SIX Areas in Life for Personal Growth and Transformation

It's absolutely gonna be a transformative day. I'm so excited for it guys!

We're gonna power, we're gonna make some moves today.

And so first and foremost, number one, just like yesterday, I want to bring your attention to your focus, right? The world is full of distractions. We have all these things happening all around us all the time, and it's always a little bit chaotic. But remember, right now, this time here, right now, where you are is about you. It's not about anybody else. It's not about the outside world. It's not about your job. It's not about even your kids right now, or your spouse or any of that stuff. It's about you because this transformation in this healing journey is for you, my friends. So, take all the space that you need today to show up, to be here, to be present.

And again, I'm always gonna start these with gratitude in the same way in the morning, I always think about gratitude. I don't always write it down because I'm always like, man, how many times can you write down the same thing? But I always think about it like, what is one thing that I am very grateful for today? And today when I woke up and I put my feet on the ground, I was grateful for the opportunity to be here, to serve you, to be able to come and give you everything that I know about this journey and that gratitude is really for you because without you, I wouldn't be here, who knows what I'd be doing, but I wouldn't be doing this. And so, I'm thankful for you guys and I'm thankful for you to be here and to trust not only yourselves, but your time with me ‘cuz like time is the most important thing that we have on planet Earth and so it means the world to me that you are giving me yours.

INTENTION:

Now in intentions, everything. I talk about this all the time. How are you showing up today, my friends? Ask yourself that question. Like, how are you showing up? Are you showing up present? Are you showing up excited? Are you like, and be honest too, because it's okay like a lot of people will try to run from their emotions and their feelings. If you are showing up, hesitant, if you're showing up and kind of feeling like, man, I had a hard night's sleep and I can't really get focused and life feels kind of chaotic today like honor that. You know, so many people run from their emotions, it's like, yo, if you're in a bad mood, like, okay, cool, so be in a bad mood. But guess what? You can be in a bad mood and still change your life.

One time I was in my therapist's office and it was a rainy Wednesday afternoon and I was talking to him. I was like, man, I'm depressed. Like I just, you know, again, here we are, I mentioned this yesterday and he goes, you can be depressed and still tend to your garden. And I'll never forget when he told me that that was such a powerful thing to hear because I didn't know like you were allowed to have emotions and still live your life. So, guys, please remember that you're allowed to have emotions and live your life. And of course, I wanna go through expectations.

We're gonna talk about understanding the impacts of trauma. Yesterday was just foundational, we're gonna go deeper today. We're gonna get into actions. We're gonna get into how to regulate your emotions even more. How to create your future, how to face your fear, how to understand the impact of men in mentorship and mindset shifts; we got some mindset shifts experts today, y'all, I'm telling you that I'm not even telling you who's speaking yet ‘cause I want you to be surprised, but I promise you that the person coming up after me, like I may not even need to be here anymore like real talk because they're so good. And so, we'll, you know, that's the thing about this like, it's incredible what can happen with the right people around you, we're gonna go deeper in how to be unbroken.

Guys, in VIP. Please turn your cameras on. Be present, be a part of this. It's incredibly important that you show up that you're here with us. And again, I'm gonna say it. I know I said it yesterday, guys, let's keep it pg. I know some of y'all, I see you like accidents happen. I've got the internet too. I've seen it happen. Make sure your clothes are on, guys. Hit those emojis, hit those laughs. I got you guys. 

And then before we get started, guys, we talked about this idea of what it is to go down this tunnel together yesterday, we're going down it again. So, I want you to grab your flashlight. I want you to hold your phone up and I want you to remember what we talked about every single day when we're going down this tunnel, right? Whether it's me in front of you or you in front of somebody else. We're guiding each other through the darkness. So especially guys on VIP, I see you! You get this thing right here and you remember that we're in this together. We're going down this path. We're doing this in a way that's about connection.

And so, remember that this guide, this is about us coming together, walking down this tunnel and giving each other strength through this journey. And your life can be completely different in one year from today.

I want you to continue to remember that because this is so important.

People are always like, man, nothing's changed, nothing's changing, nothing's changed. This whole journey, this whole process is about momentum. This whole process is about showing up day in and day out. This whole process is about coming together in a way where you have the tools and you have the community to keep moving forward. Guys, so thank you so much especially for those of you who took your phone out. You can throw it back down, save that battery, especially if you're watching on your phone. 

