This Mindset Shift Will Change Your Life | with Byron Morrison

Michael: Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! I hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. Very excited be back with you another episode with my guest, Byron Morrison, who is a high-performance coach and author of a titled book that I love. “Maybe You Should Give Up” and we'll get into that today. Byron, my friend, how are you? What's happening in your world today?

Byron: Hey, I'm doing fantastic, thanks, really excited to be here, so thanks for having me on.

Michael: Yeah, of course, man. So, you know, I'd love to start these conversations with creating a bit of context about who you are. And so, my first question for you is, what is one thing about your past that I would need to know to understand who you are today?

Byron: Yeah, so my journey that really kicked off getting me to this point that I'm at in my life, all starred over a decade ago. I was at a point in my life where, to be honest, I was not in a good place. I was overweight, I was struggling with confidence, I was burnt out and stuck in a job  that was killing me, and every single day was just as battle to through and then my dad got cancer and during his treatment he had most of his bowels surgically removed, and he spent 25 days in ICU, mostly on life support and breathing through a tracheostomy, and luckily pulled through, it's something that I'm eternally grateful for, but that for me was the wakeup call that I needed to change. And I wish I could sit here and say that overnight everything magically got better. But for the next couple years, I felt like I was just going around in circles, I take one step forwards and two steps back, sabotaging everything from my health, my relationships, and my professional success. And it was only when I started learning about psychology and mindset that I realized that the biggest barrier in the way was myself it was that voice my head that was causing me to overthink to second guess myself and really stop following through with the things I needed to do. So, it was only when I got out of my head own head that I could actually stop moving towards the life I'm living now.

Michael: I think about this a lot, right? The catalyst for change. We typically are faced with so many moments and times in our life where it's like, now's the time to change. You could do something differently. You could show up differently. And I'm always trying to find the space to mitigate the risk of the rock bottom. Right. And you hear so frequently people are like, well, I hit rock bottom, and I changed and then I changed. And to be honest with you, man, I don't know if you can, and so I'm wondering was it particularly that moment, like was it the facing, losing your father, was it getting that close to death? What was it really that became the impetus for you to start this journey?

 Byron: Yeah, so the thing for me, it was just this realization that out of nowhere, life can get turned upside down like up until that point, like things were fairly constant, it was just like, and then all of a sudden it was this big shock. I remember when we got taken into the doctor's office that day and got told when he is cancer, it was kind of happening. It just felt like I was like sinking into the chair, like the whole world was crumbling and that was the first time in my life that I really got faced with our mortality, it was like out of nowhere. It was just like; do you know what life is short? And I just had this kind of realization of like, I'm wasting my time. Like I literally, at that point, I was just very unhappy in a job, I was just like seeing so much my time where I just spend the days indoors playing video games, watching films, just to try and like survive the day and using it as a coping mechanism. This realization of you're wasting the time that you have, and I was just realizing that if I didn't change things 20 years from now, that time, with time, I would never get back.

Michael: And take up the space here. Please let's get into the conversation ‘cause I wanna know the depths here. What were you coping with or what were you running from?

Byron: I think a lot of young people can potentially relate to this. You know, when you kind of do that whole journey, you go to your university, you get a degree, and then you have to go and get a job. But because you don't have experience, you've gotta start in the trenches at the bottom, doing the grunt work where you don't really wanna be there, but you've just got pale Jews. And I was in a company at the time, very toxic work environment, very not a great place to be, but I was basically like, I wanna eat and pay my rent. So, I was like, I have to do this, but I can't get anything else cause I don't have the experience so, it was just basically like when you're spending 40 hours your work week, just trying to get through that. And then just trying to survive and then all of these different things going on. And then at the time I said to you before I was overweight, I was not in a good place with confidence so, it's just like basically just feeling stuck and trying to get through the day.

Michael: The battle about confidence, it typically starts very young. I mean, did you, did you have confidence as a kid?  Did that go away because of the toxic work environment, when you look back on the journey and the growth, what role had confidence played in your life to that point?

