E340: Do this today to change your mental health | Mental Health Podcast

When is the last time that you truly gave yourself the space to exist in nothing?

What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. I had this really interesting thought on Saturday that I wanted to share with you. I was in a meditation so recently stepping into meditation at a different part of my day into my midday, as opposed to my morning been using my morning to execute a little bit more. I have a little bit of a meditation there; there's some calmness and quiet in my morning, but ultimately the afternoon is where the focused meditation has come into play. And over the course of the last couple of years, one of the things that I've been doing is moving aggressively towards my goals while simultaneously moving aggressively towards rest, recovery and relaxation.

And on Saturday in this meditation, it really hit me. I thought to myself, well, if rest is an action and it feels like a trial, do you actually need rest? And so, this is a really interesting thought that I had, and it was a thought exercise. And so, I got out my journal and I started writing and I started thinking about what rest actually means and what recovery actually means and why it's so important that rest doesn't feel like, for lack of better term torture. I know that won't apply to everyone who hears this, but for some, I know you're really gonna resonate with this, for the overachiever type A's, the fast movers, like the idea of rest is absolutely petrifying. Nothing is scarier. Nothing makes you wanna crawl out of your skin more than this idea of like taking a break.

And I very much over the course of my life have been that person. And over I'd call it probably the last eight months more so than ever. One of the things that has been incredibly important to me is taking a step back, taking inventory and giving my body exactly what it needs and finding space in the peace and serenity of the nothingness without judgment, shame, or guilt.

One of the trauma responses that many, many people have is this idea about perfectionism, is about moving at a hundred miles an hour, accomplishing goals, creating accolades and attributes through the efforts and energy that we put into the world to effectively show that we're good enough. And that is a hard reality that even in the course of my life, I'm constantly navigating and thinking about, okay.

The truth is good enough is subjective to each individual. And based upon how you feel about yourself, when you go and look in the mirror in conjunction with your actions, your honesty, your authenticity, your voice, and your truth, right? And so, if you were to kind of like paint, it into equation, that's what the equation would look like.

And so, because of that, sitting in rest for me, came into this place where it was like, when I am actually executing. Am I doing so without distraction, without confusion, with massive clarity in alignment, with the mission, vision, and values and alignment with what is it that I feel like I need to do that day and in accordance with like the checklist and the goals and so on and so forth and what I've come to really sit in, and this is kind of a newer thought for me. And that's why I'm sounding it out with you right now, is this reality that when we make a decision to give ourselves the space to rest and recover and it is not coming from a place of avoidance or procrastination or fear of needing to do something which can also be procrastination with an extra level then what happens is when you are in that place of rest and peace, there is a calmness that comes along with that.

I think one of the really interesting things to reconcile as someone who is a high performer type A is stepping back and just simply asking my body in a space of meditation, what do I need? And when I ask the question, I'm very literally saying, hey body, what do you need?

When you are in meditation, when you are in a space of calm and peace. One of the things that I have found for me, I typically will kind of go to, is this idea about thinking through problems and what I've been leaning into, especially recently is in this space of meditation is instead of thinking through problems, just sitting within my body. And the first time this really, really took hold for me was probably about eight years ago when I got deep into Bikram yoga. The reason why I'm saying that is because there were always these spaces in the yoga in which you're in pause. And that pause is depending on the flow of the class and whether it's a yin yoga class or it's a full-on Bick class or a flow class, whatever it may be that pause could be four seconds or that pause could be four minutes, right? Especially when I did some of these hip opening yoga classes, like you would be in this frog pose for four or five minutes, and you learn a lot about yourself in that moment. And in those spaces, all those years ago, one of the questions that started to feel prompted, or that became a prompt pretty frequently was me asking my physical body, like using my mind to ask my physical body. What do I need right now?

This is the thing that I'm getting to, this is the one thing that you can do today that will change your life is when you ask your body what it needs to actually give it to yourself. Shocking, right? Like who would ever do that? And that was my experience for a long time was the idea about pushing through and harder? Now, again, you've heard me say this. There's a very vast differentiation between self-care and taking care of yourself and taking it easy on yourself, these are two very, very different world. And so, there are times where you do actually need to push where it's not that you need to rest, which can become a cop out or placation or running from the thing. But there's times you actually need to go through and be like, you know what? I have to do this today. Whereas the opposite of that is, okay, I don't need to do this today. I need to pull back the throttle. I need to chill. I need to sit in the silence in the calm, and I just need to maybe watch some movies or go to the mall or take a longer walk than usual, whatever that. Either way, both of these outcomes are predicated on your willingness to ask yourself, ask your literal physical body in a state of calm and meditation. What do I need? What do I need?

