Explore Growth, Success & Purpose to Overcome Childhood Trauma

Uncover Your Greatness and Live Incredibly Full Everyday with Martin Salama

Michael: Happy is an interesting word, because I think it's one of those words that people leverage all the time without really understanding and this has been my experience, that happiness is just like, I can be happy 36 times in one day. You know, and I can be in a bad mood 112 times in one day. And I think people look at their life and they go, man, my life isn't that good ‘cuz I'm not happy all the time. And I'm like, bro, nobody's ever happy all the time. I mean, you look at some people and I do believe you control your state. I do believe you control your emotions. I do believe that you, but like you cannot go through these traumatic experiences and be like, I'm happy about it like, that's just nonsense, right?

Martin: No, it's not possible. And it's so funny because so many people think life coaching is about making people happy all the time. No. I talk about building your emotional strength, that doesn't mean never get mad. It means when you're getting mad, respond instead of react, right? Because I was a reactor. I reacted every time I got mad to the point, there was like a nuclear reactor. I was leaving fallout all over the place. Right? And then I'd have to go back and apologize and usually my apologies were like those, I'm sorry I did that, but you know, this was going on, that was going on, you pushed my button, that's not an apology. I coach around understanding what anger's about, what sad this is about, and work through them. Don't ignore them because that's not gonna help. Don't react because that doesn't help either find that balance. If the right coaching is about understanding all of your emotions and working through them.

Michael: Yeah. And I think, one of the things that I discovered about myself that has helped me tremendously, which people pointed to a lot that I just ignored, was that I was always reacting to things. And then when I would blow up because you know, it's so funny, I look back, take me back 12 years, 15, 20 years ago, man, I was just a completely different person, completely different values, completely different identity. And the most small, minuscule thing would make me want to burn your house down. And then there would come to pass this moment where I'd be like, oh, wait a second. Dude, that was actually really stupid, that thing you said, that thing you did, the way you behaved, the way that you acted. But I would always, my apologies then were very much like, I'm sorry you heard about it, I'm sorry, you are upset about it. And I realized like that's what I was taught, I was taught other people's fault. I was taught that it's always on them it's not on you. You know, blame the world, the government, the president, the school, and I was like, wait a sec. No dude, this is your fault. Your relationship sucks. It's on you. The finances suck. It's on you. Your body's not in great health. It's on you. And that's hard, man. And I'm wondering when you have to face that in yourself what's that journey like for you even today?

Martin: Well, today, because I've conditioned myself and literally, I was like a Pavlov dog when I went through this, you know, I conditioned. I taught myself to change the way and thank God I can say I'm now happily married to someone else for five years. And when she hears stories about the old me, she’s like who was that guy? You're never gonna meet him. He's dead. All right. But so, what happens now is do I never get mad or freak out? No, of course not. There were times that it happens, but instead of it being 90, 95% of the time, it's more like 5% of the time, and in the other 95% when something comes up, I take deep breath. I say, is this affecting me personally? Am I taking it person? Or is it something going on with them that they're projecting onto me? And you know, it's unbelievable how I used to react. And now people look at me like, okay, what's your answer? I go, well, I gotta think it through, you know, they want a snap answer because they want you.

You know, I recently had something where a guy came to me and they were arguing with me, and I just kept calm. Eventually he came down to my level and spoke calmly because I didn't jump up to his level of getting elevated in the conversation. And I looked back and I was like, wow, that's crazy, I gotta do that more. 

Michael: It's funny to me, you know, it's easy to be explosive, right? And people really justify it. I put this rule in my life probably six years ago. And I put this rule in my life and I said, no one's ever allowed to yell at me under any circumstances, and in reciprocation I do not yell at people. Like, it's hard fast, it's a no. The first time I'll be like, yo, we gotta talk about this. Not okay. The second time I'm like out, because I've realized, like we communicate in the same styles that we're taught, that we are exposed to as children that we grow up in. I mean, even our teachers yelled at us. And I know, I come from this age in which the teachers could still hit you and I'm like, wait a second that doesn't benefit anybody. So, if you're spending your life thinking violence and verbal outburst, and that is the way you communicate, like that's a weird way to look at the world because when you look at it now, like to me, the idea of yelling at someone is so asinine because that means you have no idea how to control yourself. And you talked about coaching and anger and I love this topic because man, I can't tell you how many times people have like, you're angry all the time and I'm like, I know I hate the world and I'm like, wait a second, maybe it isn't that. I heard this quote, God, I wish I could remember who said this ‘cuz it was one of the most beautiful things I've probably ever heard in my life, they said, “you have no idea how much violence I had to experience to find this much peace.” And I remember sitting and dude, it just hit me so hard. When you're coaching and you're guiding people through anger, like what is the thing that they don't understand?

