Transforming Suicidal Thoughts into Success | with Jarek Tadla

Michael: Jarek, welcome to the show, brother. I'm very excited to have you here because you and I had this amazing conversation a couple of weeks ago outside of this podcast of your own journey of mental health, of being an entrepreneur, of having it all, of really building and creating the life that most people dream of. And yet, you felt empty inside, you felt stuck inside, you felt lost inside. You felt suicidal. I would love to find out and dive deep into today in this conversation about how we change the way we feel and think about the world. First, thank you for being here. Why? And this is a very pointed question, so I'm just going to come right out with it. If somebody is listening to this right now, and they are absolutely struggling, and they are thinking about ending it all, what would you say to them?

Jarek: You are not alone, brother. You are not alone. Go, be grateful that you're still here. You survived the one day and go open up and talk to somebody. Even your friend, share it. Don't be vulnerable and don't be embarrassed. That's it, because I was hiding. I was hiding, I was keeping the poker face and nobody had no idea. Believe me, I was, I had a smiling face. And I have all the thoughts and the thoughts were getting darker and the voice was getting clearer and clearer. And I started believing that. And hopefully, I open up and I hit the bottom. When, I just came out and finally told somebody what is going on and that was the start. That was the beginning. So just believe it, you are not alone. It starts at 720,000 suicide every single year. If you think about it, cities like Detroit, Seattle Denver will be wiped out every single year, because, people believe in the voices in their head. They lost the battle to the voices in their head, and those voices are real. So I know what I went through and I wish nobody had gone through what I went through,

Michael: Yeah, those voices are real and I've been there myself and I've shared this on the show over the years, but the first time I attempted, I was 14 years old. Like I was a child, like the world was so dark and heavy to me. And then again, when I was 25, and it wasn't until I really put myself in a position to reach out and open up to the world and say, Hey, I am suffering. I am so in a dark place right now, I need help. And, it's funny because I think the fear of actually telling the truth can be more scary of the idea of just ending your life. What do you think about that?

Jarek: you know what, when I said it as I'm getting goosebumps and just I felt lighter, I was so embarrassed. There was the fear of saying this, and then I felt a lot lighter and it was just the beginning. This was just the beginning and just opening up and. And telling and I and I and I want to say tell one person, because it's like they say that right now, I believe there's a heaven on earth, but at that time, I only believe there is a hell and you don't have to die to go to hell.

I was living in hell. was I create this emotional gel in my own head. And I couldn't just live there anymore. And believe me I was at the top of the mountains. I have absolutely everything. You know me, I retired 20 years prior. I have more money than anybody can imagine. I was fortunate, generation I have generational wealth created and, I have a nine, 1 percent body fat, I was fit. You know what I mean? I have a relationship with my kids. I discovered myself and it was past covid because it was like three years ago I mean it was it's and funny is I made fun of people that were depressed. I have no empathy But yet I was always I was like, you know My first suicide of that was in 2008 with the market crash But then and I made all my money in 2008 Yet I found a solution. So I did not put those two dots together. I thought it's a just, because I was so broken, but I had a reason. Suddenly I have no reason. I'm emotionally strong. I'm mentally strong. I'm physically strong spiritually. I found a connection with God. I'm sober. I'm not drinking. I'm not sedating with work. I'm not sedating with alcohol. I'm not sedating with workouts. I'm not sedating with any, drugs. And guess what? It still got me. You know what I mean? I was two days. I was two days in bed. I thought it's a COVID, right? It's a regular sickness. So, I thought it's a COVID. Two days become five days. Five days become seven days. And then a week, two weeks, dude, after 40 days. I was gone I lost connection with everything, I was first, first I was upset, like, all the body pain, like, all the stuff from my entire life, from 50 years, it just, it just hit my brain. And because I was constantly my entire life hiding everything. Just, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Dude, I was never good. I never could express myself. I never could express myself because I was like, my entire life I was hiding and I was looking for validation from the outside sources. Looking validation, more businesses are winning races, winning swimming races, winning Ironman competition, just doing get the validation. And the only validation I was not getting from me and all the body pain, like all this pain, it just, it's like a compound pain. We know what compound interest is, compound work, but the compound pain, the pain from the childhood even hit me, and I just could not deal with that.

Michael: Where did you know one of the things I think about because I relate to this so like dude so much 25 you would think I'm on top of the world I'm making a ton of money ton of friends best apartment in Indianapolis Awesome car like I'm driving an 80,000 car at 25 years old, like things are good. I was miserable I couldn't have been worse and I think about this so much. It's we place within ourselves where we think the outside world is going to solve our problems. But it's so tied to our childhood because I thought I was like, okay, if I get a great car and I have all these women and I have all this money and I have all this status that I will love myself because it was the vision I had in childhood, being a homeless kid, having no money, being in poverty, watching my friends get murdered and go to prison, like coming from that kind of environment. I was like, I have everything you could ever want. Why am I not happy? And I came to realize just through my own journey, it was all tied to my belief systems from my childhood about what happiness could and couldn't be. Where did it come from for you? What was childhood like? Because you don't get to be the super high performer who wants to kill themselves. And tell me you had a good childhood. I just refuse to believe it.

