How to Overcome Anxiety in Ten Steps

I remember coming back to cognition after a panic attack, laying on the living room floor of my apartment in Noblesville, Indiana, my girlfriend had just left for work and I was home by myself, falling literally onto the ground, dealing with the pressure of a lot of my own decisions and the impact of the traumatic experiences that I've been through. As I laid on the ground, looking up at the ceiling. The only thing I could keep thinking to myself was why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep having these panic attacks? Why do I have so much anxiety? Why can I not seem to function like a normal human being? This was a really interesting question to be having in my mid twenties. And what I've come to realize in that moment was that one of the big things that I needed to do was take consideration for all of the actions that I was taking in my own life that were leading down the path of giving me anxiety and panic attacks. And so in today's episode what I'm going to do is tell you about the ten things that I've learned to navigate anxiety. And so quickly I'm going to tell you the ten and then I'm going to dive into them.

So these are the 10 things to understand if you want to navigate anxiety in your life.

Number one, first and foremost, of course, I always say this is that you have to educate yourself. Number two is you have to recognize your individual differences because for you, anxiety is different than others. Number three, you have to understand your triggers. Number four, you have to understand coping mechanisms. Number five is self care. Number six, and this is a juicy one is you've got to address your perfectionism and catastrophic thinking. Number seven is you've got to be resilient. Number eight, be mindful. Number nine, set boundaries and 10, I always say this is seek help.

So here's what I came to realize. I did not understand what anxiety was. And in fact, I was at this point in my life where I had waved off all mental health in every capacity. If you came around me and you said, I have anxiety or depression or a mental health element, I would tell you to get out of my life. Now, some of that was a defensive mechanism. It was a survival mechanism, especially because my mother had bipolar anxiety manic depressive disorder, suicideiations, all of these things. And I just learned to turn off. Again, I'm taking in consideration. I was also, 25 years old. And so what happened is I realized like, as this continued to happen to me, all Oh my God, what if this is a me thing? What if the thing that I am fighting so desperately to keep out of my life is actually impacting my life on a daily basis? And I realized that is true. This is what's happening. So I started to educate myself on anxiety, on panic attacks, on disorders, on phobias, on triggers, on causes. And I really started to take a deep dive into it. And I realized there were little things that I was doing from the kind of food that I was eating to, and I'll admit it, I was smoking cigarettes at the time and getting high every day. I promise you, those things don't happen. Those things don't help. But what I will say is getting into research literature, reading books about anxiety and studying it, and the best that I could, this was 13, 14 years ago. We didn't have as much access to information readily available, but I was going to the library. I was getting books. I was learning.

So number one, educate yourself.

Number two, you have to recognize your individual differences and your responses to anxiety. Now, there are some normal human experiences that we have. We all share in common for one. If you are in an anxious state, maybe your heart is beating faster than normal. Maybe you have tunnel vision, sweaty palms. This is a normal response. That could be what happens to you. What happened to me when I got anxious, I would just shut down, completely shut down. Can't focus, can't think, can't move, can't operate, can't have conversations, can't do up so many things that normal people could do. What I'd came to realize in hindsight that so much of my life had just been autopilot. I was just navigating the world on a daily basis without really having any cognizant thought as to what I was doing. And so anxiety became normalized for me. This is why it's important to recognize that your individual signs of being anxious may be different than mine and also recognizing that when you understand that you can navigate the world effectively. A big part of that we're going to talk about in a minute. But what it really comes and ties itself into is understanding, one, anxiety is a normal human experience. This is why we're really the apex predator. Because of our ability to navigate different scenarios, we can look at the world and decipher and distill down safety. Anxiety is the reason why, and you hear people talk about this all the time, if you're walking down the trail, is at a stake. Is it a snake or is it a stick, right? Hopefully it's a stake. You might be hungry. You've been walking all day. But my point is when anxiety is something that you recognize and you don't let it take over your physiological responses, you can actually use it for good instead of it using you for bad.

