How to Become Healed

What's up, friends? Before we get into today's episode, I want to remind you that if you are in the process of your healing journey, if you need guidance, support, if you need some community, if you really want to try to break free to the next level, escape the past, and you want to come and be a part of the Think Unbroken weekly coaching program, we have a couple of spots available right now. If you go to thinkunbroken.com, you can actually schedule a free call with me, a free coaching session where I will help you understand where you're at in the journey and find out if Think Unbroken is the right path for you. I'll tell you this, it's definitely not for everyone, but if you believe that it is for you, I want to be able to assist you and guide you on your journey. And in this healing experience, go to thinkunbroken.com. Click schedule my free call and you and I, not my team, you and I will hop on a call together. So again, go to thinkunbroken.com to do that. In today's episode, I want to talk to you about one of the most profound understandings that I have in changing.

The human experience years ago, I was sitting down with my therapist and he said something to me that I actually even wrote in my first book because it was so meaningful and it became this cornerstone of this idea that truly changed my life forever. And what he said was change only happens. When you make change happen. And what that means to me, even to this day is about making a decision to become the person that you're capable of becoming. Our decision making is so baked into our experiences of our past that often we don't even realize that we are acting. In this coherence that is based on all of the emotions and the experiences, the meanings and the behaviors that have led to this moment. So, let's say, for example, you are 40 years old. Let's say that on average, and this is some research behind this. We have about 60,000 thoughts a day. If for 40 years, you've been having 60,000 thoughts that are generally speaking the same thoughts as you had the day before, then what you're actually doing is you are repeating the same thought patterns over the course of 40 years and expecting different results. This is the emotional trapping that people fall into that they don't even understand is happening. And so when we make our decisions based on our emotions and based on the experiences of the past that inform us, many of those experiences that have been created into meaning for survival purposes are actually misleading us. And you will see this happen all the time in your career, in your relationships, in your friendships, with your health, with your money, where the things that you are doing and the decisions you are making are actually entirely informed upon the meaning that those experiences of the past have given you about the person that you are. And so, one of the things that you have to take into consideration is the way that you make decisions on a daily basis. Let's say for instance, you're facing some kind of fear in your life, which fear is the thing that whether we like to admit it, we are all going through. I face fear in my life through not only dating and relationships, but friendships, career, speaking on stages, doing this podcast, writing books, my own health all the dreams and goals and ambitions that I have. And fear can be crippling for so many people. And I have been crippled by fear over the course of my life where I've lost confidence, I haven't believed in myself, I've been stuck, I don't take action. I make all the excuses in the world, like I have lived that life. And the reason why is because I was stuck in this sympathetic response which was in, to some extent, and this is very large, largely, very much largely true for many people is that response is to the stressors of our experiences of the past. And so when similar experiences happened to us, biologically. Bodies will measure that experience. Our brain will make meaning of that experience. And for the sake of survival, we will act as if that experience of the past is happening in the now, even though it's actually not because the brain doesn't necessarily know how to differentiate between the past and the present. This is why if you close your eyes and you imagine the future and you tap into the emotions that come along with joy and happiness power, joy, confidence, gratitude and love, you will feel that it's the same reason why if you tap into the lower vibrating energies of grief, anger, hatred, all of those, you will feel differently. And so, when you're in these decision-making moments of your life, initially, what you need to start taking into consideration is asking yourself this question. How would the person that I want to become act or decide in this moment? Because when you are operating in the space of the person that you're choosing to become, the decision-making parameters that you use in the day to day will be very much different than the emotional, autonomic decision-making behaviors that you've had up until this moment. And so, when you're thinking about the person that you want to become understanding that change only happens when you make change happen, the true change in the transformation of our experience through trauma isn't only this concept of quote unquote healing now healing to me is ultimately self-actualization. Like how do you become yourself? You only become yourself by becoming yourself, which means, to some capacity, not only letting go and shedding who it was that you were based on the experiences of the past, but making a cognitive decision, excuse me, making a cognizant decision to become the person of your choosing. This is where people get lost. They don't understand that you are allowed to be. If your entire life and your experience growing up in the state of trauma was you're not good enough, you don't matter, you're not important, be quiet, sit in the back, your opinion is not valid, your health doesn't matter, your wants, needs, and interests are ignored. If you're abused, if you're neglected, you feel less than, then you will believe that in adulthood until you make a decision to no longer believe it. Now, I recognize that can feel like an oversimplification, but in some capacity, the simple approach is the approach that will set you free in this journey. And so, what I want you to think about is when you are faced with becoming the person that you want to become. This is being in alignment with your values, your mission, your vision, addressing your wants, your needs, your interests saying yes, and saying no. What I do is I look at whatever decision that I need to make. Now, these can be massive decisions. They can also be smaller decisions and habit-based decisions. I asked myself, okay. What would the version of Michael that I