E360: Discovering your super POWER through SELF-LOVE with Ria Mestiza | CPTSD and Mental Health Coach

Michael: Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation. Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode with my friend Ria Mestiza. Ria my friend, what is going on in your world today?

Ria: Good day from Australia, Michael! Not that we actually use that, but thanks for having me, I'm super pumped to be here today.

Michael: Yeah, I'm super excited to be here with you. I love your story and your journey, but for those who do not know, can you tell us a little bit of background and how you got to where you are today?

Ria: I don't think we have enough time, but to round it up really is, I'm a mindset and performance coach is best how I describe myself now only because I tend to take people from where they are or where they want to be in every capacity, you know, much like yourself, Michael. And how I got here is right in the waves of life, you know, it's like when life directs you in certain ways I've learnt to in some capacity, ride it and embrace it and enjoy the journey and all cards lead to where we need to go even when it seems at the time, it's less than ideal. One of the major things that got me into the health industry, specifically was when my father had a heart attack one evening, and I was living in another city and I couldn't drive home, I couldn't fly home and it really made me assess life. And I loved my life there to get me wrong but in the back of my mind, I just thought, you know what, if anything ever happened to my dad, I would never forgive myself if I wasn't around. And I packed my life up there and I moved back to my home state and I just didn't have that drive to be in the corporate world anymore, I didn't wanna be doing the same thing that I was. And I thought, you know, what do I love? And I really have always loved being at healthy, you know, fitness, being strong, sports, all of those sorts of things. And I was like, okay, well, what could I do? And I found myself studying to get my certificate in fitness to become a personal trainer at that stage or a group fitness instructor first because I thought that's what I enjoyed, but I fell in love with personal training and I never looked back. Like I never actually even, you know, did the initial inspiration for changing parts in the first place. When I talk about shit going wrong, it's like my final exam of becoming a personal trainer, it was a practical one and I felt pain like excruciating pain, but you know, you're in the middle of an assessment, so you're like, okay, keep going, push through, push through. And right at the end, once everything was done, I collapsed to the floor and I was just in excruciating pain. And they took me to the hospital and no one could identify what was wrong with me. You know, they're like, oh, you're a fit and healthy young woman. We can't seem to find what's wrong with you, we suspect that you have a hernia, even though they couldn't actually identify where the hernia was. And so, this spiraled me into a learning curve of trying to identify what the hell was going on inside my body and why I was experiencing this, this pain.

And it took months until we discovered that I actually had a PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And I was having ovarian since birth, which it's one of the most painful things you can experience as a well, and actually, I wouldn't say as a woman, but it's is excruciatingly painful and I was having them quite frequently, but I still didn't know why. And so, this went on for months and months, you know, six, eight, maybe even 10 months. I stopped training cuz they told me not to, they said like, look, avoid all this. And so, I did what I was told and thankfully I had people come into my life that stayed me in the right direction, were able to heal and help me find the answers. And then I got to a point where I was okay again. And led me to my first body building comp because a woman who had sort of witnessed me going through all of these obstacles, she said, you know, Ria, you always wanted to compete in a body building show. I said, yeah. I said, but I've had all this shit but wrong and she said, well, what's holding you back now and I was like, you're right, nothing. And I literally started my prep, like the very next day. And three months later, I was in the best shape of my life honestly, it was the epitome of how I dreamed I would look like, you know, from being a young girl and 12 years old, and seeing, you know, these beautiful women on the front of a magazine covers and I was like, I wanna look like that one day. And there I was I'd achieved it, you know, one week out from my first show and I had another ovarian cyst burst and I was like, oh, my goodness. And people were like, oh, that’s so sucks real, like surely, you know? Oh, you know, there'll be another show, there'll be another time. And I was like, no, no way like I've been prepping for this like my head was totally in the game for this. And I was like, there's nothing stopping me from getting up on that stage. And this as much pain as I was in, I was backstage and they called my name out, popped my heels on and like these hooker heels, really high heels, smiled, 12 did all the things that I needed to do. And as soon as I was backstage, I kicked those heels off and limped back to a chair to reside. So, I had a very successful season, you know, I got seconds and thirds that season and it was quite the accomplishment to, you know, overcome such a long, long, long time, you know, 12 months it was probably the worst year of my life, to be honest, you know, and you have other things going on as well. So, I hope that answered your question, long winded answer to your question, Michael, but yeah, that's sort of the start of the journey.