Martin: Well, one of the things is, is they don't understand is what you think of me is none of my business. Right? It's like, I don't care what other people are thinking. Don't tell me what you're thinking of me because that means you're trying to get a reaction out of me. And most of the time people will react to it and the people that are doing it, they're gonna rationalize that it's okay, you talked about justified before it's the same thing. I took the word rationalize and now I look at it and I rationalized all my life that everything I was doing was for the greater good, or I was for this reason or that reason, and I broke it down and you have my cards in front of you. One of them talks about the word rationalize that I took it into I've broken into two words, rational lies, and that's how I look at it. It's rational to tell yourself that goes against you against what you believe because you wanna please somebody else or you wanna, that your ego talking or whatever, but it's a lie. So, it's rational that you're saying this lie to yourself so that you can get through whatever it is that you want to get too.

Michael: What part of it is the lie though?

Martin: Well, for example, I'll make it on a simple level. You decide you wanna start exercising almost every day, and then you wake up one day, you go, you know, I'm too tired today, I don't really feel like exercising. So, are you giving up on yourself and saying, ah, I'm gonna let myself do that? Or are you saying, really, I knew need to get up and I know if I'm 10 minutes into it, I'll start enjoying the exercise. So, are you telling yourself a rational lie on a simple level of saying, I don't wanna exercise today. Just admit it, don’t say I don't wanna exercise, don't say I'm too tired.

Michael: Yeah, literally just today I posted stop f**king lying to yourself. You know, ‘cuz there's always something, and someone commented, they were like, why should I do that? And I said, do you want to be successful and love yourself? Because if you're lying to yourself, I don't know how you get there, because I was a great liar, you know, and a lot of that I learned, I literally learned how to be a liar from my mother. Like I just watched her lie her way out of everything or into everything like she was so manipulative and conniving, like those are literally the words I'm using ‘cuz that's what I bore witnessed to. And so, I became this masterful lie, it's unbelievable how good I became at it. The worst part about being great at lying though is you have to lie to yourself first. And when I understood what was happening, like when I was destroying my life, burning it down around me, I was like, let me look at the values I have, like, who am I really? And I realized I had to actually make a decision to choose honesty as my core value, my number one core value.

Martin: Wow, that's huge.

Michael: Dude. It was to this day, it's uncomfortable.

Martin: Yeah. And you know what, when I was a kid, I was a master liar as well, but you know what, most people, they sell so many lies that they forget the different lies that they tell and they end up getting caught up in the lie. But a master liar knows how to tell the exact same lie to everybody so that they can never get caught if they're really good at it. And that was me. I would tell the lie and I would tell everybody the exact same lie. So, I believed it myself after a while, because this way if somebody caught me, they're like, but you said this no, no, I said the same thing every time. I was very good at that.

Michael: Here's what's interesting about that because here's the juxtaposition. There's always a dichotomy in life, always. I believe to some extent you do have to lie to yourself to become who you're capable of being, because you have to have the arrogance of belief. Here's what I mean by that, I'll go into this ‘cuz I think it matters ‘cuz it's this weird, it is a – know thy self. I think you have to be massively cognizant of who you are, right? And I think that's the only way this works and that starts with honesty. I think you have to, maybe convinces a better word than lie, but you have to plant a seed in your own head that you're capable of doing something that fills impossible and believing in yourself beyond any shadow of a doubt that you can do it.

Martin: All Right. I get what you're saying, but I don't know if the word lie is the right one.

Michael: Yeah. And maybe it's not the right word, but to me it's like you have to f**king trick yourself into believe.

Martin: Trick yourself, that's what it is. You know, like hypnotize yourself to do it. You know, trick yourself, say, I can't do this, every time you say I can't, you're telling the truth to yourself and every time you say I can, you're telling the truth to yourself, that was one of the things I go over how often I used to say I can't. And when I'm talking with clients, I tell them, the more you say I can't, the more you get nowhere in life because you're convincing yourself that the world is crap and I can't do anything about it, and I can't do anything about myself. Just change it to how can I and figure it. Oh, I can't afford that car. Okay. How can I afford it? What can I do and what am I willing to get outta my own comfort zone to get what I want? That's the difference. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

How to Equip Yourself with Tools to Ensure School Safety with Daniel Dluzneski

Michael: What can they do to not only be prepared, but hopefully to mitigate some of the stress that comes along with having to be prepared for something they should never have to be prepared for to begin with?

