Releasing Childhood Trauma to Attract Healthy Love | with Jaime Bronstein

 So, I'm just gonna speak from the heart and I do have some bullets that I will, that I definitely wanna make sure that I get to and if for some reason I don't get to everything, there are more opportunities which Michael will let you know about at a different time.

So, I wanted to start with just saying thank you so much to Michael for asking me to do this. It's my honor, my purpose in life is to help people, to really help people. And people ask me, what do you door really, how do you help people? Or why do you do what you do? And I always say, I help people to not suffer. And you wouldn't necessarily think that would be the answer that a relationship, love, coach, therapist answer would be, but that is the work that I do. I help people to get past their limiting beliefs to really live the life that they're destined to live. And I wanted to start off before we get into the steps to Courageously Manifesting Love just wanted to talk about trauma and I will be talking about it as I intertwine it, of course, through Courageously Manifesting Love. But I saw this quote from Gabor Maté who Michael interviewed and I wanted to talk about it because it is so meaningful, and I also have another way to look at it as well. So, he says that; “The trauma is not what happened inside of you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is the wound that you incurred, you can heal that wound at any time.” And he was saying, and I agree, that trauma is that you can't change what happened, but you can change how you feel about it.

And what I always say is, the issue isn't the issue, it's how you relate to the issue, that's the issue. And with that said, I just wanted to bring up a book that was very pivotal in life changing for me, and it's called Untethered Soul. I don't know if you guys have heard of it, but it's by David Singer. And I 100% suggest you reading it because the greatest gift from that book is kind of like what I was just saying, which is that something can happen to you in your life, but it's the meaning that you put on it. Like when you drive down the highway, you see trees or you see street signs and you just pass right through and there's no meaning to it, there's no emotion. But when trauma or things that happened to us like to say for us, cuz everything is an opportunity for learning and growth and upliftment. When things happen for us in our lives instead of staying there, we do have the ability to let it pass through with a lot of work. Like Michael was saying, it's a 12-year journey for him.I mean I've been in a spiritual journey for the past maybe seven years, and what I've learned, I'm gonna be teaching today. So, I think Michael's point also is that we've been on long journeys however, wet each this stuff to streamline it and we want you to then teach it to other people to spread the word. So highly recommend that book. Wanted to just talk about trauma that little, just overall in general before I get into manifesting love.

And also, one more thing about that, there's something called a some samskara. So, I've put together kind of all these different ways of looking at trauma before I get into my topic, topic, topic.

So samskara is crystallized energy. And the thing about crystallized energy within our bodies is that it's crystallized until we start chiseling away at it. And I'm gonna talk about that throughout my talk right now about how unless we do something about this trauma, this unresolved issue, this negative narrative in within us, it's not gonna go anywhere. And subconsciously it pretty much prevents us from living our best life and living the life that we're destined for.

So, with that said, now I'm going to start with the steps to manifesting love. And like I said, I don't know if we're gonna get to everyone, but we will start with the truth that is the first step, which is that you need to love yourself unconditionally.

And you guys have all heard, well, you need to love yourself before someone loves you. And you guys have probably thought that that's BS and you've probably maybe not understood what it fully means. So, I'm gonna explain to you what I think that means and why it's so pivotal and why if you look back at your past relationships with manifesting, maybe not the right person, and by the way, this whole talk can apply to even if you're already in a relationship. Everything I'm gonna talk about, everything that's in my book, which I'll talk about, can apply to whether you're already in a relationship or not. It can apply to your career. It doesn't matter. All of these manifesting steps can apply to everything.

So, the reason why it's important to unconditionally love yourself first is because our outside experiences are a reflection of our inner reality. Meaning that how what's going on inside of us, we will literally manifest that reflection of it. So, if you are feeling unworthy of love, unlovable, uncapable, you have trust issues, you're going to manifest a relationship or within your relationship already that will just validate that you are unworthy of love or you can't trust people or you're incapable of having love.

So now you're saying, okay, great, Jamie. So, I've identified that I have those issues, which a lot of people do, all my clients pretty much come in and they start off with that. What do I do about it? How do I change these negative narratives? Now that I understand that it's so important to be living this life where I am living with high vibrations, being joy, peace, confidence, really knowing who I am. And the way to do that, one of the ways is I have something called compassionate self-forgiveness. And like Michael was saying, he learned things and he passes them on. I learned this from spiritual psychology school.

So compassionate self-forgiveness. It's an exercise that is in my book. So, if you don't catch onto this now, you can get my book, it's called Manifesting A Step To Step Guide To Attracting The Love that is meant for You.

So, this is what you do. You close your eyes, you put your hand in your heart, you identify what the misbelief is, what the judgment is, what the thing that just is not true is. So, you'd say, I forgive myself for buying into the misbelief, that I'm unworthy of love. And then in a session I would prompt my client to say, what is the truth. You can do this in line at Starbucks. You don't have to put your hand in your heart and close your eyes. You can do this walking down the street, you can do this anywhere. And then you ask yourself, what is the truth? And the truth is that, of course, I'm worthy of love. And at this point I want to tell all of you that it is your birthright to have love in your life. There's no way, I have so many clients that say, but, but, but this, but that. And I say, do you really think that God said every single person on this earth is worthy of love and is gonna have love except for you? No. Everybody is worthy of love.