Michael: Yeah, that's really intense. And that's why I wanted you to kind of open with that because I think one of the things that frequently happen in life is that life happens, you know, and it's really easy in those moments of whether it's pain or setbacks or whatever it is to just stop, to give up, to not keep going towards that thing. You know, I think about life in the aspect or in the framework of that, we're gonna die one day. Like I I've come to terms with this and in that I often think about the reality that the only way to fully live is to not die with regrets. And sometimes that means pushing yourself in times that you need to, and other times it means taking care of yourself in times that you need to. One of the things that I know you really talk about is how to summon your powers when shit does get hard, because ultimately that's gonna happen like that is the human experience things are going to get hard. How do you do that? How does one tap into their inner strength to be able to persevere?

Ria: That's a very good question because it's something that I've learn that has come to me from my father, you know, like he's given me this ability to be resilient. And it is from his example that I was able to hone that within myself and yeah, it's because my parents, both of them have gone through a lot of shit in their life. And so, I never take that for granted. I never take how lucky I am to have grown up in a country that you know, I had so many things that they opportunities that they never had and partially that's the other thing, too gratitude, you know, it's like, okay, what does it seem to be that I'm good at or that comes naturally to me, that's harder for others? And you know, and that's kind of step one in determining what are your strengths? Because when I work with people, most people don't actually know what their strengths are or you know, we take these things to granted because they come so naturally to us. But I think it's a process of learning to identify what is actually of value to not only your life, but to those around you when she gets tough and you are able to take a leading role or offer the support that you need in whatever capacity it's identifying really just, yeah, what are your strengths? I think a lot of people really lack knowing that.

Michael: And when they don't, because I agree with that. I don't think most people have been able to figure out what their strengths are. How do you do that? Right. How do you figure out what those are? So, you do have a leverage point.

Ria: I think that a lot of the time and what I've noticed for myself, particularly, it's the things that the people closest to tell you, you do best. And then we normally sort of, oh yeah, okay. No worries. You know, but at the same time, it's taking note of that, you know, starting to even note it down, it's like, oh, so said that, I'm very good at doing X and it is sort of part of knowing what like as an entrepreneur as well, it's like what value? Like if you're a small business owner, like what career am I gonna follow? All of these things, are what help you go? Okay. I'm very empathetic. Right? For example, my mother and I share a trait that when we get emotional or something is emotional, we tend to cry and we both hated it. And recently I'd had this conversation with her and I said, she goes, oh, I hate that I cry when things get sad or emotional, like it's so annoying, you know, I call it leaking. And I said, mom, you know what, it is one of your strengths because, and I take it as one of my strengths as well, because it shows how real and authentic, we actually are. Like, you literally can't hide it, like tears come rolling out. And that just shows how real and how authentic a person you are.

Michael: Yeah. And there's, self-awareness in that. Right? And I think about that quite frequently, where that becomes the predicating factor in so many parts of our journey as like getting to this place in your life, where you understand who you are at depth, because I think it's really easy, especially to get confused. You know, look at this, the opportunity that you had to pack up your life to change where you were, ultimately change your mind and go back to your home. Like, that's something that people think about, right? What I wanna get into is what is it that has allowed you the ability to make choices and decisions like that?

Ria: I think that ultimately, I've had this ability to follow my heart and listen to my intuition, it’s like you said, self-awareness and learning to hear your inner voice and honoring that, like I said, with my father, it was okay, we spoke about regrets, like, okay, if I don't move back and anything happens to my dad, I'll never regret myself. And so, forgive myself, so, I packed my life up and went, you know, I'm just gonna figure it out. And I don't know exactly where I got that from, but a lot of successful people, as you know, you know, we have similar mentors and it's like, they say the similar thing it's make a decision and figure it out, and that's part of the beautiful challenge of life. It's like, we can't prepare and plan for everything, it’s things are just gonna hit us and it's your ability to bounce back and make a decision honor it, you know, no matter what, because at the end of the day, like if you make a decision and it doesn't turn out to be that well, you're never gonna know if the other one was better, it's just accept the process. Accept. Just learn to honor that.

