Nikole Mitchell - How To Follow Your Dreams When No One Believes In You | Trauma Healing Coach

Michael: What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode with my friend Nikole Mitchell, famously known as the pastor turned stripper. Nikole, my friend, I'm so excited to have you here. And I know that intro is probably gonna, people like, what the fuck are they talking about? And the reason I wanted to have you on the show, one is I know you, you're my friend, you're my homie, we've spent time together, broken bread, I've gotten to know you, and your story's just incredible and I was thinking about it when I invited you onto the show. I was like people need to understand the power of controlling your identity. And I was like, I don't know anyone better than you to have this conversation. And so, with that, I welcome you, my friend. How are you? What is happening in your world today?

Nikole: What's up! Oh my gosh, Michael, I am so happy to be here. This is gonna be the most fun and deep conversation. Thank you so much for having me.

Michael: Yeah, it's my absolute pleasure truly, it is an honor. For those who do not know you, tell us a little about your story, your journey, and how you got to where you are today.

Nikole: Yes, So I've gone viral as the pastor term stripper. I've gone viral as being known for going from food stamps to seven figures. I grew up really religious, really conservative, picked up on messaging at a really young age of what it meant to be a good girl. And a good girl stayed small, a good girl sacrificed her own for the sake of others, a good girl stayed behind the scenes. All the women in my churches and communities were either in the kitchen or in the nursery, and all the leaders and teachers and powerful people were all men. And so, while I wasn't explicitly told Nikole, you stay in the nursery or kitchen, I saw it. I saw it lived out and that's the messaging I took was like, Oh, I know where I belong. I stay small and I do everything behind the scenes to make the men shine. And I tried so hard to be that good girl, I tried to fit that mold with everything in me. And up until my mid-twenties even, and I went to my first church ever that allowed women to be pastors. And I can't believe I'm saying this in the 21st century, like how is this still a thing like women is fucking equal to men, I don't know how that's still being argued. But it was like liberating for me, I saw women in positions of power. I saw women in leadership and as a natural leader, I felt this thing I'd like stuffed down and clamped down, like come alive. And I was like, Oh, that's me. I'm a fucking leader and like I can speak on stages and talk to thousands and lead and like inspire people.

And so, I became a pastor there. One of many pastors is the big megachurch and, in many ways, it freed me, but as the higher I rose up, the more I felt snuffed out, they didn't want me to be me, they wanted me to be a version of the main head pastor. And as I'm rising up in ranks, I'm jumping through more hoops and I'm compromising who I am more and more, more to please people leadership. I'm like, why am I doing this? Like why am I being paid scraps to be someone that's not even me? This doesn't make sense. It goes against everything they say. What they say was different from what they taught or what they embodied. And so, in 2017, I was really disillusioned with the church, I was sick of being broke. We were on food stamps for eight years. I was married then. We had three little kids. It was so frustrating. It was so exhausting. I was doing all the right things I was taught to do, and I was broken, miserable, and so I decided to just walk away from it all and figure out who is Nikole. When I'm away from all the indoctrination and all of the standards and expectations others put on me, who am I really? What do I want? Who do I wanna be? What's the life I wanna live? And so, I left everything in 2017, I was like Elsa and Frozen. I like left the known for the unknown, followed the call that’s in my heart and it was terrifying cause I had no idea was going to leave me much less to where I am today where I'm a full-time adult content creator. I'm a life coach. I just crossed my first million a few months ago in my business, and it was all because I was willing to leave everything, I once was for the sake of fighting who I really am.

Michael: It's incredible and I relate to so much of that. You know, it's funny actually this past weekend I was in Salt Lake City with one of my very close friends and everyone on this show knows I grew up in a hyper abusive Mormon household and I actually removed myself from the church in its indoctrination when I was 12. And look, context, I always have to say this, I'm not defaming or belittling church or God or religion, you do you. But for me, that didn't make sense. And for a long time, it held over my head, it was like always there, always stopping me. I used to have panic attacks when I would go by a church or somebody would invite me and it was like, this is really weird. So, it took a lot of healing to get through the religious trauma aspects of this and in Salt Lake City this weekend, having being around a church on every corner, like fucking Starbucks. I was having a conversation with my friend. I was like, oh, it's incredible the amount of healing I've done against this religious trauma, ‘cuz I'm not impacted by this at all. You know, you see all these guys walking around with their name tags and the girls and their dresses and you're like, yeah. Do you? So again, that's not about a thing of being offensive to anyone, it's just simply to say like, there are times in your life where you have to question everything because without questioning everything, I think that kind of takes away free will. And when we sit in the indoctrination of really so much dogma that is handed down from us, generation to generation, we get trapped in it. Even today, I was listening to a podcast and someone said something that was just fascinating. Neo Davis, if you know Neo is he was on Dan Henry's show. And what he said was that this idea that we have been trapped in an education system that has led us to this place where we just simply have to be what they tell us.

