E350: How to stop giving a F*CK | Trauma and Mental Health Podcast
So, I was going back through the vault of this podcast and came across a very old episode from early in 2019, called "How to stop giving a fuck" I remember recording this episode and to be honest with you when I originally recorded it, I was like...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e350-how-to-stop-giving-a-fck-trauma-and-mental-health-podcast/#show-notes
So, I was going back through the vault of this podcast and came across a very old episode from early in 2019, called "How to stop giving a fuck" I remember recording this episode and to be honest with you when I originally recorded it, I was like, this is weird because not giving a fuck is important, but I don't think people really understand what I mean.
And so, I want to create a little context as you get in this episode. Not giving a fuck is very simple. It's about showing up in authenticity, in truth, in vulnerability, and living life as exactly the person you are and choose to be without bending yourself to what other people expect. And so, what's really interesting about this show is when you hear it, you'll hear me refer to it as the Michael Unbroken Podcast. And this podcast has a couple of different names; it also used to be called these 10 ACEs, something else that I will not mention now. And, you know, it used to be under Michael Anthony, which is my actual name. And many people know that's not a surprise, but if you're newer to Think Unbroken and Michael Unbroken, then you probably don't know that.
When you hear that, you might be caught off guard and were also recording this underneath a desk with a zoom recorder. So, it doesn't sound that great, but I was in the middle of Bali, so I'm like, whatever. And I wanted to share this episode again because it was a solidification in this journey of feeling like I knew I was making the right decision to make this show.
So even those episodes, three years old, I feel like it still holds a lot of value. I listened to it because I was like, what did I even say? Do I even believe some of those things? And I'll let you be the one to decide how this episode is going to play a role in your life on this beautiful day.
The truth is that not giving a fuck isn't about being a jerk or a douche bag or an asshole or rolling over steamrolling people; it's about simply saying, this is who I am. This is my journey; accept me as I am, and as I am on this journey, or get out of my life. And not giving a fuck is a very, very, very powerful tool in this.
And it's not about not loving yourself, not showing up, and not doing the hard work because you know how I feel about that. But it's just simply about looking at and acknowledging the reality; other people's opinions just don't have anything to do with you.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
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Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation. Thank you so much to everyone. First and foremost, for listening to episode one, and for everyone who has sent so much support, around what I'm trying to do with this micro podcast, if you will. My goal with this Michael unbroken podcast is to keep it under 10 minutes and to make sure that it's palatable for you, give you actionable things that you can take with you, whether you're walking into the office or driving into the car to pick up the kids, whatever it is. I wanna leave you with something that is memorable in a way that you can put it into action immediately.
I've been thinking about this concept a lot about becoming who it is that we know we are, my therapist once told me change happens when you become who you are. And that's very true because for many trauma survivors, there is a lack of understanding of self; that comes naturally, that comes honestly, that comes in the fact that things were stolen from us and that we have to kind of earn them back. Maybe earns not the right word, but there is a lesson in understanding who we are that comes through the trials, through the perseverance, through the resiliency, through the effort. And it's through that, that we actually become who we are.
I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer this, honestly.
Do you give a fuck about what other people think about you?
Take a minute, just think about it. Do you care? Do you actually care what other people think?
You see, for me, I think that's one of the key components to whether or not we actually step into self-actualization. How many of us spend our day to day lives wondering what other people think about us? How many of us spend our time wondering what other people think about the clothes that we wear, the car that we drive, the job that we have, the partner that we have, the way that we're raising our children, the way that we exist in the world, the way that we look, the way that we smell the music we listen to, the things that we watch on television, the way we sleep at night, what we eat for breakfast, and the list goes on and on and on and on.
But do you really care? And if you do, why do you care?
What is it about other people's opinions that matter so much to you that it impacts your life on a daily basis?
Why do you give a fuck?
And I think that's a question that's really important to ask yourself because we have to come to understand that when we put our; call it self-esteem, call it worth, call it resiliency on other people's shoulders that takes away from who we are inside.
We do ourselves as a grave injustice, every time we look to outside sources for any sort of companionship or love or care, when we don't start with us first and not giving a fuck, isn't about not caring about what the people around you say, the people around you what they mean to you, and especially the people that you love and care about, like that is important.
When someone interjects and goes, hey, Michael, you know what, you're being a real dick today. Maybe you need to reflect on that a little bit. I was listening to a podcast with Whitney Cummings recently. And she said that someone told her, if you meet two assholes in a day, then you're probably the asshole, and I thought that was really fascinating because so often our inward thoughts of self-reflect outward and they impact people as well. But we also get impacted by those people and when we get impacted by those people, we tend to carry that throughout our day, through our week, through our month, through our year, sometimes a little thing that someone says to you, oh, I don't like the way you look in that shirt or, oh, those shoes look really cheap or things that don't matter stick with us. And so how do you not give a fuck? How do you step outside of what other people think about you and the way that they impact you? And again, this is not to say that you should not value the opinion of the people closest to you because you absolutely should. But at the end of the day, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself first and foremost.
