How Mindset Matters | Mental Health Podcast

Natalie Dawson - How Do You Build Confidence in Yourself

Michael: There are people listening right now, I know who so desperately want to step into what's next for themselves and end their lives but they feel trapped literally by their community. How do you navigate that?

Natalie: You have to just put it aside. You have to start thinking with and I feel so blessed to have chosen to fall in love with and marry somebody who's 25 years older than me, because what it does for me is put into perspective how short life is. And I tell Brandon this all the time, it's not his favorite topic, but like, I only have a finite amount of time with him and knowing that I only have a finite amount of time with him, I want to make the most out of that time. But then I also, it makes me remember like, wait a second, I also have a finite amount of time here. And so, this idea of death and having death around me, not that Brandon's dying eight times in, this is part that Brandon doesn't love so much, but like this idea and this kind of constant, like just thing that's in my life with him and our age difference really does put into that perspective that I don't want to be 85 years old and be stuck around the same people that I was stuck around and to be talking about the same things and to have not really gone after it. And I do believe for anybody who's listening to this right now. A lot of people have those feelings, but you have that moment, you watch a movie that's inspiring or you go listen to a podcast and then you get back into your normal environment and you don't take the action to make the change. And so, I like to think of it in the reverse of like, how do I make this experience so painful for myself? How do I really live in? Oh my God, Natalie, what if you were in Brandon shadow the rest of your life because you never figured out how to publicly speak because you were so embarrassed and insecure. Like imagine being 85-year-old you and feeling this way. And all of a sudden, as soon as I think of 85-year-old, Natalie, I'm like, she is not gonna feel this way. I'm gonna conquer whatever I need to conquer now in order to not have to show up as that person in this lifetime. And death for me is a significant motivator more so than the opportunity, you're like what a glamorous awesome life could look like right now ‘cause that oftentimes doesn't actually force the behavior change.

Michael: That's such a great point. And I've often said, if you can change your relationship with the death and time, you will change the way that you operate in the world because assuredly it's fucking coming, whether you like it or not. And one of my people ask me all the time, what is my fear? I literally only have one fear in my life and that is that I will die with regret and anything shy of that like I'm fucking jumping off the diving board. Now I will say this, it took like rock bottom to be able to get to that place, to even be able to say that. What was your journey being able to step into this mindset, because I'm gonna guess, and I don't wanna put words in your mouth that this is not where you started.

Natalie: No, it's totally not where I started. I was so insecure for so long and in my story, you know, sometimes you look at people and you think, man, they were born like that. I look at my husband or I look at people like Grant Cardone and it's like, they must have come out of the womb and just been able to be charismatic and energetic and I had none of those skill sets. And so, I really felt very introverted being around people like that. And I told myself that story for the longest time, until it really clicked for me. I was sitting at a 10X growth conference back in 2019, and a guy by the name of Pete Vargas, went on stage and was talking about how you need to be able to share your message and your story in order to make an impact. And that message at that point in time, really pivoted my mindset around how selfish I was being by allowing myself to become so introverted that I wasn't able to help other people. And at the time I was more focused on helping other women specifically in age gap relationships, because it's a difficult thing to navigate and not a lot of people talk about the challenges because it does seem like it's something that comes from privilege but really what happens is you get lost in yourself. So, I had worked with Brandon for many years before, and I had this business skill set, but this thing that was really plaguing me was the insecurity around the relationship and this idea of 85-year-old, Natalie, dying on her deathbed, still being introverted and having lived in Brandon shadow for the rest of my life was the real catalyst for me to say, okay, I'm gonna own my story, I'm gonna learn how to communicate with other people, I'm gonna do the things that I need to do to get confident in myself, I'm gonna work out every day, I'm gonna wake up early, I'm gonna read books, I'm gonna become that person. And that catalyst moment happened to be at the exact same time that we met our future business partners, who allowed us to join for forces with them and start connecting with their audience, which also gave me the encouragement being around the same type of like-minded people who are the 10Xers. And their growth and their stories kind of fueled me and propelled me to just continue with it and not give up.