But entrepreneurship and trusting and believing yourself is kind of like the ultimate pushback against that. And I was thinking about that, getting ready for this conversation with you, and I was like, that's literally both your life and my life simultaneously and independent. I want to go back and start this really in this place thinking about this idea of leadership. And I wanna start there cuz you said, I feel like I was a leader, I was a leader, but I wasn't getting my stage, my opportunity to be myself you even mentioned like they wanted you to be a carbon copy of this other pastor. When did leadership become evident in your life? Why has it held true for you and how have you been able to leverage and use your words to be an effective leader?

Nikole: That's a good question, Michael. You know, I feel like I became first aware of it in high school. I noticed I had this ability to take people from very different cliques in my high school and we could hang out because I was there, I was like this person who bridged the gap. And then if I was sick or out from school, those people would have nothing to do with each other. And then when I'd come back to school, they'd be like, Oh my God, thank God you're back. I could not stand so and so when you're gone. But then when I was there, we could all hang out, have an amazing time and I thought, that's so interesting. When I'm around, people are able to gather and congregate and connect and converse. But when I'm, God, they can't stand each other and I realize this influence I had and so I try to channel that in my youth group like I try to be a leader as much as a woman was allowed to be, or a young woman was allowed to be. But I still very ca so I try to work within these really strict confines, I could speak, I could share my story to the group, but not allowed to teach. I can speak in front of my fellow peers, but I'm not allowed to preach, it was like so many technicalities and so much legalism, and I'd always try to wiggle my way around even in Bible college, I knew I was meant to speak on stages, and so I'd say I'm gonna be a motivational speaker, so I'm not allowed to say I wanna be a preacher, I wanna be a pastor, I wanna be a teacher, that's not allowed. But if I say motivational speaker, some audiences will let me speak to men and women. So, I kept trying to find the way to the appropriate spot that people had available for someone like me. And even at that megachurch, I was like, a leader was still just, they were trying to make me a carbon copy and at some point, I said, am I gonna keep trying to be who they need me to be? Or am I willing to step out into the unknown and become all that I'm able to be without the confines? And it's terrifying, but it's also thrilling ‘cuz you actually have a shot at creating life on your terms when you're no longer trying to live by someone else’s.

Michael: Yeah, that's so true. And I heard, think about this for a moment. Like all of the greatest people in sports, they all have one thing in common, all of the greatest people in leadership, they all have one thing in common. All the greatest people in business, they all have one thing in common. And that's that you always hear this old adage about this idea, that belief is everything. And I think so often, and especially in dogmatic environments, belief is stripped of you. How are you in this time? Because you know, here's what I think is really fascinating about your story, is you're in this position of trying to make the world a better place in the way that you see fit, while also simultaneously kind of trapped in this system and fighting against it to share your voice in your message while simultaneously being unfucking food stamps. What is happening in your life in this moment where you're like, I'm gonna trust myself and go for this anyway? Because a lot of people will hear that and be like, Man, that's rock bottom like why bother? And I hear that and I'm like, that's the perfect time to shift.

Nikole: Yeah. I think for those of us who are born for greatness, we know it at a very young age. I remember being in late elementary school, early middle school, pretending to do TV commercials in front of my hallway near because I knew I was meant to be famous, and like I felt that way, I'd act that way but once the word got out to my friends and close friends, everyone laughed. Like they saw it as vain, as shallow, selfish, silly to want to be famous. And so, I quickly snuff that dream down and hit it and then later but it's always there. We always know when we're meant for more, and it's not for everyone. And that's the thing is like you have to figure out for yourself, is greatness meant for you? Do you want to go to the next level? Do you believe more is available for you? Because if you do, it is. If you don't, it's not. Like we get to create the realities we wanna live in. And so, once I started to surround myself with people who were living out their power and potential, I saw representation. When I saw women online making a lot of money, I was like, oh, does that mean I can make a lot of money online too? So, I look for people who emulated the life that I wanted to have, and the more I surrounded myself with them, the more I listened to the way they talked, the way they talked about themselves, the way they believed in themselves, it started to be almost like an infusion of their belief into me, of my own self-belief and I was like, if they can do it, surely Nikole can do it too.

Michael: Yeah. And in my experience, going through a very similar process, it was, well, I've gotta actually convince myself that I believe it. What was that journey like for you?

Nikole: Yeah. I always tell my clients it's not about convincing others, it's about convincing yourself because once you're convinced, others will be con convinced. Once you believe others will believe as within so, without our external is always a reflection of our internal. So, our biggest and the hardest and most important work you can do, all the stuff inside of here and our heart and our mind, the stories we tell, the beliefs we hold, the possibilities or the limits we place in ourselves. So much of my coaching support is like doing the internal work cuz once we clear stuff up in here, we clear stuff out here. And so, it was a journey to step into believing that I was worthy of more because I was taught by religion. I was deserving of how. I deserved nothing but garbage scraps. And then I found these other people who believed we are inherently good, that we are inherently whole, that we actually do deserve all the good and that was such a foreign concept to me that it took me a lot of reprogramming of believing that Nikole Mitchell is inherently worthy of good things that I deserve, not just crumbs, I deserve the whole damn buffet. And once I could like start to replace these really unhelpful and harmful stories with better and true ones, I felt the shift, I felt from the like kind of cowing and contracting to like expansive and powerful. I went from like tolerating a lot of shit, like having such a low tolerance for bullshit. Like once those beliefs changed, my energy changed, my body changed, my decisions changed but it had to start in here. No one could do that work for me. I had to do it myself.