We constantly have to be in this place of questioning our beliefs and what we have right now. And you have to ask yourself, why are you so desperately looking for excuses not to do this, my friends, if you're finding reasons in your life to not show up, if you're finding reasons in your life to have a life that is of lack, that is not of abundance and joy and hope and grace and love and compassion and relationships and all the things that you want, you have to ask yourself why.

And we're gonna talk about some incredible mindset shifts. Guys, today is shift day, we're gonna make some shift happen. And if you know what that means, you know there's a special guest coming. And so, guys, this shifting that's going into what's next is so incredibly important. But you have to let go of the beliefs that you used to have that brought you to where you are because the beliefs you have today are not going to take you to where you want to be. If you get this, “the beliefs that you used to have will not get you to where you want to be.” And the reason why is because most of those beliefs weren't yours to begin with, those are beliefs, those are limiting beliefs from the people that raised you, from the community, from society, from the government, from school, from everything like thanks Obama, right? It's like these beliefs, all these things in our lives, we've been brainwashed into thinking certain things that are not true.

And so, today we're gonna talk about shifting those limiting beliefs and how we get out of them. And remember, my friends are just one decision away. And as being in this room right now, you've already made a critical first step into what is next. And of course, we talked about this yesterday, but at the end of this, I'm gonna give you everything you need to get unstuck, to love yourself, and be the hero of your own story in the next 12 months and I'm gonna teach you everything that being unbroken means. It's about loving yourself, about getting support when you need it, getting unstuck, standing up for yourself, holding onto your boundaries. One of the things that trauma survivors struggle with the most, we're gonna get into inner child healing, community, controlling anxiety, depression, accountability, and being in safe relationships, which is everything.

And of course, just like yesterday, you have to ask yourself, would you invest $43,046? If I could guarantee your transformation? And if you could have a guaranteed transformation in your life. If you're willing to do whatever it takes to go to the next level, to be the hero of your own story, to let go of all the limiting beliefs, to be able to stand proudly on your own two feet and say, this is my life. Type in “I am”…

But I want to remind you real quick that when you commit to yourself, when you invest in yourself, when you ask for help, and when you do whatever it takes to be the hero of your own story, you will be unbroken.

It's time to make a commitment to yourself again, same commitment that I made to myself. What we're doing right now is we're brainwashing ourselves like I'm not even gonna hide it from you, right? There's a lot of coaches and speakers and all these fucking people in the world, they'll pretend that they're not telling you the thing. I'm never gonna hide anything from you or this community. I'm brainwashing you guys right now into power because for so long we've been brainwashed into this idea that we're not good enough, we're not strong enough, we're not capable enough, we don't matter. And you hear all of these things for years, but it's just not true. And so, when you commit to yourself, everything in your life will be different.

Now, this was my commitment to myself.

I committed to bet on myself, to invest in myself, to ask for help. And so, if you guys want to have the same commitment I did, you know, put your hand over your heart right now and do this if you trust yourself, like if you've never trusted yourself in your life right now, give this to yourself because so many people are scared to commit to themselves because they're so used to letting themselves down because they've been told it's okay, right? But you guys already said that you get it. You're gonna let go of limiting beliefs to go to the next level, right? And so, if you're one of those people, put your hand on your heart and say, “I commit to bet on myself, to invest in myself, to ask for help, and to do whatever it takes to be the hero of my own story, heal my trauma, and be unbroken.”

And my friends, that's the game like, that's the game. And so, you guys are ready? If you're ready, one more time. Let's get into this right now, my friends, I'm super excited to be here with you.

MINDSET

This is everything. Like you can't see it. I talk about this all the time in front of me. There is a giant sign that says this mindset is everything.

This is everything, guys. The way that you think about what is next in your life is going to be the very thing that transforms you to give you the ability and the tools to have the life that you want to have. The mindset shifts, what we're going to go through today is going to make it so that you know exactly how to take the next steps. Okay? So, we're gonna go through the six principles. These are principles that I came up with after I realized I'd been doing this wrong for so long. How many of you guys have ever been like banging your head against the wall? You're like, I'm trying everything and it's not working, right? I'm like, Jesus, would this please work for five seconds, right? Please work, can I please figure something out here? And I realize something really important and I want to show you guys my whiteboard. So, what I'm actually gonna do is I'm gonna kill these slides. I'm gonna pull out the old trustee whiteboard here ‘cuz I want you guys to see what we're going through.