So, getting back to the exercise, whatever your unresolved issue is or whatever your misbelief is, you say, forgive myself for buying into the misbelief or forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy was the truth. I am worthy. And you can do this with anything, whatever your unresolved is issue, or whatever your misbelief or misinterpretation or limiting belief anything is, you turn it around. And this is all about getting on stock, which we've talked about already tonight. I'm sure the other speakers are gonna talk about it also.

One of the problems with trauma is that people feel like a victim. And what I wanna offer to you is that it's important to get out of victim mode. Going along with everything we're talking about with this first step of manifesting love. You need to get out of victim mode. And why is that? For the same reason that I was just saying, it's because our outside experiences, our reflection of our inner reality.

So, if you identify as a victim, you will manifest experiences and people that will reflect that you are a victim. So once again, the way that you get out of victim mode is to first acknowledge, okay, I identifying as a victim, you wanna go from victim mode to thriving mode. So, you can do that compassionate self-forgiveness with that. I forgive myself for buying into the misbelief and I'm a victim. What is the truth? I am a beautiful being that is worthy of everything in this life. I'm empowered. I am strong, and I'm not gonna let my past determine my future. It's about making that choice.

So, Michael has talked about this also already, make that choice to start today to say, okay, this happened to me, this happened to me, this happened to me. This was fucked up, this sucked. I did not sign up for this, but what am I gonna do about it? 

And then you have that moment, you have that tender moment with yourself and you say, okay, this is the day that I'm gonna start because it doesn't, might not happen overnight, it takes practice. But this is the day that I'm gonna start to start bombing myself more and not identifying as a victim ‘cuz I know what's on the other side of this and what's on the other side of this is freedom. What's on the other side of this is love, pure love, the love that is meant for me.

So, let's move on from, I'm kind of keeping track of time, but not really so Michael, just gimme a little shout out if you need to. And like I said, I don't know if we're gonna get to every step. I mean, a 200 and something page book that I wrote. So, I'm trying to pack it all in.

But another very important part of courageously manifesting is forgiveness. And we were talking about compassionate self-forgiveness. 

Forgiving yourself

Forgiving yourself for anything that you've ever done ‘cuz that's really what loving, unconditionally loving yourself is. I forgive myself. I love myself no matter what, and I forgive myself. It's also about forgiving the other people in your life. And I know that that is, seems so hard to do and I'm sure you guys, if you're here, I'm guessing you've dabbled with some sort of therapy, maybe not. It is so hard to do. This doesn't mean you have to be best friends with this person or you ever have to see this person again. You don't even have to have a talk with this person, but to free yourself from the chains, to forgive anybody in your life that you are holding that crystallized energy with, because it's sounds cliche, but it's true. It's only hurting you; it's only keeping you back from love. So, forgiveness is a huge part of courageously manifesting love.

Intuition

Intuition is huge. Intuition is my absolute favorite, favorite, favorite topic when it comes to manifesting love. And I just wanna tell you first, cuz people hear intuition all the time and they think it's like Lesley was saying, well, she didn't say woo woo. She said, woo, only one woo. I'll just say woo woo. People think intuition is woo woo. And do you know what, yes, I'm an intuitive, I also do readings even though you wouldn't necessarily know that about me. I'm an intuitive I can connect with people that have passed on but really what intuition is, and we all have it, and why it's so important with manifesting love is it's that connection with ourselves.

So, you need to be connected with yourself and know what you're looking for in order to actually manifest love or manifest a better relationship.

In intuition, let's say you are single. Intuition comes really handy when you are on a date. Is this a yes or a no? Or you get into a relationship, you're in a relationship for five years. Is this a yes or a no? And the truth is that you always know the answer. You knew from the beginning the answer. But people make themselves so crazy over having to ask a million people what the answer is, what their answer is when we are the experts of ourselves. So, an exercise for starting to hone in on your intuition, and it's just a muscle like anything else, is just to start being conscious. Everything is about fear and love. Am I making the fearful choice or I making the loving choice? The fearful choice would be, I'm making this choice because this person thinks that I should, or society thinks that I should. But the loving choice is I know what makes me happy and so I'm gonna make that choice. And so, love is why we live. Love is why we live. You want to make really good choices. So, connecting with your intuition is so important.

The exercise is before you go to sleep at night, I want you to say the top 10, I am statements. I am smart, I am funny, I am courageous, whatever those think of 10 qualities, say them before you go to sleep at night and then ask the universe, okay, if you're not spiritual, it doesn't matter, just ask yourself to connect with yourself. It doesn't matter. But in your sleep state, you will find that when the more you do this nightly, the more you'll feel more connected with yourself and the more connected with yourself, the more your intuition will grow and the more you'll be able to manifest that right person for you because you'll be showing up as your authentic self.

