How To Believe in Yourself

Yeah. What's up, friends? Before we get into today's episode, I just want to remind you that we have a weekly coaching program that you can join at any time that is available to help you take a deeper dive into not only this journey of overcoming some of the worst things that have ever happened to you But more importantly about building confidence and becoming the person that, you're capable of becoming, make sure you go to thinkunbroken.com or DM me on social at Michael Unbroken. And I will send you information about how you can hop on a call with me to find out more about that program. One things I'll tell you, I don't let anyone. Anyone into weekly coaching without having a conversation with me first. So if you're in a place in your life where you've been struggling, you've hit a wall, things aren't working, maybe you've been listening to this podcast for six months or a year, but you're not having the transformation that you want, come over to coaching, get a part of our weekly group, and I promise you, you will watch your life transform just in the same way that so many other peoples have. We have space in our Monday group, the rest of the groups are closed, but if you want to know more, thinkunbroken.com or message me @MichaelUnbroken.

Here's the reality. The journey that we all are on, in terms of creating confidence in our life, requires us to first, take a very stark look at who it is that we are today. One of the things that people do not do with enough frequency is reflect and understand the role that they're playing in their own lives. I believe this too. As firmly as I could believe anything in my life, change only happens when you make change happen, but you cannot create change in your life if first you don't acknowledge where you're actually at. One of the things that we do as trauma survivors, because it's really about survival, we don't necessarily always understand this, but we shut down, we turn off possibility, we don't believe it's for us, and the reason why is because we've associated this idea of becoming who we are with pain, with suffering, with loss, with neglect, with hurt. And so our brains have decided and some of this is so subconscious that until you bring awareness to it, you don't even know that it's happening. Our brains have decided that because it is dangerous to be us, because of the negative reinforcement of growing up in a traumatic environment, that the idea of being us is so dangerous we can't do it. Now, here's what's really interesting about this. When you bring attention to this and you actually take a very hard look at your life, and you acknowledge that you are not being you, and you tie it back into your earliest memories, your earliest experiences, and your earliest lessons, the thing that you will discover if you're paying attention is that the reason you're not you is because you've always been told that being you is bad. Being you is not okay, or worse, which leads to the fear of safety, being you means that you will be in danger. That is such a crazy thing to think about, that you being you could mean that you're unsafe. If you grew up in a home where you were neglected, if you needed help, or to go to the doctor, or have your needs met, or if you grew up in a home in which if you had an opinion or spoke truth, you were abused physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually. If you grew up in a home where you were told that your opinion doesn't matter and it's better to be seen and not heard. If you grew up in a home or if you even made the slightest mistake, you had some kind of ramification happen. Your brain has learned through exposure that you If you step, let me phrase it, your brain has learned through exposure that if you become you, if you tap into the reality of the life that you need, the things that you need as an individual, that you will be unsafe. And the brain adapts. That's what we do as humans. We're the ultimate adaptation machine. That's why we are the apex predator. And what happens now is that serves you. So you're 8 years old, you're 12, you're 15, you're 17, whatever, and you notice that you don't do what you need to do, want to do, or should do. You instead do what will keep you safe. Now, on a long enough timeline, that no longer serves you. I see this all the time. All the time. The number one issue that people have in terms of confidence is almost always tied back to childhood. How do you navigate this? First you have to acknowledge it. I have fear of becoming me because in the past when I was me, I was in danger, right? Then you have to take these steps forward. You have to take these small incremental steps. Every single day to be to being and building and becoming the person that you want to become. Most people will sit down and they will write out their values, their dreams, the things that they want in their life and then they will never take a step forward. They will listen to the podcast, they will go to the event, they will buy the book and they will never take the steps. They don't understand how trapped they are in fear and fear is the thing that is keeping you trapped in self-doubt. That's keeping you from building confidence. Fear is innately a survival tool. That's all it is. And I always say, if you trust your brain, you're doomed, your brain is stupid, your brain is not trying to help you go to the next level, you trust your heart, your intuition, your gut, you will find transformation happen. Here's the thing that you have to do. You have to build the confidence in yourself that you are allowed to become you by doing small daily tasks that break the habit and understanding that you have of you to become you. Some of the things that you're doing at this point are habitual, meaning that you have baked in these habits into your life, into your physiology, into your body as tools, maybe for survival or maybe for coping. And so now breaking that habit of self by doing different things, doing difficult things, doing things outside of your norm that are an alignment and association that with the person that you want to become is how you start to build confidence.