Daniel: Very hard, Michael, because I found out through other podcasts and talking to teachers, and I've got questions from teachers saying look, we agree with you, we wish we could do this kind of drilling and kind of training, but we are not, we don't have the backup of our administration, they will not allow us to do that. We have a certain set of rules that these are what we have to follow, for our lockdowns or active shooters. And my answer would be, look, just you actually talk to the parents because as you know, parents push by hopefully starting to push school policy and getting in front of these school boards and saying, we want our kids to be safe. And there is something to be said of that, because once the school takes over your child, they act like the parent. I mean, there's laws out there that says yes, they're the ones that are there to protect the child once they are dropped off at the school. So, from the teacher perspective, yeah, go ahead, read the book, read up what you can about keeping yourself safe. And that's what I mentioned most of anything, all teachers want to keep their students safe. And I've concentrated been on elementary schools because obviously they're the most vulnerable.

When you get to middle and high schools, you know, a little more mature, they can kind of think for themselves and if you need to, when they do this, I say run, hide, fight. I hate using that because it's a business term, it's not really made for schools but they can use that option. Elementary school teachers and administrators and principals, I mean, they get emotional when they talk about their children and trying to protect these kids.

So, they're the ones that I actually wrote the book for, ‘cause Aldi was an elementary school. And the first thing you have to remember is keep yourself safe. You're not gonna help anybody by first, I gotta think about the kids. I gotta, no, keep yourself safe first then you're gonna be able to save someone else.

So, I mentioned in the book, we all know, and we should know what happens during a lockdown. I ask that all classroom doors be locked during the school day. I've had some pushback against that, but my argument is no, once that door is already locked, that's one less step you have to take when you have to go into a lock down. So, the doors already locked down when you do go into lockdown, there's usually a little window in the door, you'll put something over that window in the door, turn the lights off. You can have the students sit on the floor if you want, in the corner, away from the windows, or you can have 'em at their desk. Put in your head down. I'd rather have them away from the windows on the floor. Silence your cell phone. Keep everybody quiet and calm. You yourself as a teacher will be the calmest in the room. Calm everyone down. Make sure you communicate with your administration and tell them if you have a missing student or if you have an extra student, and you can use that with your email on your phone, just silence the phone. All your computers will be turned off and just you're gonna wait until someone comes and unlocks that door. That's it. It's pretty simple. However, I tell them, there's a step you're gonna forget, that's okay. Use the reference card. It's okay if you forget it. Just make sure the doors already locked, so you're okay. And I said, I tell them, look, you're gonna hear some horrific stuf, you're gonna hear gunfire and, and Michael, you've gone through this. You're gonna hear scream, you're gonna hear people pounding on the door. You're gonna hear some stuff that you wouldn't imagine you would ever hear, just be prepared for that, obviously it's like being struck by lightning. None of this would ever happen. It may never happen in your lifetime. I was a law enforcement officer. I think I pulled my gun maybe twice in my entire career. So, it may never happen but I want you as a teacher, to be confident and to just react the way you're supposed to react just know what you need to do and go into another mode. You're going into protective mode. You're protecting yourself, and you're protecting your students, and that's it. And I ask again to drill as much as possible, it's very hard for schools now. A fire drill takes maybe 20 minutes at most, even at a high school, it doesn't take very long. And fire drills are, you march out there, you wait, and you march back in, it's not much to it. Lockdown drill is much, much different. I mean, we're talking 30, 45 minutes at most, I mean, it may go longer than that for larger schools, but it's a pain in the neck. You're cutting into teaching and you know, you have to wait until they unlock the doors even after they unlock the doors I still ask, wait until the entire school is unlocked, because what happens is a lot of times, you'll unlock a door and you've got you know, maybe 30, 40 more, more doors to go on campus and these kids will start running out into the hallways or whatever. I said, no, let's wait until everybody is on the same page and then we can start teaching again. So, it's a long process, but it's an important process. And I always say, especially in the book, I want you to react basically automatically, like with implicit memory, that as soon as something like that happens, something clicks and you go into a different, I know what to do, the doors already locked. I turn off the lights. I do this, this, this, and that's it. And that's who I asked for more drills, very hard to do. We drill once a month here in Florida for fire drills, and as far as I know, it's still probably once a quarter for lockdown drills. And I think it should be the opposite. I mean, when's the last time we had a fire in a school, Michael, hundreds of years ago where anyone got injure. Most schools now they're built, have to have sprinkler systems and they have to have three-hour doors and walls and it's kind of crazy, but that's just the way the legislature works in most of these states. So, I'd like to see more drilling and more training so it just becomes almost a natural reaction for something like this.