Michael: Yeah. And in that, I think one of the more difficult things is there's no pathway in front of you. Like as much as you would love to be able to have every single thing planned out, step by step, then I think you can agree with this like it's just not there. And so, in that, like, is there a measure of this in which you create a north star or a direction that you want to head, like, how do you figure out how to step into this in a way that's going to help you trust your gut, trust your intuition? How do you know if you're on the right track?

Ria:  Good question. Because I think, and I preach this, you know, I think, especially with my clients, that it's very important to know where your north star is and what it is exactly. You know, your why, as they say it's what do you want and why do you want it? And knowing that is the destination that you want to get to and it's knowing that gonna go wrong along the way. And just to take it with a grain of salt, like just pivot, move dodge, dive, you know, redirect, go off path, like, as long as all roads lead to that north star, and staying focused, you know, a lot of people will say like, oh, how do you stay motivated? How do you stay focus? And I know you're an advocate of this as well, and it's writing your goals down every day, it's that daily reminder of why I'm doing this and how I'm going feel once I get there, you know? And it's even to that point where you and I have talked about, like, when we die, we don't want to be feeling regret that we weren't the best version of ourself. And I was literally just saying this conversation with a client of mine is when I die, I wanna make sure that I achieve the best version of myself there, like that I get to, you know, high five, the rear on the other side and be like, we did it girl.

Michael: Yeah. And that to me feels like optimal. Right. But I know that people face this tremendous amount of fear in, I mean, even just hearing this, they're like, I don't know how to set goals. I don't know what to do. I don't really have a starting point. How do you get into just setting goals and creating? I guess I would call it momentum. How do you start this process to move forward? Especially if you're in this place where you don't know where to begin?

Ria: So, it's again, identifying the end goal. All right. What is it that you wanna achieve? And then we reverse engineer it from that and work out the steps, work out the little destinations along the way, it's like, if you GPS to a destination you wanna get to, and then all of these other little destinations pop up along the way, and you might think, oh, I just wanna go straight to that destination, that's the ideal. But then along the way, you know, you get detoured over here and actually that looks pretty good, I'll enjoy the view from here for a little bit, and I'll take some time and the journey is actually probably, it is the best part in achieving that destination. And when you know that or embrace that not everything is going to go according to plan. You know, I was an event manager in my previous corporate life, and if one thing I knew is that nothing ever goes according to plan. So, even though you can set the north star, you can set your wire, okay, this is where I wanna go. This is how I'm gonna get there. These are the steps that I need to take. These are the contacts I need to make. These are the skills that I need to acquire. Knowing all of that is fantastic and really that does give you the depth of knowledge to set to say, by apply all these things, there is no way I can't reach that goal technically. But also, the daily reminders, the daily action, you know, making sure that you look at your week, you know, I like to sit my week from Sunday, I have a reassess where I'm at and how I feel about where I'm at on the whole scope of things, you know, not just professionally, but personally with my family and everything like we are a whole being, and so, we can't just look at one aspect. And so, when we look at all the aspects and constantly reassess reaffirm, make sure, this is the direction that I wanna go even though it may seem redundant to a point that, okay, I seem to just be writing the same things down, but that reiteration is that reminder that fuel and that desire to keep you going. So, I think that's probably one of the most important parts, as well as really honing in on who you are as a person and learning to love who you are in the moment. You know, a lot of things that people come to me about is they're like, I don't like who I am, I want to be this person, or I want to be here. And this person, like, they almost despise who they are in that moment, and it's heartbreaking because I never see them like that. But helping them bring out the beautiful qualities that they don't even realize are so wonderful and necessary in this world and the impact that they make on others, even though it may not be where they wanna be, but we need to just honor the process. Okay, you are here now, but these are the beautiful things you do now. And then these are the things that you need to do to get to where do you want to be in the near or distant future, but it's breaking that down into steps and just taking action, but understanding that there will be setbacks. But when we look at it, the stairway of success, it's like, yes, it might be going up and then it will crash a bit like the ebb and flows of the heart. But in actuality, the levels are just that little bit higher than next time and then you go up, up, up, and then it may crash down and you be like, oh man, I'm such a failure, but it's like, well, actually you're not, you've learned. And look, you're actually, again, progressively higher than you were the last time. So yeah, they're the primary things there, big, big things. The primary things that I look at when I work with people.