Jarek: You know what, and I gotta tell you, I did have a good childhood, right? That's what I thought. I really did, I did, I grew up in a, with a, in a home. My parents still do say to each other, I love you. You know what I mean? It's we grew up in the Eastern block so love that was, there was no love language. You know what I mean? But there was expectations for everything. I, there was always high that, that's why I wrote the book, not enoughness, because it's like I developed this. It's Hey Dad, dad, I was first. Did you give your personal record? No. Oh, okay. Then you didn't do your best. You know what I mean? Hey, dad. Dad, I was second, but I got my personal record. But you were not first. So the not enoughness developed in the childhood, I was always beat up by the teachers, by the coaches, always just bringing up that, you're not enough that you, the, you still not doing your best. But when I got successful and I retired at the age of 28, I thought, Oh my God, all those lessons. Where the shit that's why I'm a dad. I'm ahead of the society, right? That's what I thought but there was a gift and a curse because suddenly I have all that all the emotions zero I'm telling you I have zero emotional freaking intelligence and I didn't know how to deal with all this stuff So it was bad childhood all those pains, all the not enoughness and constantly proving winning competition and doing better in school and doing better in the businesses and retirement. That's what it was, but it was developed during the childhood by everybody, not only parents, my parents, but I'm a parent right now, five. So we asked the parent to do the best we can. You know my parents at that time did the best thing what they could the same thing the grandparents Do you know what I mean? And it's but definitely all the not enoughness and all that I'm not good enough It definitely came from childhood. It did not develop when I was 20, 30, 40 Okay, it developed when I was little when I was three I was always looking for attention and I was getting that attention first to be horrible child Then through winning and then through you know thriving in the businesses you So it's but it's definitely I think like when I went through the whole process, I'm telling you, I rediscovered that we are born with everything. And then all the outside sources are the environment. And I'm telling you conscious or unconscious, because, I have a good loving parents. They were not, they did the best coaches. They do the best, but they like, everybody put me down. So that's. And finally caught up with me. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good until I wasn't good Because I have nothing to try for anymore And I'm completely, like you said, you're 25, you're miserable, and I never realized that I have all those trauma and all the wounds that were, that, I'm not dealing with this shit, this is not important. Do you know what I mean? You have those emotional feelings? I don't know. They don't exist. I'm delusional. I have a, another 1, 000, 000 deal, another 10,000,000 deal to do. I have a competition to do. This is this is not important. This is not important. You know what I mean? So that's exactly. That's what that's how it started. But remember I did not hit, I did not have the awareness until 48, 50, until the stuff happened. Because when I was laying in bed and I couldn't get up, suddenly all the pain from the childhood came. I'm like, what? This is 30 years old pain. I remember me getting in fight with the kids. I like what you're a loser. You're not enough. You horrible human being. I'm going to approve you. I'm so delusional that I have a teacher that told me that I'm going to be a loser. I'm not going to accomplish anything in life. So I built 160 homes around my high school. Can you imagine? is for hundreds. I have 161 homes around my high school. Just to prove it. Do you think the teacher cared? He didn't even know who built this shit. My ego, but that didn't make me happy.

Michael: It's so funny because growing up and I'll speak to it from the perspective of growing up a boy, I know girls deal with this too, but like growing up boy where we're taught to play the sports, be quiet, just get it done. Don't ever talk about your emotions. And what I came to realize. Which one of the most profound experiences of my whole life. When I was about 26, I started having panic attacks and I would have five panic attacks a day. Like I would be on the ground, crippled, can't move chaos. And what I realized it was all of the emotions. Wanting to come up, they have to be felt. And what's so hard about it is as much as and I'll even admit this I'm like, I want to be a robot. I want to ignore my feelings. I want to get the work done. I want to create the thing that I'm trying to create, but it's if you ignore the emotions, they will come. And I always say this to people. I got very lucky because I had a midlife crisis when I was 25 and that changed my life forever because if it happened to me now, dude, I don't even know how I would react. And so that body, that embodiment Of those experiences, they come up because you have to deal with it, and we spend so much time not dealing with. I didn't deal with it, and it ruined relationships. It ruined friendships. It ruined money. It ruined my health. It just took everything away from me, and it was just it kept feeling like no matter what I did, I couldn't figure it out.

Jarek: Brother. You write on money, man. Like you write on money. This is exactly, this is exactly but what happened is we, as a man, we cannot, if you crying, you're a woman, right? If you're happy, they call you names too. You know what I mean? You're a clown. And what happened is we hiding all the emotions because that's what is expected of us. And remember also now the society there's a bigger awareness. So now when you go, I go to therapy, because if I went to therapy years ago.

Michael: I get beat up.