Michael: One of the things I'm wondering here as you're going through this is, I mean, that's a tremendous amount of pressure to be on someone who like, really, like the teachers I know who are incredible human beings, they're like, I just want to help kids like this is my passion, this is a thing. And it's like, now here's this other level of responsibility and like what you said, like I don't remember hearing about a school burning down, ever. Like I literally, I jogged my memory on this ‘cuz I knew you were gonna mention that and I don't recall ever hearing that happening in my lifetime, right? So, we're talking about 40 years, right? But school shootings, there's probably been 40 or I guarantee there's more I'm just, you know, using that as a reference point. And so, what I'm wondering, you know, looking at this and you having your background, your experience, I mean, obviously to me, I go, if somebody from the freaking Secret Service is like, Hey, you might want to try this, my brain goes, yeah, that seems like the logical thing. Obviously, you and I both know that when it comes to school, politics are the game. There is no logic. Let's call it what it is. So, what do we need to do to make sure these teachers and students and faculty are like most prepared? Like in the crux of it? Like what is happening in those first five minutes?

Daniel: First five minutes, what's happening is that shooter got into the building or is attempting to get into the building. I talk a little bit about in the book the preventative measures, and again, Michael, we all know this. If someone is hell bent on getting into that school and creating havoc and killing people, they're gonna get in to do it. What we want to do is we want to have a layered effect to stop them and prevent them and slow them down from getting in. So, you're gonna have all your doors closed during the school day except for one, one entrance only. And where that one entrance is, will be a lobby area that will be locked up, the only way that individual gets in is if they're buzzed in, that's the way it should be. And even if they crash through the doors or anything like that, you're still dealing with a system now, once that happens, the alarm goes out, the police are on their way. Now, fortunately, not all schools, but most of them I hope, have now special resource officers that are there that he will be the first responder, he or she to that incident to slow that shooter down again or stop him, classroom doors are already locked. So, within those five minutes, it is up to you as a teacher to keep your kids calm, to keep yourself calm, to lock down. As far as I know, and I didn't do the researcher actually is a gentleman named Michael Dorn with Safe Havens International, one of the top places for active shooter and other school safety issues. They said that there was one incident where an individual broke through a locked door that came in and took the time to break through a locked door and killed someone. But since all these other shootings, it takes much, much too much time for them because these shooters, they're crazy, but they're not totally insane, they also have a clock ticking in their head, they know when the police are gonna show up. So, they're not gonna take the time to try to break through a locked door or crash through a window. It just takes too much time; they're looking for easy victims again, it takes too much time.

Anyway, back to the point of what you can do in those five minutes, like I said, you go through your steps knowing that there's help on the way they're coming. It may seem like it's an hour before they get there, they're on their way, they're coming, they're gonna help you. So just make sure you do not listen to any announcements, you don't listen to anyone saying it's okay to come out. You don't listen to anyone banging on the door saying, I'm the principal. Let me in. Nothing until someone has the keys, which will be an administrator or a police officer. Don't open that door. Now, in Uvalde they did open some windows that were in the classroom to get the kids out that's a judgment call on something like that if you as a teacher feel that it's a better way to get out outside, away from the building and you can do it safely. Okay. I'm not gonna sit here and say don't do it. You know, if you feel that’s a better option, okay. We talk a little bit about options. What they did down here in Florida, which I disagreed with, is that they added another, there's enough pressure on teachers. I stress lockdown is the only way to go. You think of one thing. Lockdown and that's it. There's also what's called options-based training, and they will train you as a teacher to make the decision. Do I wanna lock down or do I wanna try to get these kids outta here? And what they call run, hide, fight. But you know, for elementary schools, you're fighting anybody and even middle school. So, they'll decide, they'll tell the teacher or they'll make an announcement. There's a school shooter here, he's in the east wing of the building, blah, blah, blah. You know, we're gonna go into lockdown, or you can run out. I hate that because not only now are you confused about what the h*ll's going on, but now you've got 25 maybe more children in your classroom and you're gonna sit there and you're gonna make a decision that, okay, kids, we're gonna go out of this classroom and we're gonna run down that hallway and out that exit over there, out into the woods. Why would you possibly do that? What common sense thing would tell you to do that? Even if I knew the shooter was somewhere else in the campus, I don't know if there's another shooter out there, there may be two. I have no idea. I'm not gonna leave the safety of that classroom and go out into a hallway with 25 small children and try to gather them up when you're hearing screaming, you're hearing shooting, you may see bodies, you may see all kinds of bad stuff, and I mean, you're running, you're not gonna walk. You are just in a panic to get out of that hallway and outside and what's gonna happen. More than likely you're gonna pile up at that exit door and it's just gonna jam up and you're gonna funnel yourself down there and it just creates more chaos. I disagree with it. And especially on the elementary side, middle school, that's an iffy situation, maybe 50/50 high school. Okay, maybe high school, but Parkland down in Marjorie Stoneman Douglas here in Florida, the high school, a big high school with many levels, and I will back up a little bit. At first, it was written that they had never done an active shooter lockdown drill and that was put out to the press. And in fact, there's been a few books written about it. And I said, wait a minute, no, I remember them talking to a couple of teachers that were there and they said, no, we just did a drill last month. And it's true, they had done an active shooter drill in that high school a month prior to this active shooter situation that came in. What happened was they were ready for it, they were ready to go in the lockdown, but they had never trained for the fire drill to go off and the fire drill went off as far as I know, accidentally when was shooting the bullet hit something and the fire alarm went off.