So many of us do not give ourselves what we need, especially if you are a high performer. If you have grown up in this place where you need acknowledgement and accolades to be seen, to be felt, to be heard, we push, we strive, we go a hundred miles an hour and we're like, wow, I'm burnt out. And I don't ever get burnt out. In fact, one of my rules of my life is I do not allow myself to get burnt out by not allowing that what happens is when it comes to the place for calm, for peace for nothingness, I honor that when I ask my body, what do I need, as opposed to which you should know this about me, I've mentioned this on this show. I'm incredibly lazy. I'm probably one of the laziest people that, you know, and since I know that about myself, one of the things I have to do is ask myself, what do I actually need? And most of the time I'll call it 93%, the thing that I need is to continue to move towards what I'm building, recognizing that in that moment did not want to, because of procrastination or fear of judgment or fear of failure or fear of whatever. And then knowing that the only way you can move through that is by literally moving through it.

Most people, however, hit this barrier. They hit this wall in this process of the step, through like this gap between where they are to where they want to go. And they convinced themselves, which I did for a very long time that they don't actually have to execute against the thing that they know that they need to do because they can do it tomorrow. Now there's two flaws in that thinking, one tomorrow is not promised you could die right now. I could have a heart attack literally at this moment.

Two understanding that every time you do that, instead of building confidence in your life, what you're actually do is you're taking away, you're reinforcing that you actually don't matter. I know that's a hard thing to hear. But it was a conclusion that I came to a very long time ago. That every single time you don't show up for yourself, you are reinforcing a lot of things that we experienced as kids. Right? You're not good enough. You're not strong enough. You're not capable enough. You're never gonna be successful so why bother? Nobody cares about you. Nobody sees you. You're a loser. You're a failure. You're dumb. Right? So, every time we don't force ourself through the discomfort of whether it's procrastination or fear, we're actually negatively reinforcing these old thought patterns as opposed to in real time and in this moment saying, what do I need right now? Hmm. I actually need to move through this because I recognize that it is the fear of judgment that has kept me stuck. The opposite of that, again, I'm playing both sides of this coin for you to understand is I'm at this threshold, I've worked a hundred hours this week, I've done a million things, I got the kids, we got grocery lists, the house is a mess. I need to do all these things, the checklist, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. You haven't had a moment to yourself in seven days. You're exhausted. You've had 14 cups of coffee. You're got deadlines at work. The world's about to implode around you and you're on the verge of a freaking panic attack.

Well, that to me sounds like the perfect time to rest as opposed to pushing through. And so, finding this and you guys, I know we've talked about its ad nauseam, if I say meditation, one more time, somebody's gonna smash their head into a wall. I might even be that person cuz I get it you're like Jesus, we know meditation, dude. Got it. But I'm telling you, meditation is not about this seen moment of nothingness for me anyway. I wanna be very clear for some people it is and God's speed to you I've never located that. For me, meditation is about the pause. Just simply asking myself, what do I need today? And then honoring that for yourself.

So many of us do not honor that we do not give ourselves what we need. And I'll tell you right now, in this build confidence on both sides, not just the execution, but the nothing. You will build confidence in honoring your truth, your authentic reality, and who it is that you are today. And instead of fighting it, let go. Instead of fighting, taking the action, let go, just take the action. Instead of fighting to do nothing, let go do nothing. It's fine. You're allowed to on both sides of this equation. And the only thing that you have to do is be very clear and very firm with yourself about your reality and your truth, and not argue against yourself, trust yourself, and especially your body in the moments in which you are told and answer to the question that you asked.

And if you are willing to do that, your life will be different. And so, to bring this full circle, as I was sitting there on Saturday, the truth that I realized is one of the greatest reasons that I've grown that in the way that I have is because of what I just laid out for you. It's the honoring the truth of the reality of ourselves. And don't run from it. Don't hide from it. Of course, there's days. You're not gonna wanna do shit and there's days you're gonna want to take on the world. But if you can just sit in the truth of the reflection of who you are, you'll understand deeper the why for what you need to do or not do. And by understanding that deeper you'll make better meaning of yourself. And in that meaning you'll get more clarity. And in that clarity, you'll take more action and then you'll build more confidence. And then it's a cycle. It's a rinse and repeat, and it keeps happening and happening and happening. And when I go and I reflect on some of the most incredible turning points in this journey.

This is the very thing that if I could have rewind this show to the start, I would've articulated this first. And so, I'm really glad that I have this thought-on Saturday. I hope that you'll share it with friends, with people who need this, most importantly, I hope that you'll take of this message in yourself and honor your truth in your reality, without judgment, without shame without guilt and in that, watch your confidence, grow my friend. You do this one thing and watch your life be different.

Thank you so much for listening Unbroken nation, it means the world to me.

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And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see ya.