Transform Your Life with Tyson Durfey: Strategies for Making a Massive Shift

Michael: Hey, what's up Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. Very excited to be back with you with another episode with my guest, Tyson Durfey, also known as No Limits Cowboy. My man, what is going on? How are you today?

 Tyson: I am phenomenal. I'm ready to roll. I'm excited and I just wanna add value and help people, that's the main goal, right?

 Michael: Yeah, a hundred percent. And I already know people are like, why does this dude have a cowboy on his podcast? And let me tell you this, so Unbroken Nation, for those who do not know Tyson, this man's story is absolutely incredible profound. And you know, I think about so much of what Think Unbroken is about, it's very simple, how do you transform your trauma into triumph? Being so deeply in personal development there's very few times, being a coach, being a speaker, traveling the world, being on stages, seeing hundreds of people on stages, to be honest, Tyson, I'm very, if rarely ever moved anymore by the people that I see on stage in their stories not because they're not great stories, but just because kind of when you enter this world, you just kind of get it. I remember I saw your story we were at Russell Brunson's event. I was sitting there second row and I was just like, holy crap, this dude's story is wild. And so, before we dive in, man, it'd be injustice if I told your story, I would love for you to share the highlight background of how you grew up to becoming one of the most prolific cowboys maybe ever?

 Tyson: Well, you know, I appreciate that intro. You know, I've been blessed to be a world champion athlete, I've been to the Super Bowl of our sport 13 times. I'm almost 40 years old, so I'm starting to show my age. But you know what, I grew up having to be a warrior, I grew up having to work hard. The same story that so many people have. Parents got divorced, at a young age, very volatile family, addictions, alcohol, fighting. I mean, my only memory of family was my mom and dad just like knocked down, dragging out, and me just being like a little guy, like three, four years old, just bawling my eyes out, just like not understanding why this was happening. And so my parents got divorced and I had this split identity because when my parents got divorced, I went from being on the farm with like the family together to being in a very urban environment in Kansas City. And so I began to like, have this, like on the days I was with my mom, it was ice tube, it was NWA it was Mack 10, it was Snoop Dogg, mc hammer pants, like whole, like late eighties, early nineties like that was my whole jam. But then my dad, I would go see him and he would like smack me in the back of the head and he was like, put your wranglers on your boots, boy, you know, let's go to work or put your jeans on.

And so, I had this very like mixed and messed up childhood growing up like, Hey, I want to be like riding skateboards and jamming and stealing things and doing things that I'm not supposed to. But yet I'm also supposed to be this cowboy too. And to this day, like my favorite jam is like Dr. Dre chronic 2000, like that's my favorite jam of my life and I wear a button-down shirt and a belt buckle every time. So, I kind of fought this internal identity for the first probably 25 years of my life.

 Michael: Yeah, that's such a difficult aspect of the journey because, you know, we are modeling what we learn from our environment and from our parents and so, you have this weird juxtaposition, right? Where in one hand it's like, this is how you present yourself and show up and on the other hand, this is what reality is. And I think that we often have those two things mashed up to the point where we try to create who we are. When I was a kid, I felt like I was a chameleon because I would always be pretending to be what other people needed me to be because that created protection, that created safety. And like you, one of the things that we have in common were very dire living situations like I was homeless at eight years old, I was stealing food to survive, no heat in the winter, no electricity, getting evicted all the time. And so being on the streets and running this lifestyle of chaos and then paired also with the same music, it was kind of like, oh, this is life, this is like what it is supposed to be. When you were growing up and then love for you to dive into this a little bit. I mean, you were stealing to survive, you were breaking up, you were living in barns like your childhood, like it wasn't just here or mom and dad's house, like there was some crazy stuff going down.