So, now they're like, oh, now what do we do? So, some of the teachers said, we have to evacuate. And they started to evacuate and they got themselves in trouble, obviously by getting shot up, other teachers realized what was going on and went back into the classroom to lockdown and still other teachers thought, no, we're gonna run. Well, what happened was when they heard the shooting, they ran what they thought oh was away from the shooting, it was an echo, they were running towards the shooter. So, there was many mistakes made in that shooting instead of just staying in the lockdown. And of course, that was the first thing that was brought up when I still worked for the county like, Hey, what happens when a fire alarm goes off? Look, if you don't smell smoke, if you just stick your head out in the hallway and go, okay. I don't smell any smoke. I'm hearing gunfire, we're locking down, it only takes you a few seconds. So again, don't listen to fire alarm. Don't listen to any announcements. Don't listen to anybody telling you it's okay to come out. Stay safe. Stay in there until someone comes and gets you with the keys.

The Sultan's Seven Secrets: Transforming Your Life with Jeff Buehner

Michael: How do you actually change that subconscious thought to give you what you need to become who you're capable of being?

Jeff: Okay, so there it is, that's what I was reading that night and realized this is the formula. This is how you do it. You have to change the way you feel about any aspect of your life because the way you feel about that aspect is the way it is and the way it's going to stay because your subconscious mind is all about congruency and it generates all of its beliefs based on your feelings. So, it keeps your life congruent with your predominant feelings about any given thing. So, if you're in a bad relationship, it's because you feel on a deep conscious level that that's what you deserve, that's what it's like, that's how it is. You know, even if you know other people have great relationships, you don't believe on a core level that you deserve one or that you can ever have one. Same with finances, same with a great career, same with someone who believes, Hey, I make 48,000 a year and I've tried for 20 years to make, you know, more than that and maybe it's creeped up a little bit, but I'm not one of those guys that can go out and make 2 million a year. Yes, you are. You're just trapped by a subconscious belief. I'm gonna throw out one other thing here that's a little strange.

Your subconscious mind is connected to all wisdom, all knowledge it is literally connected to God, but it respects and supports the role that you've decided to play. And you're telling your subconscious mind in the way you feel every minute of every day, what that role is, and then it will just support it and make sure that your real physical life touches and is congruent with. I mean, think of it as a stage manager and you're dedicated to a certain role. Well, it's gonna roll out all the trappings, all the furniture, the right car, the right people to support the role that you chose, and you are dedicated to playing.

What if you learn that feelings is how you communicate with your subconscious mind, and you decide, Hey, I'm sick of my role. I'm gonna change drastically how I feel about money, about my health, my weight, my level of energy and excitement for life. I'm gonna change all of that and I'm going to do it by changing the way I feel. Well, you can't look to reality to do it because if you look at your reality, oh my gosh, I have, you know, very money in the bank. I got the stack of bills. You're right back to feeling crappy about your finances, and your subconscious mind is listening and it's gonna keep your life congruent with your crappy feelings about your finances, same with the relationship. You walk in the house, your wife says something nasty to you, you feel bad now so you act on your feelings, you say something back to her, and that relationship is either gonna stay the same or spiral downward until one or both of you changes how you see the relationship and your role in a relationship, which will change the way you feel about relationships. And then that relationship will change, you can't stop it. I feel like I should give maybe an example at this point.