SIX AREAS IN LIFE

1. FREEDOM

I remember this like it was yesterday, I was sitting in my kitchen in Portland, Oregon, and my roommate had come into the kitchen and she was looking at me and she was like, something about you seems different today. And I was like, yeah, something is different today. I feel free. I feel free. And she's like, you feel free, like, what does that mean? And I was like, I feel like the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders anymore. How many of you guys would like to have that feeling? How many of you guys like, I would love the filling of freedom?

Well, here's what I figured out in this journey, you have to give yourself permission. You have to allow yourself the ability to step into freedom and to be open to change. See, most people are not open to the possibility of being someone different than they are today because we've been indoctrinated so deeply by this idea that we have to be exactly what everyone told us to be. You have to be willing to be open to the change, to find freedom because what will happen is when you find freedom, you will realize that this is the greatest sense of self that you will know because you will start to walk down this path where you're doing things because you choose to. How incredible would that be to be able to do things because you want to do them because you feel it? Because it's your choice and your decision, not someone else. Right? Would that be incredible? Would that be an amazing feeling? Are you guys getting this, that freedom it's number one but it's freedom you give yourself, like I can't give you the freedom, nobody else can give you the freedom and the freedom that you give yourself is the willingness to be open.

2. MOVE FORWARD

Most people will judge themselves when they fail. And what I realized is what you actually have to do is continue to move forward. You continue to move forward. And the reason that you continue to move forward is because when you understand that, when you make mistakes, when you have failures, when you have breakdowns in the systems and things don't work and life fills against you because maybe you did that thing you said you weren't gonna do again, right? The very thing that you have to do is recognize that you don't judge yourself in that moment.

The world is already judging you. The world is already waiting for you to make mistakes, everybody is, especially in the world we live at now, they're pointing a finger. Somebody already emailed me and they were like, dude, your conference is stupid. Literally, I took a screenshot of its last night, it's gonna go into my favorites folder on my phone cuz I wanna look at that stuff and be like, I will not let that person stop me. Ever. Ever. Right? Because I know I see hundreds of you guys watching this and I know that you're getting massive, massive value out of this.

And so, for me, people will judge you. I will never judge myself even if I make the worst mistake. I could burn down my whole house, I could crash my car. I could go into massive dead again. I could do all the things in planet earth that mess up everything I've ever built and I would not judge myself. Instead, I would ask myself a question, what did I learn from this? You know, one of the things that I learned from Tony Robbins is he goes, you have to remember life is happening for you, not to you.

And so many of us, we feel like life is happening to us like there's avalanche always falling on top of us like we're always getting stuck, like we're always getting beat up, but my friends, it's just not true. The way we interpret it, that mindset is everything concept. When you go through this process in this healing journey and you are letting your mind drift into what I call the danger zone, where you're beating yourself and judging yourself for the mistakes, that's also called the vortex, my friends. And so, if you are in that place in your life where you're judging yourself, I want you to pause and I want you to ask yourself why are you beating yourself up? And I want you to continue to move forward.

3. TOGETHER

This was a revelation for me. I realized something when I was 29 and I was getting ready to leave my home and leave Indiana and move across the country and go into therapy with one of the world's most renowned trauma therapists and step into men's group therapy to go to adult children's groups and I was just going all in guys. And I realized, because for the previous three years I'd kind of just been trying it on my own. I realized there was a missing piece of this. I'm like, I know people talk about it, but I don't think that people do it in this way in which they really sit in the truth of what this means.

The most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced, and I'm gonna get into this later tonight. But the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced in my life was the first time that I walked into men's group therapy at 30 years old, almost eight years ago, guys. And there were these six other men who were there, and I was like, oh, this is very uncomfortable. And as I continued to go every week for years, what happened was a bond was created and a brotherhood was created. And this was the same thing that I started experiencing when I went into coaching groups, when I went into mentorship, when I got my community and that's the same thing that we see happening with the Unbroken weekly coaching sessions. We're building community, we're coming together. And you have to understand, you're not alone. You have to leverage a support system. If you think that you're alone, I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you that's gonna fuck you up real quick.

There's almost 8 billion people on planet Earth, there's no way you're alone. And this is gonna be a hard truth but remember I'm here to guide you and this is said with love my friends. If you are alone right now, it's because you're deciding to be. I know that's a hard truth. I know it is, and it hurts and it's probably uncomfortable and you're probably like, screw you. You don't know what I've been through. I get it. There's always a space to volunteer. There's always a community that needs more support. There's always a church group that you can go. There's always a support group. There's always the unbroken community. There's always a way to find people to support you, my friends. But you have to be willing to go and find it.