Tyson: Yeah. Totally crazy. I mean, knock down drag outs all the time. I was always afraid to see my parents together because it was insane. I mean, it was the Wild West, whatever you think the worst-case scenario in the Wild West is, that's what it was. And I loved them both and they're both amazing people but that's just the honest truth. And I mean, when I was with my mom, we were in the city, my mom struggled. I mean, she was trying to raise two boys with no help, no money, we would go weeks, literally weeks without electricity, we would go weeks without food. And I got very good at like going to the store and stealing what I needed or going to a friend's house and being like, Hey, can I stay with you for a few hours? Because I knew if I was home, I was gonna be freaking hungry. And even before then, like as my parents and stuff, when they were still together, bought the farm, they lived in a freaking barn. And if you were at that event, you've seen the photo I shared of the barn, it's like a 10 wall and a dirt floor and that's where I got my start, my family got their start and it was like, you know, it was a fight just to keep the lights on. You know, I remember one Easter, my mom come home at like nine, 10 o'clock at night, she was, you know, I love her to death, but she was never around. You know, I’m a little kid just running the streets doing my thing, and it was Easter and we didn't get any candy, there was no Easter egg hunt, it was not fun, she came home and I remember just being so pissed, I'm like, it's Easter mom, you could, I know we don't have any money, but bring me like an egg or something. Right? I just remember, and a lot of us, you know, no presents for Christmas like, all of that stuff, it was freaking hard. But the greatest thing that I could ever tell anybody is your past does not define you, it's your intention and effort that your future. I look at my life now and sometimes and I don't cry every, but I sit back and I'm just like, how did it get so good? You know, because a lot of my friends died, a lot of my friends ended up in jail or alcoholics or drug addicts like, I'm like, how did it end up so good?

Michael: Well, effort, clarity, action. Right? And you know, God, dude, there's so many parallels in our story, it's unbelievable. One of the things that breaks my heart, having been coaching for so long and speaking and helping so many people, is there are these moments in which people are like, I can't do this. And I'm like, you can. This is not rocket science. I promise you it's not. Is it easy? No. I promise you right now, none of this is easy, right? And sometimes you get lucky along the way, sometimes there's like, I will call it God's, spirit, universe, mother Nature, Batman. I don't know, somehow, some way something is placed in front of you where it's like, make a decision. I'm giving you the thing that you're seeking, it's right here.

Tyson: It's so interesting that you say that because like motivation has been a big part of my life before I understood like structure, motivation was all it had, right? Because willpower is one thing and it'll always fail you, but you need motivation to create habits and rituals or structure to go out and achieve your dream. And I remember being a really young man, my parents had divorced. I was with my mom. I was so bad, skipping school, every learning disability class, I still can't read very good to this day. I'm good with numbers, but my dad went to my mom and he said, I need to take the kid. He's going to go the wrong path if he'd stays with you. My mom was like, I'm drowning here, okay, take the kid. So, I then go to live with my dad on the farm and that was the moment where my identity shifted. No more Mc hammer pants, no more gangster rap music, it was like my dad set me down and he said, son, you're gonna be on the honor roll. And you don't have a choice about this, you're gonna be on the honor roll, and if not, there's gonna be to pay. I'm like, yeah, right Dad, you know, I'm a typical redheaded kid attitude, you know, whatever. And the deal was if my dad was working on the farm, I had to be working beside him, or I had to be studying. Well about 11 o'clock at night, I had fallen asleep studying social studies definitions in fifth grade. I wake up and my dad has grabbed me by the neck and he is whipping me with a rope, you know, about the size of your pinky or an extension cord or something like that, it was the rope, but it was the size, and he is whipping me repeatedly over and over and over and over again. I'm screaming and I'm bawling and I'm crying, and I'm jumping, you know, he is got me by the neck and I'm jumping every time he is whipping me. So I'm getting it from the back of my leg all the way up to the top of my back. And when I left that whooping and which seemed like an eternity and went back to the room, I cried myself to sleep. I literally thought my dad would kill me. I didn't think that kids sometimes like, oh, dad's gonna kill me if you know, I do this like, I literally thought my dad would like kill me, I mean, literally, and I don't know, I'm sure drinking too much and he had a bad day or whatever. But I made a decision in that moment, Will Smith said it the best you make a decision, you just decide and the universe gets on your side. When you make that decision, you go all in. I said, I am gonna apply myself at everything I do for the rest of my life in the beginning it was because I thought my dad would literally kill me. After that, I started seeing the reward, I went from every learning disability class who was the kid that was dirty Derphy, that was made fun of, that took one bath a week, that was not popular in school to then graduating with honors, being a two-time state champion, graduating high school, $30,000 in my checking account, having my truck paid for having animal like horses and stuff paid for, and sent me in this whole trajectory in life by that one whipping. And to be honest with you, that whipping was way over the line like not even close, but at the stage I was with the attitude I had, it set me on the right path in life, even though I hated my dad, to be honest with you, until I was about 25, 26 years old, and we had a very volatile relationship. I almost killed my dad one time; I almost choked him to death and so it was tough and that whipping started. But he did put me on the right path, and I think that just making that decision like I am going to apply myself at everything that I do, really set me free.