Jarek: Dude, yeah, what's that be right? And somebody would tell me it's normal. I didn't know this is normal. I was hitting like when I have those attacks. I thought that this is not normal because like I said, I was hiding the pain, but believe me, it doesn't matter what age you have and what, what you have, it will cut up with you. It did cut up with me at age of 50 and it was a middle life crisis, just so you know. It's zero middle life crisis and just all the pain just out of sickness just caught up with me, and I and like I said, physically, mentally, emotionally, I was strong and I, and it's funny, I have all the tools. Can you imagine having all the tools, but yet I was still like, I was for the entire world, just telling people I could, I'm good. I'm good, but I can't imagine if I like when my queen pulled me out of the bed, it's dude, get out of the bed. It's I'm like, I'm not getting out of the bed. I'm sick. And she goes, you are not sick. And she pulled me out of the bed and she's listen, you are helping so many people. You cannot even help yourself and I'm like, Oh, mother fucker, you it's Oh, and I was like, I remember going to the living room. telling you, it was like a dead man walk fuck, and I just walked, it was like a 30 feet and I have this huge, like a 50 feet ceilings and then I just laid down and I see this cloud and I'm like, dude, if this shit happened to me. I got to freaking help somebody. It was like, because I have not even 1 percent reason to be depressed. I have one is have anxiety attack. I have no reason to be even sad. You know what I mean? I'm in love. I got a new queen that, I got out of the toxic relationship four years prior those relationship with the kids being presence Holy cow. But the old pain, it was all pain that we just put in. And you're right, we lose relationship. We just we don't connect with other people. And at the end of the day, we want a connection. We'd like we think we want all the outside world is the outside sources They're the cars the jets the houses the vacation, dude If you don't connect with anybody you have no connection. You have no love there It's you know It's you're gonna lose the battle with you with your hat because then you know, the devil is right over here And he's gonna control this shit. He's gonna give you more pain he's gonna validate your feelings and emotions and not dealing with the emotions and it's like I couldn't even open to my friend. It's like dude, what's wrong with you? You We don't talk about this shit and when I start talking and just, it just helped now. I know now I have the, like a Bible almost what to do but I have all the tools, but I didn't know.

Michael: I want to go into this concept of not enoughness more because I think that is something that right now in our society, not only just in the U S or North America, but worldwide. I think that the internet and social media has created more mental health catastrophe in the world than probably arguably almost anything. At least in our lifetime. I don't think you can compare it to something like World War II. I don't think you can compare it to many things, but I think that you can look at the impact of social media today, and it's really creating this painful experience for people of not feeling enough. So now you have on. I don't feel enough as a kid and then I don't feel enough as an adult. Cause I see it everywhere that I don't have jets and cars and the hottest girlfriend or hottest husband or the perfect family and all the great body and all the, and then people are just fucked up. So I think it'd be really special for you to do me a favor and do us all a favor and define. What not enoughness is like. How do you see that and what role is that playing in the world right now? I think we really need to go into this for a second.

Jarek: What, hold on my book here, that's my book, right? I don't say they're not enough. I love how you say it. So they're not enough. What comes is, I think with the internet and everything else, it's funny, like the internet's a gift and a curse, so we can connect and we can share our stories, but what happened is the internet is showing everything else, and you, we start playing the comparison game, right? And then from the childhood, like what I call it, not enoughness, but it's really the blame and the shame inside us. You know what I mean? Because we are, and then, and you know what we're really, it's after that, what it comes when you even accomplish something, you think you're not worthy of that. But this is constantly when it got to us into the childhood and now this new, the internet and having access and seeing everybody showing everything, the beautiful girls, the beautiful yacht jets and everything else, it's just we're just striving. And if, and everybody in the instant gratification. We are men, porn right there, alcohol. Hey, I want to feel good. That's the instant gratification, right? Coming remember, I'm from this country. Coming, I want a house. I will pay the house for the next 30 years, but I want a house now getting, you finish 16, you want a car, you pay for the car for the next five years. You only enjoy the car for three months. Then you sick of making those payments. The instant gratification that's the huge thing. And then the doping level, you need more and more, and that's not enough. And we get sick of it. And when it comes from the childhood, then you constantly look for validation, not who you are. That's when it's that's the stigma. But I think that's the curse, but it's also, for me, it was a gift because I was always striving for more until there was no more and the doping level was not hitting because how many cars can you buy? How many houses can you buy? When I get through divorce, I was the first time it hit me five years, six years ago, I go through divorce and then the COVID happened and I'm on the top of the mountains. I made all my money, even more, more than 2008. And I'm sitting, I'm on the yacht with all those Instagram girls with rich in Miami, the bubble is Jesus, each guys are like, multi millionaires. And I got like everything on the palm of my fingers, all the girls, all the drugs, all the alcohol, everything I have access to, anything you can imagine. Wall Street is nothing, the movie is not great. And suddenly I'm like, fuck, I'm not happy. Don't want to be here. Do you know what I mean? Like suddenly everything that I ever dreamed of, that every guy ever dreamed, the movies are written. He like, it's if it's, you have access to it, you don't want it. I need connection. I need people. I need love. But the problem is I didn't know how to love myself. Like I've been on a relationship right now with my queen five years after a year when I told her, when, because, we were, combining family. So we're going to the therapy sessions, how to combine family and stuff like that. And I told her after a year, I only felt love twice. She started crying. Like you only fell in love twice. The problem is I never felt love. I never loved myself. And that's, I'm getting goosebumps. That's where the pain was coming from. I didn't know what loving yourself is. So I was always the people police that I was giving and my bucket was getting emptier, emptier. My soul was getting like, I lost the faith in God. I blame God for everything. I suddenly become a victim of the circumstances. But I forgot to love myself. You're a loser. It doesn't matter that you're not enough. The shame, the guilt, you're stupid, you're ugly. You know what I mean? I was like, holy cow. The way I talk to myself, it just more and more. Right now, when I start and like really start connecting and start loving myself, tell me, tell a guy your age, my age, love yourself. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're delusional. Tell you, every morning I go to the mirror, Dude, I love you. I'm gonna take care of you today. I'm gonna put good food. I'm gonna take care of your body. I'm gonna put, everything is me. And I'm gonna love you. And I'm sorry for neglecting you for so many freaking years. And I mean it and guess what when you give when you would suddenly I feel loved all the time. I'm like I How was the little boy? Trying to get all this shit to be just fucking love.