Number three, understand triggers. Now you guys have heard me say this before I don't love the word triggers But what I do believe that is really important is noticing causation So if I were to interrupt like a thought process for myself and others It'd be to take the word trigger throw it away and look at it from maybe a space of cause what caused me to have this reaction? What caused me to have anxiety? What caused me to again, be triggered? Maybe that's your word. It's fine. Whatever. What that really effectively means to me is taking notice of each individual scenario that exacerbates my anxiety. That means to make my anxiety grow, right? For me, sometimes it's, most of the time it's very environmental. Meaning, being in certain circumstances. Now, many of these circumstances may be circumstances I was in the past where I knew that I operated in a way that is not becoming of the man that I want to be. And so noticing and paying attention to that has always been really important. Sometimes it's understanding even because of the physiological and biological response that I'm having to certain things to make sure I'm having notice of what I'm even putting into my eyes, my ears, my mouth. What I mean by that is what we consume consumes us. This is something that people don't understand. I didn't either until I did and this will change your life. I'm going to say it again. What we consume consumes us. So if you're hearing horribly violent music, sad music, emo music, depressive, anxious, and you're going to feel a certain way. If you're watching horror movies, if you're watching action movies, you're watching the saddest thing ever. If you're watching the notebook for the 37th time, you're going to feel a certain way. Now here's where it gets crazy. Most people can rationalize that and say, okay, I agree. And then I say this, the food that you eat and what you drink, what you are consuming and putting in your body may be causing you anxiety. That is the number one thing I want you to think about. Because you might be the cause of your own anxiety. Here's what happens. You are maybe consuming energy drinks. I'm looking at this from my experience, you're consuming energy drinks, you're smoking cigarettes, you're drinking soda, you're eating processed food, tons of sugar, you're watching horror movies, you're watching porn, you're Playing video games all the time, very violent video games, you're distracted, you have all these things going on in your life, you're not getting into presence. And so now you're eating, drinking, consuming, watching, listening, all of the things that provoke anxiety because the brain, even though we're cognizant as humans, that's the reason why we are so successful. We are cognizant to the reality of the environment that we live in. The brain still has a very difficult time deciphering fiction from reality. This is why when you watch a horror movie, you get scared. Because your brain is Oh my God, you're going to get killed in this horror movie. And then you're like rational thinking self is like it's just a movie. You have to understand the role that you're playing in your own experience of anxiety.

Number four is understanding coping strategies. This is really important. This is the one that changed the game for me. And it started with yoga and meditation and breathing. Getting myself to this place where I could be in a relaxed state being hypervigilant being in a fight or flight state being in this place where you are a hyper aware is the most for me is the most anxiety invoking thing that happens in my life. When I am physically stressed to the max, the thing that happens is. Whether it's in a social situation, whether it's online coaching, whether it's when I'm speaking on stages, I don't know what it is. I could just be at home chilling by myself. That is where my anxiety gets the highest. If my physical body, I'm tired, I haven't slept well, I've been on the road a lot, I've been over exerting spending a lot of time and energy with other people. And so for me, a huge strategy for dealing with this on the day to day, okay. Is through meditation, is through journaling, is through yoga, is through, I have this thing called a PEMF mat that I lay on every single day. And it's also, there's a behavioral things that I bring into play as well. So it's not always just those practical things, it's a thought process that I introduce as well, where I literally attempt, it doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. I attempt and I tell my brain, I am not anxious, I am not anxious, I am not anxious. And part of that is this, I always teach my clients that when I'm working with them, I'm brainwashing them. I'm teaching them how to rewrite all of the programming that they've been fed over the years, that's just not true. And so I'm doing that with myself on a daily basis, I'm reframing negative thoughts. I'm reframing a lot of the chaos in my mind. I will introduce things like box breathing or Wim Hof breathing. I will introduce things in my life like yoga and hot yoga and things like that. Muscle relaxation, meditations, mindfulness meditations. I do all these things, but what I will tell you is arguably one of the best things that I do is I just try to like. Force into my brain ideas that are opposite by reframing whatever's in front of me.