Believing and trusting.

So, in order to manifest love, and now let's just bring in, since I know I have a little bit time, let's bring back the trauma, anything that happened in your life that is keeping you from love.

You will give yourself any excuse to not find love, to not get love, your ego, which is your fear-based mind will keep you from being in your heart and your authentic self. It will keep you from believing that that love is actually out there for you. So, what you have to do is you have to have a talk with your ego. And you have to say, I am driving this bus. Take a backseat motherfucker. Okay. Take a backseat. I know you're trying to keep me safe. I know you're trying to keep me from getting rejected. I know you're trying to keep me from getting hurt, but I got this. You have to believe it's going to happen for you in order for it to happen. And you have to trust that it's going to happen for you in order for it to happen. You have to trust yourself and trust the universe. And that brings me to something that was so life changing for me when I learned that the universe gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. My mind was blown.

So, if you can say, Okay, I understand that this is what I want, but I'm gonna trust, I'm gonna trust in some higher power that whatever needs to come into my life will come into my life. Then that will bring you that which is supposed to come into your life. And I personally believe that everything is all planned out, it couldn't have happened any other way, which is, I know for all of us so hard to believe. I also believe we choose our parents. So, this is kind of a hard concept to wrap your brain around but if you can have pure acceptance of everything that has happened to you, and I feel like I'm getting in a little bit of a segue, but I feel so strongly about this because acceptance, what I've learned from my spiritual teachings is that acceptance is really the first law of spirituality.

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. As much as you hate it, as much as you wish it could have been different. Acceptance. Cuz acceptance makes you free. It frees you. So, getting back to believing and trusting, believe and trust that it's going to happen.

Visualize

Actually see whether you're already in a relationship or you're gonna manifest love, actually see things getting better actually see that person in your life. Let's just address the single people. So, from as simple as if you're single, undo both sides of the bed at night. Actually, live as if that person is already in your life. If you're pouring yourself a glass of wine or setting the table for dinner, invite your future or present person to the table also, this is getting a little woo woo, however you can talk to their soul. Meaning like, before you go to sleep at night, how was your day? And for some of you, you're like, what are you talking about? But I know that there are some of you that do like the stuff, so I'm just gonna say it anyway. So, live your life as if that person is already in it. And that also brings the confidence to your life like I remember years ago, I mean, I was some early forties, okay, no, but a long time ago, I was a teenager and I remember just feeling a little insecure. And this is obviously way before my spiritual journey. And I've always been an old soul and I think I was also destined to be a therapist and I had a talk with myself and I said, I'm just gonna show up at school at this summer program. I'm just gonna show up as more confident than I actually am. And I did. And the reactions of people around me was exactly what you would think would be the reaction to somebody that was more confident than someone who was more reserved.

So, when you live as if something is actually happening, it literally happens. People react to that. So, if you live as if that person's already in your life, it just helps the universe bring that person closer to you and in its faster fashion.

Surrendering

So, this kind of goes back to what I was saying before, which is the universe knows better than we do, this also is a little talk about control. We love to control as humans, it's our favorite thing to do. But control is an illusion. We can control what we put in our mouths. We can control what we say. However, when it comes to everything else in life, control is an illusion. So, if you just say, okay, I'm gonna do everything I possibly can to manifest love, but at the end of the day, I'm also going to not have this desperate energy, cuz that doesn't help. You know, if you focus too much on something, universe gives us what you focus on. If you're focusing on the fear, it's not gonna happen, then it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy and it won't happen. So, I'm going to just sit into this, I'm going to live into this. I am going to do everything I can, be my authentic self, believe it's gonna happen, trust what's gonna happen, do my compassionate self-forgiveness, heal, do everything I possibly can. And at the end of the day then say I surrender. I surrender. And in my book, I talk about Maya surrender story with my husband because I mean, I didn't meet my husband till I was 34. And through trial and error, I mean, I was a huge dater. I felt like I did every man in this whole world. I was also a very good girl so, I wasn't like promiscuous, but I learned a lot and I had had enough of the situation ships and everything. And so, in my book, I talk about my surrender story. I bring up my grandparents also I was going to lunch at their house and I walked in the door and I said, I'm free because on that drive from the city to my grandparents' house, after I had a situation ship night, the night before, I decided I'm done. I'm done with meaningless things and there had to be a different way. So, I went through this whole, all the steps that I just went over. And the biggest thing was that I just surrendered. And I said, okay, universe, like I'm trying so hard. I'm doing so much, but now I'm just gonna give it up to you and then my husband showed up, I don't know, maybe two months later at the end of the summer.

So surrendering is really important also. And also, it lifts this heaviness from us that this feeling, this pressure of, I have to do everything. If you say, okay, I know I'm doing everything, but now I'm just gonna ease into trusting, believing, visualizing, and all the other steps that I talked about, and you just surrender.