Michael: I think there's so much space in which we make that declaration to ourself. Right. I'm gonna do that thing. I'm gonna show up. I'm gonna wake up early. I'm gonna execute. Was it literally a 180 for you? Because for me it was a struggle. Like I go look at from 26 to 29, these three years of my life were so fucking difficult because it was like one step forward, 8 million steps backwards. I think people often get caught up in this idea of like, oh yeah, they just made a decision and everything was different.

Natalie: I love that you talk about this and ask this. This is such a great question, because I've never been asked this question before. But no, it wasn't one decision where all of a sudden there was this 180, in 2019, I made the decision that I was going to start public speaking, that I was gonna get a speaking coach, that I was gonna go through courses around my story, so the journey really started in 2019 in January of that year, working out three times a week was the original target. And then the real catalyst for me was actually COVID. And I'll never forget when the whole world shut down and I heard Grant Cardone on a webinar, telling people that now is the time to get your discipline in, it is not the time to sit on the couch, it is not the time to drink excessively, it's not the time to just panic and freeze. Now is the time to reinforce and really implement those things so that you have confidence during a time when everybody else is likely lost their confidence. And so going into COVID and quarantine, everything changed for me then I moved from going to bed at like midnight, most nights, waking up a little bit later to I was in bed every single night by 9:30. I worked out every single day. I did Card University trainings every single day. I entirely changed my diet, and one-and-a-half-month span that we were in quarantine in the Pacific Northwest entirely changed the trajectory of the past two years, because it gave me the discipline that I needed. And it was that, that was like to me, the biggest pivot. But now those things are routines and habits that I can't imagine living life without, because I know how strong it made me, but know it was initially this constant battle for about a year and a half of one step forward, maybe not 8 million steps backwards, but maybe like three or four steps backwards and then feeling a lack of confidence in myself.

Julie Bruns - Start Living A Better Life One Step At A Time

Michael: And what I'm thinking as you're going through this is the word resiliency keeps coming to mind. Talk about that, where does resiliency play a role in this?

Julie: Yeah, so that's why I wrote a chapter about resilience in my book. And I talk about I can't give you Michael resilience and you can't give me resilience. You can build resilience. Some people are born with more resilience than others, some people just have a different outlook and that goes back to neuroscience and genetics and all kinds of things, environment, everything that turns us into who we are as human beings.  But resilience is the ability to kind of keep getting back up with a no, with one no, or 10 no's or 500 no's. There the ability to say, you know what? That might still be a no, but I'm not gonna quit until I get the yes.

Jack Canfield, all those chicken soup with the little books. I don't know if you know them or read them, but read them years ago. And he was told no by a hundred and I think it's 137 publishers. And someone asked him one day, you know, well, why didn't you quit? At like 1 12 or 57 or 82 would know, like, why don't you just stop? And you couldn't get your book published? He said, because I didn't get the, yes, I wanted, he kept going and going and going and trying different things to get his book published and finally, someone on a plane after a conference, read his book on the way home and said, yes, we'll publish it. And that was number 1 38, but he had stopped anywhere before then; that series, I think like the best-selling series of all time or something like that. But the whole point is when someone asked them, why didn't you quit? I didn't have what I wanted yet. I didn't have what I wanted yet. So, if you quit, you're never gonna get what you want. If you keep going, it might take you longer, you might have to keep hearing those, like you were saying a million times and it doesn't feel good, but doesn't mean you're still not gonna get it. You're definitely not gonna get it a way.

Michael: Yeah, for sure you're not. And you mentioned building resiliency, like, what is that process? How do you do that?

Julie: So, I said, you build resilience by not being around people that are negative. You keep looking for other solutions. So, you're told no for a job, well, then you're gonna go to someone else that might tell you, yes. You are told no for a raise or promotion, then you're gonna ask what you can do to have it next time. You keep going to someone else or something else to find your solution or to find the thing you want. And you don't take basically you're taking no for an answer, because that might be the answer, but that's not the answer forever. And building resilience is continuing to go back to the things that you know are true or whatever you're really fighting for and looking for and saying, I'm not giving up, I'm gonna find another resource that's gonna help me. So, it's asking more questions, building resilience. It's going to different resources, it's talking to new people that will be able to support you, it's looking for anything and that's going to help you get where you wanna go. And I don't mean this in a selfish way, like what can you do for me? It's just, here's what I'm look looking for? Is there anyone that has any guidance or insight for me? Hey, I'm wondering if. That's what happened when I published my book, I had it almost fully written and I needed a publisher and I needed a book cover and I didn't even know what I needed because I'd never done it before, but I sent an email to like, I think 20 people in the business world that I would support me and I supported them. And I just said, you guys, I need these five things, do you guys know anyone that can help me with these? I'm willing to pay for them, I'm willing to do the work, I know what I need, but I can't go to one person for this. I know there's probably three or four different things. And all these people started replying to me and saying, I can help you with this, hey, check out this resource. Hey, there's a book on this. Hey, I know this person that does this. And all of a sudden, I had all my answers, I didn't have them all here, I didn't know them, I was smart enough to know that I couldn't do that on my own. So, I asked people that supported me in my network, how I can make it happen.