Number five is self care guys. You hear me talk about this all the time. It really ties into number four. Differentiate self care and taking it easy on yourself and not doing what you need to do, there's a fine line. A lot of people abuse that line. I think self care is about showing up and doing it anyway. It's about resetting. It's about taking control of your day to day life. And if you look at your life and you're like, I'm eating like crap, I'm smoking cigarettes, I'm consuming chaotic content I'm around people who take away from my energy, you're going to be anxious, you just are. And I think self care, is for you to take a step back, recognize that and do something about it. That is what self care is to me, not allowing others to dictate your life. But more importantly, you taking control of everything that's in front of you.

Number six is, and this is the juicy one. This is the one we've been waiting for is you have to address perfectionism and catastrophic thinking. You are not perfect. Nothing you will ever do is perfect. The idea that you could seek perfection and anything will probably cripple you faster than anything. My feelings about this are very much effort based because I know what I want to build and create in my life. And so I look at it. And I do my best to on a daily basis put as much energy as I can into creating the life that I want. What I don't do is measure myself against the idea that I did every day perfectly. I can assure you guys. Some days I am a train wreck. It's just stay out of the way. It's nasty over here, but what I do is in those moments as I quickly do what I need to do to address it and I look at it and I go, okay, wait a second. Why am I seeking being perfect in this moment? What is it that I'm looking for? Because a lot of people who have anxiety, that comes from this idea that they have to be perfect. And the next thing you know, they're not, and now they're anxious. And then they're anxious about being anxious about not being perfect, and then their life becomes catastrophic. This, again, comes into reframing. Because your beliefs about the worst case scenario are almost assuredly irrational. Almost assuredly, part of that anxiety. It's very based, very likely based on learned behavior where you're looking at life through the childhood experiences that you had and something bad happened, maybe something worse happened, and then that became the worst moment of your life, and that becomes the measure for the worst case scenario, and because our brains are looking at survival, we measure everything against the worst case scenario. However, if you shift your perspective and you look at what's actually happening in your life, what you will likely discover is that the worst thing that's ever happened to you has already happened, and that your catastrophic thinking is keeping you stuck. For instance, let's say if you're someone like me and you were homeless as a child. That is the worst case scenario that will turn you into a workaholic, perfectionism seeking, catastrophic thinking human being. I identify with all of those things. What I've been able to do by reframing a big part of this journey is to simply look at it and say, worst case scenario, I know that I can get myself out of homelessness because I've already done it twice, three times, 10 times, a hundred times, a thousand times. You have had successes in your life and you have to be able to leverage those. You're never going to be perfect. And because of that, if you try to leverage perfection, you will always be in a catastrophic state of mind, meaning always seeking the worst case. This is tied and grained, embedded and meshed, groomed into us from the youngest age, especially if you live in or grew up in a household in which if you weren't great, you weren't seen. And that creates an unbelievable amount of anxiety. So if that is you, throw perfectionism out the door, take this catastrophic thinking and realize that it is just your brain playing a trick on you and then take action anyway. Be willing to be flawed because if you are willing to be flawed, your life is going to be incredible because A, you won't be perfect. B, no one around you will be perfect and C, if nobody's perfect, then that means we all get to just be human. And there's freedom in that.

Number seven, you have to foster resilience. This ties into what I just said, right? Leverage what you have done in your life that proves that you are capable of doing what you want to do. When you have developed these problem solving skills, fear will gradually subside. Fear is a huge anchor for people who have anxiety because they're scared again of that worst case. But you're resilient, you have been through some shit, you have done some things, you have changed your life, you have navigated the world, you can do it again. If you have made it this far, the thing that you need to do is leverage success. Most people don't do that. Most people fail to look at what they've been able to do. Let's say there's a giant problem in front of you that you need to solve so that you can go and have the life that you want to have. And yet, you're all up in your head about it. Again, perfectionist and catastrophic thinking. If you leverage the fact that you have solved major problems in your life before, and you leverage that instead of fear, you will be able to navigate that next hurdle in front of you. Most people are not capable of doing that because they don't take a pause to recognize that they've done incredible things before, you have to give yourself permission to be successful here, using the resilience and the evidence based scenarios that you have navigated in your life in the past to navigate the thing that is in front of you right now. And if you don't, the thing that will happen is that you will never overcome what's in front of you. Especially if you're listening to this podcast, I know you're resilient. I believe in you, but you have to believe in yourself, you have to be willing to show up, you have to be willing to take the effort and energy required to overcome the hurdle in front of you.