Byron: Yeah. I'd never been a very confident person, and it was really interesting. It was actually only in my mid-twenties, I started working with a mindset coach and him and I were talking about  my confidence challenges and what was going on there, and he actually  helped me uncover that my lack of  confidence is something that traced all the way back to when I was a kid. I'm originally from South Africa, so when my family moved across to the UK when I was 10 years old, I was an immigrant, I didn't fit in at school, I was different to everyone else, and to be honest, I had a really rough time. I remember being 12 years old, I was kind of bullied incredibly badly to the point that I was called names, I was beaten up pretty much every single day. I remember my coping mechanism there was I would go to the library at lunchtimes and just pretend to do my homework ‘cuz it was the one place I felt safe that no one could get to me. And when we started diving into a lot of this, I realized that in my mid-twenties, that was something I'd replicated my tendency to go and  play video games and watch films and hide in a dark room as a coping mechanism was something  that I was repeating from my childhood that was somewhere where I felt safe and comfort and it was somewhere where I could escape from the outside world. And it was only when I really started to dive into that and go through of why I felt that way that I could go through the healing process of recognizing that what those people didn't said didn't make me who I was. But I was still holding onto the experiences for that that 12-year-old kid went through that was why I struggled putting myself out there, it's why I had barriers up not going to let people in, it's why I didn't feel like I was good enough, it was only when I could really understand that I could start see it my past didn't have to defy my future, that I had so many other traits that I knew who I was and my values and who I wanted to be as a person. And when I connected with that, that's when I could let go and move forward.

Michael: Yeah. It's funny how we get tied into those coping mechanisms for a lifelong journey, and you don't even realize that they're happening until you realize that they're happening, that's the dichotomy of the whole game. And when I was young, I would find myself also sneaking out of my home, which was incredibly volatile and dangerous, and going to the library and I would just be there it was a safe space and they had air conditioning, which was great ‘cuz we didn't have it, they had heat when we didn't have it and I would read all these books and I would just consume. And you know what was interesting, man, is I remember being in there and they had this little corner and I would go hide in this little corner and I would just read biographies, right? Read about people who had lives that were not mine. And then when it came into the space to like go and build and create my own life, there was so much hesitancy, there was so much fear, so much self-sabotage words, you know, now I have, but I didn't have at 25, 26 years old. As you were looking back and you were reflecting with this coach and getting into that place of trying to understand how you got to where you were, what was the healing process like for you in, from those inner child moments? I guess really the question that I'm asking, because so many people face this, is they're like, they step in, they do this work, they try to go through transformation, but they still have that wounded part of their child in them, that was bullied, that was picked on, that was the outsider that did have to go to the library. What was that healing journey like for you? What did you do and what was the outcome?

Byron: At first it was definitely very painful because I think for me, this is something that I really packed deep down for a good 10, 15 years that even though I didn't even realize it though, I was still hanging onto it, it was still allowing what had happened in my past to have impact everything that I was doing on a day-to-day. But once I realized that, and I started to actually understand, you know what, that's not who you are as a person. You don't have to be defined by what you experienced when you were like 10 to 15 years old. It was very freeing; it was almost like this weight had been lifted because I realized what had been holding me down for so long and that was when I started to move forward. So, I think you've had times have to face what you went through but I'm also a big advocate of like, I think for a lot of people, going back and reliving your trauma doesn't help like it does for some people, it helps 'em get closure. But I'm a huge believer now in doing the mindset work of just recognizing that when you shift your focus from the past to the present and what you're gonna do to move forward, that's how you can break through a lot of the stuff that's holding you back. Like you don't have to go back and unpack old wounds and really relive it ‘cuz I think that's where a lot of people get stuck. They go back and they keep opening it up and opening up and they can't move forward. And that's why I'm such a big believer if you can't change the past, but the more you hold onto it and allow it to keeping you stuck, the more it's gonna be a part of you. But when you start making a decision of, do you know what, this is the life I'm gonna live and start putting yourself in situations to change it. Like that for me was the big freeing moment, it was just making a decision of, do you know what? I'm not gonna behave like that anymore. I'm not gonna allow myself to be struggling with confidence and like not putting myself out there and holding myself back. And I was just really starting to look okay, what do I need to do going forward to change that?

 Michael: Yeah. I agree with you in so many ways about this concept and the idea of not always going back and doing all. For some people especially who will listen to this show, there are so many elements and layers of the traumatic experiences that if you spent your life healing them, you would spend your entire life healing them. And I think that so much of it really, there are the big markers, right? You can kind of sit back and you can look at a few things and label them and say, these are the things I need to work on and heal and learn to love myself, maybe forgive myself, forgive others, but at some point, and this  is what I always coach my clients on, at some point you have to realize you can only do so much work in the past and then it has to be done right now, because if you don't, then you're never going to be able to step into your future. But in there; there is an element I think of like learning how to love yourself, right? And forgiveness, and maybe if that forgiveness isn't for other people, but for you, because I don't know if you've seen this or not, but in my life, when I stepped into building confidence for the first time, I had a lot of hatred and vitriol for myself for not being confident in the past. How did you reconcile who you were, especially as a child with the present? Like how did you be able to create closure within yourself for either what you did or you didn't do?

