E376: Julie Bruns - How You Achieve LASTING Change By Rewiring Your BELIEFS

Michael: Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation. Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode with my guest, Julie Bruns, who's the author of peace, possibilities and perspective. Julie, my friend, how are you today?

Julie: Good, Michael. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.

Michael: Yeah, same. It's gonna be a great conversation. So, for those who don't know, you tell us a little bit about your background and how you got to where you are today.

Julie: Sure. I talk about this in my book, but I'm one of 11 children. I have seven sisters and three brothers, all from the same parents grew up in a like lower middle-class family. And I wrote this book last year because I didn't have people around me. So obviously I don't know about, you knoe, I grew up in a big family. There isn't a lot of time for guidance and support and inside and all those cool conversations that you have as you get older, trying to shape you.

So, I was always looking for my own resources and always looking for people to give me what I needed and ask questions to with, and have conversations with. And this book I wrote because in my journey, I decided I wanted to, I was gonna go to college and I did that and I paid for college on my own and I got done with college and I was like, I don't wanna be in marketing, I wanna be a teacher. And I was like, wait, I don't wanna teach in schools, I think I wanna teach in business. So, like little by little, my journey was, I know I wanna help people and teach, but in what way, and I finally found my way in training and development 20 years experiencing that career. And this book that I wrote a couple well last year was because I want people to have some of the tools that I didn't have in their high school and early twenties. And as you know, you look back in your journey, like any other person says, oh, I wish I needed this sooner or I've been using this all along and I didn't realize that. So, I've taken all of those tools I've been using along the way and put them in my book, but also there's some new stuff that I implement in the last four or five years like a mindfulness practice and a gratitude practice. And I wanted to write about them and how they've helped me because no matter where you are on your journey, whether you're exactly in the spot you wanna be, or you're you think your year out or a month out, or you hate your job, whatever it is, there's ways to remain peaceful happening content, no matter where you are. And that's why I wrote the book, and that's why I have my podcast too.

Michael: Yeah. And the first thing that comes to my mind, and this is just me being a contrarian in this. Well, how do you do that when the world's always on fire?

Julie: Do you want me to answer that?

Michael: I sure do.

Julie: I don't watch the world on fire. I go in and I have conversations with people like you, that love what they do and are trying to make the world a better place. I am constantly looking for ways to prove that life is good and life might be hard, but it still can be good and we can be grateful for things we have, even if we don't have everything we want. I don't watch the news. I haven't watched the news since 2016 or 2017. So, when people tell me, did you see this? No, I didn't. Don't tell me about it unless it's something that's that I need to know, ‘cause I'm gonna travel, I can't go to this place or whatever. I don't wanna know about it because all of a sudden, now these negative stuffs in my head then I start to get bummed about it, then I start to say, well, what can I do about it? And then I start to say, well, life is hard and this suck. That doesn't get me where I wanna go, that doesn't make me more positive, that doesn't make me wanna run out and help people that makes me feel like not hopeful. So, I'm not denying anything that's happening, I give to charities, I support people that are doing great work out there, but I don't let all that negative stuff seep in every day. I look for the positives and I'm constantly filling my mind with all of the good ways to make an impact and to support people while the world's on fire anyways.

Michael: Why does that matter to you? Here's why I asked that question because for myself, I look at the world and same as you, if you asked me what was happening in the world right now, I'd be like, I have no idea. I don't know what's happening in my neighborhood. Right? And that's because we're so bathed with negativity, but why has it been important for you to move away from that?

Julie: Because I don't deny that any human being on the planet is probably empathetic and others there's sociopaths but that aren't, and that's few and far between most people are empathetic, but I'm very sensitive to other people's energy. I can get down quickly on when I see things that are unjust and things that aren't right and things that I can't really necessarily control. And it doesn't get me in the mindset that says, what can I do about it? It gets me in the mindset like this is a really hard life, and this is a hard thing or it doesn't help me to come up with solutions and it doesn't help me to get positive into that space that says, how can I help this cause or these people or whatever, it brings me down and I can't ever come up with a solution in that mind space, so I just don't go there. I just say, here's what I'm gonna offer to the world today. I'm gonna be kind to people I meet. I'm gonna treat everyone equally. I'm going to always smile. I'm gonna remain positive. I'm going to do all those things that I can do myself, that I can control and all the rest of it. I'm not bringing it to my consciousness as much as I can.