Michael: Yeah. And you know what it is that I, yeah. And that's where I'm go I think about this all the time. Self-love. And the way that it's spun in society is bullshit. Self love in society, at least from what I see, and I've been, dude, I've been coaching for almost a decade. I've helped thousands of people. And I always see self love as this thing of take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, shut the fuck up.

Jarek: No, the fuck up exactly loved.

Michael: Self love is this and look and this is hard because people don't want to admit this because it requires breaking the frame of who they are. Self love is doing the shit you don't want to do that you know is good for you. The food, the love. The exercise, leaving the relationship, taking care of yourself, not drinking, not doing drugs, not smoking, not staying up too late, scrolling all night, not do but it's also the dues do put good food in your body. Do go to the gym, do have the breaks when you need the breaks. Do the hard work, show up and live life as someone who gives a shit about themselves. And that was the hardest thing that I had to learn because dude, when I was 350 pounds. I was way obese. Yeah, dude. Way obese, smoking, drinking, partying. I have been on those yachts with those people and those girls, like it's happened. I spent a lot of time in Miami over the years and I look at those moments. I go, there's nothing fulfilling about that. And as crazy as it sounds, waking up at five 45 in the morning, going to the freaking gym, eating healthy food and staying on my routine. That's what makes me love myself. That's it. Taking care of my girl, taking care of my family, doing this hard work, coaching my clients. That's where happiness comes from for me. Cause I'll be honest with you. There is nothing in the world there. Dude, there's, but here's the thing. And I want to go into this with you. There's nothing in the world I would rather do than be sitting in my living room, smoking a joint, playing video games, eating pizza, watching porn, getting drunk and hanging out with people who have not have my interest in mind.

Jarek: I've done.

Michael: Have to make a decision.

Jarek: Easy? I always tell guys I asked myself, would I give this to my child?

Michael: This is a great question.

Jarek: Would you do this to a 10 year old child? Or a 12 year old child? Or an 8 year old? Whatever your child is. Would you give your four year old child pizza, what a lot of people do, those french fries? Would you give him a Coke? Would you give him a beer? Would you give him weed? Would you give your 12 13, my son is 13, would you give him, would you sit with him and watch porn? Or watch weed? Would you do that? No. Why are you doing it to yourself? A grown ass man? Are you fucking kidding me? Because you're a grown ass man? Pfft. Stop. So, we know how to educate. And the same, it's funny, when I start doing this, when I'm telling my story, and I'm giving, the problem is I'm giving advice to myself. Because I'm catching myself, it's shit, I didn't do this today. You know what I mean? I didn't and, you think a lot of times we don't want to do this shit, but we got to take care of ourselves. Because we neglect ourselves for so many times. We neglect our relationship for chasing for money. We neglect, but we neglected ourself for the longest time. never appreciate my body. I, I was very I'm a, I'm good athlete. And then I had ski accident. I have a six months in hospital and 13 surgeries. When I was, I always, I was, I always have gratitude, but I never, like in the morning when I prayed, I never prayed. Thank you for my body. Thank you for my heart beating. What the hell? Because we assume we take this stuff for granted. And we take ourself for granted and the problem is when people understand when you want to, when you take care of yourself, then everything else comes because we hear for our children. We hear for our partners. We hear, on the end of the line, we are here on this earth to serve. But the second, we got a little bit in life. Oh, I deserve this shit. I'm deserved to party. I work hard. I work. I love like this. It was me I work hard, but I party harder. What was my mantra? I'm not.

