E353: Use these TOOLS to find your VOICE with Samantha Roberts | CPTSD and Mental Health Coach

Michael: Hey, what's up, Unbroken Nation. Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode with my guest, Samantha Roberts, who is an author and podcast host. Samantha, my friend, how are you today?

Samantha: I'm doing so well excited to get into just this courageous conversation together and share a little of my energy with your listeners.

Michael: Yeah, I'm very excited cuz I know your backstory. And so, I think that the audience is going to be very curious and intrigued about it. So, for those who do not know, you tell us about your backstory and how you got to where you are today.

Samantha: Yeah, I think for me what's most surprising when I meet people nowadays is my decade in silence. After a couple of accident, flipping quad down a rock quarry, having some pretty debilitating chronic pain and depression. I had just stopped talking, but during that time I didn't stop my life. I moved out to New York city and really started crushing it in corporate America as a consultant and strategist, but I didn't need to do it with a voice. I figured out how to do all of my storytelling, all of my analytics in the visual format. I was direct to senior leadership; they do love a succinct woman. And so, I just fell into this place where I didn't need a voice. And over quarantine in the last couple years, I really started to dig into that. But the catalyst for that was my health worsened, right?

My health worsened. And it went from just having depression and chronic pain to realizing that the inflammation in the swelling throughout my body was not normal and not something that I could ignore any longer. And I was lucky enough to have the right team of doctors in New York city, and we were able to do double stent surgery twice. I had 86% blockage in my main iliac vein, meaning I was one blood clot away from not waking up. And I was in my early thirties, it was just too soon to be debilitated as much as I was. And I fell into the most incredible communities in personal development with Tony Robbins, with Grant Cardone, with Pete Vargas and so many others.

And I realized that there was more to me than that veiled, sheltered, corporate analyst that I was showing up as. And I started to just tell my story, 30 seconds at a time, going live on Facebook and then inviting friends in, and then it turned into a podcast which my friend helped me name storytelling by the numbers and it's that play on words that identification of the fact that we all have a universal language for me as an analyst, it's through numbers, but the ability for all of us to communicate in our authentic voice as our best selves is what I dedicated my life the last couple of years of my life to, and  I radiate now with this just alignment. Right? When you're a listener for such an extended period of time in high intensity situations like I was in corporate, you become aware of who's who, and what's what around you, but there's so much that can be said when you take a listener and you give her a mic and you hold space for storytelling. So that's kind of who I am, how I got here and kind of the mission going forward.

Michael: So, I wanna rewind and go back, cuz you said it quickly and I don't want people to lose it on passing. But you didn't speak for a very long time following this accident, these accidents, I should say. What kind of transpired in that timeline? Talk to me about like, what was life like? I have a feeling that there are some people who are gonna really resonate with this.

Samantha: So, for me again, being in New York city, corporate life is 24/7. Right? You wake up with your cell phone next to you. You answer everything digitally through email, and my friends were all musicians and artists. And so, I had friends, I had things that I did, but it was energy transfer and being that silent person in the room that leaned in, right? When someone was sharing a good story in the corporate boardroom or sharing a good story over round of beers, I was that person that kind of leaned in and just with facial expression and transfer of energy showed up and was present.

So, I had friends and if I spoke 30 minutes a week during that decade, that was a lot. So, a lot of the friends didn't realize and a lot of the coworkers didn't realize that I was primarily nonverbal because if I needed 30 minutes to show up for somebody in an interview, in a boardroom presentation I did and I could. My challenge was when you don't speak for that extended period of time, your vocal cords weaken. And I started to cough if I went more than 20 minutes with somebody in an interview in a presentation. You know, in a story over beers, my voice would start cracking and I would start coughing and it was so I know it was embarrassing, but it was also a struggle. And I think when I look back on it, it is a bit of a blur. Like I can't comprehend really how I was able to do it, but those are some of the examples of when it worked, right? If I had to show up, I could, but I always had to have a hot tea in a presentation or an interview I had to have something to drink with me always. And I'm even now still, I struggle with it and who knows if this interview goes long, it could happen here today. But I think for me, the more transparent that I share the path of overcoming and kind of the micro steps I took along the way, I think the more I'm realizing how so many others, whether they chose to stop speaking as I did or have had that sense that their voice was removed from them. I think the more that we normalize that you can regain your personal power, your personal strength and what you in view and share with others, I think when we normalize that it helps all of us, right? Cause so many people through, you know, domestic abuse or corporate challenge can feel that their voice has been taken from them. And so, I feel like in this current, like kind of microcosm of the world, we're experiencing a lot of that. This quarantine gave us the opportunity for so many adults across the world to choose life again, to infantilize what they had been doing and to say I want, or I choose different. And so, I think the more that I can just openly share that as in this journey has been hard. It has not been, you know, the easiest transformation to come through and I've had to do a lot of journaling and self-reflection because I think one of the biggest journeys that I've taken myself on is deciding that I have a strong enough point of view to share it, that somebody needs to hear my words in my journey. And that for me has been the catalyst for so much change within my own world, just owning the fact that these challenges, these unique experiences of my life matter to at least one person. Right? And just being in these open forums where I talk about it and normalize it. I think it's important and I don't intend to stop anytime soon.