Michael: Yeah, that's hard, man. You know, I think about what Tony Robbins talks about all the time, and I've been in Tony Robbins private coaching, I've been to his events, you know, I've been able to really have him talk and speak into my life. And you know, he always goes to that thing, life is happening for you and not to you. But in moments like that, I'm just like, oh dude, I feel this rage built inside of me for you and for the little you knowing like I'm 6 foot 4, 220, I'm a linebacker size dude. And my stepdad as big as me, would beat me up when I'm seven, eight years old and I just think of like the anger and the rage that I would have as that kid and it leading down this path for me, the polar opposite, this is such a fascinating conversation ‘cuz on this one hand you have you, when this moment, a clip that turns you into this completely other person. And for me, what happened is those moments pushed me further into the darkness where it was drugs, it was alcohol, it was running with guns, breaking into houses, robbing people, not graduating high school, becoming super violent. I mean, dude, I've probably been in 500 fights in my life, easily. And you think about that, how these moments are embedded and ingrained in us and they shape us and when I got deeper into Tony's work, it was like, wait a second, and I know that this is such a dark thing to say, and people aren't gonna understand it until they understand it and there's no way I can change what I'm about to say for how they interpret it. But until you understand how those moments, even as dark as they are, are playing to your benefit, it's really easy to be trapped in the victimhood of it because there's these experiences of being homeless, instilling food where I'm like, man, that just drives me, there's these moments of being this abandoned, lost kids where I'm drives me. When you think about this journey for yourself and the path that it's now laid in front of you. How can people who have these massively abusive experiences in life and they haven't yet stepped into their power, they haven't yet stepped into the ability to be that person they know they're capable of being like, what does it really take? Because people are always like, it's motivation and its action. I'm like, no, there's something else there, and I'm wondering if there's something else there for you as well?

Tyson: So here's the deal. I made the realization that my trauma doesn't define me who I am. Right? And if I play into that, I'm just a broke kid and I got beat up, every fight I got in, I lost. I'm not like you, not six four. I was like 85 pounds right at the time, you know, the low man on the totem pole, you know felt like, I know they love me, but they didn't really show it that much at the time and they were stressed out. And I think the truth is I realized that if I said yes to all that trauma, then I'm saying no to the rest of my life. And the truth is, I am not gonna let that happen. Right. So, I tie things to everything, right? I wanted to go and win and apply myself because I wanted a way out of the life that I was living, right? And every day I heard you're dumb as a box of rocks, you're dumb and I mean, that wasn't just my father, that was just like how everybody talked to people back then. I'm like, they would say that and I noticed myself starting to accept it just a little bit, kind of soaking back. And when I was 13, I went into my dad's room, I grabbed his 30-30 lever action rifle, and I put it in my mouth and I went to pull the trigger. And I just remember being like alone, you know. In that moment, I think it's the grace of God, even though I didn't believe in God at that point that pulled that gun out of my mouth and realized to say, no more, no more am I gonna let these labels affect the rest of my life because if I say yes to this decision, literally with the gun of my mouth, I say no to the rest of my life. But it's the same thing holding onto regret, it's the same thing holding on to past failures. It's the same thing holding on somebody who cast a label on you and you accepted it, it's the exact same. So, realize that you must say no to that so that you can say yes to the rest of your life. You cannot let it define you.