Michael: Yeah. I think there's a tremendous amount of power and the willingness to let go of the things you can't control. And I think it's so easy to get caught up in the chaos of the world, cuz it's like right here at your fingertip, you can go, you can get as dark as you want to get on the internet. I promise you. Right? And you said a word a couple of times that is arguably my favorite, and that's solutions. And I want to talk about that and go in that because I do believe, and again, it's not to be jaded and it's not to even play devil's advocate, it's just fact, having coached thousands of people around the world. I know people are stuck in negativity, they're stuck in camp, there's no way this was possible, and there's flat out like stuck. Talk about the role of solutions and what that really means.

Julie: So, in my head solutions is figuring out what's possible to change the scenario. So, whether that is you personally, or a cause you believe in or something you wanna achieve. Solutions, say there's something that can be resolved in a way, I might not know it right now but where can I go in my mind or out there with resources that helps me to figure out that there's a solution. I don't know if you're Marie Forleo follower but she wrote a book last year, a couple years ago called, “Everything is Figureoutable” and it's basically like there's a solution to every single problem. It might not be easy. It might be expensive. It might mean you need to change something big in your life. But the bottom line is there is a solution. And if you're only thinking black or white either, or it's this, or it's that it's almost never just two things, there's usually a third and a fourth and a death. But if you go to the negative space and you think about all the ways it could go wrong or how you're not gonna work, you're never gonna up with the solution.

So instead of thinking, I don't know what the solution is, think what else is possible, what could be possible. And I've just always been someone, even when at a young age, I was like, with someone told me I couldn't do something. I would say to myself, not to them, I'm gonna go see if it's possible like I'm gonna go read a book. I'm gonna go ask someone. I'm gonna go to the library. I'm gonna go ask a teacher, whatever it is, just because this one person tells me it's not possible, doesn't mean it's not possible. I'm gonna go find out for myself what the solution might be. So, I've been that way since I was probably, I would say 15, 16 years old, and now I'm over 50 and that's how I run my life, that's how I face the world, that's how I teach my kids to face the world. It's like, if you really believe that something can be solved, it can, and there's a solution. So, if you walk over there and ask person A and they don't have it for you go to person B, go to person C, go to person D and keep going, or go in and figure it out on your own but there is a solution. It's not necessarily easy.

Michael: Yeah. I mean, when is it ever easy. I don't remember anything ever being easy. And you know, I think that so much of it is you've gotta have this willingness to keep going forward. It's so much about this idea and the way that I look at it through the scope of my life is I've been told no, so many freaking times, does that have to do with anything? Right. I'm like, what do you have to do to actually get to where you want to go? And I fear that all too often, people just give up way too soon. The thing is, you know, I think about this a lot, you know, you look at like the title of your book, peace, possibilities and perspective. Do you think that people are coming into this with like the wrong perspective of outcome?

Julie: I think it's hard to have perspective when you're in the middle of a problem and it's hard to see that this problem might be one day long. It might be a month long. It might be a yearlong, but in the big scheme of things, this problem might seem really big but in the big scheme of things, it's probably not, unless it's like something like cancer in a death sentence. And even I argue that is not necessarily a black and white, a cut and dry, you know, go to someone else with another opinion, go to a different kind of therapy, there's always something else. But so often I think your question was people don't have the perspective because they get news or they hear something or they have a no, and they're like, okay, I guess that's it. So, the first time they hear it from, and even if this person is educated, I'm not saying they're necessarily wrong, but that doesn't mean that's only one person's opinion. What do you believe? What do you wanna see happen? You know, you mentioned it, we have a ton of power. And I think when we go in and get one person's perspective, I think the problem with that is, it becomes easier to say, well, yeah, I was thinking it wasn't gonna be solvable or I wasn't gonna find a solution and I was just proved, right? And that's easier because even though you might be somewhere where you're uncomfortable and you wanna make a change, it's still more comfortable than making that change to see what else is possible, so, I think people give up too soon because it's comfortable, even though they might say, I don't like my life, I don't like my situation, I don't like my job. Giving up easier, giving up quickly is easier than continuing to be persistent because that takes a lot of effort that, and that takes a lot of positivity and not everyone has that, and people don't know where to find that necessarily.