am aiming to be do in this moment? Here's a great example. I hate waking up early. I hate it, I loathe it, but I find gratitude for it and I do it anyway because what I'm measuring When the alarm goes off at 5:30 or 5:45 and I have to get up to go and do a podcast or coach a client or go to the gym or step into my routine, I'm always asking myself this question. What would the version of me that I want to become do in this moment? Because I know what the version of me that was so tied into and locked down into the chains of trauma would do in that moment previously. And that's hit the snooze alone. Actually, 5:30 would never even cross my mind to be honest, eight, eight, 8:30, 8:45 having to be at work at nine was more of like my motif. And so, I know that hitting that snooze, going for the cigarette, getting high, eating poor food, not going to the gym, not meditating, not working out, not taking care of my physical wellbeing. That was always par for the course for me. And then when I really started to make this declaration about wanting to choose you have to want to become you have to want to let go of the narrative of the idea of the person that you're supposed to be based on the experiences of your past, you have to want to let go of that. And shaping yourself into who you choose to become is a work in progress on a daily basis. But in the daily basis, if you ask yourself, what would the person that I want to become do in this situation and act accordingly, not only will you build confidence, but you will take further steps into becoming that person. Being chained to the past is like reaching out to a door and no matter how hard you try to break through to become the new version of you, you're always inches away from the handle. Until when you make a decision and you cut a line down the sand and you say, this is who I'm choosing to be. Until that moment, okay, hear me, until that moment, nothing's going to be different. And all the therapy in the world, all the coaching in the world, all the books, all the podcasts are not going to change your life. Nothing is going to work for you until you decide. And what's so difficult about the decision-making process, especially if you're doing it for the first time, is if you've never been allotted the space to be you, it's terrifying because it's unknown territory and most people do not understand how dark that path can feel when you've never walked down it before. There are so many people and look, you may be one of those people. My heart goes out to you because I've been one of those people. Who have never ever decided anything in their own life. Who have always done what other people have told them. Who have shut down their ability to make decisions for themselves. And no matter what happens, they follow through with what other people want and how other people want them to be. And when you make this decision to become you, what becomes so difficult is that it is so foreign that it is scary. And for some people, it can feel like death. They're like, wow, being me is so terrifying because I don't know what to do that instead of continuing to move towards the person that they believe they're capable of being, what they actually end up doing inevitably, some of this is because it's so baked into our nervous system and our psychology is that they revert back to old behavior patterns. And so, this is why, and I didn't understand this about my own journey until I understood it. When I have said before that from 26 years old, when I decided to go on this healing journey to 30 were the four hardest years of my life. It was one step forward and a thousand steps backwards. Because I didn't understand that every single time I was unlocking these new levels of self, most of the time for the first time saying yes, saying no, choosing what I wanted to do, what I wanted to wear, how I wanted to show up, having authority stepping into authenticity, having sovereignty in my own life was so unknown that it scared the hell out of me. I Didn't know who I was. So much so that it was easier at times to revert back to what was known the smoking, the drinking, the hooking up the things that took away from me, the not showing up in my life, the not taking care of my life, the feeling of pain in whatever capacity that meant. For some people is so comfortable that they would rather sit in that comfort than the discomfort of the unknown of becoming. And that is such a mind game and a mind feel a mind field that you have to navigate because you only become you by becoming you, but you can't become you, if you revert back to the old version of you. The version of you that tells you I'm not enough, or I have to be sick, or my trauma is my life, or all the experiences of my past make me not be capable or worthy of a relationship, or deserving of wealth, or no abundance, all the things that made me who I am have trapped me. We get stuck in the trappings of the idealization of the person that we were, and often that becomes the thing that keeps us stuck from becoming the person that we choose to be. And when you cut this line in the sand, and it's what's so hard about it, because if you haven't established your values, something I teach in coaching, if you haven't figured out your wants, your needs and interests again, something I teach in coaching, if you haven't figured out your personal statement. Something that you can really sit down and develop for yourself over years, then you will tend to fall back because your decision-making mechanisms are still tied into emotional instead of current, excuse me, past emotional events instead of current rational decisions. To free yourself of this, like I always say this, healing trauma is doing what you want because you want to do it and not doing what you don't want to do because you don't want to do it. And the reason why that makes so much sense and it's worked for so many people that I've coached over the years, and I will include myself in this as well, is because what I started to recognize is that when you actually do the thing that you want to do in accordance with the future that you want to create, you have taken control of the narrative and shed the idea of the person that you were to step forward, through the past and really cross that bridge into the future. You have to, in so many ways, and again, I'm not trying to oversimplify it, but it is very simple at the same time. In so many ways, you have to disconnect who it is that you are. Are in this moment based on those limiting beliefs of those 60,000 thoughts a day, compounding over 40 years that tell you who you or who you are not. And then when you start aligning yourself with the version of you that you want to become, because change happens when you make change happen. This is where the doing becomes so important.