Michael: Yeah. And that's the part that I wish, you know, it doesn't matter how many coaches you have, how many podcasts you listen to, how many books you read like it really is about that transformation within yourself that's going to lead you to that place. In that, what was the greatest thing that you discovered about who you are?

Nikole: That I am really as powerful as I feel I am. It makes me think of that Maryanne Williamson quote, which I'm totally gonna botch, but where she says, it's not like our smallness that scares us, it's our greatness that scares us, that we are actually as powerful as we feel ourselves to be. And I remember reading that quote like four or five years ago and I was like, Oh my gosh, that's it. I feel immensely powerful. I'm kind of terrified of the change I will create in my life and in the world if I fully step into and own it. And now that I've here, as I've shifted from food stamps to my first million dollars as I went from good girl to free woman, I have so much evidence of holy shit, I really am that powerful and I know I've just begun. I've only begun to tap into my power potential, and I am now tickled, delighted, thrilled to see what I'm gonna create over the next few years and across my lifetime.

Michael: I relate to that a lot. You know, when I was young, and I've said this 8,000 times on this show. I just wanted to be in the Foo fighters or Jay-z like, I wanted to be a rockstar, that's it. And you know, it's funny because to some extent, in my head I am because I'm like on these big stages with the microphone moving audiences to tears, right? I mean, obviously you've seen me speak and that's like this really crazy thing, but when I was young it was very much kind of that thing like you where I'm like practicing in the mirror and then like do all these things and it was interesting because the more and more people would hear about my dreams as a kid, I distinctly remember this, the more that they would shit on and be like, you're never gonna do that. And we are the sum total of all of our experiences leading to this moment and to be dismissive of that is dangerous and so, it's slowly implanted in your head time and again, don't think so big. Don't want so much. Be happy with what you have. Be satisfied. Enjoy the crumbs, ‘cuz at least you fucking got 'em. And I always felt like, no, that doesn't make sense to me because why can those people have it? Like I distinctly remember, the show, oh my god, what was it called? Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. I would watch that show with Robin Leach and he'd be like, these are the houses of billionaires and trillionaires and find us elites of the world and like their lunch costs more money than people I knew would make in an entire year. And I could sit in the living room and watch that show with my grandma and she'd be like, well, don't get your hopes up. And I'm like, that's a really, really poor way to look at the fucking world because you can have anything. When you're in this shift and you're starting to realize like, wait a second, in your words, I can have the buffet. What were the things that were actually happening that was reinforcing that belief?

Nikole: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you gave that example of watching Lifestyle Search and Famous and the comment your grandma made because that's how we get program without even realizing we were being programmed as kids, it's these little things that are family or friends or people in society's sakes, my dad was the same way, where it's just like, to be rich is to be gross. To be rich is to be ungrateful and greedy. So, when I decided to become rich, I had a lot of deprogramming, a lot of unlearning about what that meant because I couldn't even say the word rich. I would cringe when I'd say I want to be rich, as if that was inherently wrong, right? So, I had to go back and neutralize those stories and realize wealth is neutral. Money is neutral. It doesn't change you. It amplifies who you really are. So, if you're greedy, you just have more to be greedy with. If you're generous, you have more to be generous with. And I know that I'm a generous and goodhearted person, so if money belongs to anyone, it belongs to me. And so, I go through and like take these like memories like you that I have throughout childhood and then flip the script, right? And so like, don't get your hopes up and so I imagine my grandma saying to me, Girl, that's gonna be you. And like retelling the story where it infused me with belief, infused me with power, infused me with hope versus feeling crapped on and small and silly for having these desires to be rich and famous, which is exactly what I've always wanted to be. And to finally have a taste of it in my current life feels so good because now I feel like my outsides match my insights. My insights have always known what I've wanted. My external circumstances just never reflected it back to me. It reminds me of Lady Gaga when she like first went viral and becoming famous, and she was being interviewed and they said, how does it feel to be famous? And she said, Oh, I've always been famous. You're just now catching on. And I was like, yes, that's it. Like those of us who know we're meant to be great, successful, famous, wealthy, rich, beyond reason, whatever our things we know, we know from such an early age and we have all these people around us who don't want us to get hurt, who don't want us to be disappointed. So, they crap on our dreams and our desires to try to keep us safe. But trying to keep us safe keeps us small. And in order to go big, you have to take risks. You have to make unsafe decisions, right? You have to invest in yourself at a balance you never thought you would ever do to create the lifestyle, the business, the income of your dreams. And so, thank you for sharing that. And I like that's where the work happens. Are you willing to take these stories and scripts that are passed down to you flip it on its head, and then use that to infuse you to become the most expansive, wealthiest, successful version of yourself?