Michael: Yeah, I'm consuming this because I'm in my head, I'm playing out all these moments of massive, massive transition for me. I mean, you know, statistically, literally I should be dead or in jail, that is not me exacerbating, right? That is me looking at the context of my life. Right? And I'm putting myself through the thought process of I know what it, I literally, Jeff knows what it's like to steal food to survive. And I also know what it's like to spend $5,000 on dinner. And that is not the gloat, you'll understand this, but we're gonna lose people right now. Okay. And I understand that, and that's a part of this show ‘cause I don't ever wanna hide truth from people. I believe entirely that the only reason that I've ever been able to do anything that I've been able to do is because I made a cognizant decision to force my subconscious mind to believe that I was capable of doing it. That's it. That's the only way.

Jeff: Once your subconscious mind believes that you're supposed to make a million a year, you will make a million a year. It knows the million-dollar idea already. It won't bring it to you until you dial in your feelings to, I am worthy of and should have a million dollars a year.

Michael: So, that's the thing, right? Because for me, Jeff, this happened honestly in what feels like, maybe it's through a lot of brainwashing, right? And like self-brainwashing but it felt like I just, I became so obsessed with this idea that I could be a different person that I literally burned down the entire old life. I said to myself, I can't go back to that. I'll never smoke again. I'll never do drugs the way I did. I'll never hook up with strangers again. I'll never do. So much of it became this really, really empirical truth of show up, shut up and show up and stop making excuses. And I feel this is what really kills me about doing this, ‘cuz I've interviewed everybody, Jeff, I've interviewed so many people, amazing human beings, and everyone who has had a massive shift in their life says the same thing. But yet you and I know this, and I'm gonna call it what it is ‘cause I will never support this audience in not having the life they're possible of having. And so, I'm gonna say the truth. Most people listening to this are a – think we're full of shit, b – don't think it's for them and c – already stopped listening. And so, for those that are still here with us, what do they actually do? Give us something tactical right now that they need to do to be able to change the subconscious thought, to have the abundance and joy, and love, and hope and compassion, all the things that life can have for them.

Jeff: Okay? Learn to speak the language of the gods, you're already doing it. You are speaking to your subconscious mind in the language of feelings and it's speaking back to you and keeping your life congruent in the language of feelings, that's the communication, that's taking place all the time. So, you could ask yourself right now, how do I feel about finances? How do I feel about my primary relationship or my health? However, when you ask that question, you immediately feel a certain way about your health, your finances, your relationship, and how you feel is what your subconscious mind believes to be true about you and that aspect of life. Now, let's get to how you change it, let's say there's one or two or three aspects that you are not happy with. In my case, the number one was finances, but then there were a whole bunch of others too. And I had to be honest with myself that the way I felt about finances was exactly the way my life was. Now, most people think, well wait a minute the reason you feel the way you do about your finances is ‘cuz reality matches, you know, your finances and that you feel it's exactly the other way around. Yes, it's true. Your reality is gonna match the way you feel, but it starts with the way you feel.

So, in this second parchment, there is something about your superpower.

This is how you change the way you speak to your internal genie and this is your ability to imagine and pretend. This is how you've learned almost everything in life and you are an absolute pro at doing this as a child, but you were taught, literally taught, and in fact, in some cases, scolded and punished if you didn't stop using your superpower by a certain age. And think about going to school and you're staring out the window and you're daydreaming about skiing or riding a horse. And wha, on your desk, there's the teacher's ruler, Jeff, get your head out of the clouds. What do you know? You gotta quit living in a make-believe world and get with the program. All right, so you did. No problem. These are well-meaning people who need you to participate in their program, your parents, teachers, and so you quit dreaming the way you did as a kid. You quit make believing, you quit using your ability to pretend. But I want you to think about something if you're poor right now, let's say you've got very little money in the bank. You've got no cash in the house, you know you're behind on your rent, whatever it is. I want you to ask the question, what would it feel like to have $400,000 cash hidden somewhere in the house or in the yard or under the mattress. What would that feel like? Now, your subconscious mind loves this game and it will immediately give you the feelings associated with, if you pretend with intensity that you've got 400 grand dashed away, it will give you a portion of the feelings associated with that, and they'll match perfectly with if you actually had 400 grand hidden somewhere. Now, here's the crazy part, if you were to dwell on that imaginary scenario with a certain amount of consistency and intensity every day, you're generating the feelings of wealth and your subconscious mind who gave you those feelings in the first place is listening to these new feelings you're experiencing and believing them. And if you do enough of it, it is going to start integrating more events and situations in your life that match wealth and having plenty and the feelings that it makes you experience when you think of having like a big pile of cash or a chest full of cash or a job that makes a million a year, but there's certain games that your subconscious mind won't play.