Think about this, ask yourself a question.

And so, one of the incredible things that you guys, maybe without even being able to acknowledge it you are doing is step number three. You're in step number three because you're like, I'm gonna go and be a part of this thing. I don't know what it is, it's a little scary. I hear this guy on podcast. He speaks on these stages. I don't know. I'm gonna go see what that is. And now I can see there's community being built. I see you guys in the group chats. I see you guys in in the breakout rooms, and that's what this process is. 

4. EXCITEMENT

When you start to understand the biological experience that you're having, you see the emotions that we have sometimes serve as and sometimes they don't, right? You can probably think about a lot of the emotions that you have. Well, one, two of the emotions that actually parallel each other when you go and you study them, if you put a brain in an MRI machine with dye and you show them photos of two different things, one being scary and one being super excited, the brain actually has a very similar ex response. This one was an interesting thought that I had because I was like, this doesn't make sense to me, but it kind of does and then I saw the science of it and I was like, oh yeah, duh. We're just biological, we're just having this human experience all the time where our brains are trying to make meaning of things, and these chemicals are rushing through. And so, you get to this place of excitement. Can you be excited about the thing that you're gonna do?

So, I was backstage, I was getting ready to go do a talk in Dallas a couple of years ago, and one of the people were like, man, aren't you nervous? I was like, no, I am excited my friend, because so much of the way that we think about the things that are scary actually are not scary, they're not as scary as you think they are because when you understand that. Think about this, I'm gonna lay this out. So, something happens and you're a little bit fearful, and you have this feeling of anxiety, right? Your stomach feels weird, your eyes get zeroed in, your heart starts pounding, your palms get sweaty, that's the same thing that happens when you're super excited think about it. You bump into somebody you have a crush on, right? You go and you get the opportunity to finally do that thing you've been trying to do for so long. I remember the most excited I've ever been where I was like, I really, really had to get into number four. I gotta have one of my mentors on the podcast. And the night before, I was like freaking out and then I was like, wait a second. I'm excited about this. I control my mind; I control my emotions. I control everything that's happening. And so, excitement is a leverage is a tool that you can use, but you have to decide which one it is. And so yesterday we talked about this concept of having a pause, of having a timeout, of giving yourself a bit of space to think things through before making decisions or choices. And this is where this excitement concept really comes into play, right? And so, if you can be excited, what will happen is fear worth will subside and you'll move forward anyway, right? And that's one of the things. So, if you get that, that makes sense. The science of it is something I go into in one of the master classes, the science of trauma, we don't have enough time now, so if you don't understand the science, we'll go into that later.

5. NOT BROKEN

And then this one's interesting because I think people fail to understand in this journey and in this mindset this. This is what I didn't know, this is the very thing that this entire company, that this entire training and this event is built on. It's about being not broken. And it's like we all have been there, but guess what? You're not a freaking clock, you’re not a car, you're not a television set, you're not a fucking phone, you are a human being having a human experience. You're not broken, that's a lie, that's that brainwashing that we were talking about, that we've told ourselves to have this idea, this belief that somehow because of our past, we're never gonna be able to come through it, right? That's the inner critic, that's the self-sabotage, that's the limiting beliefs. You guys hear all these words all the time, but you have to understand, the words you use are so incredibly important, they're so incredibly important because a lot of people, what they do is they actually predetermine their destiny, I'm gonna tell you how they do it because what they do, is they have a series of words that they use that will not give them the space to overcome those words. I can't. I won't. I shouldn't. I'm not good enough. Not for me, not gonna happen. It's for somebody else. I'm broken. I don't deserve it. Right? We all have used those words at some point in time we've all used those words. Then the reason that those words are so incredibly dangerous is because they actually eliminate a possibility from your life because the second you say, I don't deserve it, guess what? You don't. You have already to decide it. And so, when you say that you are broken, which people do, everyone in this room has so many of us say it, it's so toxic, so poisonous that when you say it, you have already predetermined it to be true. But my friends you’re not broken.

And here's how I know because if you were, you wouldn't even be able to be here right now, right? You wouldn't even be able to show up. You wouldn't be able to even get on your damn computer, your phone to come and be a part of this, right? Because brokenness is a concept and an idea like anything, just like being unbroken.