And if all of them came back with zero, I would've asked 20 other people. So, the whole point is building resilience, so ask 20 people that can help you and if you get 20 no's there's 10 more or five more or two more or 50 more people you can ask. Don't stop asking because just cuz you don't have what you want doesn't mean it's not possible, which is why that's in my title of my book, the possibilities part, that's the most important part it is possible.

Michael: Yeah. How do you step into possibility? Because I think that people as they go through, this gets disillusioned, right? You hit no three times, eight times, 30 times over the course of four years, right? Five years even like, I feel like people get so jaded by that. How do you continue to stay positive and in this place to seek possibility?

Julie: So, I think one of the ways is I'm gonna go back to Marine because I learned this from her a couple years ago. If you have a dream in your heart and other people have talked about this before. If you have the vision or the dream or the idea it's because you're supposed to pursue it. It's a very simple concept, I wish I would've learned this when I was in my twenties. If you have the idea, the dream or the goal in your mind, you are supposed to pursue it, that right there opens your mind up to possibility. Like I just had an idea, I guess this means I'm supposed to go ask someone about it or read about it, or do whatever I need to do about something about it and right there, that's your possibility. And if you're wondering what else is possible, it goes kind of goes back to the resilience peace, which is I'd like to do this, whether it's new job, travel, find a soulmate, whatever you wanna do, it's possible. And the reason, you know, it's possible because other people are doing it. And if you don't see anyone else doing it still doesn't mean it's not possible, it just means no one else has done it yet. So, look for examples of possibility, ask yourself what else could be possible and look for other resources. But also, it just went outta my mind, the possibility I had a good point. Almost anything that you can think of in your mind is possible. I know people will say like, okay, well I wanna be like Michael Jordan, but I'm 50 years old and I wanna go in the NBA and I can, and whatever it's like, no, no, probably not, that's probably a good example of you not being able to do what you wanna do, but that doesn't mean you can't go work for a basketball team. You can't go support a basketball team; you can't go volunteer for someone that else that does something with basketball. You can go to school to learn how to talk about basketball and be it broadcaster like there's all these other avenues. And then ask yourself, like, okay, if I can't have that thing, what do I really want? Like when I get that thing, what's the feeling I wanna have? And if the feeling I wanna have is I love talking about basketball and playing it and being around people. Well, don't not only need to be a player to do that, there's a lot of other ways to do that and stay involved in basketball. So, it's like when I think of possibilities, it's like, what am I trying to achieve? And why am I trying to achieve it? And just because you have the idea and you get a no doesn't mean it can't happen and your idea might just need to be tweaked a little because something else is possible for it. Does that help?

Michael: Yeah, absolutely. And I think about this journey all the time of like, chances are because there's freaking 8 billion people on planet earth that somebody has done the thing that you want to do. And honestly, you know, it's funny, cuz I remember you've mentioned Marie Forleo a couple of times. I connected with her years ago and then I was in London actually when her last book came out and I was on the train and reading it. And I was just thinking to, you know, it's crazy how different your life can be when you choose to show up for it. And I think a lot of that comes from like the execution against these dreams, but I worry that people will hear this and that people can be overly optimistic and overly positive and be very much in this manifested mode, but not be taken action. Right. Where is that parlay between like manifestation and action and actually bringing these things to fruition?