Michael: Yeah. And I think it's easy to get trapped in that too. And what I'm thinking as you're going through this is the word resiliency keeps coming to mind. Talk about that, where does resiliency play a role in this?

Julie: Yeah, so that's why I wrote a chapter about resilience in my book. And I talk about I can't give you Michael resilience and you can't give me resilience. You can build resilience. Some people are born with more resilience than others, some people just have a different outlook and that goes back to neuroscience and genetics and all kinds of things, environment, everything that turns us into who we are as human beings.  But resilience is the ability to kind of keep getting back up with a no, with one no, or 10 no's or 500 no's. There the ability to say, you know what? That might still be a no, but I'm not gonna quit until I get the yes.

Jack Canfield, all those chicken soup with the little books. I don't know if you know them or read them, but read them years ago. And he was told no by a hundred and I think it's 137 publishers. And someone asked him one day, you know, well, why didn't you quit? At like 1 12 or 57 or 82 would know, like, why don't you just stop? And you couldn't get your book published? He said, because I didn't get the, yes, I wanted, he kept going and going and going and trying different things to get his book published and finally, someone on a plane after a conference, read his book on the way home and said, yes, we'll publish it. And that was number 1 38, but he had stopped anywhere before then; that series, I think like the best-selling series of all time or something like that. But the whole point is when someone asked them, why didn't you quit? I didn't have what I wanted yet. I didn't have what I wanted yet. So, if you quit, you're never gonna get what you want. If you keep going, it might take you longer, you might have to keep hearing those, like you were saying a million times and it doesn't feel good, but doesn't mean you're still not gonna get it. You're definitely not gonna get it a way.

Michael: Yeah, for sure you're not. And you mentioned building resiliency, like, what is that process? How do you do that?

Julie: So, I said, you build resilience by not being around people that are negative. You keep looking for other solutions. So, you're told no for a job, well, then you're gonna go to someone else that might tell you, yes. You are told no for a raise or promotion, then you're gonna ask what you can do to have it next time. You keep going to someone else or something else to find your solution or to find the thing you want. And you don't take basically you're taking no for an answer, because that might be the answer, but that's not the answer forever. And building resilience is continuing to go back to the things that you know are true or whatever you're really fighting for and looking for and saying, I'm not giving up, I'm gonna find another resource that's gonna help me. So, it's asking more questions, building resilience. It's going to different resources, it's talking to new people that will be able to support you, it's looking for anything and that's going to help you get where you wanna go. And I don't mean this in a selfish way, like what can you do for me? It's just, here's what I'm look looking for? Is there anyone that has any guidance or insight for me? Hey, I'm wondering if. That's what happened when I published my book, I had it almost fully written and I needed a publisher and I needed a book cover and I didn't even know what I needed because I'd never done it before, but I sent an email to like, I think 20 people in the business world that I would support me and I supported them. And I just said, you guys, I need these five things, do you guys know anyone that can help me with these? I'm willing to pay for them, I'm willing to do the work, I know what I need, but I can't go to one person for this. I know there's probably three or four different things. And all these people started replying to me and saying, I can help you with this, hey, check out this resource. Hey, there's a book on this. Hey, I know this person that does this. And all of a sudden, I had all my answers, I didn't have them all here, I didn't know them, I was smart enough to know that I couldn't do that on my own. So, I asked people that supported me in my network, how I can make it happen.