Michael: Yeah. I think so many people get caught up in being concerned about whether or not their voice matters and they forget that it does. And you know, I will say this, that I do look at life through this scope of, I mean, I obviously speak all the time, I'm on podcast all the time, I have a podcast, people are listening to this right now, and I'm constantly reminding myself because sometimes this gets incredibly exhausting and saying, look, here's the truth,it doesn't matter if you're tired or not, the mission is very simple. End generational trauma in my lifetime through education and information by any means necessary. And that so much is about the willingness to step in to use my voice about the darkness of childhood trauma and abuse, to empower people with the tools that they need to be able to step into creating the life that they want to have, because I believe we're all capable of doing it, just some of us need to hear a different voice. As you're in this and you're going through this process and you're like, all right, I'm going to step into what's next in my journey. What I'm curious about, what was the catalyst for change and what was the beginning of this journey like for you?

Samantha: Hmm. I hit a rock bottom. I was invited to an awards dinner with Tony Robbins, when he and Dean Graziosi's launched KBB. And I was in the room with absolute legends and I had a rock bottom that day, that week, that month, that time period, it was right before my surgeries. And I was able to see myself in a room with the people I would aspire to be around but knowing that I personally was not showing up as an individual who's worthy of being in that space and that worth took me on a journey, right? That discovery of self-worth took me on a journey, it took me into the awakening and I immediately went back home to New York. And I found my team of doctors in order to really start hunting, hundreds of thousands of dollars went into my health journey in the last couple of years, and it took me saying enough is enough. Right? Owning the fact that individuals from across the world have come through so much, right? I tend to attract individual’s leaders in my life who truly have come from grassroots rock bottom, extreme hardship or challenge and overcome, right? Surface stories, surface relationships, haven't always resonated with me, but witnessing that there is so much that can be done when you're honest about the journey that you've come through, not the perfected veiled version that we live in corporate America, but the authentic entrepreneurial journey where listen, your story matters.

Your identification of the gifts that you've been given matter. And when we can each individually share those and ensure that they're, you know, our business card or our first foot forward, I think we start to attract individuals we really resonate with. And so, for me, acknowledging an incredible rock bottom saying this is the lowest of the low, this is the worst I could ever anticipate being and just acknowledging the fact that listen in so many respects in my life, I would be justified if I was to give into all the darkness that lives in the world. And you know, authentically had chosen a life on the edge where I debilitated and demeaned myself privately and showed up perfected and veiled in corporate and was able to rise in that space so there was this duality to my life and I said, I need to unify, I need to really unify my life and how I'm showing up. I changed career positions, in a different respect I changed the way I showed up in corporate, I changed the way I showed up within my family. In the same month that I had those surgeries, I joined Grant Cardone's inner circle mentorship group, which really meant for me every single Thursday, hundreds of us hopped online on zoom. We also, every single day had an Instagram group where we said, did you drink your water? Did you write your goals? Did you exercise? And I had real accountability, not just friendship, not just people who were honored, you know, to be in my world or happy to support me because I have overcome so much, but individuals who are saying, are you really showing up enough? Are you being authentic in who you are and what you represent and what you want to be? And I had people questioning me, listen, you got a good backstory, Sam, but is it everything that you are. It's phenomenal for all of us to own where we've come from and I would never say to bury it, hide it or run away from it. I think it gives us our strength and it gives us our relatability, but I had individuals who have overcome just as much or their own version of my same, and they said, you can do more. And I started to really acknowledge within myself. I am showing up at 10%, I had been saying it for years, acknowledging I'm showing up at 10%, my value, but I had no problem with it cuz I was still successful in my corporate life and still successful in the way I showed up in the things that I wanted to do. I think it was important for me to start to see that there are different versions of success and it really does start with that unification of self and purpose. Right? Not masking. In corporate, we mask a lot, but you don't have to, right? You can really live and breathe in this energy of today I choose. And in that choice every single day, your actions can be more aligned and you don't have to have that, if I was to be filmed right now, this is not who I would want the people to see versus you can spend more percentage every single day in that place of congruence, alignment, self-acknowledgement and self-support.