 Byron: Yeah, I think a big part of it was just the environment that I threw myself into because when I made the decision to get out of the corporate world and I wanted to go and start a business, I was struggling with confidence at first, but then I kind of got backed myself into a corner. I was like, I've got no choice but to follow through here I was like, I do not want to go back to the corporate world I was like, even though these actions I don't want to take in business, I'm struggling with confidence of closing sales, generating business, all of these things, I was like, do you know what? I don't have a choice; the alternative was more painful and so it was just really throwing myself into a sink and swim situation where it was kind of that burn the boats and go all in. And so, I don't think I really even had the time to like think about the competence issues, I just had to start taking action. And I think that was why I did struggle for the first couple of years in business. But it was like when I had worked with this coach and we, I figured out a lot of these things were going on I just like made this decision, you know, I need to start going for what I want and there was just diving in and pushing myself and instead of focusing on what could go wrong, it was all about, okay, this is the impact I wanna make, the life I wanna create what do I need to do to make it happen?

Michael: How did that affect your relationship with yourself? Because that's what I'm trying to get into, right? Whether we like it or not, we have a relationship with ourselves. And what was it that became the cornerstone of that process for you that really built the confidence?

Byron: Yeah, for the first time it was just finally feeling element of pride ‘cuz I was like, I'm incredibly proud of the last 10 years of work that I've done, like the stuff I've created, the people I've worked with, the impact that we've built and looking back on that is a huge confidence boost. And for me it was as I was starting to see myself build all these things and turn my vision into reality, that was for the first time that myself worth started coming up. It was like, do you know what, actually you've set yourself a goal and you've actually gone for it and done it. And that was just such of just bringing a sense of pride that I'd never had before in my life. Like going back in the past, like I never really felt like what I was doing, like was that great or really mattered and there was just like a lot of like self-worth issues there. So, that was a big turning point of like, when I actually started going after the things I wanted, it was a huge confidence and self-worth establisher.

Michael: Where did you start with that?

Byron: So, the first one with that was my first book that was long before I started a business or anything basically, after my dad's cancer, the first thing I wanted to do was get in shape and I had no clue what I was doing. Like going back to the confidence and being bullied thing as a kid, I always viewed the gym and exercise as something for people I wasn't like, I didn't wanna be like, so I convinced myself it wasn't for me. So, the first barrier I had overcome mentally was getting in shape. And I remember the first time I went to work out, I went into the gym that day and it was just filled with all these big guys like grunting and staring at their biceps and I remember just freezing I was like, it’s too busy now, I'm gonna come back later. I told myself this lie that there wasn't enough room for me to do it, and luckily, I got the confidence to try again. I went back and I found that actually that working on getting in shape was something I really enjoyed doing. I found a passion in an area that I completely wrote off, and I just got frustrated by my lack of results. So, I was like, do you know what? If I'm gonna do this, I need to do it properly. So, I started learning about nutrition and fitness and changing behaviors. I went down this rabbit hole for the next couple of years of learning everything I could and once I lost over 50 pounds, I saw so many people struggling like I was, and I had this idea of why don't you write a book? Very naive, never written anything before spent the next year and a half going in and doing it, and that was just really the first thing that I did. And then it just gave me the next idea for the business and everything else. So yeah, it was just something that I went through myself and I was like, I wanna help other people are struggling like I am, and pass on what I learned so they can get under control as well.

Michael: Yeah. Well, that's a tremendous victory for you, so congratulations for that for sure and I know firsthand the experience of literally doing the same thing, having lost 150 pounds, becoming a personal trainer and nutritionist and understanding the human body because look, dude, I think a part of the problem is nobody teaches us about how to be healthy. You know, nobody actually really talks about the food you should eat, how you should move your body, how to rest, recover, how to manage your mental health. And just a week ago I had posted this before, an action before and after photo of myself when I was at my heaviest at 350 pounds. And then where I'm at right now, which is about at 220, I mean, that's a tremendous amount of shift. It's a huge difference. It's a f*cking human being. And someone had commented on it, they said that I was fat shaming, and I was like, no, I was fat. I can't shame myself for being fat. I had to take a look at the mirror and get real with myself. And I think that's such a big part of the journey for people is the willingness to sit in truth, like be in the reality that you're in, not the reality that you wish that you're in. And there's a direct correspondence, I don't care what anybody says, there's a correspondence and a correlation between your physical health and your mental health. And so, I'm wondering what was that like for you as you bit up the courage, which is the word I think is most appropriate when you're walking into the gym for the first time as you bit up the courage to be like, I'm going to do this. What were the mental health shifts that started to happen? Because those things that you did then are paying dividends today.

