncomfortable thing is saying yes, I can and I believe that you can and I know that you can and that's why we do Tuesday night coaching, that's why we have the Think Unbroken Podcast, that's why I write these books, that's why the Think Unbroken app is in the app stores for you to download and go take free courses, that's why all of this exists because I'm telling you… “You all have the ability to go from zero to hero.”

Unbroken Nation, my friends, thank you so much for being here it means the world to me.

I'm glad I could spend this Tuesday night with you this beautiful half an hour together.

Do me a favor, if you have not, go check out the thinkunbrokenpodcast.g Go pre-order Unbroken Man, if you go to men.thinkunbroken.com Unbroken Man as a Man's Guide To Being The Hero Of Your Own Story it is not exclusively only for men I will say that the intro is actually dedicated to my amazing Unbroken Women and people around the world. It is no question on, this is my third book I think like anything you get better in time there's no question that Unbroken Man is the best book I've ever written.

The first chapter of this book is the best chapter thing I've ever written in my entire life. So, I'm very excited for that to come out in June.

If you go to men.thinkunbroken.com you can get a copy of Unbroken Man, there's a pre-order, tons of amazing bonuses.

I'd love to see you there, we're gonna do launch party too.

But that my friends thank you for being here, thank you for showing up, thank you for being willing to be the hero of your own story.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.