Michael: Yeah. Been there. That does not work very well.

Jarek: Dude, until you find a purpose and fulfillment in life It doesn't matter what you get you screwed.

Michael: So let's go into that.

Jarek: And you can't find fulfillment purpose in life if you sedating remember I was sedating with work. I worked 22 hours a day You Then I was sitting with workouts. So what happened? And then with alcohol drugs. When we sedate our soul and our, like our heart and our spirit and our brain, they don't connect. There's no connection. So we look for the connection somewhere else. But why don't we take care of ourselves?

Michael: Yeah. I can tell you why. And I only know this because of my own journey and for studying like literally I study humans. That is what I've dedicated my life to. I come and look at it and I look, I'll just use myself as an example. Here I am 25 years old. I've wasted a million dollars. I'm 350. I'm smoking, drinking, partying, hooking up, living this insane lifestyle. And one day I realized I was treating myself the same way that I had been taught that children should be treated. And that became my understanding for how to take care of myself. Because I watched my parents and my grandparent and my grandmother do the same thing. I watched my neighbors do it. I watched my community do it. I watched poverty. I watched desolation. I watched abuse. I watched drugs and alcohol and cigarettes. I watched cheating. I watched lying. I watched obesity. And then that became my life. And it's not until, here's the hardest part about this, because it was an awakening for me. Because I used to reject the same people that I was. I would look at these people and this is just God's honest truth. I would look at these people, I go, look at these fucking losers. And the whole time it's me. And that's what's so crazy about it because I would cast all this judgment on these people. I go, look at you, you're disgusting. And I'm wearing like fucking five XL shirt, right? Smoking. My backyard is covered in cigarette butts. My girlfriend and my relationship was trash. My brothers hated me. All of the money I had made was gone and I would look at, I'd be like, you're disgusting. And then I realized one day, and this is where the most freedom I'll use the word freedom. This is where most freedom in my journey came from ever was the moment that I realized my Don't life was a direct reflection of my childhood. And then I said words to myself that I teach my clients and this opened everything for me. You are no longer a child. The second I realized that dude, and I was like, Oh fuck, I'm a grownup. I got to take care of myself. Everything became different. So then for you, how did you get to that place? Like, how did you walk down this path of recognizing, wow, I'm really fucking up. This is on me. It is my responsibility to change. How do you not only take ownership of that, but how do you do it without shame and without guilt?

Jarek: You can. You got to do the shame and guilt. That's where they get you there. Because what happened is here, I had the good story. What happened is I'm rich, so I'm better than everybody. It doesn't matter that I get shit face and I'm 268 pounds. But I'm rich. I don't have to work. I make fun of Bill Gates, Musk, all those guys. Those fuckers have to work. I don't have to work. I'm rich. So what happened is I was getting validation. I was doing all this screw up shit. Drinking, not taking care of my body, and disconnecting. But, I have validation. And then, but I was still miserable. Okay now, with me, it was a lot, it was a lot slower. I'm a slow learner. I'm really slow learner. So then I started going, went back to sports, started doing the Ironman because I didn't like, when I bought my belt 42, I didn't like, I didn't like that. So I'm like, shit, I was always in a good shape, right? What the hell? So I went and started doing the Ironmans. Okay. Then I lost the way and, start finishing them, then winning triathlons one after another. It's good. I'm on the top of the, I'm still a douche bag. You know what I mean? I'm still horrible human being to myself.

Michael: I do know what you mean, unfortunately.

Jarek: Yeah. I'm still the horrible human being to myself. And because I'm horrible, the way I talk to myself, the way I speak to myself, even though I did not treat other people like that, but this energy was coming from within now. I was hiding, I was controlling what to say, what not to say, but I was carrying the energy. I'm better. Like when somebody told me, Oh I'm fed. Go to the gym. Are you depressed? Get to get out of the bed. You broke good. Get a job. I have zero, zero empathy.

Michael: Yeah. Yeah.

Jarek: Have zero empathy to myself.

Michael: Yes. Absolutely.