Now I know what you're thinking. I don't know what I want to become. I'm lost, I've never been myself, I'm codependent, I'm a trauma survivor. Life is against me, I don't see a future. Perfect. Been there. Great. It's a great place to start because when you're at the bottom, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean?

Like when you're at the bottom and this is not working, it's the best place to begin because you have nothing to lose. You've already lost everything and worse if you're in victim mode then you might as well do something different. Anyway, and I’ve been in victim mode, I've been at rock bottom, I've lost everything, I’ve been on the edge of life multiple times at my own hands no less And it's such a beautiful place to rise from it's you know, a phoenix rises from its ashes and the reason that it does that because you have to burn down who you used to be like you really have to take the old you have to dissect it and delete it and restart it You have to like really choose I'm going to be a new version of me. I'm going to change who I am. And the thing is that it's an integrative process. You can't just become you overnight. I've never seen anybody make a one 80 and their life be different. I've never seen it work because it doesn't because you're reprogramming. You're reprogramming your brain, right? And you're reprogramming the habits that you have, which you can look at as software in the hardware of your brain. You're reprogramming that on a daily basis. Sometimes it takes time to overwrite those systems and override what used to be there. And this is why you see people are like, I'm going to change my whole life and I'm going to start running 10 miles a day and I'm going to eat clean. I'm going to stop smoking. I'm going to stop drinking, I'm going to stop hooking up with strangers, I'm going to make a hundred thousand dollars a year, I'm going to blah, blah, blah. They do it for a day, maybe. And then they're right back to where they were because the habit of who you are is the thing that is also what has kept you safe for so long. You've been you for so long as a parameter of safety that the idea of you becoming the truest version of you is so terrifying you won't do it. This is how you do it, you write three goals. Very simple goals, I talk about this in my coaching program, but I'm gonna, I'll highlight it here. One, you write a very simple sentence about your health. Two, you write a very simple sentence about your wealth. Three, you write a very simple sentence about your relationship. Something you can accomplish within the next 30 days. Health, wealth, relationships, those are the cornerstone. Those are the triad of life, those are the over, overlapping, integral parts of our human experience. Everything that we go through will fall under health, wealth, and relationship. Now, if you write a very succinct sentence of a goal in each one of those that you can accomplish within a month, you start to have a path forward. Now you must take the appropriate steps daily to accomplish that goal. And the only way that you do that is incremental progress. And so creating a guide for yourself that you hold yourself accountable to is the frame for which you change who you are to become the person you're capable of becoming. Now, self-accountability is the number one place where people struggle. They say, I wrote the goals, Michael, I have this idea, coach. I think that I can do this. I'm listening to the podcast and then still nothing changes. If you read my first book, think unbroken. There's a sub chapter titled create you. The journey of becoming you is about creating you. There's no way you can become you without creation. And in order to create, you must first destroy who you used to be. I don't mean that in a literal sense, but in a hypothetical, in a emotional and a mental mindset capacity, you have to destroy the person that you used to be. You have to tear that down. You have to take all of those things that have kept you stuck and set them to the side and make a decision to shift gears and become the person that you're capable of becoming by taking these incremental steps every day, thus building the confidence that you have in yourself through the accountability of you not letting yourself off the hook. Most people let themselves off the hook. And what happens is that now they're stuck in a life that is reflective of them not being accountable. They're like, why is my life? So suck so much. Why does my life suck so much? Because of you start truth. It sucks. I know. Trust me. I get it. 25 years old, my life sucked. 18 years old, my life sucked. 15 years old, my life sucked. I would even be willing to say at 15 I played a lot of a responsibility in what was happening. Oh, I didn't have awareness though. 18 didn't really have awareness. 