Michael: Yeah, a hundred percent. And I like the idea of unsafe calculated decisions. You know, because when I first started my photography business when I like 12 years ago or something crazy now, it was a really unsafe uncalculated decision, which cost me everything. And I learned a lot of lessons, the really hard way doing that, and in that, I think that, I mean, just the human experience, I don't know about you, but I tend to learn the hard way. You could sit here all fucking day long and be like, don't do that. Don't do that. Try this, do that. I've seen this work and it's like there is some truth to the idea of modeling, right? Model mimic master Branden Dawson taught me that. But there's also something, and it might just be me, where I'm just like, Man, if I don't put my finger in the fucking electrical socket, I'm just never gonna know. And so, I'm, I'm wondering as you step into that power and that place, when you're going through and you're learning lessons, the hard way. Right. When you're like, fuck, I failed. I messed up. I made a mistake. I did this thing I shouldn't done. And I'm not in your head, so I don't know this to be true, but when I do that for a millisecond, my brain goes, Ah, see, this is why you should have not done the thing to begin with. And it goes, just go do the safe thing, revert, go back and now I've learned how to squelch that incredibly quickly it doesn't impact me. But I'm curious when you face those moments, how do you talk to yourself? What does the language you use and how do you navigate that?

Nikole: Oh my gosh, those moments totally happen for me which is pretty crazy cause I've been doing this now for four years and I've obviously created like incredible results. I have enough evidence to last me a lifetime if I created nothing beyond this moment. I have enough evidence to last me a lifetime that I have the power to create any reality I want. I can change anything I want about my life. I can achieve anything I want. But we still have that very human side, we still have like that inner child inside of us has old fears and old programming that still crops up. So, my latest example of that actually, Michael, is this past year was the first year I've paid quarterly taxes and because I've never owed money, the government has always owed me money at tax season because that's how broke I was for nine years in a row. And then when my business started making money, I owed like baby taxes, it was really cute. I was actually excited to pay taxes because like the first time ever and such little amounts. I'm like, Oh my God, look at me, I'm a big girl. And so, then this past year I was making so much money that I started paying quarterly taxes, and I felt so responsible, I felt savvy, I felt successful like I'm an accomplished wealthy person, like I'm on top of it. But because of situations, things that happen, tax season comes and I'm slammed with six figures more in taxes. Right? And it was just like, wait, I've been paying all this money all year long, here I'm thinking I'm gonna get to the end of the year and it's nothing. I'm neutral, it's good. I can continue to make profit and now they need six figures for me and it's gonna wipe me of my bank account. And I'm just like, wait a second, and it triggered me enough to freak out this old programming that says, well see, just as soon as it gets good, something shitty happens, or you can't trust that the good will always last, good never last. And little Nikole was like freaking out and was like, Hmm, what did he better to make a little less money so I don't get slammed with these big taxes. That was a very real thought that went through my head and I cried, especially when you know you're meant for greatness and it's like, well, and you have the old tapes of like, don't be ungrateful from family or like, don't be great's like, well, maybe this is good enough, maybe this level is where I should stop because if I'm already scared of what I'm getting sum of now what on earth is gonna happen when I'm making multi multimillions like, and I had to do a lot of internal work and like journaling and get support for my coaching and leaning into my foundation and my identity; my identity as someone who has wealth beyond imagination, wealth beyond reason, more money than she wants to do with, and I realized no, this is not where I'm meant to stop I've only dearly started. And so, I leaned in and decided I'm going to keep leveling up, I can manage this big surprise of taxes and I'm gonna just generate more and more money. But it brought up so much fear that it was a hiccup for a good couple weeks where I was like pretty freaked out, probably a month of freaking out, which is not typical for Nikole. I freak out and I get back into my power really fast, this was big enough and unexpected enough that it threw me off for a while and I got scared of like, am I gonna go back now? Or am I gonna lean in? And I chose to lean in. I think that's what the really successful do when it's easy, it's easy, when it's hard, who are you in that moment? Are you actually little Nikole, where you think like you're getting away with being successful, but it's actually all a fluke? Or are you actually this massively successful, wealthy person on the inside who knows more, is even more in sore for her, and so you're gonna lean in and keep fucking going? And I decided to keep fucking going.

Michael: Yeah, that's beautiful. And that's the testament, right? For me, I can tell you, like, I probably could not say that I have a similar moment or experience or outcomes without the coaching and the therapy and the journaling and the meditation and just reinstalling a new program. Like I believe we live in the matrix. Probably not actually, but you know, how would you know, and I always think about this idea like you have the power to really bend the world to you. There's a scene at the end where the agents are shooting Neo against the wall, it's one of the last scenes of the film, and he's dead for a split second. And then what happens is he actually believes that he's the one, and he stands up and he pulls the bullets out of himself and then they shoot him again and he pauses them in midair and he looks at 'em and drops 'em, and he goes, wait, I control this. And that's life, like that truly is life. And as you were speaking, I had two thoughts.