Michael: Yeah. And I agree with that. And I think the only time you're ever actually a failure is when you don't try and that can be a hard pill for people to swallow and hear that. But it's the truth because the difference between success and failure in life is action period. There there's no other way that you're going to get to what you want. Right. And that's whether or not you're trying to be a high performer or a great parent or an awesome business owner, or just in this journey of getting this place of compassion and love. You know, you mentioned something about self-love, and I think it's a conversation that probably has not had enough, you know, because people get in this place where they're trying to build goals, they're trying to be resilient, they're trying to create this life on the other side of whatever that catalyst may be. And yet there's this elephant in the room, if you will about self-love and about the narrative, we have for ourselves. If you're a person who is in this place where you're like, yeah, I hear everything you're saying Ria but like, I don't love myself, I don't know what that means. I don't know how to connect to that. How could they start that process?

Ria: Well, one starting line is there it's start where you are and the most intense way that I've learnt to really look myself in the face, look myself in the eyes and try to connect, and that's looking in the mirror. When the first time you try to connect yourself and you look into your eyes in a mirror it's uncomfortable. And most people just don't wanna do it, you know? And like people say they have their mirror face, you know, they look in the mirror and they're like, move their face to look the way that they wanna look because, you know, they don't think that they're perfect enough or they're not happy with how they look in the mirror so, they've got their mirror face and I don't have a mirror face because I actually like looking into my own eyes, it's very intense. And I had an experience where and I know you've done a lot of work with Tony Robbins too. And for the life of me, I can't pronounce the practice, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say the affirmation of, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. And repeating that in the mirror, it just reduced me to tears. Like I sobbed, and to the point where I smiled and it's like, I've let go of a lot of hurt and pain that I had carried. And I was on the other side of that and it was like, it was freeing, it was just so beautiful and freeing to be in that moment. I really, truly loved myself in that moment. And I do every moment since you know, it's not like I didn't before, but when you truly connect to your soul, there's nothing more powerful.

Michael: Yeah, that's really beautiful. And that was my experience as well. And you know, honestly, I fell into that same exact experience completely by accident. I mean, when I started my journey, you know, 11, almost 12 years ago now it was, I went and looked in the mirror cuz I was challenging myself. I was like, what are you gonna do? Step your fucking life up, do something. But in that moment, this also, this really incredible thing happened where like I stepped into compassion for myself, where I stepped into forgiveness for myself and so many of those things came along with it because you're right, people do have the mirror face and it's like, if you will take, and I wrote about this in my book also, because I think it's so incredibly important. If you take five minutes and you stare at yourself in the eyes, you're gonna learn a lot about who you are. Right. You're gonna come to reality about a lot of things, and that can be incredibly powerful and it's this beautiful catalyst for creating a massive shift in your life. So, I'm right there with you and I implore people listening. I know it even sounds a little hokey and cheesy, right? You're like, what the fuck are these guys talking about? But the truth is like, go and stare in front of that mirror and take this moment and this time and be present with yourself and it will transform your life if you're willing to be honest in that moment. Ria, my friend, this has been an absolute, amazing conversation, before I ask you my last question, can you tell everyone where they can find you?

Ria: Yes, it's been my pleasure. And, I'm easy to find, cause there's only one Ria Mestiza in the world on Instagram I'm @coachriamestiza. And my website is, www.fitsique.com.au and I'd love to connect and hear any feedback people have had from the show.

Michael: Absolutely. And of course, we will put all of the links in the show notes. Ria my friend, my last question for you is what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

Ria: Unbroken to me, Michael is just even though it's broken, but being unbroken just it's empowering; it's empowering because it just demonstrates the ability to be strong despite all of the shit that we go through, to be powerful, strong, and like scars, a beautiful man like you've gone through so much and we all go through so much. Embrace it. Embrace being unbroken and some in your superhuman, man, it's just live your life.

Michael: Powerfully said my friend.

Unbroken Nation. Thank you so much for listening.

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