Yesterday when we went through the meditation, when we went through the breathing with Lesley, she talked about, she says, I am unbroken. We repeated that mantra to ourselves for a long time because it's true, and it's a reminder. These are the words you have to use. And some of you guys are using words that are so mean to yourself like think about it, how mean you can be to yourself? And like if you use those words with me, I would punch you in the face, right? And you think you'll be successful, but you won't. Right? You won't. And so, what you have to do is you have to start operating your life in kindness. And so, this is something I teach all the time, it's something we went over.

You're gonna write this down because when you do this, what will happen is it becomes the framework, it really, truly will for what's next. You write down;

“I am the kind of person who is kind to myself”

Then that's going to become a tool that you use every single day when you're in those moments of being unkind, of being hurtful, of self-flagellation, of punishing yourself, right? Because when you're operating through a scope of kindness, you can't be mean to yourself, it's impossible. You can't do two things at once that are contradictory of each other. Right. You can't, it's impossible, it's physics. And so, if you're operating through a scope of kindness, and you're in this limited mindset, if you're in this limited belief, if you are in this place of pain or suffering or hurt and you're beating yourself up and you're going, I'm broken, I don't matter. I don't deserve it, you go, no, no, no. Shut up. Brain, I'm in control because I'm the kind of person who is kind to myself.

And my friends, if you leverage that, if you use that, I promise you the things that are happening are gonna be revolutionary in your life. So, if you get that type, I get it. Let me know that you get it. I wanna make sure that it makes sense that you got it.

Let's go into my favorite. Can anyone guess what my favorite thing about being unbroken is? Can anyone guess if anybody gets this right, I got a great surprise for you. If anybody can guess my number one mantra, the number one thing, guys, there's some of you in this VIP room who have been following me for years, you know what it is? Somebody in this room knows what it is. We talked about it multiple times yesterday, it's the very thing that will shift everything in you, it's the very thing that will take you to the next level, it's the shift that I made when I asked. I'm gonna give you a clue. This is like trivia night. I asked myself a question, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have?

6. NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS

And I saw somebody say they can't read my handwriting. I know my finger got cut off, it is what it is, guys. Here's the deal, this concept, this idea, no excuses, just results. This is really simple and it's hard for people to understand until they understand it. And I've had people push back at me and go, that's not very trauma-informed, that's not healing. Well, if you remember what we went to yesterday, I shared that quote from Dr. Caroline Leaf and she said that sometimes you just have to do it. You can't wait for the right time. You can't wait for the right emotion. You can't wait for whatever that thing is, right? You have to just take action.

You have to just do it. And that's what no excuses just results is because sometimes the very thing that's keeping you from being able to go to the next level is that excuse that you're seeking.

I'll tell you a story. So, and again, this isn't about weight. It's not about weight as in size and pounds, this story that I'm about to tell you is about love for myself.

And so, when I was 26, after my rock bottom moment, after I put a gun in my mouth, after I was done with everything, and I made that decision, I asked myself that question, what are you willing to do? And the answer being no excuses, just results like I literally meant it. And when I made that choice, when I made that declaration to myself, what it meant was, I'm gonna do whatever it took to go to the next level. And so, what I started doing was everything, right? And what it looked like was I started investing every penny that I had into my healing journey. I'm gonna tell you a story about the first time that I did that later today, I started going to the gym. I started eating the right foods. I quit smoking. I quit drinking every day. I quit getting high when I woke up, right? I quit all these things that were taking from me, because what I realized is that often we punish ourselves in the ways that our parents or our caregivers or our community hurt us as kids. Some of us are in terrible relationships. Some of us are in unfulfilling careers. Some of us are in massive debt. Some of us are doing really awful things to our bodies because that's what we've been told is okay, this, that same brainwashing.

And so, I came up with this idea about no excuses and what happened was now I found myself in going to the gym all the time, showing up to therapy and taking it seriously, investing in courses and programs, selling everything that I owned, literally everything that I owned to pack my car, to drive 2000 miles to a place I'd never been before, to go to a therapist who was world renowned and to sit in his chair and to be in his groups and to learn from all of the people who had been there before me. And what's interesting is what will happen when you start this journey, people around you, they will judge you and they will look at you and they'll be like, what are you running from?

I'll never forget this. I sat with my best friends one night before I decided to leave, and I shared with them my story. I told them more about me in half an hour than I had an almost a decade of knowing these guys. And they asked me a question they said, what are you running from? And I was like, guys, you don't get it. I'm not running from anything. I'm running to me. And that's what happens when you stop making excuses. You give yourself the ability to run towards you and the person that you choose to be.