Affirmations sitting there saying, I'm rich. I am rich, I'm rich. Well, it's not buying that it knows that you're saying that because you know you're poor and you wish you were rich, but you haven't changed your feelings so, it hasn't changed anything. It just knows, Hey, you're poor. You feel poor, and you're saying something, all right. Whatever. Back to the grind. If you learn to control your feelings, this is the language of the gods. This is what is represented by the magic lamp. This is what changes everything for Aladdin.

You can change your life. Now, I told you earlier that I went from being like a $60,000 a year guy to making hundreds of thousands a month. In fact, it got so crazy that I had to use the first of the seven principles, this language of the gods, to tone it down a bit, it got to be too much. I had to slow it down. I was like drinking money out of a fire hose. I had money coming in from everywhere and it started to create a life that I didn't want when I was imagining plenty of money and wealth, all of a sudden, you know, my whole day is spending meetings with the tax attorney and even the sheriff, ‘cuz people are trying to rip you off when you have that kind of money. And I wanted free time and time with my family, and so I tuned it down and got it too exactly what was comfortable and wonderful for me what really fit me.

Navigating the Challenges of Personal Growth and Seeking Help with Chris Sherwin

Michael: There are people who are just terrified to reach out, there are women right now listening or men who are being abused in their home, maybe their children are being hurt, there's all of these different reasons why it would make sense to have police intervention and a lot of it's in these very dangerous situations. Why do you think it is that people do not reach out in those moments, especially of danger and often as you know, too late and how can we give them some tools to feel safer to do so earlier?

Chris: I think it's fear of repercussion. I think obviously the children don't reach out because they're gonna get the shit knocked out of 'em by whoever the abuser is. If they come in and by the time that the police or DCFS get there, they set the stage, they got milk in the fridge, you know, they've covered the bruises with turtlenecks or whatever, you know, they had a chance to set the stage. But when that person in DCFS leaves or the police leave, they're gonna get the snot knock. I think it's fear. The second thing is, I think it's also fear from an adult standpoint that they're afraid to lose friends. And listen, I've done a number of things and just by what you're telling me, by getting out, you know, getting from where you were as a child to where you are now, it took a lot of self-discipline, self-reflect, hard work, dedication. So, for you to go, well, listen, if I lose a friend because I'm gonna report something that I think is an abusive situation or bad, and then so be it. I'll make another friend. I'm the same way. I'm not afraid to lose friends. For stuff that is so important to me and I don't care what it is, whether it's child abuse or my view on, you know, whatever, guns or abortion or whatever. I don't care, I'm not afraid to lose friends. And I think if we get over the fear and realize the outcome can be this child will live another day, this person will not go down the road and kill a school bus of children and I'm willing to lose that, to gain this. I think that's over, you know?

And number two, as far as like are the police gonna kill 'em or whatever. I think you and I could have a whole different show on that. But statistically speaking, people make their own beds and they lie in them. And for anybody to worry about the person who is committing a crime, driving drunk on the road, abusing a child to get over that fear of what could happen to them based on their interaction with the police. You gotta kind of put that aside because the probability of them getting hurt by the police is substantially lower than them hitting somebody and killing them or abusing a child till they die.

Michael: Yeah. And one in five children die in their home today. Like even saying that stat just gave me the chills, man, because it's fucking disgusting. I think about the truth that we can come together and we can create change and we can heal and we can help each other be better human beings.

Chris: As policeman and I think just as a human, as a human race, we should, and I do take an oath to defend people that can't defend themselves. Adults, you know, whomever, but ultimately a child who is extremely defenseless that can't even use words, that is so powerful inside me to make sure that that they are defended and they're able to grow as best they can into the best per pillars of society, it gives me a lot of motivation.

Michael: What about that drives you?

Chris: I think what the thing that drives me the most is I just never did like bullies and I don't care if you know, you're picking on somebody because they don't dress the same way, they can't defend themselves because they come from a poor family, a black family, Hispanic family, I've seen it all, interracial marriages, your shoes are too big, your pants are too short, you don't have the same purse, I've seen it all. And for me, I just don't like bullies, I just don't, ‘cuz everybody is their own individual and should be able to live the way they want to live, that's what drives me.

Michael: Yeah, I agree. Now, was that because you experienced bullying as a child or was it just you just felt like you wanted to stand up for people?