And if all of them came back with zero, I would've asked 20 other people. So, the whole point is building resilience, so ask 20 people that can help you and if you get 20 no's there's 10 more or five more or two more or 50 more people you can ask. Don't stop asking because just cuz you don't have what you want doesn't mean it's not possible, which is why that's in my title of my book, the possibilities part, that's the most important part it is possible.

Michael: Yeah. How do you step into possibility? Because I think that people as they go through, this gets disillusioned, right? You hit no three times, eight times, 30 times over the course of four years, right? Five years even like, I feel like people get so jaded by that. How do you continue to stay positive and in this place to seek possibility?

Julie: So, I think one of the ways is I'm gonna go back to Marine because I learned this from her a couple years ago. If you have a dream in your heart and other people have talked about this before. If you have the vision or the dream or the idea it's because you're supposed to pursue it. It's a very simple concept, I wish I would've learned this when I was in my twenties. If you have the idea, the dream or the goal in your mind, you are supposed to pursue it, that right there opens your mind up to possibility. Like I just had an idea, I guess this means I'm supposed to go ask someone about it or read about it, or do whatever I need to do about something about it and right there, that's your possibility. And if you're wondering what else is possible, it goes kind of goes back to the resilience peace, which is I'd like to do this, whether it's new job, travel, find a soulmate, whatever you wanna do, it's possible. And the reason, you know, it's possible because other people are doing it. And if you don't see anyone else doing it still doesn't mean it's not possible, it just means no one else has done it yet. So, look for examples of possibility, ask yourself what else could be possible and look for other resources. But also, it just went outta my mind, the possibility I had a good point. Almost anything that you can think of in your mind is possible. I know people will say like, okay, well I wanna be like Michael Jordan, but I'm 50 years old and I wanna go in the NBA and I can, and whatever it's like, no, no, probably not, that's probably a good example of you not being able to do what you wanna do, but that doesn't mean you can't go work for a basketball team. You can't go support a basketball team; you can't go volunteer for someone that else that does something with basketball. You can go to school to learn how to talk about basketball and be it broadcaster like there's all these other avenues. And then ask yourself, like, okay, if I can't have that thing, what do I really want? Like when I get that thing, what's the feeling I wanna have? And if the feeling I wanna have is I love talking about basketball and playing it and being around people. Well, don't not only need to be a player to do that, there's a lot of other ways to do that and stay involved in basketball. So, it's like when I think of possibilities, it's like, what am I trying to achieve? And why am I trying to achieve it? And just because you have the idea and you get a no doesn't mean it can't happen and your idea might just need to be tweaked a little because something else is possible for it. Does that help?

Michael: Yeah, absolutely. And I think about this journey all the time of like, chances are because there's freaking 8 billion people on planet earth that somebody has done the thing that you want to do. And honestly, you know, it's funny, cuz I remember you've mentioned Marie Forleo a couple of times. I connected with her years ago and then I was in London actually when her last book came out and I was on the train and reading it. And I was just thinking to, you know, it's crazy how different your life can be when you choose to show up for it. And I think a lot of that comes from like the execution against these dreams, but I worry that people will hear this and that people can be overly optimistic and overly positive and be very much in this manifested mode, but not be taken action. Right. Where is that parlay between like manifestation and action and actually bringing these things to fruition?

Julie: Yeah. So actually, have a chapter about manifesting in my book too. It's the last chapter in my book because I believe that you manifest what you desire and if you can't manifest the thing you desire, it's because you're blocking it in some way that like you think you wanna, it's not happening because there's something you're doing to block it, it's not something someone else is doing,it might look like that, but it's something someone else is doing, but you're right. If you can't just say I would like a brand-new car to come to me, you know, as a gift or whatever and like, I'm just gonna sit back and just think about that all day long. Now, first of all, you can think about it and that will be helpful, how it's gonna make you feel and what it looks like, and imagine all the details about it. But if you just sit back and take absolutely no action and you don't start researching the car, you don't start looking at pictures of it, you don't start talking about people about how much you wanted and how excited you're gonna be when you get it someday. You're not building any momentum. You're not creating all of the good energy that goes through and around that desire to have this new car or whatever.