 Michael: Yeah. I would have the goosebumps sitting here hearing that because I resonate with that in such a deep way looking at 26 years old hitting this massive rock bottom dude, just as low as I could possibly ever be, and realizing it was a truth that I had to accept that I was being exactly what everyone ever said I would be. It's what you just said, man, I was like, dude. I am literally such a loser. I'm such a loser. And look, that's a hard moment to have with yourself. And it's not about, for me in that moment, it wasn't even like I'm beating myself up about it, it's like, dude, you are a loser because look at your decisions, look at your actions, look at your friends, dude, look at the people you're spending your time with. Do you think that these people are ever going to grow into what they have the potential to be? Because all they're doing is getting high snorting coke, getting drunk, and I'm like, what are you doing? And that identity shift is everything.

Tyson: Yeah, man, you're hitting the nail right on the head and it takes a person with a little amount of pride or so much pain that allows it to squash the pride to say, Hey, you know what, I'm not doing this right. I'm not doing this right at all, you know what? It's my fault. It's not their fault. It's like whenever I was growing up and I was in every learning disability class for a while, I believed they said, you're done, you're no good, you're boxer rock. Well, no wonder I was in every learning disability cast ‘cuz I was a little kid and that's what I heard and I came from a broken home. So, I'm like, I don't care to read, I don't care to apply myself in school. But when I quit listening to that and I said no more. I drop my pride, I drop the labels and say, Hey, let's go. Let's go. And like most people think this turnaround is like three years, five years once you get the accolade, like I'm a world champion and I'll be honest with you, it doesn't matter ‘cuz I will not allow label to define the rest of my life, whether it's world champion or dumbest. I put one foot in front of the other and realize that change happened the moment you decide, the change in your life happens in the moment you decide, not three years later, and when you have that in your brain, it's like, I'm winning right now just by taking this step in the right direction.

 Michael: Yeah. I wanna go into that because think this is really important because there are people, I promise you, dude, I've been doing this long enough that I know. There are people listening right now who are like, these two are victim shaming and I'm like, no, we're not. What we're doing is simply telling you the truth, and that's what people are so terrified of. There is something innately within us that wants to hide and avoid reality so that we feel safe. People ask me all the time, they're like, what does it mean to actually heal trauma? And Tyson, my answer is always this, it's to stand in your truth without apologizing for it. And what I'm wondering is people have this notion, they're like, man, I know I can change. I believe it in me. I listen to Michael and Tyson all the time. I read the books. I'm in the chorus. I'm doing all the things, but my life isn't indifferent. Why isn't their life different?

Tyson: Check your surroundings of who you're around. You see, when I left the Midwest, again, my dad and I had a knockdown drag out. I had enough at that point and I grabbed him by the throat and I was choking him to death. He wouldn't even remember this because he was so out of it. Right? Thank God somebody pulled us apart or else I could very well be never doing this, I could never have the family I have, I could never have anything, right? I moved almost 1800 miles away to Washington State as far as I could get away for new surroundings. I had nothing. I had very little money enough to put gas in the tank. I had a few things I had put in the back of my pickup. I had nothing, I had nothing, but I was willing to do everything to get new surroundings. Guys, if you're struggling, if this is you right now, I feel like, man, my relationships are bad, I'm in around a bad group of people like, get out, get out. I say it to people all the time. See, I had the ability to live that urban lifestyle and the country boy lifestyle, right? If you're in an area where there's high crime and your kids aren't having a chance and you say, well, I fit in here. I wouldn't fit in; in a rural community, bull crap. Get somewhere where you can change, where you can shift, where your family can be safe, where you can grow, get around people that take you to the next level ‘cuz here's the deal, if you don't get around those people, you're better off to be alone, and that was my journey for a long time, was alone because I liked listening to Tony Robbins, I liked listening to Les Brown, I love Scott Thomas like, I love these. So I'm like, none of my friends like this stuff.