So, the million-dollar question, how do you not give a fuck?
Starts with self. Step one, and that is self-love.
Self-love is such an important facet of this process and the healing journey, because we are reconnecting ourself to ourself.
Many trauma survivors become dissociated and we've talked about that ad nauseam, but the reality is you have to be able to get back to a place where you are okay and comfortable living in your own skin. And how do you do that? How do you practice self-love? I think there's a myriad of ways that you can do that and the list is exhausting, but I'll give you a few examples of what I do…
Every day when I wake up, I first have gratitude that I'm even alive. I should be dead four times over now, but I'm not, and you're not either, and if you're listening to this right now, that means you are alive. So already step one, you're already in the process.
Show a little gratitude for yourself for existing. Right?
The way that we talk to ourselves becomes very much who we are.
So, I start my day with a little bit of gratitude. What do I do from there?
Well, I think the second thing is how do we talk to ourselves? Right? We are the stories that we tell ourselves. I've read an amazing book, which I recommend, and I don't recommend a lot of books. So go and buy this book if you're listening, if you are struggling with the way that you talk to yourself with the way that you perceive yourself in the world, there's a book called “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach. And this is one of the most important books I've ever read, because ultimately what it helps you delineate as why do you talk to yourself in ways that you would never allow another human being to talk to you? I was such awful person to myself.
So of course, if I mean to myself, I'm gonna always care what other people think about me. I'm not good enough, smart enough, handsome enough, fit enough, tall enough. Right? What is your enough? Because you have to answer that for yourself. If your worth is placed on someone else, then you're always gonna care what they think. I mean, even your partners, even your children, your best friends, if you care about what they think about stuff that does not, and should not matter or concern them, then you are already behind the eight ball, my friend.
So, you need to adjust the way that you talk to yourself. And there's a very simple practice, and I want you to implement this starting right now.
I challenge you whenever for the rest of the day, the week, the month that you say something negative about yourself. I want you to stop that process and say something positive.
For example, I'm not good enough. Okay. That's an easy one. That's low hanging fruit. We all have that. Right? But what can you say? I am good enough. I'm strong enough. I'm handsome enough. I'm beautiful enough. I'm tall enough. I'm short enough. I'm whatever enough you have to decide what enough means. And when you decide that you stop caring, what other people think.
And I think the third part of this, which is probably the most important and becoming comfortable in your skin is just giving yourself the space to be who you are.
We are all a little quirky, a little weird, a little creepy, a little amazing, a little grandiose, a little Farfetch where all of these things, that's just the nature of being a human being. We are made up of a collection of all of our experiences that lead up to right now. But if you're not giving yourself the space to simply exist, you’re always going to care.
I remember when I was in sixth grade, I sat at the cool kid’s table one time, this was literally the only time this ever happened. And the kids started talking about classic rock music bands, like the doors and Fleetwood Mac and Morrison and I remember mentioning that I loved all of those bands, but I had no idea who any of them were and I got called out because I wasn't being true to myself. They called me out hard and it was super embarrassing because it was the first time that I ever got to sit with these cool kids. And when you're young, like you crave that, you crave that attention.
What I figured out from that moment was I am the cool kid and I don't have to portray myself to be someone else to fit in with this other group, because your community, they will find you, but the only way that happens and the only way that you're around people who don't give a fuck about the things that don't matter in your life is when you have complete ownership of who you are. So not giving a fuck is about loving yourself, not giving a fuck is about surrounding yourself with people who are in line with who you are, not giving a fuck is about becoming comfortable in your own skin and self-love and simply existing.
So, this week just challenge yourself a little bit every single day, that every time you say something negative, have some gratitude for yourself. Show some compassion for yourself and leverage the fact that you are an incredible human being, there's no one else in the world like you. And yes, that's hard to swallow, especially in the beginning, but every single day continue to do these practices and you soon will find that you don't give a fuck what other people care about you because you love yourself first, and that's all that matters.
Guys, thank you so much for listening this episode, to find more resources. Check me out on Instagram @MichaelUnbroken.
Download the podcast on iTunes and Spotify and check out thinkunbrokenpodcast.com. I'm about to host a new workshop series of my brand-new online curriculum and I hope that you will check it out when I share it.
And Until Next Time.
My friends, Be Unbroken.
I’ll see ya.
Michael Unbroken
Coach
Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.
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