I'm just using that as an example, it could be anything. But the whole point is if you just sit back and do nothing and only think about it, having it happen to you is a lot less likely than if you do all those other things I just mentioned, which is creating it. So, it's been in it. I don't know how much you know, about the whole manifest thing. If you read a lot about it, I do, but it's all about creating the feeling inside of you. And when you have that, when you change the vibration and you change the feeling inside of you about having it be yours, that's what ends up drawing it to you quicker. But if you are only thinking about the lack of it, that's when you keep pushing it away. Like I don't have that car yet. And I talked to you Michael, about this new car, I really want this new car, but I don't have it yet and I love it to be a gift. And I don't know anyone who has that kind of money. Well, all of those things I just said to you are not going to bring that car to me sooner, but if I say to you. I really have my eye on this beautiful car. I can't wait to get it someday. I have a feeling I'm gonna get like win a prize or something. I don't know. I just, and then we start talking about how excited it could be that I have it. It's positive, it stop, it's fun, it changes the way you feel, it makes you excited and then it makes you wanna go do the things that might make it possible. But if you're only talking about all the negative things manifesting, is it doesn't happen, that's not how it works.

Michael: Yeah. And I've been able to do some unbelievable things in my life, through that process. I use the word visualization more than manifesting, and putting myself in that scenario and playing it through 8 million times and then like it comes to pass and I'm like, I knew that was gonna happen, I already saw it coming. But it's not as simple as just thinking about it. Right. You do have to like put yourself in that you have to go through, you have to create massive action. And honestly you gotta be patient too, cuz it's probably gonna take you a lot longer to get that thing than you even can imagine. And I've got some of the goals that I've had in my life and it's just been like, man, this took seven years, it literally took seven years. And it's like, well, how bad do you want it? And I believe that most people quit early because they actually don't want it. They think that they want it, they think that they want the nice car, the big house, all the clothes and then you're like, that's not actually the thing. How do people get clarity about what they actually want in life?

Julie: I think the best way to do that is to ask yourself, like, imagine yourself with the thing you want and how you feel about that. It just really takes being introspective, it takes quiet and calm and it gets easier when you are meditating, you have some sort of practice that can calm your mind down, but it really is like asking yourself these questions. I don't know if you've ever done this thing called super thinking. It's cool tool that I found a couple years ago. I was listening to a podcast, I forget who came up with the idea, but it's called super thinking, and it's you sitting down and writing all the questions you have about your life whether it's your business or whatever it is, your family, you wanna move somewhere, anything it is, you know, like you have a job and you want all these things in your job, but why do you want them. Writing all the questions you have down and then asking yourself what the answers are. so, you know, so often, like we go to other people for all these questions, but we really know. And you know this because you talk to people and you ask a question like, well, I was thinking this like, yeah, you're right. I was thinking that too, that happens all the time because you kind of already knew it, you were just going to look for someone else for affirmation, or maybe you wanted someone to tell you, you could do it cause you really don't wanna put the effort in whatever it is. But this exercise, it's sitting down for an hour and if you can't do this for an hour, initially do it for a couple of minutes. But I did this a couple summers ago and I just sat down, it's really hard to do because you can't have your phone on, you can't have your laptop open. You just have a piece of paper and a pen and you sit there and put your timer on for one hour. It's really hard to do because like 10 or 15 minutes in you just, you wanna like grab a book or grab your phone or look something up it's really hard to do, but you just keep writing down all the questions you have about your life and then you answer them, just whatever's coming to your mind and sometimes you skip over, you don't have anything in your head and then you go to the next one and then you go back to the other ones you couldn't answer. I had six pages of this when I was done after an hour, all these questions and I already knew some of the things I was already thinking about them and if I did, I wrote 'em down right away. And if not, I'd skip over and go back to 'em and I had these six pages didn't just have questions, every question had an answer that came from me because I gave myself the time to think about it. So, in my head, it's sitting back, whether you're meditating in the morning, or you do this exercise, I just recommended you have to go in and say, why do I really want this? What do I really want? Or if I say I really want it and I don't have it yet why? Why is that? Is it because I don't wanna do the work? Is it because I'm actually really more comfortable than I thought? And I thought I should want it, but I don't. I talk about curiosity in my book too, because it's all about asking questions and asking questions is underrated, I think if you can do it in so many areas of your life to get what you want, to get the answers. And if you do it introspectively to yourself, you'd be surprised how knowledgeable you are about what you really want and what you need.