Chris: I don't wanna say bullying ‘cuz I really was never bullied ‘scuz I was a bigger kid and you know, and I played football and stuff. But I guess you could say it was a sense of bullying, but it was more of a mental thing because I didn't want to go to parties. I wanted to work on my business. I wanted to go out and get five more houses to cut grass so I could charge five bucks and pay guys three and make two, or you know, I didn't want to go out and get drunk or whatever. I wanted to work on this and work on myself and so it was more that I wanted to be me, I didn't want to be anybody else. And I think a lot of people took that like I was kind of kinda weird, kind of different especially growing up, like everybody's going to parties and doing whatever they do and I'm like, fuck, I just wanna go home, sleep cause I wanna get up and, you know, work on my business or be an entrepreneur. And I think, so that kind of drove me because, I wanted to be me. I wanna be the part of me or the best product of me I can ‘cuz I get one shot at this. And I think that for me, kind of drove me through high school. And again, if you were to call it bullying, it was like mental bullying, I mean obviously nobody ever beat me up or whatever. But I think that's what kind of gave me my drive to like let people be the be who they are, they get one shot at this and let them do it the way they want.

Michael: Yeah. I think we do have to give each other the space to step into whatever it is that you decide is best for you. So, I grew up a boy scout and I felt, this is weird, you've seen this, but most people probably don't relate. I grew up a boy scout in the hood, it's very strange experience. Right. But it played a really beautiful, important role in my life. I thought I was going to go into military, I destroyed my knee, I couldn't get in. Also, I had graduated with a 1.2 GPA, so they weren't gonna let me in anyway and I didn't have high school diploma. So, my sense of service as a kid was like, all right, well I can't do that so whatever. How do you think people just in the day-to-day can be of more service to their family, their friends, their communities? Because I think most people think to be of service, they have to be a firefighter or a cop or in the public service. But you know, I don't know that I necessarily agree with that. So how can people be of better service just in the day-to-day?

Chris: I just think, I mean, you don't have to be a firefighter or a paramedic or a policeman or whatever to be in service, you just have to be a good person and be able to help people and speak your truth, and speak your story. I mean, I'm not ashamed to tell my parents that I love them dearly, but I didn't want to live check to check and whatever and I go out and I strive to do that, you know, whether it's nephews or nieces or people on the street that are like, well, you know, I may not, or I don't want to, or whatever, just be there for them and be a sounding board. Be a positive role model. Like if this is something you don't want to do, don't do it. If you do want to do it, do it. I'm here for you. I think to be a service, you have to treat people well. Try and bless people if you're blessed. Be there for people and point them in the right direction. You don't have to carry a gun or put out fires. You just gotta be a civilized good human being, that when people need some assistance, you're there for them or offer it for free to whomever.

Michael: Yeah. I totally agree. And you said something about like speaking your truth, like being honest. And I think a lot of people are afraid to do that and it sounds to me like you've had the privilege or luck maybe of being able to step into that from a young age for me, it took, I mean, I'm probably still figuring it out today, right? And I think a lot of people are, but how do you kind of step into that? How do you you actually own and speak your truth? Especially if you know it might upset somebody because dude, I piss people off all the time, so I get it.

Chris: You and me both. I just think that you have to be comfortable with it and you don't get emotional about it and you speak from the heart. I just think that this is me and allow you to have your opinion, but yet we're still civilized human beings that can be friends just with different opinions, but the goal is the same whether you're talking about world peace or you know, maybe going into the community and reducing crime in this community or reducing teen predator, whatever it is, just because you have a different idea of it, and I have a different idea of it, that doesn't mean we don't have the same goal in common, but we can hopefully sit down and you'll be able to give up a little, I'll be able to give up a little meet someplace in the in the middle and solve this. So, for me it's just going, what is your end goal and don't deviate from your true self. And I think if you run into enough people, there are gonna be a majority of the people that actually wanna sit down and talk. But if you give them the avenue not to be afraid and not go, you know, that's reject. I go, okay. I hear what you're saying. I don't agree because of this. I think if you actually sit down and give people the avenue that where they could speak their mind and speak the truth and listen, they don't have to be afraid. I think that's a big part of it. Why should people be afraid? Why should you be afraid to tell me how you feel or how you grew up? Or you know that you're afraid when you get pulled over by the police? Why? Okay, let's talk through it.

There's been times I've been on stops with people that I was out there for 15 minutes on a basic cell phone or whatever, and as soon as the young man said, you know what, I was scared I was gonna get shot. Okay, guess what? Here's the deal, you're not gonna get shot because you don't have a gun, right? No. Do you want to kill me? No. Okay. I was out there for 15 minutes having a discussion with this young man, and by the time we were done, we shook hands, he had my personal cell phone number. Now that young man is gonna go out and talk to 10 other people about, Hey, I understand that why you're scared I get it, there's what you could do and tell your friends to do this, and it'll all go a lot smoother. So, I take 10 minutes outta my day to help to ease somebody's fear. Now guess what? The next policeman he talks to, if he's afraid of something, he'll have a conversation with him.