Michael: What are you doing, man?

Tyson: Yeah. Like, I'm okay by myself then I'll just go be alone and study and learn and grow. But the great thing about it is you know, 20, 30 years ago, the personal growth movement, like when I first broke into that house and I stole that book of Tony Robbins, it changed my life.

Michael: Hold on, hold on. You gotta tell that story.

Tyson: Yeah. So, when I was, I think at like 14, 15 years old, my mom buys me this book called Rich Dad Poor Dad, because I always tell my mom, I'm like, mom, we're gonna be rich someday, mom we're gonna make it, mom you know, I'm gonna have, it's gonna be good, we're gonna make something ourselves. And she's like, okay honey and she would feed the dreams and feed the dreams so positive, so kind, she'd buys me this book. I read this book, it's all about buying assets and get rid of liabilities and all this stuff that I knew nothing about, but I fell in love with it and I could barely read, it was the second book that I ever read, I am 14 or 15. I decide that I wanna start buying real estate ‘cuz in that book it talks about buying assets. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna buy houses and like, I don't have any money, like really. And I'm also under 18 and I start picking up the phone I call a couple realtors and they're like, no, we can't show you a house, what are you talking about? I'm like, well, you know, nobody's living there right now, I drove by it five times, I know that nobody's there, is there any way that you could just let me in a look at it and you know, I can figure out how to get the money or whatever. And they're like, no way. So, I'm not gonna take no for an answer. Right? No is not in my vocabulary, can't, is not in my vocabulary. So I get really good at breaking into houses, to this day, man, I can break like any house, just like that, no problem and with no trace too, like no trace, you would never know I was there. So, I break into this house, it was like not abandoned, but nobody was there and it stunk bad like cats and dogs and there's bags of trash everywhere. And I'm like tiptoeing over it, you know, when you enter a house, it's not yours, you're always like looking around, like wondering if it's gonna happen, you know, like so I'm tiptoeing and I step over this bag, it's a trash bag, one with like the yellow drawstring, but I feel a corner of a box it touches me on the side of my leg when I step over this box, I'm like, what is that? What's in that? So, I dunno, I'm just gonna look. So I open up the bag of trash, I just rip it like I rip this side of the plastic, I pull out this cassette book of Tony Robbins, Unleashed the Power, and I'm like, what is this? I'm gonna steal this, it is mine and I tucked it under my arm and I run outta that house and it freaking changed my life. But that's what changed my life like point me on a path of like, Hey, I am going to go and grow. And back then it wasn't that famous like I knew nobody who was interested in personal growth and you know, this is 1999, year 2000, like there, I didn't know anybody. Now it's a widespread thing like a lot of people are interested in individuals. So, that changed my life if I don't find the Tony Robbins cassette book, I mean, I might be screwed. I might be like addicted to alcohol or making those bad decisions now.

Michael: So, what you're saying is the key to success is a break into houses. Got it.

Tyson: Do not. Go another way. Do not break into houses.

Michael: It's so wild to me how things like that happen because, you know, I've had those similar moments where I'm just like, here's the sign, here is the thing, and one of the things I try to teach my clients all the time, I'm like, shut up and listen to the universe. The thing that is in front of you is probably the thing that you need, right? The investment in yourself, the showing up for yourself, the doing it when it's hard, especially the doing it when it's scary and it's funny because people will often think this idea of like, oh, I know that if I leave on the other side, it'll be better and they're terrified to leave, they won't do it. And literally, the greatest decision I've ever made in my life at 29 years old, I packed up everything that I owned in Indianapolis, I got in my car, I drove to Portland, Oregon, 1800 miles away. And I decided with no money, having left a relationship with what I could fit into the back of my Chevy Malibu, which was breaking down, I was gonna figure this out. And that's the thing, man, you gotta leave.