Michael: And authenticity is everything in life. You know, you feel it, you see it, you breathe it like when I'm around someone inauthentic, like I catch it so incredibly fast we're in tune as human beings to each other in this really powerful way. But more so I think, especially if you come from backgrounds in which you've had to be able to assess the environment for survival, you learn very quickly, how to read people. And in inauthenticity is the number one tell sign for me of whether or not people have actually done the work because I've chameleon. You know, one of my first real jobs was in a corporate environment and learning how to wear fucking polo shirts and hats, like, I don't, I hate that shit, but I was like, this is who I'm gonna be, because I think this is who I'm supposed to be, as opposed to this is who I am, so, I'm gonna choose to be it. And I think that's an incredibly difficult juxtaposition for people to navigate because on this one hand you're faced with, well, I've gotta support myself and my family and eat food, but on the other hand, like I'm sacrificing myself every day for it. And one day I came to the realization, I was like, I don't care what I have to suffer through, I'm not going to ever go back to that life and shit, it's been like 12 years and I refuse it because I look at my life and I think to myself, like it is far more important that I would fail trying to be me then succeed by not. What I'm curious about having a mutual mentor in Grant Cardone and having been on those Thursday calls and having the experience of that environment and actually oddly enough, having my 10X cup in my hand right now, unintentionally, it just always happens to be there. You know, the thing that always comes to mind for me when I’m facing this, this chasm of all right, here's where I'm at, and that's what I want. And coming to this idea and understanding of what do I have to give up, to get what I want. I always think about who do I want to be? What am I willing to suffer through? What am I willing to sacrifice? And so, for folks listening, let's say this is the beginning of the personal development journey for them. And you know, you rewind yourself a couple years ago, you're looking at life, you come in these programs. I think a lot of people will come into programs, right? A lot of people will join things. A lot of people read the books, and not do shit about it. So, what I'd love for you to talk about, cause I've seen you and I have crossed paths at many of these places. How is it that you have been able to take the information and knowledge that you've absorbed and bring it into your life to help you better authentically be you?