Byron: Yeah. I couldn't agree with you more. Like there is such a correlation because for me, going back, like as I started to lose weight and I started to look better, I started to feel better, my energy went up. As a result, my confidence went up, I was more exceptable going out and speaking to people, I felt better about who I was, I didn't feel as ashamed in my body like it was all of these things a direct and all of a big part of that was why I had mental health challenges ‘cause I didn't like the way I looked in the mirror and all of those things so it's a huge correlation. It's really interesting you should say, this about someone saying that you're fat shaming because this happened to me a couple of months ago, I put up a before and after photo and I was just like, back at this guy, I didn't like who this guy was. I didn't like how I looked. I was always the guy I was too ashamed to take his show off on the beach, and I talked about my thing and someone was like, I look like you're before photo and I'm healthy. And it was just turning into this whole thing of like you're fat shaming and saying like, there's something wrong with this and I was like, that's not the point. Like I was talking about my journey but I think it's interesting how some people, when they're struggling with their own thing, they take it as like a negative whereas for me it was just sharing of like, I wanted to make this change and just trying to spread like that belief that other people can, if it's something they wanna do. But I think going back to your question, I think it's so incredibly powerful for your mental health. I even find now if I skip training for a while, I find like the stress of work and everything else goes, starts weighing on a little bit heavier and just has to be a non-negotiable in my life.

Michael: Yeah. It's funny, I was just doing some research on Peter Tia, who is a famous scientist, doctor and researcher here in the States about health and longevity, and of all of the potential actions that one person could take to increase their longevity, their long-term health, and their lifespan. The number one thing that you can do is exercise. You wanna have a better mental health, physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, energetic health exercise is number one-point blank period. But dude, look, and I think the reason, and obviously this isn't a conversation about exercise, but I think it's really important. If you do not move your physical body, which is the most important element of your wellbeing, you will be in disease, you will probably have disease, right? And so, you head down this path where it's like, okay, wait a second, what should I really be doing? This conversation is so much really about the journey to discovery and being who it is that you are today. When you look at who you are as Byron today, and you're measuring the things that have led down the path, what are some of the cornerstones? What are some of the key elements that have helped you become who you are?

 Byron: Yeah, so I think a big thing in my life is just having something bigger than yourself that you're striving towards because even though the work I've been doing over the last decade has evolved and pivoted in various ways, the mission behind it's always been the same. It's always been wanting to help as many people as possible who are struggling like I was, take control of their lives. And that for me has been the cornerstone of what drives me to do what I do. And I see a lot of people who don't have a purpose bigger than themselves, and that's how they get stuck going through the motions like I am fortunate to work with a lot of very successful people, and I've spoken to guys who've got millions in the bank on paper, they've got it all, but they're absolutely miserable, they've sacrificed everything to get to where they are, their marriages are broken down, their kids don't speak to them like they hate life. And for me it's just, part of it is ‘cuz they just keep chasing money and I'm awful going for money in wealth and stuff. Like no problem with that, but I'm a just a big believer, like you have to have a purpose behind it and that's still the thing that drives me like it just during the bad days and the days where you get knocked down, does anyone in business knows that you have times like that. It's still like the thing that keeps me going. It's like, do you know what, if I can go to bed tonight, even though knowing that I'm doing something, it's trying to make the world and my life a better place, then that's what keeps me moving forward.

Michael: Yeah. What is that mission for you now?  

Byron: It's the same when I said a few minutes ago, it's like wanting to help people who are struggling like I was, or who are at a place where like they know they're meant for something more, but they're just getting in their own way like they know what to do, but they're not doing it. Whether it was when I was doing the health work, that was the focus, the mindset work is the evolution of that it's always going to help people who are struggling like I was, so they can avoid the traps that I was in.

 Michael: Yeah. My mentor often refers to it as the dummy tax and a lot of what I do and have built and created with Think Unbroken is, can I help people not pay the dummy tax because I've already done it? ‘Cuz trusts me, I've done some of the dumbest shi*t you could possibly imagine. But I think the thing that people get to this journey is hard, man, you know, this, I mean, you're dealing with childhood trauma, lack of confidence, being bullied, being overweight, working a job that sucks, dealing with a father who's terminally ill, facing your own demons going down this path. And you know, it's almost apropo that the title of your book is “maybe you should just give up” And I feel like so many people, they have just given up on life, they just quit, they're like, I'm done. Obviously, I realized that there's a connotation that's very different in the book, and so I'd love for you to talk about what that really means like what does, maybe you should give up mean?