Tyson: Yeah. You can't be stuck like if we look at things and problems that people have, I hate saying this, but they're very much generational. A path from the father to the son. And if you're Christian, if you love God, you know, that's in the Bible. But if you're just a connoisseur of studying human nature, I mean we're cyclical and negativity and positive, he passes on to the next generation. And so, if you're a father or a mother out there, or you're thinking about having a family someday, like self-reflect and say what ends here? What ends now? What ends with me? What is not gonna pass to the next generation? And then secondly, think about what habits, rituals, and things I like to do that are positive I am I gonna pass to my kids. My daughter, I say to my daughter, I say, baby, what do we do with money? She says, we save it, dad. I say, what is money earned, baby? She says, interest. I say, how do we earn money, baby? She says, working hard and providing value. And I'm like, she's five and she blurting it out because I come from such a broken past, nobody in my family has had money, nobody, but it ends with me, it ends with me, it does not go past me.

 Michael: That's a stake in the ground man, there ain't no coming back when you make that decision and that's a hard decision to make. And it's because money seems like this thing. Tim Storey told me something really beautiful one time. He's like, first you plant your seed and then you take care and water your seed and then you sow your seed. And the thing that's really interesting about this is that seed that you planted might take 20 years to turn into a tree. Because when I think about this a lot in my healing journey and what I've been through, you know, I put together the math and I've invested now having done the math again, almost $300,000 and over 11,000 hours into myself. And what's interesting about that is that that investment in me has paid off in a way that we help millions of people. Right. Especially the people who, the reason I do this show and that we put it out every single day is because, you know this as well as I do, a lot of people won't understand this. Sometimes you don't have $9 for a course, sometimes you don't have $15 for a program. Right. And so, we create this show every day to create value for people ‘cuz I know that not everyone is going to be today. I believe everyone has the ability and the potential, but not everyone in this moment can be like, yeah, I can join the $10,000 coaching or the $800 product or course or whatever and so much of this is like plant the seed today. And my thought is like we're planting the seed today and Think Unbroken to end the generational curse because dude, you and I we're not anomalies like that's what I want to teach people. I don't know about you. I swear to you I don't know anything about anything. I am when it comes to life, man, you asked me to balance a checkbook I'm screwed unless I go into learning and education. And so much of this journey and what I'm curious about for you, what role has education played? Because for two kids who were terrible in school, I have a feeling that education has been a pillar in this journey for you.

 Tyson: It's so funny, you know, if you had asked me in middle school or high school, Hey man, you wanna be a teacher? I'm like, you're gonna be a teacher, are you kidding me? That's not gonna happen. These guys are freaking, no, they're not fun, they're not cool, you know, all this stuff. And maybe I'm not a traditional teacher in school, and by the way, that was what I thought when I thought I knew it all and I didn't know a thing. So, if you're a teacher, that is no disk to you whatsoever, I just wanna make that clear. Secondly, that's all I do is teach, you follow me on social media it's motivation, its teaching topics, it's things that I do that get me to this level. If you know, ironically, track your net worth and track what you’re learning skills are, it will go up if you're continually growing and you're continually learning.