Samantha: Hmm. I'll start with one of the great words that you said in there was chameleon. Now I had posed, we were in forum on one of these Thursday calls with Grant Cardone and he had just started talking about the fact that this chameleon identity that so many of us think is an asset in our lives is the biggest faux pas that you could ever really walk into because when you are a chameleon, you are willing to be submissive to the environment that you're in. But what if, instead of being that chameleon, that disappears you own your truth. And so, I started to really go on this journey of owning my truth. What is it that I stand for? And I talked a little bit earlier in the introduction about journaling, I had to journal. As somebody with part of why I was mute was post-concussion syndrome. And in one of my challenges was inaccessibility to my short-term memory. And with that, my ability to transform my thoughts to a written word was really, really challenged. When I talk about journaling for me, I have this incredible part of the journey that started in 2016, I was able to travel Europe for seven months, living out of a backpack, just going city to city, you know, taking the next flight, the next train, whatever was available and I started journaling on that trip. So, my journey into personal development has many years in the making before I ever actually got words outta my mouth. And so, if anybody is starting on the journey, start with self-reflection. What you'll uncover and discover is that so much of your point of view is buried, it's buried in complex PTSD, it's buried in PTSD, it's buried in trauma, it's buried in different facets of your life, where you have either masked and removed yourself or separated a memory or perhaps you just have black spots. I have black spots from my early childhood through the concussion years and beyond, and I had to start just finding triggers to storytelling within my own life. Document the moments that I had been purposely burying or ignoring, or throughout the last decade so many friends have been able to say to me, Sam, you're such a good listener, but you're not acting on the advice that you give in response to the thing that I need. And it's such good advice. I would hear from friends so often that they loved receiving, you know, that 15 minutes of advice that I would give them but a few of them started calling me out on the fact that I wasn't in that congruence. I wasn't in that alignment. The good thing that I was aware of that needed to be done, I was not yet doing. And so, for anybody again, starting on your journey, dig into yourself. What made the biggest difference for me was saturation. I was in so many personal development groups in a short period of time during a big transition period in my life, which was healing from my surgeries and getting back on my feet and choosing life and choosing to show up. And I would say, having yourself surrounded by other individuals who are openly, authentically willing to share their journey is going to be the biggest catalyst for you to get through it, whatever you're uncovering, it comes with new demons. And for any, and everybody who's lived through any period of darkness in your life, you know, that your demons show up in very unique places. And if you can be around people where you can authentically raise your hand and be like, here's what I'm going through today, here's how it showed up in my business, my life, my personal congruence, what have you done? And sometimes they're the same age, sometimes they're younger or older, if you are around someone who's younger than you, who's coming through something earlier in life than you are, really open your receptors. The fact that they're able to start their journey early is a blessing and a gift. I think that's been, what's so fascinating over the last couple of years is I have always attracted friends just for the circumstance of my youth I am an old. I'm an old soul. And over the last couple of years, I have definitely attracted older individuals into my life and I have been able to witness in them their appreciation to the fact that I started a little bit earlier than them in unpacking those past traumas. So again, it's like, its community, search out community, search out people where you can unmask, unveil and authentically share where you're struggling, ask for advice. One of the greatest lessons is raise your hand and ask for advice, share where you need help, ask anybody who you believe has overcome that thing that you're struggling with and take that in and sit in it, don't necessarily use word for word, the advice that they give you, internalize it, reflect on it, bring it back to yourself and see how can I do different? How can I leverage this to move forward?

Michael: Yeah. I love that. And also, I think ask like raise your hand first, you know? You're often given these opportunities in life where it's like right here and if you hesitate, you know, he who hesitates in war is lost. And I look at life as in some literal sense, unfortunately, but generally hypothetically speaking as war and you've gotta be prepared for battle every single day. And I think one of the greatest ways to have preparedness in it, is to simply ask first. Don't wait, don't hesitate because, and more so I believe that someone in the room may have the same question you have or that thing that you need to find out and discover for yourself could be the thing that your family needs. And if you are not willing to step into the discomfort of that moment, I honestly believe that you're being selfish. You know, you and I were, I don't generally get a talk about the events that I'm at on the show, but you and I were at an event together and John Maxwell was speaking and I'm like, I'm raising my hand in this room of hundreds of people. And I get the opportunity to ask this legend in personal development, a question, and it's like someone come up to me after and they go, oh, you're so brave for doing that, I'd have been so nervous and I'm like being nervous has nothing to do with it. Like what do you want, who do you want to be? What are you willing to suffer through to create your life? And I think that's such a really important point that you made is ask the damn question, because if you don't, nothing will be different. And you know, I think about this journey and the experience that you had of like claiming your voice and then transitioning and building something as big as your podcast and having conversations with hundreds and hundreds of people. You know, there are people right now listening, I know who are on the edge of doing the thing that they want to do, filling the tremendous amount of fear that encompasses them in the decision of doing so. And what I'm curious about for you is how have you been able to navigate into stepping in, towards what is next in your life while simultaneously reconciling the fact that you've lived all this other experience?

Samantha: I think for me, I'll take it back to, you know, a phrase, our good friend, Ken Joslyn, says incremental, not monumental. I dared to put myself in that uncomfortable situation of going live for 90 seconds and hearing my voice crack and feeling uncomfortable in that space and knowing that I had the right community around me to really trust that most people aren't actually gonna watch what you post online.