Julie: Yeah. So actually, have a chapter about manifesting in my book too. It's the last chapter in my book because I believe that you manifest what you desire and if you can't manifest the thing you desire, it's because you're blocking it in some way that like you think you wanna, it's not happening because there's something you're doing to block it, it's not something someone else is doing,it might look like that, but it's something someone else is doing, but you're right. If you can't just say I would like a brand-new car to come to me, you know, as a gift or whatever and like, I'm just gonna sit back and just think about that all day long. Now, first of all, you can think about it and that will be helpful, how it's gonna make you feel and what it looks like, and imagine all the details about it. But if you just sit back and take absolutely no action and you don't start researching the car, you don't start looking at pictures of it, you don't start talking about people about how much you wanted and how excited you're gonna be when you get it someday. You're not building any momentum. You're not creating all of the good energy that goes through and around that desire to have this new car or whatever.

I'm just using that as an example, it could be anything. But the whole point is if you just sit back and do nothing and only think about it, having it happen to you is a lot less likely than if you do all those other things I just mentioned, which is creating it. So, it's been in it. I don't know how much you know, about the whole manifest thing. If you read a lot about it, I do, but it's all about creating the feeling inside of you. And when you have that, when you change the vibration and you change the feeling inside of you about having it be yours, that's what ends up drawing it to you quicker. But if you are only thinking about the lack of it, that's when you keep pushing it away. Like I don't have that car yet. And I talked to you Michael, about this new car, I really want this new car, but I don't have it yet and I love it to be a gift. And I don't know anyone who has that kind of money. Well, all of those things I just said to you are not going to bring that car to me sooner, but if I say to you. I really have my eye on this beautiful car. I can't wait to get it someday. I have a feeling I'm gonna get like win a prize or something. I don't know. I just, and then we start talking about how excited it could be that I have it. It's positive, it stop, it's fun, it changes the way you feel, it makes you excited and then it makes you wanna go do the things that might make it possible. But if you're only talking about all the negative things manifesting, is it doesn't happen, that's not how it works.

Vishen Lakhiani – The Concept of Forgiveness

Michael: I'd love for you to talk about where you feel the life is as a human race and species around hustle culture, and this idea of like surrender?

Vishen: So, let me read you a poem. I have a mentor, a professor Freecom Marou, he teaches at Columbia London business school. He's a famous MBA professor. He's a teacher on Mindvalley and he teaches these MBA classes and there's a long line to get that the reason his classes are so popular is because he takes American and British MBA students and he teaches them the wisdom from ancient sages, Rumi, Riri Maharshi, and other sages long dead who have messages that are relevant in today's world. And one day during a particularly stressful day, I happened to be in a business meeting with Sri Kamar and he paused me and he said, vision, may I read you a poem. And this is the poem he read me. And this poem is from Rumi. I want to read it out to you because I think it may help give a different perspective to hustle culture.

So, Rumi says this;

“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety. If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.”