In the beginning, I didn't have a lot because I didn't know a lot. Knowledge is power when applied. Right? And so, teaching, learning, growing it's a hundred percent necessary if you want financial freedom, if you want mental freedom, and you don't want generational things to pass on. Now, for myself, I have tracked my net worth and the amount I invest in myself over the years, and it's gone up and up and up. And the more I invest in myself, the more my net worth goes up. And it's slower in the beginning because in the beginning you don't have the money, you spent your last a hundred dollars to buy a hundred dollars course, right? And then you gotta go make another a hundred bucks or 200 bucks or 300 bucks or 500 bucks. And the thing is like I would tell everybody out there. You need to learn, but you also need accountability. If we're not in an age where we're knowledge poor, we're knowledge rich. You can find out anything and everything you want on YouTube, it might not be organized, it might take you 10 times as long to get it done but knowledge is everywhere, accountability is nowhere. What I do every single day at eight 15, I get on a call. I state my daily goal. I state my weekly goal. I state my monthly goal, and guess what? If it's Friday, if I didn't get my weekly goal, I gotta fess up to it. You see the people that get it done see a sense of urgency to go and attack life day by day, by day by day, because they know time is short. And if you're accountable to your actions, you will, I call it GSD, but get stuff done. And I've lived my life with a sense of urgency, probably because I've found dead bodies before, I've been around people who are here and the next day they're not, I've been beaten up by gangs, I've had it all. So, it's like I know that life is so short and I have to leave an impact man is with a hundred percent intensity all the time. And the key is, and I'll shut up, is you gotta do it because you love it. You gotta do it because you love it. If you don't, like, if you hated podcasts, it would be miserable for you to come there every single day and knock out. Like me, I love motivation, I love personal growth, I love development, so it energizes me it doesn't attract. If you're in a freaking job that you hate, get an idea, get a system in a process and work your way out of it ‘cuz you don't wanna be there forever.

Michael: Yeah, and model people who have done the thing you're trying to do, that's the game. And that's the thing that changed my life because the really, the beginning of this whole journey for me was, I was like, looking at people who had done the thing I was trying to accomplish. And it was like, what does it take to get there? And I remember, it's so funny, man, I remember the first time ever that I saw the investment for an online course. And I had invested into a Brendon Burchard course, that was the first one ever. My last 50 bucks, it wasn't even my last 50, I was already 50 grand in debt, but it was just another 50 bucks. And it was like, and that was the beginning. And in that course, he made an offer and it was like $2,500 and I did not do it at that time, Tyson and I'll tell you why, because I didn't understand the value. And $2,500 to me a decade ago might well have been a million. And what's really fascinating is I started to, what you just said, I started to learn more skills, I left a job I hated, I got out of a relationship that was toxic and I played my role in, let's be very clear. And I got out of the town I lived in and I got away from the friends who were not actually my friends. This is why I was saying, man, this is not rocket science, this is a formula. You've got two people here if you're listening, telling you this is the thing that you have to do. But I'm gonna tell you right now, Tyson, and you know this as well as I do, there's somebody listening and they're going, well, it's not for me, it's too scary. I can't go to the city one hour away. I can't leave the job I've had for 10 years. I can't break up in the relationship that's been co-dependent for five years, it's just not for me.

Tyson: Can I say something? Here's the thing, look at what like in the current situation that you're in, if you're one of those people, think about what your life's gonna look like three years, five years, ten years from right now. What would it look like? If you just become an average of the surroundings, the people you're hanging out with, what you're doing? What is your life gonna look like in three to five years? Chances are you just have to look at one of your friends and find out what that looks like. Right? And if it sucks, you can't afford not to make that change ‘cause you don't wanna live your life with a regret. Regret is the most empty and the hardest thing that you'll have to swallow for the rest of your life. Don't do it. Make that change right now. Make that shift and be okay with the process. I was with Law Payne a couple weeks ago. He is one of the largest online sales guys in fitness like, this guy is huge, it'll blow your mind. And he was like, it's gonna be hard for you guys to understand this but I come from absolutely nothing. God, just like us, he grew up in a area that was very toxic, very volatile, created an empire for himself by doing exactly what you said. And all of his friends, he goes back to where he is from and he tries to lift them up. He tries to help 'em. He gets them courses, he takes them to events, he does all this stuff. And to me, I would rather be a Law Payne, not the guy that should have would've and coulda. And I will tell you it might be difficult now, but the pain of making that change is gonna be a lot less than the pain and regret you're gonna have to swallow for the rest of your life.