So, your closest of friends actually are not watching your content as much as the strangers are and the strangers, the one who need you. So, I started to really step out of that idea that I needed to be prep perfected, or that I needed to make sure that my friends were in alignment with every word that came outta my mouth and I just started to say, listen, I'm gonna go live and it's gonna be awkward and uncomfortable, but I'm going to have one thing where I am sharing strongly, my point of view that day. And by doing that every single day and having consistency and moving into the place of trusting and knowing that I'm on my longer journey each and every single day, I needed to show up as accountable to my community so that I could be accountable to myself in the long term. I think for so many of us, we have different ways where accountability lives in our lives organically and where it needs a little bit of support. For me just paying money, doesn't keep me accountable. Just having the knowingness within myself that I'm up against a cliff, isn't enough for me. I find my greatest accountability and consistency when I hold myself accountable to my community and to others, because sometimes it's just not enough on a chronic pain day or a chronic illness day to just say, well, I know it's best for me to get up and drink my water. Sometimes I had to really say it is on the person that needs to hear me today that I get up and drink this water. There were so many times on my darkest days, within the last year where I would send a voice memo to many friends on my darkest days, because it would give me the confidence, and kind of the alignment within myself that I'm on the right path, that my words have mattered, that my showing up over the last year has made an impact and indifference.

I remember one day, last year I had just a really, really rough week. A lot of different things came at me from many directions and I sent 50 plus voice memos to friends and the responses back were just so uplifting because my friends needed me that day. Again, being that listener, I've been for so many years, my greatest contribution into my friend group into my community recently has just been sharing awareness. When I see goodness and greatness and congruence in somebody else, I just send them a note. I just tell 'em what I've witnessed, because sometimes being seen is one of the biggest things that we desire and we miss. And so many of us, we can be so strong, right? But sometimes that strength comes with a removal or disconnect from our greatest sense of wholeness, right? Like that strength sometimes you can put on a mask, you can put around a veil of protection and get through something that's hard. But what if in your darkest hardest days, you are your most vulnerable? That's the exploration that I started to really dig into on my hardest days, how can I just go furthest into my heart and be the most aligned how I want to be, not the diminished state that I'm in because of my limited physicality through all of my accidents and genetic disorders, but who is it that I wanna be at the core of myself. And I started giving myself more and more, check boxes on the inventory list of here's a day, here's a moment, here's a person that I showed up for when I was 100%. So, for anybody, you know, struggling in the journey, starting on the journey, give yourself those opportunities to show up as you, and again, it can be a 10 to 32nd voice memo to someone who needs you or someone who you know, you uniquely can serve in that moment, if you're having a hard day, reach out to somebody, it really does make more of a difference than you can ever really comprehend until you start doing it.

Michael: Yeah. And you're gonna have hard days, I mean, you're just going to, it's funny because I share this on an episode, months and months ago, but after I had someone on the show, I won't say who I was having just the worst day ever. And you would never know, you can go listen to any episode I've ever made, you would never know, you'd never know that was one of the worst days of my life. Why? Because you have to make decisions that you are showing up anyway, and I think that's innately a part of this journey. You have to challenge your narrative of what you think you're capable of doing in the times in which you were struggling the most, because that's where you're gonna fortify what is next in your life. You show up anyway, you reach out for help and support, you go to the gym, you get on the coaching call, you have your therapy session, you eat the right food, you don't stop because you're having a bad day. Cause guess what? The fucking next bad day is around the corner, I promise you like, if you think COVID is the worst thing that's ever happened in your life, I promise you another worst thing is coming.

That is how the world works and I'm not saying, I'm not overshadowed by darkness in my life. I love my life. I just look at it from a reality standpoint, the next thing will come, right? There will be the next issue, the next disease, the next pandemic, the next accident, the next loss they are coming. You know, I look at one of my favorite mentors unfortunately, I'll never be able to meet him – Bruce Lee. Don't ask for an easy life instead, ask for the tools to handle a difficult one. And I think that's the truth about what this looks like is you must be willing to assess and step into the truth of the reality that life is actually not amazing or difficult, it is a little bit of both every single day, but some days the scales tip in one way versus the other. And you must be prepared for either way, because eventually you will face both. And I think that's the thing, that's one of the really beautiful takeaways about what you just said is, you know, in that moment you continue to reach, stretch yourself, figure out who you are. As you continue to go forward and you think about looking at what's next in your life, what does that picture look like? Like what are you trying to build? What do you want in your life?