One, I remember the moments, especially in my early twenties before I was working for the Fortune 10 company and making real money where I'd be like, God, I can't wait till tax time, I need that $1,800 more than I need to fucking air. And realizing how limited that is, so that's one. And I'm really glad I don't think that way anymore and I wish more people wouldn't, I understand the struggle. I've been there as homeless as a fucking kid, so like I get it. But two, Grant Cardone told me something after he invested in Think Unbroken and became a business partner, and he said, you're thinking too small. And as you were talking, the thing I was thinking, Nikole was like, you should be worried about getting 10 million in taxes due not six figures. And to me that's not about fame and celebrity and riches, but it's like, are you going as big as you can? Are you really fucking showing up as hard as you can as living the life as much as you can? That reprogramming process and the belief of self that ultimately leads to that place where we can have that ‘cause like I'm not, I don't have a hundred million dollars, but it's like on the docket. Why? Because if you make more, you can give more. And if you give more, you can create change in the world. And ultimately, entrepreneurs are the people who are gonna change the world. These corporations don't give a fuck about you, the government doesn't give a fuck about you, your job does not care. I promise you. If you get fired, they'll replace you so fast, it will make your head spin. And I look again, entrepreneurship's, not for everyone, I think entrepreneurship is really beautiful, becoming a leader in a corporation for something you believe in is incredible. Many, many friends who are on that path, but I think for some people, if you're in this place in life where you're like, I believe that I am supposed to do this thing, and the job, the career, the boyfriend, girlfriend, the situation you're in the city, the car you like, all the things in your life are stopping you. Like, I really think you need to ask yourself some hard questions which then leads to my next question. I'm gonna rewind this, you're in this, you're looking at life fucking food stamps came in, you're in the grocery store, I know the power of how uncomfortable, and I won't put the word embarrassing in your mouth, but for me it was embarrassing to have to go and do that and then have this, for lack of a better term, in context of the conversation coming to Jesus’ moment and asking myself a really hard question. And so, what I'm curious about in that moment, like that split second before the shift. What was the question that you were asking yourself?

Nikole: Oh yeah. I think it was is this, it is this all life has to offer me. This is all I'm capable of becoming. And you're right, I was very embarrassed my food stamps, because I had a couple different food stamps. One of them were vouchers and you were only allowed to buy specific brands of specific measurements and specific sizes for you to check out so I do my best so it takes three times as long to pick out your groceries, and then you get to check out and like, Oh, this is the wrong brand, or the wrong size, or the wrong wait, go back. And so, you and everyone in line behind you sees your white vouchers. So, everyone knows you're on food stamps and then everyone's waiting the line would always get so clogged behind me cause I'm running back and forth, I accidentally grabbed five bananas, you're only allowed four bananas, it was so demoralizing and I'd finish this. I'm like, what am I doing with my life? And the turning point, I mean there's many different turning points, but one of the turning points for me is for when I was on food stamps for nine years, for the last five of those years, we were working harder and longer hours and making less money. Like you couldn't make that up, I'm like, Is this a sick joke? Is this the fucking matrix? Like how can I be working harder and longer in making less money? And so, that's when I realized there's got to be more to money than just physical dollar bills. There's got to be more to money than what Dave Ramsey is teaching like and that's when I learned about like the energetic side of money and that's when I started studying the inner world versus the outer world and your mind versus matter. And like as I dove into wealth energetics, which is actually a program I'm studying next week, because it changed my life, everything shifted and I realized I was looking at money completely wrong. My mindset was completely off and I realized it was my mindset, my beliefs that was creating my reality which means I can change my mindset and my beliefs to change my reality and that was a turning point. Like, this has gotta be a joke, there's gotta be a better way and I found a better way.

Michael: You know what's really funny is so many people, let me rephrase it like this. In the world that we live in, in personal development and personal growth in coaching and all the things, ‘cuz you and I are on very similar path. People in our world, use the word mindset all the time, I use it all time. You use it all time. Everybody uses all the time. And a lot of times people are like, can you just get to the content? Will you just teach me what I'm supposed to learn? And it's like, well, if your mindset's not fucking right this is not gonna matter because you're gonna immediately try to debunk it. You're gonna try to rationalize yourself out of it. You'll try to make meaning of why you can't have it. Like people will make meaning of anything, they will always find a way to justify the things that happen for money specifically ‘cuz I think it matters and it matters probably now more than ever. We're obviously about to be in the biggest global recession in the history of the world, bananas are $97 a pound now like it's gonna get worse before it gets better and I think everybody needs to understand that. And I've been constantly thinking about this idea, it's not about I wish prices would go down, it's about how do I make more revenue? How do I make more income? How do I build myself up more? Because when you're trapped in that small mindset of, okay, I gotta budget and look, of course you have to budget, I budget, we run businesses, there's always money involved like you have to be smart. But it's about can I put myself in a position to learn to allow myself the space to welcome in more abundance, another word fucking thrown around in this industry, like hot cakes, but it's true. And so, I'm curious like what are you excited about right now in terms of your reaction and what was the major, major shift you had about money?

