The Secret of Breaking Limiting Beliefs from Childhood Trauma

Over the course of my life, one of the things that has really allowed me to create a change and one for the better that involves a what I will call tremendous amount of personal effort is this concept that I realized many years ago that our decision-making process is the very thing that shapes and creates our lives. Now in our journey, one of the things that most people don't really understand is that drama kind of shapes who you're going to become until you make a cognizant decision to no longer be that person. Example. How do you go from someone who drinks, smokes, cheats, lies, steals, doesn't take care of themselves, is, for lack of a better term, a shitty person, and ultimately flip that on its head to become And people ask me all the time about like, how did I really change my life after trauma? What did it take for me to truly heal and become this person? I think there's a couple of elements to this.

One, I think the healing journey is a forever journey. And when you make the decision in the declaration to like really do this and really show up, the thing that comes to pass is really a sense of freedom because after a period of time, what you'll come to understand is that this is really a day in and day out game. And so even though I'm deeply into this game, I am still doing the work. And as T.D. Jake said, new levels, new devils, something I share pretty frequently on the show. I think the other element of this that's can't go unsaid that is so unbelievably important is that our decision making in spite of all the things that have ever happened to us is going to be the thing that sets us free. I wrote this note, I'm working on a brand new keynote. As you may know, I'm a public speaker. I've done this for many years. I've spoken on some pretty sizable stages and I'm always trying to get better at this. And I was like evaluating what it is that I want to touch base on as I head into the second half of this year and really into 2025 and I wrote this one line that came to me and this literally came to me like in the shower. I was like, Oh my God, I have to like, I jumped out of the shower, covered in soap, grabbed my phone wrote this down, probably TMI, but this is how important this was. I was like, if I lose a thought, it might be gone forever. And this is the most important thing that I think I've learned when it comes to the decision making and the healing process to truly become who you're capable of being. And I wrote this self-doubt and self-sabotage are imprintings from childhood that tell you that you are unworthy of success. And so, we look at that and we think to ourselves, okay, we're the foundational experiences of our lives and an accumulation that leads to this moment, right? We're the sum total of everything. And if the imprinting, the thing that creates who we are, is about lack and not good enough, that you're not worthy, that you don't matter, that your wants, needs, and interests don't apply, be silent. And then you tack on the levels of abuse one goes through, including neglect, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, homelessness, poverty, physical abuse. What I mean, whatever it is, fuck the list goes on and on because so many of us have been through so much. And it's like those imprintings about your validation in the world set the precedent for who you then become. And because of that, the thing that we are so tied into is the idealization of a false narrative that says we are those experiences. This is why, for me, one of the things that has really helped me navigate my life is, one, I'm probably very much a contrarian where I don't, I do not take anything at face value and I always seek supporting evidence before I make a decision about anything. And two, there's something truly powerful about adopting an I don't give a fuck what people think about me mentality. And I know that's a weird thing to hear because you hear it in passing people, I don't care what people think. No, you have to like, literally not give a fuck. Like it has to roll off of your shoulders because ultimately becoming you is about just that becoming you, who you choose to be. It's interesting if you go look at some of the really famous characters in the world who you can point to and go, that's a person who is them, like I think about people like Jack Nicholas. This unbelievable actor. Then you look at him and his experiences and that grimace and all of the movies he's been in, and he's just that character. That is who he is. And you look at someone like Serena Williams as this unbelievable athlete who just is I'm going to go and crush it, I'm hyper competitive, and I'm this woman over here, who's trying to have this other, it's like you watch these people, and it's uncanny that they have this tremendous sense of self. Now, I don't know that always equates to like belief or to confidence, but what I do know is sometimes it's not belief or confidence that gets you to where you want to go. Sometimes it's just like literally the doing. And so if you are caught up in life and you're like, man, nothing is changing, you need to evaluate what it is that you need to actually do. And I think one of the things that you really need to sit in and in some capacity, it's acceptance is to hit the pause button and look at your life and reality check yourself. And this in the kindest fucking way, like you need to get real with yourself. You need to take a look at your fucking life and ask yourself, what am I doing to interfere with what I want? We have the choice. day to day whether or not we are going to be victims of circumstances and I realize that people have been through some very dark things and I'm like, yeah, I get it I mean if anybody knows my story, if anyone gets it, I get it, but there's also this like inkling of truth in your decision making today In which you are disallowing yourself the level of success that you could have because of the decisions and choices that you're making. And so most of the time, what people are doing is they're leveraging their past to make decisions in the present, and they're looking at their lives through the scope of all the experiences that have happened to them, and they are leveraging that to say, I'm not good enough, I'm don't matter, I'm not important. But here's what's really fascinating. If we are the apex predator, which we are ultimately, because if you look at the world, it is us as human beings who are navigating the day to day, not animals, not aliens, though, of course, some of us may be aliens. It's that if you look at the world, it is humans who are driving the world everything. And what I think gets displaced in this conversation is that people believe because of the past and the imprinting in them that they are only so capable of having the life that they want to have. And so we will look at others and make judgment and cast judgment against ourselves about our inadequacies and our inability to go and build this big, beautiful, grandiose life, this thing that we