Samantha: I'm truly looking to take a stand for normalizing the unmasking; the unmasking that as adults, we all are conditioned to live through. And again, it started with courageous conversations through my podcast, but it's branching out into building stages, virtual stages over the quarantine I built four different virtual events where I had absolute legends and friends on it, where we just authentically shared our story, shared our lives and shared our best tips and tricks for overcoming. And I think, as this year is coming together, I've got several anthologies that are coming out and that's really about individuals from different backgrounds coming together and just sharing. Here is how I have chosen to come through, here is how I've overcome this one area of discussion or this one topic of challenge.

And I think the more of us who can authentically just share an instance in our life where we overcame and normalized that transformation we're really serving at a critical time in the world, right? So, this unifying event of the quarantine allowed so many of us to come together and to unlock and to unblock and to take ownership of who we are and what we intend to be in this world. And I think now it's more important than the legends who came before us, for all of us to show up with micro amendments and adjustments and opportunities in our own lives and have those conversations with our friends and family, where we just say, I choose differently. Can you come on board with me? Ask for alignment, ask for others to go through the challenge and the hard time. Ask for your community to come up around you. As Michael and I have both shared here today, so many times through our podcast interviews over the years, so much will come at you, whether you are fortified or whether you are unfortified and have not yet done the deep work. So, start with your micro steps to get that momentum, moving in the right direction that any hard day is paired with an incredible opportunity for a moment of growth or love or transformation. Really start to go into theorized list of your life. And some of my darkest days in my life have now become the biggest lessons that I love and appreciate and I'll sit gently in that for a second because the darkness of your past doesn't diminish you, it does not have to defeat you, it does not have to shortchange what you can do today, it can become and start to really become that fortified sense of ownership within yourself that you overcome. And more than likely you'll have enough in that inventory list of the dark days that you know, eyes wide, open toolbox 50% full on any new hardship that comes into your life. You already will start to recreate that baseline of self and choosing and you'll realize that here's who I need to reach out to. Here's how I need to show up for myself. Here's when I need to change an action in my life. And you'll start to have these pulse checks, you'll start to have these momentum triggers in your life, where you can show up differently because you're now aware and there will be more, it's never just one overcoming. And when you unlock one trauma, you realize all the other things you buried because of that one trauma, that starts to become a really beautiful journey, a really, really beautiful journey of now that I'm aware of this thing that I've overcome, that actually gave me strength to be the right person, to show up for this friend, in this community moment, in this in decade and a half later and you start to connect those dots of that hard thing, being the best thing. You start to realize how your unique life's challenges are your greatest gift, not only to yourself, but to your community as well and you might save one life each and every single day, I think about what one life can I impact? Not the thousands, not the hundred thousand, not the millions that I intend in my life to impact, but who can I show up at today with one experience, one story, one conversation where it matters because I chose.

Michael: Yeah. And you know, with the thing that comes to mind in you saying that, I think about the darkness, you cannot have light without darkness. There is a ying and the yang to the world. And instead of hiding from it, running from it, stuffing it down, avoiding it, drinking, smoking, fucking it away like sit in it, acknowledge the darkness, it's meant to be something that you see, because it will ultimately, and I know how awful this sounds, it will ultimately be the guiding light for you. And so, I suggest that you look at your life, have that moment and be willing to step into the discomfort of it. Samantha, that's been amazing conversation my friend, before I ask you my last question, can you tell everyone where they can find you.

Samantha: Yeah. On social, you can find me, @asksamroberts and my podcast and website is www.storytellingbythenumbers.com

Michael: So brilliant. And of course, we'll put the links in the show notes for the Unbroken Nation, my last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

Samantha: Yeah. For me, it is the acknowledgement of sense of self and choosing for me, it's that ability to look into the deep cascade of my life and to look through that inventory list of the great things in the great challenges that I've overcome and come through and knowing that I have the opportunity to choose self, I have the opportunity to choose service, I have the opportunity to show up at my authentic energy and on my deep dark days, I know I have enough in my toolbox enough tips, tricks tools in order to serve, in order to overcome any darkness that may come into my life and there are days when I need to step back and slow down, but I choose to show up now and that's what being unbroken really means to me.

Michael: Brilliantly said my friend. Thank you so much for being here. Unbroken Nation, thank you for listening.

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