 Byron: Yeah, so over the last decade now, I've worked with people in 15 different countries, and what I discover is that there are seven mental blocks that every single one of us hold onto that stops us from living the life we want, whether it's fear, comparing ourself to others, being too hard on ourselves, worrying about problems that haven't happened yet. So maybe you should give up it's not about giving up on your goals and dreams, it's about giving up, holding onto everything that's stopping you from them from turning them into reality. Ultimately, it's a book about empowerment, about helping you break through everything, it's holding you back so that you can take control of the life that you want. 

Michael: So, going into that and looking at it on paper, people will hear, okay, cool, seven things sound easier said than done. But Byron, you don't know my life, man, you don't know what it's like. I've been through hell. I'm in debt, I'm struggling, my relationship’s falling apart. I got kids. I don't have any extra time. I'm overweight. I mean, I can keep going. Right? And it's like, well, okay, well, what do I do, man? Like where do I start? My life is a disaster, what do I actually do here?

Byron: Yeah. So, the first thing that we always need to figure out is who does someone need to become to turn their life around? Because part of the reason people are stuck is they're spending their days with the same habits, the same behaviors, the same routines, and then hoping that they're gonna be able to change their life. And the reality is that what made you who you are today isn't gonna help you become who you're meant to be tomorrow. And that's why the first step in any journey of transformation is you need to have a vision of where you want to go. But then you also need to figure out who's the version of you that's turned into reality. And anyone listening to this right now can do it like, just think about, okay, your goals and dream and vision you want. Get a mentor image in your mind of what does the version of you who made that happen look like? And then ask yourself, what routines did they develop? What behaviors did they create? What non-negotiables did they do every single day that got them to where they are? That's gonna help you create a blueprint to figure out, okay, these are the exact changes that you need to embody to get to where you wanna be. But then knowing that is not enough, you need to start pushing yourself to show up as that person in everything that you do. And the way that you do this is you have to take feelings like willpower and motivation out of the equation. When it comes time to do something, you need to ask yourself, what would the person I wanna become do right now? Would they make excuses? Would they put it off, or would they take action? Like whether it's hitting the gym, having that tough conversation, working on that business, whatever it is, you have to start making decisions and taking action as the person you wanna become because when you start doing that, then you'll stop overcoming your excuses, your fears, your reasons why it can't be done, and you'll start building your confidence, your momentum, and over time you'll start evolving into that next level version of yourself.

Michael: But you still don't know my life. Right? And so, people will, they'll hear this constantly, right? I think that what you and I have done effectively, well, as coaches and mentors and authors is lay out the tools, but we've also walked the walk. We've lived the life. We've heard this thing; we've been able to step into it. But there's still these people who no matter what, they don't achieve their goals. Right. They'll sit here, they'll write out the person that they want to become, they'll make the game plan, they'll even put it on their calendar and they still won't do it. What are they missing?

Byron: Yeah, it's gonna be situational dependent, but a lot of the time it comes down to someone has to be ready to change. You have to be at a point because when, if someone's like, oh, you don't know my life, it's like I never wanna take away from the challenges that someone's been through. But every single person listening to this that you speak to today is gonna have gone through sh*t in their life, they're gonna have been knocked down, they're gonna have days where they didn't feel like they were gonna get up. We all think we're so alone in this where every single person is fighting battles we don't even know about. And that's why when someone's like, oh, you don't know what's going through, like so many other people are going through similar things. But the thing I would always push someone to recognize is no matter what you've been through and the challenges you're facing, you can make a decision to do something different going forward. But you have to decide that, you know what I'm done with putting up with this? Because what you tolerate, you can never change. And all that is just another reason to justify why it can't be done. Whereas when you make a decision of, you know what, I'm tired of being like this, it's the same as when I was dragging myself out of bed, like depressed to the point I didn't wanna leave the house to go to that job, and I was just like, I'm done with this, I need to find a way to get out of here. I got pushed to the point where suddenly the pain of not changing outweighed the pain of doing something new I was like; I have to find a way. And that's why the big thing is like anyone can get motivated to take action but they're never gonna follow through until they make a choice of, do you know what? I'm ready to turn this around. And then that's really, really going back to the book. It's about looking at the seven things that hold people back because a lot of the time it's fear like often people get caught in their own head because they're worried. What if they fail? What if they're rejected? What if they judge? We need to understand what's going on and why that's weighing them down. But whatever it is, we have to then dive into and uncover, okay, why aren't you taking action? What is it that's stopping you from following through? Because if you're ready and you wanna make it happen, and then we can figure out what's holding you back and overcome that, that's when everything changes.