Let me repeat. When I run, after what I think I want, my days are furnish of stress and anxiety, that's hustle culture. If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me and without pain that is surrender. And we'll come to that in a moment, that is one of the most powerful tools for actually creating change. From this I understand that what I want also wants me is looking for me and attracting me. There's a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it. So, we're gonna break this into three parts, right? The first part is basically a damnation of hustle, culture. Hustle culture is one of the worst things about the United States. America is a country and I love America. I'm heading and gonna spend the next one month in the U.S., don't get me wrong, I just got my equivalent of a U.S. residency, but for fuck's sake, America is a country based on a really awful algorithm that no longer should apply in the world and it's the algorithm of GDP above anything else. Even the reason our education system is broken is because in the 1920s, I think it was Calvin College, the president who said the role of education is to create cogs in the wheels of industry. It's all about output, output, output, and then somebody has to buy this output. And so, you are told you're not enough unless you have those headphones. You're not enough till you have this extra pair of sneakers. You're not enough unless you have a, not one, but two cars and a house with a garage. And this is one of the things that leads to hustle culture. But if I'm now living in Europe and it's very different, Europeans work way less than Americans significantly less. If you compare American worker productivity to German worker productivity, Germans get way more free time, they get way more maternity leave, they get way more holidays, they work less hours a week, but average worker productivity completely crushes Americans. If you look at healthcare, the average European lives two years longer than the average American hustle culture is a fucking disease, my friend. And it's ruining America, it's causing us to become sick, to become broken, it's causing us to create a consumerist culture that isn't good for the world. In the 1980s, the average American bought 12 new pieces of clothing a year. You know what it is today? 62, now it's up to all of us to change this. We need to move companies towards a four-and-a-half-day work week. We need to stop this idea and of celebrating 70 hours work weeks if you're a CEO. We do better when we give our body time to relax when we give our people, our employees, time to focus on their health and their wellbeing. We do better resignation when men and women have maternity and paternity leave that is 12 months to 18 months here in Estonia. So, my former wife was Estonian, we delivered our first baby here well, she delivered the baby, I basically watched you were the room, but it's 18 months maternity; 18 months. I was a struggling entrepreneur back then. If we didn't have that 18 months maternity leave it would've been really freaking tough. And the government basically helped pay for her salary because we needed two salaries to survive. And in America, it's two weeks, what the fuck is that? If you're lucky now, as a result, Estonia, which is where I'm at right now. Now has a higher concentration of entrepreneurs per capita than Silicon-valley, more BC money floating around per capita than Silicon Valley, where the most technologically advanced nation in the world. And still, you get 18 months paternity or maternity leave. It's rare for people to work more than 40 hours a week. People take four to six weeks’ vacation a year, all healthcare is paid for, is it's amazing. But in America, any of these changes are deemed socialism and Americans don't even fucking understand the word socialism. It's so crazy. You guys need, what is happening over here in Europe? Because Americans are killing themselves, slowly by surely true stress and overwork and killing the planet. If everybody lived like Americans, we would need four and a half planet earth to support our species.

Charles Noonan - How To Develop A Visionary Mindset

Michael: And I think there's really a lot of different ways that we can get in to talk about that but when you grow up and you're looking at the world and you understand possibility, I think it changes everything. How important is your view and what you focus on in this journey?

Charles: It's everything and I'm still learning and still growing. Right? I recently passed, there's a milestone in my family from a financial aspect, but what I'm learning is, and this is something, again, you can all just date this stuff back to, when you really change the lens in which you view things with in life it just becomes a whole new world, right? It's like, if you ever see someone just put on a new pair of glasses that actually help their eyes, it's like, they're seeing everything completely different. So, oftentimes when I was younger, I would see things that I wouldn't think attainable. Right. But after seeing it and seeing it and seeing it, I said to myself, I'm gonna do that one day, I can get there one day and then you set your mind and you focus on those goals. But I think if you don't see it, and if it's not really in your circle or if it's just not something that you can visualize, or if it's not in your vision in a way that you can relate to oftentimes, it it's a lot harder, and this is why sometimes I may do things just to inspire people. Here's an example, oftentimes I have a Rolls-Royce and I have a Maybach that I drive, but it's not so much because I love the drive of those cars, it's really to inspire people around me. I'm very in tune with the New York city neighborhood that I grew up in and just to see the faces of the young guys, my kids play basketball. So, when I go around their teammates and they see those things, I really want them to understand, Hey, I know someone that is successful and now I feel like I can be successful too. I know someone who drives a Rolls-Royce, a Maybach, and all these other fancy sports ‘cause I'm a car fanatic by the way. Right. And I do it oftentimes not so much for me, but I know if I could be that for a younger person, I can change their life and say, Hey, you know, Caden's dad drives that car. I'm gonna get one too or it's super cool and its pro season a lot of those guys, they rented cars, they borrowed them from me and they used it for their proms and things like that. And that is a way that I use to give back in a sense that I want you guys to know that you guys can achieve whatever you want. It's really having that mindset.

Michael: Yeah. And I would guess, and I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but I'd love for you to go into this. When I hear you say that, I think to myself, that car, that status as a symbol is just simply a marker of possibility. Right? I don't know that that is the definition of success. Is that what you're saying?

Charles: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So, for me seeing things, and as the I older I got and the more I got around successful people and the more I got around people whose mindset was very different or more advanced than mine, the more I believed I could do these things. So, it's all about possibility, it's all about me showing kids and individuals and those neighborhoods that it's possible. And it's possible from someone that looks just like you. Right. I came from where you guys are, I wanted to really touch on corporate social responsibility a little bit today, that's a concept I learned where companies make it really big. Right. And then they start to look back and say, Hey, we're responsible to communities to give back and to show them that they too can grow and, you know, it's a responsibility to give back to those communities and show that they can be successful as well, and possibly build companies from a starting point to a large market company.