 Michael: Yeah. In my first book I wrote this line, it says, I took the old Michael back behind the shed and I shot him. And I meant it, man and like that's, even when I think about identity, when I talk about this idea of becoming who you are, living life on your terms, not accepting anything other than what you can create and build in your life, it's about the willingness that you have to go and look in that mirror because that's the only place you can't lie to yourself, man ‘cuz I was lying all the time. 350 pounds, two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep, making a million dollars in being massively in debt like there's a disconnect here. And I hope people are getting this, I really do because when you recognize one empirical truth, everything becomes different. And it's this like, you have to answer this question. What are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? That's it.

Tyson: Make that decision. And I wanna get into like go outta mode right now ‘cuz I'm so passionate about this, but I'm like, get up off and decide. Draw a line and say no more, no more am I doing this? No more am I gonna live this way? Like I won World champ, I quit drinking and chewing the same day. My dad has drunk his entire life, both my brothers have chewed tobacco and drank their entire life. I love them they're great people, they're awesome in their own right. But you know how hard it was for me to break that? But I said, no more. I don't want my jaw falling off. I don't want some 12 year old kid doing it because I did it ‘cuz he seen me in some magazine or something, like no more, just make that decision and stick to it.

 Michael: How much of that is loving yourself?

 Tyson: So, it's really funny because I didn't love myself for a long time. And to to be honest with you, let's be real here. I struggle to love myself still to this day. I still struggle with it. live by the motto of Savage Servant. Savage in the way like, I wanna be a bad tough SOB, not in fighting, but putting an effort but then I struggle with balancing the servants. Like I love people, I love to say I love myself sometimes is very hard for me. Right? I was motivated, like I have a twisted sense in my brain, like where if somebody says, Tyson, you're stupid, or Tyson, you'll never make it. You can't do that. I'm like, mother Effer, watch me. Gimme five years. Let me show you what I'll do. Like, that's the me, right? And so, it's very hard to me to dive into loving yourself. To be honest with you, I love myself because my wife has shown me that I am important. I love myself because I see how great and kind and loving my kids are, and I'm like, you know what? I screwed up a lot. How do I have such a beautiful family? And I get emotional talking about it because like, there must be good here if I'm able to do that and by seeing them and their joy, it must mean that like, you know, I'm a great guy and I would tell the audience like, look at your child, look at your son, look at your daughter. You see perfection in them. You see the ability to go and achieve and grow and be amazing. I want you to look at yourself that way. Imagine your father in heaven or you’re the father maybe that you didn't have, or your mom, or if your family's broken like you were looked at as loved and great at some point in your life. And you need to look at yourself the way that you look at your children ‘cuz if you can do that, the sky's the limit.

 Michael: Couldn't agree more man. And this is a rest of your life game like I tell people all the time when you sign the dotted line and you say, I'm gonna transform my trauma in a triumph, you can go win the world champions. You can go speak on the stages with Grant Cardone like I have. You can go do all the things and you're still gonna be facing that self every day. And making the decisions to show up and living life on your terms and pushing yourself into capability and reminding yourself of possibility. And it's not like you're gonna ever do one thing one time and gonna work ‘cuz it ain't. It's gonna be the rest of your life thing. And so, I resonate with that so much. Man, this has been an amazing conversation. Tyson, before I ask you my last question, brother, tell everyone where they can find you?

 Tyson: Yeah, I'm just @TysonDurfey and all social media platforms, my main two are Facebook and Instagram. I have not figured out how to dance on TikTok yet, so I'm not doing the dancing memes, I'm all about let's grow, let's get better, how can I push you and motivate you? Inspire it to this point, I answer every single DM that I get on social media, so if I ever can help you reach out, but it's just @TysonDurfey that’s it.

Michael: Amazing.  And of course, we'll link up the show notes for the audience. My last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

 Tyson: Whew, that's a big one. To be unbroken, I would say, is to make that decision, that you know what, this happened to me. I did this, they casted that label, but I say, no. I say no to all of that BS so that I can say yes to the rest of my life. And as long as you have that spirit in your heart and that willingness to try every single day, I'm gonna say that you're unbroken and this sky's the limit.

 Michael: Brilliantly said my friend. Unbroken Nation.

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