Jarek: I treat myself like crap and until I had like on all the levels okay because maybe we'll live bonds in life. Okay. So now I got the financial good and the physical good. Okay. But everything else was fucked up. Then I got to divorce, the last relationship with my kids for a few years. Okay, now the relationship got better. Then I have connection with God, I got awareness emotionally, mentally, and still when I was like, okay, now I got it. And all those pains that were hiding for all those years. Because I left one part, the last part that completely broke me when I was in the bed. And I was like, I'm gonna, I have a boat ready. I'm going to get on the boat. The self love and the empathy and completely not taking care of myself. And even to get me out of the bed, even when, my twin told me, you help so many people, you inspire so many people, you cannot help yourself. Even to get out of the bed, it was again outside validation, but they're making me the steps to realizing I got to really take care of me, you know what I mean? And at the same time, I also found the faith because when I was at the bottom of the bottom, I was like, God, why me? What did I do? Like, why did I do to deserve this? Why go through all those pains? You know what I mean? And then devil goes in my head. Whoa, motherfucker, you're good. You don't have to worry about it. You got this. But I'm still like, empty. I'm like empty. Like I felt like the pain, like right over here. Like a one big hole. I'm empty, and it took, and there was a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of blame. And what happened is I believe in all those voices. I believe, like people are telling me, you gotta do this shit, you gotta do this. There's billions of people that will just switch my places in a split of a second. And I'll just take everything away, just give, just take away the pain, so it's just, sometimes we need to hit the threshold. I tell you a story and it's funny, I have this coach, right? And I'm going through divorce, I'm going through the I'm like I cannot live this anymore, this is this. And yet, every morning at 8 o'clock, we have a conference call on a FaceTime, right? And that's a true story. And he goes what time you finish party? And he sees in the back, girls are running, right? He sees us like, I'm a single, right? I'm 46. I'm fucking single. I'm, I got the life. And I, but I'm miserable. And he goes what time you finish? What? Four o'clock, five o'clock. Oh shit, I'm hangover. Oh Jesus. And he's okay, get her a beer. I'm paying you 150,000 a year. And you tell me to get a beer six months later. I like, I asked him, bro, what the hell was this getting a beer? And he goes, yeah, like you were in the top of the mountains. Like you thought he'd the ship. Like I knew something's got to get you down because like I'll close it down there to bring you down. You did not reach the threshold. And we only wake up in the pain. And now I realize the pain is your friend, but we are scared. We afraid to go to the pain. That's why we choose, I choose suffering for so many years. But if we go through the pain and we dance and like you said, I love what you said, finish the relationship, quit the job, lose the way, we afraid to go through the pain, but I'm the end of the pain. I'm enough that fear because we are fearful. The new life begins and that's what the light is. So here's the pain and here's the fear. Here's the love and here's the fulfillment. But we lose this because we're scared.

Michael: Yeah. We're scared of love. We're scared of intimacy, which is very different than sex. We're scared of vulnerability. Most people are terrified to be seen as someone who has flaws as someone who isn't perfect, dude, I'm a fucking nightmare. Sometimes like I just am, even though I'm this coach guy. And even though this podcast, and even though the books and all yeah, dude, I'm still fucking human. And that's the thing that I have learned to be most okay with.

Jarek: The father away. If your wife listens to this, she doesn't come out. We are humans.

Michael: Yeah, it's like you're a human dude. And look, here's what I think is, you talked about this empathy piece, which I think is so important. There was no empathy in my home growing up. If you cried, my stepfather literally beat the tears out of me. I didn't cry for 15 years, man. Like I didn't cry ever. My best friend got murdered, didn't cry. Grandma died, didn't cry. Mom died, didn't cry. Got kicked out of high school, did nothing. I was a robot, and I had no empathy at all for anything or anyone, particularly myself, first and foremost. And because of that, I just figured life sucks. You die. And then I understood that on the other side of the fear, which is what you just brought up, the fear is like the ability to be vulnerable with yourself. Can you look nakedly at yourself, maybe even literally go take your ass and look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you're happy and be honest about it. One night. It was funny. I just shared this in coaching with one of my clients yesterday. So it's fresh top of mind. I was 31 and I was in a men's group program. It was just guys. And I was the youngest man in this group. And at the time I'm 31, all these guys are like 45, 50, 55 years old. By comparison, I'm the youngest, right? And these guys would tell these stories about the way that they taught and they treated their children. I will, I fucking just wanted to punch these guys in the face because they didn't understand what it was like for me because their lives were different, obviously, but for me, as a boy growing up with not having a father and then having an abusive stepfather, I would hear these guys stories of choosing cocaine over going to their little kids baseball game and I want to fucking strangle them. And so I'm in this men's group and being triggered constantly in that group was so helpful. It was so helpful to my life. And one night I used to walk there. So I was in Portland, Oregon at the time and Portland in the fall, it's cold, it's rainy, it's damp, it's dark at four o'clock, like it's not great. And so I have to walk. Cause I love this experience of the decompression after the session. And I walked by this little store one night and they have a red journal for sell. So I go and I buy this red journal. And I called it my anger journal and that night I went and I laid on the floor and I wrote Eric, I wrote in that journal for five or six hours, dude Just non stop my hand hurt so fucking bad by the end of the night and the pages were covered in tears I hadn't cried in 15, 20 years and I just wrote everything that I was pissed off about all the hate All the hurt, all the abuse, all the loss, all the poverty, all the times I fucked up all the girls that broke my heart, all the girls whose hearts I broke all. And I just went deep into that. And in that vulnerability, I faced the deepest fear that we have to face as human beings. And that's the reflection of who we are. And in that, I grew cause this light you just mentioned, dude, it was so beautiful. And since that moment life, not that it hasn't been hard, but it's been so much easier to navigate. And I'm leading down this path because to me, it felt natural to have that moment, to buy that journal, to do that. Nobody actually told me to do that, by the way, it was just something that I thought of. How do we get people go get deeply empathetic and vulnerable and honest and walk down this path of letting go of the darkness to find the light? What do they need to be doing?