Nikole: Oh my God. I'm so excited I could talk about money all the long day, I'm like, obviously obsessed with it because of everything you just said. Once I realized my mindset was creating my reality, I realized that I had all the power, I kept waiting for my circumstances to change. I kept waiting to win the lottery, though I never bought a ticket for it. I kept waiting for my virtual relative to die and giving the money if I didn't have virtual relatives. We like think crazy irrational thoughts as humans, and that's what we have to master our mindset because I literally thought I could win the litter lottery in someday, that'd be the dream, but did I ever buy a lottery ticket? No. Like, who am I kidding? But that actually was a real thought in my brain for years. I can't wait to win the lottery someday is gonna be the thing that saves me, like it's irrational. So, if I'm willing to like go that extreme in my brain and my thoughts, surely, I can actually channel that into actually helpful thoughts. And then I got so excited when you talk about budgeting, because budgeting makes me wanna vomit. I hate the word budget, I'm in the process of brainstorming with my become a money magnet core students a new word for it because it has the energy of limitation for so many people, right? And as a very free and flowy and fluid human traditional budgeting doesn't work for me, and I don't want a traditional budget because a traditional budget gives you a traditional life. I want an unconventional life, so I'm gonna have an unconventional budget. This was the shift that changed things for me financially, a traditional budget, as you look at how much you're making, you look at your expenses, you typically feel crappy about your expenses ‘cuz so many of us overspending what we make and now you have to look where to contract. I gotta take less over here and spend less over and it's all lack energy versus when I do the opposite. I look at my income, I look at my expenses, and I look at how much more money do I need to make each month to add breathing our own, to feel really good, and I did this when I was on food stamps. When I did this, I was like, I actually need an extra $2,000 per month to actually be able to pay all our bills and have a little bit left over. To make an extra $2,000 that back then you could have told me that was 2 million, that's how big it felt, it felt big and scary and impossible, but at least I had a number to start with.

So, instead of focusing on how to contract and subtract, spend less it was like, how can I become a match for more? How can I make more? So I went all from this energy, from contraction to creativity, and I started brainstorming, thinking bigger, and driving as though I just made an extra 2000 bucks shopping as though I made an extra 2000 bucks and my whole inner energy, body, mind lived experience changed doing budgeting that way. Now I went on to like make $2,000 a month and now I average $2,000 a day, which still blows my mind because that wasn't even a concept in my mind back then I just wanted an extra $2,000 a month. So, that's where we have to shift from traditional decisions because you're just gonna get a traditional life, if you want an unconventional life, you typically have to make unconventional decisions. So, instead of focusing on how do I pay my bills, I focus on how can I create more? How can I be a match for more? How can I generate more? And that's when all the possibilities open up to us.

Michael: Yeah, I love that, and it is energetic because I think in the same way, when you think about relationships or success, the car you drive, the kind of career you have, everything, everything comes down to what you believe you deserve. And we historically, as human beings will tolerate a lot. And unfortunately, you're always going to get what you tolerate from yourself. And the hard part, look, I'll trace it back, I distinctly remember being at 25 years old, I'm 350 pounds, I'm rock bottom, I probably wasted a million dollars literally, I'm brutally in debt, everything's a nightmare because I was living the exact life that everyone told me. And I've talked about my mirror moment on this show many times where I looked at myself and I was like, everything is different. And it made me think about this client that I was working with recently as we were going through coaching and he came to me and he's like, I am trapped every single day by the fear of being who I want to be. And I asked him a question. I said, what do you think's gonna happen when you die? He goes, I think that I'm gonna wish that I would've lived my life. And I go, well, maybe it's fucking time, huh? And I think that's one of the hardest things that we do ‘cuz in my moment of that it was, I literally had to, and this is where I'm leading and I don't know if this is true for you. I to literally force myself into the life I live today. How much of this jerk, cuz motherfuckers are out here, like I read the secret, nothing's different. Yeah. No shit. I'm wondering what was the process for you of actually creating this?

Nikole: I love that and that resonates with me because it was back when I was on food stamps, I read this article called The Top 10 Regrets of the Dying and the one of the top 10, two of them was, they wish they had been like lived their truth was actually who they really were, not who the others needed them to be, and they wish they had actually gone after their dreams. And I read that and I was like, those are two regrets I will not have at the end of my life like it gave me this fire of like, I wanna live my authentic truth now and I wanna go all in on my dreams, I do not wanna die with those regrets. And so, finding things that infuse you to go after it is so important. So, whether it's personal development, books, journaling, listening to this podcast, whatever channel is for inspiration, keep feeding yourself because it's so easy to stop, it's so easy to sabotage, it's so easy to quit. But if you know you're meant for more and you're meant for greatness, you have to fuel your self-belief.