want. But the truth about it is. If they can do it, so can you. What you have to distill down is the reality of what it is that you want. And this is why the writing process is so important because if I gave you my life and I said, this is the way that I think you should live. You're probably not going to connect with that because I live a very different lifestyle than most people. But if I said to you, tell me the ideal situation that you want out of your life and it was something you wanted to move towards, you would find a way to get it, okay. Here's one of the empirical truths about the human experience. Check yourself on this. I promise you, this is a hundred. This might be unbelievably true to some people. And for the first time you're recognizing it, you will do anything within your power to get what you want. Period. That is the human experience. No matter what. Humans are selfish, they are greedy, they are self-serving most of the time. Not that we aren't giving and kind and humble and nourishing and all those things because, it's a dichotomy. But, if I asked you to, here's a great example. And this might be crass, but hear me out for a second. Alright, if I asked you what was the number one thing in the world that you wanted more than anything on planet Earth and your answer was sex. I promise, check yourself on this and tell me if I'm wrong. You would do anything within your power, hopefully legally and morally, by the way, to get laid. You would go on a thousand dates, you would go to all of the parties and clubs, you would do all the things to be in connection with the opposite sex or same sex or fuck it, I don't know, whatever it is that you do, you would go and find the way to have that need fulfilled. But why won't you do that for your dreams? And that's where this mind game comes into play. Cause there's this biological response and need that we have to go and get the thing in its immediacy. And that could be in sex and money in clothing and shelter and safety, right? Many of these things following under the space of mouth flows, hierarchy of needs. But I tell you to dream a little bit bigger. And I tell you what about financial freedom? What about a healthy, loving relationship? What about friends who have your back no matter what? What about a great body and being in physical shape? What about no anxiety or depression? What about not needing the next drug to navigate life? What about putting down the bottle and stepping away from the chaos of life? What about if you could look in the mirror and love yourself? And you go, fuck, that's too hard. The biological things that we move to, we tend to move towards with some sort of intensity and the things that we want because we feel like they're going to make us better often get put on the side and the back burner and many of these things we never reach. But if our imprinting about our worthiness to have the things that we want as opposed to the physical, emotional, mental needs, IE Maslow's hierarchy, if we can differentiate that and really clue ourselves in to what it is that we want, and we move towards that with an ambition and a level of ingression that breaks our pattern and our cycle, we can actually create the life that we want to have. And so, when I'm telling people about the beginning of this journey and it's how did you heal? The thing that I did that I'm pushing towards in this conversation with you today, the thing that I did is I changed my behavioral patterns. I did different things. I left the city I lived in. I changed my career. I stopped hanging out with the people I was hanging out with. I adopt a healthy lifestyle. I traveled the world. I did the difficult work. I'm still doing the different, it's probably actually more difficult now than ever, but the thing that, that, that really has got me to this point, was my willingness to do something different. If the imprinting has led us to where we are, then it is foolish to believe that same imprinting will lead us to where we want to go. And thus, it becomes your responsibility and an imperative survival, really, to a lot of the capacity of what our experience is, to go and figure out how to make the life you want to have. And to step through and let go of the victim mentality about who it is that you are. Because just this note that I wrote, self-doubt and self-sabotage are imprintings from childhood that tell you are unworthy of success. And it's at what point are you going to stop being a child? At what point? At what point are you going to show up for your life today and put aside all of the things and reasons why you can't be the adult you want to be? And that is so hard because it's not only an identity shift, it is a pattern shift. It is behavioral shifts. It is decision shifts. It is shaking the tree of who you are uprooting it and replanting it in the way that you want it to be planted. And the only way that you're going to do that is by having the courage. Like literally you have to have the balls to do this. You have to stop being, and I'm going to say this out of love, gotta stop being a bitch. You have to, and I'm not saying bitch in terms of a female, I'm saying bitch like, and where I come from, if you're a bitch, you're a bitch. Some of you will get this. Some of you will never listen to this show again. Respect. What I'm saying is you've got to level up your own You've got to level up your own ability to show up for yourself. You have to stop doing the things that have led you to where you are and just slowly day by day, start doing the things that will get you to where you want to become. And I mentioned this in last week's episode. One of the questions I ask myself every day is what would the person I want to become do in this moment? And I'm not saying every moment I'm perfect because God knows I'm not and Lord knows I probably need another 800, 000 worth of therapy on top of what I've already spent, but I'll tell you this. Where I sit in this moment today is so profoundly different and beautiful than it was a decade ago or 20 years ago because of my willingness to do hard things and to become a different person. And if you are willing to do hard things and become a different person and adopt the no excuses, just results mentality, your life will be incredibly different.

So, with that said, my friends, as a reminder, you can always join me for a free coaching session. Go to thinkunbroken.com. There's a link everywhere on that page where you can hop on a free coaching call with me literally any time or day that is available on my calendar. Now my goal and mission in that space is to help guide you and talk about what we do here at Think Unbroken to help other people like you. In their journey to overcoming self-doubt after childhood trauma that said, thank you for listening. Share this with people. If you haven't left a review on iTunes or Spotify, if you're watching this on YouTube, please subscribe, leave us a review. Let's help other people break this cycle and become unbroken until next week.

My Friends,

Be Unbroken.

I'll See Ya.