Jarek: You know what? And they gotta go through pain. And they got to acknowledge the pain because what happened is we get, I get the pain identity. I get the pain identity and I live with the pain. This was my identity and until somebody reaching because you know what we like, I don't want to people and I don't want to anybody go through the pain that I want. I don't want anybody because, a lot of people, so many people commit suicide, so they lose the battle with the voice. Yeah. Okay, but we got it like you, me, and everybody who does this, we got to bring the awareness to that's okay to have those pain, but we can choose that this suffering that we don't have to suffer and it's my, it's an end of the day. It's just making decision. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sick of it and it's okay to carry the pain. It's okay to suffer, but we don't have to do this for entire life. And it's, I think it's just my opinion. We don't learn anything from successes even, the best stuff. In any aspect of my life, even with the kids, even it just, it was the bottom of the bottom because the pain is so bad. It's shit, I had enough. When is enough? Never. But it's, we got to be able to recognize the pain and you and I and people like us. Got to make, bring the awareness that we cannot identify with the pain. That's not our identity, that we are born without any of this pain. We create this pain to ourselves. And we can choose to fight it and break the fear. Because at the end of the fear and the suffering is love and connection. But I think it's just, that's what we're doing right now, brother. You don't think that's what we do right now? It's bringing the awareness, but how to bring the awareness? It's funny, when I was on Good Morning America, and we have the piece about the suicidal awareness in my book, and guess what? The piece was moved for a month because it was PDD news. Because those are the numbers. In one month, somebody could listen and I got I think I had a hundred thousand followers based on that just for the one piece, but look at how many people, somebody for sure committed suicide in the mid time, somebody's going to listen to what we're talking about. It's holy shit. It's like guys are like because a lot of guys remember I'm talking about guys, right? Men, because I'm a man, right? You were men. So we don't know how women, but it's mostly 545,000 suicide out of 720 are men. Yeah. So they think because they want to get somewhere or I'm miserable because of that, and you and I, we got it. We don't need any of that. They're out there. It's the inner wall. That's what we forget about the inner walls. We're looking for the outer wall, and we see in the social media, but this is not, that's not, another car, another house, another jet, another electrification, another Rolex, doesn't give you that. If you don't love yourself, and you, if you don't have a faith, if you don't find a connection.

Michael: want to go into something real quick. I just I have to interrupt you because I wanted to ask you this earlier and I want to ask you again. You and I effectively have been able to build incredible lives and there are people who will look at our lives while very seriously Seemingly different in a lot of ways. I have freedom. I built an amazing coaching brand. I run a multi seven figure business. I've been on billboards and timesquare bestselling author. You've done many of the same things exponentially bigger. Cause I know your background, you've done some huge things in your life, but people will look at us and go, yeah, I get it. You guys suffered, but you have all this and I have nothing. What would you say to those people? Cause I know they're listening. I know they're here. And they're like, man. Fuck these guys. They got money. They got girls. They're in good shape. They do all these things. They don't really know how bad it is. First off I do. Cause I've fucking been there.

Jarek: I do, and You do. Because I really like literally, kill myself. Like when I was like, I hit depression so many times that I really like the last one, I really like I was too fucking lazy to be like, I'm a such a loser that I could not even fucking kill myself. Are you serious? And none of the shit, the external stuff, it is important. When you go, when you in bed, it doesn't matter. You can be on the beach alone. It's still the same. We have at that time, when you go to the dark place and when you, when your devil wind. Like your trust, your negative and toxicity thoughts win. It doesn't matter. You don't see that well, and even the person that's going through the bottom doesn't have nothing. They don't realize they have themselves. They woke up. They don't it's having even like having just being, having themselves and being aware of it. That's already enough. You don't mean you came from poverty. I came from poverty. I was a dishwasher. When I moved to the United States, I didn't even speak any English. It was easy. No, it wasn't easy, but I was always reaching all this stuff, but I still have exactly the same thoughts. And those thoughts did not change. If I have a 10, 4 per hour job, or I make a million dollars. It didn't change. The feelings and emotions and anxiety and the depression are exactly the same. I believe in all those voices having absolutely everything. It's the stuff that we create in our head and we become delusional and we lose the connection with reality. We really do, because the little things is what makes you happy right now? Seriously, I can go look at outside and freaking leaves changing like shit is like, dude, am I high? Like I can be high right now without anything. The excitement and the high less for hours because I appreciate the little things. We don't. And when you go into the bottom, like when you lose the bottles with your voices, dude, I can give you freaking the hottest girl. She's still gonna be ugly. You know what I mean? We don't see the beauty in anything. Because we don't. It's our mindset. But sometimes we gotta hit the pain. And it's, I, and I know exactly what you're saying. I know exactly what you're saying, because yeah, and not a rich guy, fucking preaching and bullshitting. I know exactly what you're saying, but it, the world, it doesn't count because if I had everything and it still hit me, then if I wouldn't have anything, I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't.