Michael: Yeah. I think about fear literally every day and I look at it, I assess it and I say to myself, well face it anyway, like I really do. And it's become, I dunno if that's true for you or not, but it's almost become a point of pride in my life to do the things that scare me. And look, here's the reality of the things that scare me, staying in shape, writing the books, being on podcast, being in healthy relationships, having good friendships, not being in debt, speaking on stages, loving myself, journaling, meditating. You know, like there's fear in all of those things, but the fear that I would go back to who I used to be dude, that is far more terrifying because you're sitting here on the opportunity of living a life that when you face your fear, inevitably you when you die, because you will, you won't have regrets. I really truly believe that regret those people who are on their deathbed. The number one thing people always say, I have regret, I wish I would've did the thing. The number one way that you avoid that is you do the thing that you're most scared of. And if you do that, your life will be incredibly different and I think that there's something about the element, let me rephrase that. I know that there is something about the element of facing your fears that is also a form of self-love. Would you agree with that?

Byron: Yeah. It's just giving yourself permission to go after what you want. But regrets the one thing that drives me more than anything, and I love your framing of you fear more, not wanting to go back to that person, ‘cuz that's one of the like frames I use in the book, the way I tell people to overcome fear is you have to make the pain of not following through more painful than the pain of what needs to happen. So, it's just thinking of, okay, let's say, you're not taking action in your business. Well, you need to figure out, okay, what happens if you reach the end of your life and you look back realizing you never went after your goals and you can't get that time back? What happens if you reach the end of the month and you've procrastinated all the time and haven't made enough sales and you can't provide for your family? What happens if six months from now, you haven't followed through and you need to close the business and you never make that impact and help people, whatever it is that's driving you, you have to make the pain of not following through more painful than the pain of what you're afraid of because then suddenly it's more painful not to take action. And a lot of the time you've realized that once you actually put yourself out there, it's not that bad. What you've been building up is this huge tax fee in your head isn't actually a big deal because once you face it, you're like, oh, that wasn't so bad. And that becomes easier to face the next one, the next one, the next one, and your confidence comes up. So, it's just really about getting started and you've gotta figure out what is that first action you need to take just to push yourself and start building some momentum.

Michael: And momentum is the key word. I think that that's arguably one of the most powerful words in the healing journey. And this is also the singular thing that causes the most destruction in the healing journey, or lack of momentum, I should say. And another way to phrase that is self-sabotage, because people will be on the path, they're doing the thing, they've got their health right, they're getting their money right, they've got their relationship right, they're maybe they're doing the calls, they're closing the deals, they're showing up, they're living life into the identity of the person that they believe that they could be. And then generally speaking, subconsciously, they destroy it all. What do you do about self-sabotage? Because there are people listening. I know, because we've been doing this for almost six years. There are people listening to this show who they've made massive and radical changes in their life, they've closed some gaps, they've been able to have some successes, and then they destroy it all. What do you do about, and how do you navigate self-sabotage?

Byron: Yeah, so it's a little bit of a difficult one to answer ‘cuz it depends what the self-sabotage is ‘cuz like the entire, like new book is about overcoming self-sabotage. So, it's very much gonna be situational dependent. But then taking the example, for instance, you said if someone burning down the business, like it's gotta be a case of they've gotta fit, stop and slow down and figure out, okay, what's actually going on here? What is it that I'm afraid of? Is it a fear of success? Is it something else deeper going on that I'm tearing this down? Is it because I'm prioritizing something above my happiness? They really need to then realign and figure out what's going on. And then the focus always has to be on the present and what you do to move forward ‘cuz the one big piece of advice I give to anyone listening to this is no matter how many times you mess up and the mistakes that you make, you can't change the past. And if you sit there and you dwell on it and you beat yourself up, you're just gonna fall further into the self-sabotaging cycle where you just focus on things you can't change. And that's why I'm such a big believer that mindset wise, it always has to be on what you need to do about this going forward, you need to stop and figure out if, yes, I've screwed this up, I've made a mistake here. But what can I do to course correct? What are the actions I can take, whether it's in your business, your relationships, your health?

Perfect example could be like someone who's doing really well on a fitness goal, goes on an all-out binge, and then they're like, oh, I failed, I'm just gonna quit. It's like, no, you need to figure out, okay, what happened? Why did you fall into that behavior? And then from there, what do you do to pick yourself up and carry on? Because so many people at that first setback, they get derailed and they stop altogether, and that's why you've always gotta focus. Okay. What is the thing you can do to empower yourself to start creating the results that you want?

Michael: What do you do in those moments in your personal life when things are going well, you hit roadblocks, you stumble, you inevitably do something out of character, out of integrity, like what's the conversation in your head and what are the actions that you're taking?