Michael: I actually love that. We're about to broach this conversation because you know, many people who listen to show know this, but I'll share it with you. At 20 years old, I landed a job with a fortune 10 company, no high school diploma, no college education and for me it was like, okay, cool, I just seen it. Right. One of my friends had gotten a job working for a similar corporation and I thought to myself, oh, if this guy can do it, I can do this too. And my marker for it was like, this is the kid I used to get stoned with and skip school like if he can do it, can figure it out. Right. And so, I landed this job, I'm in corporate I'm with this fortune 10 company, I'm in it for a little bit, over five year during that time, I wasted pretty much the vast majority of that money. Let's be clear about that, but what I learned so much and one of the things that made me never want to work for a corporation again, but instead going to entrepreneurship was the lack of responsibility that they had in giving back. And I remember we would just sit here, I would look at the sales numbers I would pull in and I would rack up dude, 15 million in sales for these guys in a year and they would give nothing to our community, nothing to where we come from. You know, they would do the cancer run and shit like that but like, everybody does it, that's not responsibility to me. So, I would love for you to go into that ‘cause I think this matters in the conversation that we're having right now. What is corporate responsibility and why is it actually important?

Charles: So, you are right and in your saying that, because my first couple of jobs, there was no such thing as corporate social responsibility. Right. It's fairly a new term, but I think it comes from guys like you and I making it to those corporations and saying, Hey, we made X amount of money what are we doing or the company I was with allowed you to give a grant to charities of your choice. And I was just saying, Hey, like $4,000, we're a billion-dollar company, is there anything else we can do? Right. So, I dragged those companies out to events, to basketball events and have them maybe change the rims in certain neighborhoods. I had a company, I don't know if I could say the name, but I had a company repave the parks in the neighborhood that I grew up in and it's an initially corporations weren't doing it. Right. And they weren't as involved. But now I'll say over the last 10 years we see corporate social responsibility taking charge. And I think it had to come from a place or guys like you and I to challenge these corporations to start to give back and do things in the community in which their customers probably help them grow and get to the level that they're at.

Michael: Yeah. Why is that important though? Because I think that a lot of people, I would say probably the vast majority of people listening to this show are not entrepreneurs as is really most of the country. And I think people feel like they're too small to make that difference that they will walk into boardrooms or they'll walk into meetings and they'll be dismissed, but I've come to find that's not necessarily the case, but why do you think it's important for us to be socially responsible in this capacity?

Charles: Because there are changes that are needed in communities that they may not know about. Right. So, it's important for individuals like you and I, and companies do have allotment for charity and things like that and a corporate social responsibility sector. Right. It's important because the money’s that they give and it can also be time, right? So, it's at any level, once you become an entrepreneur, you can control your time, your money and everything else of the business that you're in, but whatever, we're finding that, giving back, going back to the communities in which you came from, oftentimes we're finding that people can relate in certain areas. One of the things that I'm seeing now is mental health corporations are really starting to put a strong focus on mental health, his mental health drives, I think Kevin Love was probably one of the first NBA players to come out and say he had some issues with mental health. And I think it raised awareness and with guys like you and I speaking up, let's just say, Kevin Love, for example, raising that awareness it's important because it could help so many other. Right. So, whatever it is, wherever the corporations decide that they want to pitch in and help out, there's such a need for it in a mental health space. I mean, I think we can change neighborhoods and try to decrease the level of violence that happens in certain neighborhoods. There's so many things that can change people's lives and it's just a matter of touching them and saying, you don't have to go that route, there's stop the violence campaigns, there's so many different things that corporations can do and partake in that can really change kids' lives. A lot of the mental focus and the mindset that I gather and that I draw from was when I was a kid, right? It started just at the very early age and then again, the things we talked about earlier, the things that you see, right? And you see someone that says, Hey, I work at IBM American express or these large internet companies and you start to understand that you can do it too again, we talk about the possibility. So, it's important to be able to touch people, it's important to be able to share your story and share those success stories with people that are less fortunate and really don't have that role navigated for them to show them that, Hey, it's possible that you guys can get here as well.