25, I knew what I was doing, right? So there's a window here where you look at your life. And I think that window really is 25 because I noticed like a lot of times when I coach younger people, they still don't quite get it. But when I start cracking into that 24, 25, 26 window with people, like they really start. They're like, wow, I'm noticing now. I'm not saying that doesn't sometimes younger people don't notice, but now you start to notice. And so now you're really looking at your life and you're asking yourself, what role am I playing? What role am I playing in my life? Sucking? I promise you're playing some kind of role. And if you want to be a victim and I've said this before, play victim games, get victim prizes. That's how this works. Sorry. That's reality. You'd be a hero, you show up, you're accountable, you do the work, you write the goals, you get the mentor, you come to coaching, you ask me questions, you live a life that's different on a long enough timeline, your life will be different. You gotta show up until it shows up. And that's what's so hard about this, cause it's not gonna be overnight. I promise you, it's gonna take you time. I'm 15 years into this journey and I'm still learning, it's gonna take time. But if you want to become you It's only going to start with you becoming you. So you're struggling with this idea of I have no confidence, I don't believe in myself, I have so much self doubt, I can't ask the person out on a date. I'm not making the money I should make. I can't go to the gym. I feel embarrassed about who I am. When are you going to do something about it? That's the question. If you've been, and I'm just keeping it real, if you've been listening to this podcast for three months, six months, a year, and you've never had one of the free coaching calls that I offer, you should stop listening to this podcast. I mean that because you're not showing up for yourself and me talking into your ears every day is not helping you. You need to be in connection with me, with this group, with the community. Maybe not me. Go find the coach that works for you. Maybe I'm just planting seeds and that's great. But I offer free coaching calls. I've had thousands of these over the years. And if you ain't done one, if you haven't done one of these calls are you serious about this? Like you, you need to ask yourself that question today. Are you serious about this? If you haven't gone to think unbroken. com and got on a call with me, you really need to be questioning your seriousness in your own journey. And so that accountability is sometimes is also getting on the call. Cause it's scary. Sometimes the accountability is like actually writing the three goals. Sometimes the accountability is I said, I was going to get up. I'm going to get up, I'm going to brush my teeth, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to read the book, I'm going to eat clean today, I'm not going to smoke a cigarette, like whatever it is for you. You have to break the habit of who you are. You have to break the habit of who you are to become who you want to be. Because who you are has led you here. And if you think that the person you've been is going to take you to where you want to go, you are so sadly mistaken because you are going to have to become a different person to become a different person. And the only way you do that is through the work, through the showing up, through the understanding, the acknowledgement, the awakening, the growth. And I'm going to, I'm going to just push you because I think this is incredibly important. If you're looking at your life today, In this moment. And it is not what you want. That's on you. It's on you. It's not on anybody else. I'm not saying that your past didn't impact you. Trust me. I get it. I'm not saying that. But you're no longer a child and you have to put away the childlike ideations that you have leveraged for your survival. Because you're not a child anymore and those will not help you transform into the person that you want to be. It's just tough love for you because I see when I, Oh my god There's so many people who have showed up and done this work with me and their lives are so incredibly different because of these kinds of conversations ‘cause I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm going to cut it straight with you. I'm going to tell you the truth. And in this moment, if you're looking at your life, and I know for some of you, you're doing the work. Maybe I've seen you in coaching programs. Maybe you bought some books. Maybe you're in one of the online courses. Like you're trying, I get it. Respect. But if you are one of these people who are listening, millions of downloads, I know not all of you have been on this coaching call with me. If you're one of these people who are listening and you've never actually taken a real step forward with someone else who has your back, you need to really ask yourself, do you want to have a different life? Because only people that make change happen, change their lives. That said, my friends write your three goals, one in health, one in wealth, one in relationships, you need to be able to articulate these in a single sentence, make them accomplishable in a one-month period of time, take incremental steps every single day that prove that you are capable of self-accountability. And through that, you will erase self-doubt and build self-confidence. Confidence. My friends, thank you for being here. Please subscribe, tell a friend about the show, leave a review on Apple podcast, five stars or one. If you don't like the show, keep it real. And I look forward to serving you more,

My Friends, ‘Till Next Time,

Be Unbroken.

I'll See Ya.