Byron: So, it's always about just slowing down. Like a lot of people just get pulled into it and then they make emotional decisions and they make things worse. So, for me, if my gut's coming in or I'm like, something doesn't feel right here, it's like, take a step back generally, I'll go for a walk. I'll try and get some fresh air, and I'll just process what's going on. I'll figure out, okay, why am I feeling this way? Why am I acting like this? What's potentially triggering this or causing me to actually respond like this? And then the question I always ask myself is, what do I need to do about this? And the reason why I love that simple question is it focuses on the action you need to take going forward. It's not dwelling on the past, it's not looking at the mistakes. Like it's what do you need to do to fix it? Because once you have and you've turned it around, then you can reflect and you can be like, okay, what happened there? What can I learn from this so it doesn't happen again? But it's never beating yourself up or dwelling on things. Yes. At times, if you make a mistake, you've gotta own up to it and be like, look, I messed up. Yeah. My mistake, this is why I'm going to fix and how we're moving forward. But it's just never falling into that emotional blame, whether it's you or other people, because when you go into that mentality, that's when you then just start to spiral. So, I think it's such a power empowering thing when you just slow down and just connect with yourself. Like, why am I feeling this? What's going on? And then what do I need to do about it?

Michael: When you answer that question for yourself, is that, do you journal it? Do you talk to a therapist? Do you talk to a coach? Has it just become an internal dialogue? Like, what are you actually doing with the question?

Byron: I normally just have an internal dialogue, so I just sit and think it through. Well, I go for a walk and I think it through, and I just process of it. But that's my way of dealing with it. What I would never wanna suggest is be like, that's the way you should do it, all of us process stuff differently. So, anyone who's listening to us right now is like, oh, I wanna try that. You've gotta test and work, figure out what works for you. Some people will be journaling, some people will be speaking to a cultural therapist, some people will be talked to a friend or someone else like there's no right or wrong. But the important thing is you slow down, you process what's happening and then figure out what action do you need to take. So, mine is, I just need to sit there, sit with it, or go for a walk, just detach from technology and just get my head back in the game and just be like, what's going on here? How do I bounce back? Or what do I need to do?

Michael: Yeah, and you're so spot on because we do process differently. For me, it’s my journal like I have to take all these thoughts in my head and write them down on paper so I can assess them, make meaning of them, create a grain pan around it. I mean, dude, to be honest, half of my journal is freaking like, instruction manual for my own life where I'm just like, do this and then do this, and then do this and do this. I don't do so well when it's just up in my head so, I really appreciate you said that. You know, one of the things that I think, that we have to deal with is, you know, when you are faced with the decision making about creating change, assessing what you've done or what you need to do is there's like this element of getting out of your own way. And I know that's a big part about what you talk about and you know what I'm curious about is like what does it really take to get out of your own way? Like this is a concept like I believe as the cornerstone to success, this might be arguably the most important thing that we'll even talk about today, but like how do you actually get out of your own way?

Byron: Yeah. So, a big part of it's just figuring out, okay, what is it you need to do? And then being consistent with making it happen. In its simplest form that's exactly where it is. Like whether it's your business, your relationships, your health, whatever it is you're trying to achieve in the life that you wanna make, it's about staying disciplined and focused and following through because a lot of the time when we get in our own way, it's where we sabotage ourselves because we lose motivation. We're like, oh, I don't feel like doing it today or we procrastinate, or we look for reasons not to do it, or we take actions that derail our progress. So, it's just about really having that mentality of, okay, this is what I'm doing, I'm gonna get tunnel vision and make it happen. Yes, the times are gonna make mistakes. I'm not gonna get everything perfect, that's fine. But it's just staying consistent and holding yourself to the standard where you actually move towards the life that you want.

Michael: If you don't have any framework for standards, like obviously, you know, having childhood trauma, not having success, seeing the world through this scope of negativity, of pain, of blame, of shame, vibrating in the lower frequencies of energy, how do you actually create standards for yourself?