So, for me, it was me learning to not rely on others to save me. So, I was relying on my church to save me financially, with a job, with opportunities, I was so afraid to walk away, they were all my connections to megachurch, they had a ton of connections to other churches and conferences, and if I left my church, I was leaving all those connections. But I had to focus on not just what I was losing, but I was gaining. I was gaining peace. I was gaining my own permission to say, do wear whatever the fuck I wanted and not have to get approval by anyone else. I had permission to start my own business if I so chose to pick my own prices. So, I leaned into what would it look like for me to create money on my terms? What would it look like for me to create success on my terms? What would that look like? And I gave myself permission to dream and imagine and I think I've always known, I've wanted to be like, do my own thing, I didn't have the word entrepreneur, my vocabulary back then, but I wanted to be an entrepreneur and create a life based on my terms.

And so, I decided, well, if no one's gonna gimme the job of my dreams, I might as well create my own fucking job. And that's when I started my life coaching business and began to put a number to something I naturally did well, this is what I help people realize, you're already doing something so amazingly and brilliantly and naturally, and you're just not making money on it because you typically aren't seeing it from a business framework. You're just like, Oh, it's so easy for me, who would ever pay me for this? Or anyone can do this like, I could never charge for this if I make money doing what I love isn't gonna make me hate. And it's like no learning how to monetize your shit, I literally have a program called Monetize Your Shit when you learn how to monetize who you are and what you do so naturally it is the easiest way to make money and it makes it more fun. I already loved life coaching; I realized I was coaching people for years for fucking free. Do you know how much more I love it getting paid for it? I still do what I love. I'm just making bank while I'm doing it. So, figure out like, what is it that you naturally do well, you enjoy doing, you feel like you could do it all day long, now let's put a number to it. And back when I started, I wanted to sell a $10,000 coaching package, but energetically, there's no way I had the confidence to sell that, all I could do at that time with fellow coaching package for a month of support from me for $250, people now pay me $50,000 to work with me one on one totally different spot, but I had to start where I could actually begin. So, pick a number, even if it's tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny because once you do there, you can grow it. So, my first month I charged two 50, loved it so much, did it so well. The next month I doubled it to 500, crushed it with my clients, doubled it the next month to a thousand after that, I charged 3000 and I just slowly raised my raises, I got more experience, I got more confident, I got more rating, testimonial. But it starts with you dreaming and giving yourself permission to create something of your own.

Michael: Yeah. And being willing to be okay like it's so fascinating to me, the human psychology around the idea that we should just give everything to everybody and like we hear this adage all the time, those who don't pay don't pay attention and it's so true. I probably have 8,000 free courses I've signed up for, downloaded on my computer, I'm never gonna do anything with them, but I can promise you this when I paid my coach 50 grand, I promise you I showed up, right? And also like I can rewind to like 250, right? Paying a hundred dollars for a session, like whatever and it's scary especially in the beginning. But it's in doing that, that you find out what you're actually really made of, and it may not be entrepreneurship for you. Right. And that's totally fine like you, but also think about this, you're working at the grocery store, you're working at the gas station, you're working at these minimum wage jobs because you have decided that's, and that's not to say these positions don't matter, and there's not import of those in the world because it's certainly true. But you have to ask yourself, like Nikole, your question like, is this all? Is this all there is? Because if the answer is no, it is your responsibility to do something about it. But you have to be willing to face the fear of figuring out who you are in that process and owning it. Look, I'm gonna be remiss if I don't ask the question ‘cuz people are probably like, Okay, you hit us with this giant opener, you haven't gotten to this thing like what is going on? How do you transition into the authenticity of owning who you are and your truth to step into your sexuality in a way that has benefited you for the positive?

Nikole: Yes. Oh my gosh. You know, well, I love talking about money and sex, so perfect segue and talking about my two very things. But real quick, I wanna say something in regards to what you just said. It is not your fault for what's happened to you. It is your responsibility, however, to heal that shit. Right. It's not your fault for where you're born or what people did to you, but it is your responsibility to heal it so you can rise the fuck up. So, I've always been a very sexual person and because of my upbringing, I learned very quickly that wanting to be a stripper in middle school was not acceptable like I was so excited, I was free in my body, free my sexuality until I was taught not to be free. So, when I was still free with it, I mentioned it to some friends, like, Oh my God, doesn't like everyone wanna be a stripper? Wouldn't that be amazing to dance on like a pole or a bar tops? And the looks I got, I realized, oh, I'm not allowed to say that. And so, I learned from a very young age to snuff it all down inside of me to not let anyone know about my sexuality and how much I yearned to be a performer for almost my entire life and then it was like my mid-thirties where I left everything in 2017 and I was like, I'm just gonna trust the call in my heart that somehow, it's gonna lead me somewhere though I have no idea where. And that's when I started like dabbling in, like modeling. I'm like, I'm new to California, they're modeling, everyone's a fucking model out here, I just try it, it’ll be fun. Like who cares? Like, not even thinking much of it ‘cause I've always wanted to be expressed and so I booked my first modeling shoot, it was my first full nude shoot. And I've never felt more holy and pure in my entire life. And as I took off my clothes, I remember thinking to myself, I was always meant to take my clothes, it felt like home. And the photos came back so beautifully that when I posted them on social media, they were like wildfire and I started getting bookings from photographers from everywhere like I was booked three times a week forever doing shoots. And I realized I was onto something here, my desire to be sexual wasn't random, it was part of my destiny. And so, I booked all these shoots and I had all these photos and you can't post most of them to social media. And then that's when I learned about only fans and I was like, oh snap, I get a place to like post my sexy photos and make some money while at it, fuck yes, like this is a dream come true.