Number eight, practice mindfulness. Guys, we talk about this. You do not want to be anxious. Get out of your brain and get into your body, okay. Anxiety is, while it is biological and neurological, it is also physiological. And so when you know, when you look at it from that perspective, like anxiety can be something that happens to you in a multitude of ways. I once heard Tom Bilyeu, you say this, he said that I am at any point in my life, 45 minutes away from not being anxious about anything in my life. And he does that through meditation. When I introduced meditation into my life and I took it seriously, like serious, my life changed forever. There's an episode of this podcast Tom has been on obviously, but there's an episode of the podcast. I want you to go and listen to with Vishen Lakhiani, the founder of Mindvalley. Because he breaks down his systematic approach to meditation is the same approach that I brought into my life Mindfulness guys, I'm telling you if you're not meditating right now for 5 minutes a day. You don't have to do 45 minutes, you don't have to do an hour, but if you're not doing some kind of Literally edit this but if you're not doing some kind of focused effort getting your brain and body connected when they are dissociated, you are going to have a much more anxious day. I can promise you. And there are moving meditations, of course that matters. That could be, going to the gym or a walk or yoga, but there is something about the stillness and I teach my clients this all the time. The peace comes in the pause.

Number nine, you have to have healthy boundaries. Again, boundaries are for you. They are not for other people. If you are in environments that cause you anxiety, change your environment. I know you're going to say, yeah, but I have to have work or I'm in this relationship or I'm this or I'm that, I get it. Trust me, I've lived it all. The thing that you have to do is you have to voice your boundary. Most people don't voice their boundary. They're fear, they're fearful of rejection, they catastrophize the worst case scenario about voicing what they need. And thus, what happens is that they stay in a constant state of anxiety. If you do not take control of your boundaries and especially around things that cause you anxiety, you are going to continue to have anxiety. And what's worse, then you're going to be overwhelmed, then you're going to be burned out. Next thing you're going to look at your life and say, my needs never get met. When the reality is your needs are not being met because you are not meeting your needs, boundaries are for yourself, they are not for other people, you have to understand this, this is the thing that will free you, and if you can put yourself in a position in which you are willing to face the fear of expressing your boundaries, I can almost promise you, for the most part, people will respect that. Most people actually don't even know that they're stepping over your boundaries. So think about your imperative responsibility to navigate that.

And the last one, of course, you guys know number 10 is get help. This is what I do as a coach. This is what many people do as a therapist. This is what we do in support systems, you cannot go about this journey alone. I'm sorry. Like you just can't, if you really want to create change in your life. Every expert I've ever talked to myself included. We all agree that this journey requires community. It requires support. It requires someone who's in front of you, who is trained, who understands, who've lived it, who have created the change to help you navigate it in your own personal life.

And so with that said, guys, keep in mind, you can come and join us in our weekly program. Every Monday night, go to keys.thinkunbroken.com. Every Monday night, 5 p.m. PST. I coach a group of amazing human beings that you should be a part of. And if you are struggling, if you're uncertain, if you have anxiety, if you can't seem to navigate your day to day life, if you feel stuck, if you have self doubt, if all of the things about your childhood are impacting your life for the negative, when are you going to do something about it? That's the question that you have to ask yourself. And if that time is now, I welcome you to the group. Every Monday night, year round, I coach live. We are live. This is not recording. It is not a podcast. It is me helping real humans in real time, create massive changes in their life. Go to keys.thinkunbroken.com my friends. Please remember subscribe, share this, tell a friend because when you do, you're helping others transform trauma to triumph breakdowns to breakthroughs and to become the hero of their own story.

And Until Next Time,

My Friend,

Be Unbroken.

I'll See Ya.