Byron: It comes down to knowing the sort of life you wanna live, because your standards don't necessarily have to come from society or your parents or like a perfect upbringing. It can just be like looking at your values as a person and who you wanna be, and then holding yourself to that expectation. So it’s being like, do you know what the standard I have for my life is I wanna follow through with these things. I always wanna keep my word. I wanna be true to myself. I wanna be honest and authentic. It's like, whatever it is, like that doesn't have to come from your past, it just has to come from you knowing. And this is where some of the deep work comes in like you gotta figure out, okay, who actually are you and what's important to you in life? And then it's just like knowing that, what are the standards you have to hold yourself to so you can go to bed at night and be like, do you know what? I tried my best. I can be proud of showing up and taking action. So, I don't think it's something that you necessarily have to have formed from your childhood, it can be as you grow and evolve and change and figure out the new life that you want, you can set new standards for yourself. But it goes back to what I said before of figuring out the person you wanna become, it's like that person who's achieved the goals that you want, what did they hold themselves to every single day that helped them get there? And that can give you a new idea for the standards you wanna set. It could be like the standard they set is they've put these tasks they need to follow through with business-wise they get them done every day with excuses. For me, personally, one of my standards because for so many years of growing a business, I just didn't have any work-life balance, my relationships suffered massively, I was not of like very good at that side of it, the new standards in my life. I have non-negotiable date night with my girlfriend once a week. We have adventure day Saturdays when my phone gets left, like of all work stuff aside and we go and spend time out and we do something fun. I have standards for fitness and health, like that was the life I wanted to create, and that's what I hold myself to. So, these can change over time, but you just need to figure out what's important to you and what are the standards you have to hold yourself to make it a priority and happen.

Michael: Yeah, I fully agree with that and I think that the more you have the willingness to do so, and I think one of the things that probably isn't talked about enough in these conversations, Byron, is give yourself space, have patience, it's going to take you, I don't know if this is true for you, but it certainly has been for me. It's taken me longer to start creating the life that I wanted to have than I ever would've imagined. And since life is very long, if you can deploy some patience in the macro, but in the micro move aggressively fast towards your goals, it'll be incredible what you can accomplish in 5, 7, 10, 12, 15 years and nobody, I don't know a single overnight success. I've never met one. I don't know one. I know a lot of people who've spent a lot of time showing up day in and day out and I think the thing that people also have to leverage that is just a factual truth about this journey is that you have to want this and I can't want it for you, nobody else can. How do you determine, because this is where people get lost. How do you actually determine the things that you want out of your life?

Byron: You've gotta figure out what's important to you because for one person, that might be impact, for one person, that might be money, for one person, that might be family. And then you've gotta think out, okay, what do you need to do that's gonna allow you to move towards that? Because for someone who like that main priority in life is like being a father and around for their kids, like running a business, especially in the early years where it takes up so much of your time and bandwidth may not be the right path for them, they might be better off finding a comfortable job that gives them the work-life balance they want. And it's just a lot of the time we put ourselves in a box and we convince ourselves we have to do this in order to be successful. And that's not true. There's so many paths and avenues and there's so many different definitions of success, but I think we're all in such a rush to make it happen, that we just overlook what it actually takes because a lot of the time as well, I find that we convince ourselves that the future, everything's gonna be great we tell ourselves that once we achieve that goal, everything's gonna be incredible. But the reality is you're never gonna get to where you wanna be like whatever you want right now, as soon as you get close, that goal line's gonna move. But we all fall into that trap of telling ourselves, like, once we hit that milestone or that threshold, that's when we'll take some time off, we'll prioritize our family look after our health. But that's what we said the time before and the time before that, and that's why it's so important, I believe, to recognize that happiness and fulfillment and joy doesn't come from some achievement in the future. And instead, it comes from the journey, and the journey takes place in the present. So, you've gotta pick what are the struggles that you are willing to take, because life is always gonna be a struggle, it's like, what are the struggles you are willing to put yourself through in order to live the life that you want? And then be true to that, whether that's family, impact, success, whatever that is, live for yourself, and that's how you can create a life on your terms.

Michael: Yeah. I love that. My friend Byron, man, this has been an incredible conversation. Before I ask you my last question, can you please tell us where everyone can find you and get the new book?

Byron: Yeah, so you can find out more about me at byronmorrison.com. You can get the new book Maybe You Should Give Up seven ways to get out of your own way and take control of your life any way you can get books, whether that's Amazon Bans or Noble Books, million or any other retailer. And you can also find me on any social media platform, I'm really active on Instagram and LinkedIn, particularly just search for author Byron Morrison.

Michael: Amazing. And of course, guys, go to thinkunbrokenpodcast.com. Look up Byron's episode where we'll have this and more in the show notes. My last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

 Byron: So, I was giving this quite a bit of thought, and I think it's a really good question. And for me, unbroken is where you've been knocked down, you've been at a point where everything feels like it's falling apart, but you've still picked yourself back up. It's just not allowing yourself to be defeated by the challenges that have been thrown your way in your life. The one message I'd just love to leave everyone with here today is like, regardless of what you're going through right now, the fact that you're listening to this right now shows that you've survived a hundred percent of your worst days and you're still here fighting, and that's why you're fast, stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. So, whatever you're going through, you can, and you will make it through this as well. And that's why, for me, unbroken is just being, having that resilience to put yourself back together to pick yourself up and keep fighting.

Michael: Yeah. Love that my friend. Thank you so much for being here.

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