And so, I started posting them online on only fans to just like feel what it feels like to put stuff out there for the world to see and make some money while at it and I freaking loved it. So, now I've been doing it for almost three years, I've make a lot of money in my only fans, and I feel like I'm home. And in many ways, I still feel like a pastor just with less clothes, I take off my clothes to serve the people instead of keep the clothes on, to serve the people and it's amazing.

Michael: I can't help but have to ask this question because I think it's incredibly important. There are a handful of people who I know listening this are going to judge, they're gonna cast judgment, they're gonna throw stones and they're gonna say, Oh, this is obviously just unfilled trauma for this woman and she has a ton of problems she needs to work through. I'm gonna ask this in a very concise way, when you live your life on your terms, how does it make you feel?

Nikole: Oh my gosh, like a million bucks. Happy at peace aligned a person of integrity ‘cuz my insights now match my outsides and not trying to be something but feel something differently. I've never felt happier, healthier, I've never been wealthy, I've never felt closer to God than in the work that I do because I'm literally peeling off all the layers, it is just me, but naked before the divine. And you have to make peace with that before you do what I do online. If you wanna heal all your childhood trauma, you should start an only fans, all this stuff and be public about there like what do you do when your family finds out? What do you do when your friends find out? What do you do when your kids find out? Like you wanna heal your shit? Start an only fans. You don't wanna heal your shit and just cast judgment don't start an only fans and judge people who do like starting this account is like the greatest transformation I forced myself to go through, and I think that's part of why it's so successful is I have such clean energy around it, I'm so authentic, I feel so free, that my fans eat it up cuz you don't get that everywhere. There's a lot of people who do it from brokenness or trauma. So, where do you go to find a place where it's born from wholeness and pureness and authenticity, it's not very common, thankfully. It's becoming more common and I help coach people and support women who start only fans because I want them to build it from a place of wholeness. But it's why I love it, it's why I've been doing it so long, and it's why I have such loyal fans and why I make so much money. It is a breath of fresh air for people who come to that space.

Michael: Yeah. That's beautiful, that's so quotable. And I think about this every single day where it's like we live in a country specifically, especially if you live in the United States where it's like sex is everywhere, but make sure you don't talk about it, but it's everywhere. Buy our product. Don't talk about it, but it's everywhere. Go look at the number one Google results on planet earth, it's everywhere, but don't talk about it and like it's a part of being as humans. And I think that the greatest sense of freedom is self-expression in whatever way you deem is best suited for you, and if it's not for you, that's okay. Right? But to cast judgment against things you don't understand is the ultimate fixed mindset. And whereas I look at the world through this scope of allow people the space to be themselves and you will see the truth of who they are. And in that, what happens is you'll get a reflection about who you are, because if someone's truth makes you uncomfortable, you probably need to ask yourself some hard questions. And my hope is that this conversation, that what people will take away is just understanding the reality that this is up to you, there's no right or wrong. There is no this or that. It's just simply who do you want to be and are you willing to move through the fear to be that person? Because if you are, it's really fucking beautiful what happens on the other side, and that's not about necessarily entrepreneurship or sex or any of those, it's just can you honor your truth and get to that place where when you look in the mirror, you're okay with the reflection on the other side, and that to me is healing, that to me is what it means to be the hero of your own story. Nikole, my friend, this conversation's been incredible, before I ask you my last question, where can everyone find you?

Nikole: Thank you for this conversation, it's been incredible, Michael, I'm just like so floored and happy and tickled. You can find me on all the social medias. You can go to nikolemitchell.com to find my social media, to find my programs to learn more about me. I'm the most active on Instagram and Facebook, and I would love for you guys to come say Hi!

Michael: Brilliant! And of course, we'll put the links in the show notes. My last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

Nikole: I love this. I think it's for me to realize I was never broken in the first place. I've always been whole returning to my wholeness, changed everything, so I realized there was nothing to fix. There were just things to heal, and once I returned to my wholeness and worthiness, the world is yours anything is possible.

Michael: Brilliantly said, my friend. Thank you so much for being here. Unbroken Nation. Thank you so much for listening.

Please like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.