Michael: Yeah. And I mean, that's part of the reason why I journal every single day and it's not even necessarily just goals, it's just where I'm at, what do I want, what do I want to create, cuz I think that comes with massive clarity. I'm really curious the thought came in, as you were speaking about this. What did you learn about yourself in that process?

Julie: I learned how smart I was, cuz every question I had been all of the questions I was wanting answers to, I had been thinking about and ruminating about for months, but sitting down and having that, like you said that the time to have the clarity and just be like going in and asking myself. Number one, it made me realize how smart I am. Number two, it made me realize I don't have to go to other people for the answers, I go to other people to bounce ideas and to get a little bit more clarity sometimes cause I'm thinking this am I crazy or whatever. I already know the answer, I'm not, I just wanna find someone who agrees with me or I just wanna find someone who disagrees with me so I can prove my point to them in a different way. I do a lot less of that now asking other people what they think of the things I want, because it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because you're the one who has to live with it. If you ask someone else what you should do and they're like, it would be easy if you did this well, that person doesn't have to live with your circumstances in your life, in your apartment, whoever you're living with and in that apartment, no one else has to live with any of the decisions that you make, except for you or the people that are in your house or whatever. My point is, you have a lot more power than you realize you're a lot smarter than you realize, it's great to get input from other people, it's great to read and learn and look at other resources and learn about the world, of course but when you're trying to figure out what your life's gonna be and the life you wanna create you gotta go in here, that's the only place that you're gonna find the answers.

Michael: Yeah, very true. And I found it in my own life. I do not ask people's opinions about what I should do ever. And that has played such an important role because I think unfortunately, especially when we're formative years and we're in our twenties and our thirties, like we're always reaching for people, hey, should I do this? Hey, should I do that? What do you think? I believe one of the most dangerous questions you could ask someone is what do you think about this? And that's because you now have added variables that actually don't matter, like, you know, your opinions as much as I love and to value all the people in my life, their opinion doesn't actually hold a lot of weight because the reality is I'm the one who has to act against the idea that I have. And I think, people get to this place where they're like, I'm gonna ask everyone's opinion about this thing I should do. And then you get so convoluted that the answers become so convoluted and so overwhelming that now you sit here, you have a spreadsheet, you have bros and Kai, you have all this stuff and I'm like, just go do the thing. You're not gonna know the outcome, like weighing the pros to cons is so chaotic because you're never gonna discover the outcome. If you're always sitting in, in action, which unfortunately is a form of action. Julie, my friend, this conversation's been incredible before I ask you my last question, can you tell everyone where they can find you?

Julie: Yeah. So, the podcast, the book, the work I do is all on the website is 2possibilityandbeyond.com and they can check out my podcast there it's on app. My podcast is also the Peace and Possibilities Podcast and they can access that on Apple or Spotify or anywhere you can listen to podcasts.

Michael: Brilliant. And of course, we'll put those links in the show notes for the unbroken nation. My last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to unbroken?

Julie: That's a really good question. So, I would say to me, unbroken means I'm complete, I have everything I need to figure out the life I wanna have. I just need to trust that I have it and I just need to take action so that I can feel the more you do that for yourself and the more you can rely on yourself and believe in yourself, the more unbroken you feel, the more whole you feel. 

Michael: Brilliantly said, I love that idea about trust, that's a great thing. Thank you so much for being here.

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