Think Unbroken is about this concept, this conceptualization of the idea of becoming you, right? That's really the heart of it, like deep, deep inside, but without action, none of that comes to fruition. And so when I am coaching people, you'll hear me often talk about doing something. How do you move out of your current state? Action. Action is always the cure all. But one of the things that you must understand is action towards the idea of the person that you want to be, and using that as a filtering mechanism, is the appropriate action to take. And that action, many times, will lead you down the path of facing fear, of doing the unknown, of making decisions, of decision making, of showing up in ways you haven't shown up. I mean it is literally as simple as choosing the clothes that you want to wear, the food you want to eat, the music you want to listen to, the environment you want to be in, the career you want to have, the relationship you want to have, the body you want to have, the routine you want to have. That all is about becoming. That is all about you making a decision to be that person. And yes, it's scary because it's unknown, but just like anything that's unknown until you've practiced it, like you literally have to practice the decision-making mechanisms to become yourself while letting go of all the decision-making mechanisms that were based on who you were in order to create this change. And so, when you're standing in front of on your day to day, first, what will happen if you're paying attention, it'll be, you'll ask yourself during big moments, what would the person that I want to become do in this moment? And then it'll become more finite in almost every decision you make from the food you put in the mouth, in your mouth, the music you listen to the people you spend time with, to the workout that you do, to whether or not you're getting up when that alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning or whatever time that goes off for you. And as you step further and deeper down this journey, you will continue to uncover the truth. You're in control. This is the secret to everything. This is the breakthrough. This is the thing that will shift you forever. When you understand that you are in control, not the 50-60,000 thoughts compounding for 40 years, but in this moment you make a decision. I'm not my trauma, I'm not my abuse, I'm not my loss, I'm not my debt, I'm not my car, I'm not my clothes, I'm not all those things. Even though we look at those things as a point of measurement, you are not those. And if you can get into that space energetically, you will see that reflected not only in your experience that you're having, but in the people around you. And the greatest thing that will ever happen to you is that you will free yourself from the label of being abused. And this is why I always talk about transforming trauma to triumph. I want you to remove yourself from that label. You are more than that. You are more than that experience, but you have got to do what someone who would be more than that would do. And if you play the victim game, you get victim prizes. And unfortunately, those victim prizes are lack, our pain, our hurt, our suffering, our loss. They're not joy and admiration and love and compassion and kindness and happiness and fun and all of the things that vibrate higher. And so, as you continue down this path and you're looking at your life, Ask yourself this question. Whenever you make decisions on a daily basis, a hundred times, a thousand times, fifty thousand times a day, if you have to, what would the person that I want to become do in this moment?

My friends, thank you so much for listening. I hope this was informative and powerful for you. This is one of the greatest tools I've ever been able to use in my life. It's one of the tools I teach clients every single week. If you need guidance and support, go to thinkunbroken.com hop on a free coaching call with me. I'm here to help you support. and navigate this journey that's in front of you. If you have other questions, you can always reach out to me. I'm all over social at Michael Unbroken. And remember when you share this with other people, you're helping us all transform trauma to triumph breakdowns to breakthroughs and become the hero of our own story.

And Until Next Time,

My Friends,

Be Unbroken.