Michael: Yeah, agree.

Jarek: And I, age of 25. I'd be dead over age of 50.

Michael: And do we've got to get to this place where we recognize like it doesn't matter what you build on the outside. If you don't fix this inside, it doesn't work. Nothing works. Nothing at all. And I chased. I chased all that stuff, man, hard. Every ounce of energy I had went down the wrong path. And then it's I look at my life now and it's not that I'm not chasing, but there's purpose behind it. And I think what happened to you is what happened to me. where one day I just woke up and I was like, Oh, I'm supposed to help people. I'm not supposed to make this about me. I'm not supposed to be the, this version of all the money and all the clothes and all the car. It was like, I tell people all the time, if you're depressed, go serve soup. I dare you. And then come back and tell me you're still depressed. I think part of the problem is People are so afraid to look at reality outside of their own four walls that they forget that life. And it's not that we have to compare ourselves to other people's lives. It's not what I'm saying, but go be of service. If your life sucks, go be of service. Cause I promise you it will not suck anymore. And it's funny because I was having this conversation with somebody recently people are like, Oh, you should volunteer out of the goodness of your heart. I'm like, I feel good when I do it. That's why I do it. Let's not get this twisted. I volunteer. Cause I feel great about, I feel like I'm fucking Superman when I do it, but that's a, but that feels a lot better than laying in bed, eating Cheetos and watching porn and hating myself that I can promise you.

Jarek: I tell you things that work for me. Go to hospital. If you have nothing, go to hospital. Go to hospital. Go to health, cancer hospital. Go to hospital. You will appreciate your health. Go.

Michael: Yes.

Jarek: Fuck something up. Go to prison. Fuck something up. Go to prison for 24 hours. You will appreciate your freedom. What? Fucking fuck me? I went to cemetery and I put my name tube stone and put it the only thing he was Yarek Tadla only no fucking money That shit broke me that shit. Imagine you dead. That's It's over and then what else find somebody that you fall in love the hottest model get freaking on point I don't give a fuck get somewhere find it put the love towards the person change it Put yourself and love the person the way imaginary friend. Love yourself Feel what love is. Do those four exercises, your life will never be the same. You're going to go out there and serve everybody. Suddenly it's holy shit, I got everything. When we lose freedom, we lose health, like I was in the hospital. When I six months in the hospital, in and out, I never, like I told you, I never appreciated my health. When I end up in jail for the for 30 hours in Panama jail, for the for the red notice on a Interpol, it's oh, Holy shit, I appreciate it. Suddenly, you don't want none of this shit. And this was only 30 hours. Freedom is everything. Freedom, and the same thing with the cemetery. Imagine you're dead. We do not appreciate what we have. But the problem is, brother, we do not appreciate ourselves. This is the biggest asset we have, right here. And we freaking neglect ourself for entire year, for entire life. And then what happen is brothers, like you went through the men cycles you were the youngest one. We realize, Oh my God, I'm miserable. We neglect this shit for life. And then we become like me, suicidal, depressed, with anxiety, miserable, because our identity is the pain. I do all this shit for my kids, for my wife, nobody appreciates me. You don't even appreciate yourself. You're pouring yourself with drugs, with alcohol, with porn, with gambling, with food.

You're lazy as fuck. What the hell? We neglect this. What happened when I broke down and all my muscles disappeared being in bed for freaking 40 40 50 days We have to start from the beginning. I did not respond to any phone calls to the text message to the emails You know how hard it was like I was gone like I already died Come on guys We gotta appreciate ourselves and it's hard Because then inside goes like when you lose the battle with the devil demons, whatever voices, whatever you call It's you believe in that and it's hard, but we got to step out of it.

Michael: Yeah. And a lot of it's hard truth. A lot of it is looking in the mirror and coming to the moment and being vulnerable and honest with yourself, man, this has been so phenomenal. I want people to be able to learn more about you, obviously to buy the book, to connect with you. Where can they find you and where can they learn.

Jarek: Find me on the Instagram. Tadla Jarek, my first and my last name at Instagram. And then all the stuff is my website, my Instagram book, everything, Not enoughness, my book. And find me there.

Michael: And guys go to think unbroken podcast. com. Look up this episode for that and more in the show notes. My last question for you, brother. What does it mean to you to be unbroken?

Jarek: Find your inner world and love yourself. And then everything else, the abundance will come.

Michael: Perfectly said. Thank you so much for being here. Unbroken Nation, thank you for listening. Please remember, if this brought value to your life today, to share it with someone else, go to thinkunbrokenpodcast.com, connect with me, connect with Jarek, go on Apple, iTunes, Podcasts, Spotify, leave a review of the show, help other people find this information, because when you do, you're also helping them transform. Trauma to triumph, breakdowns to breakthroughs, and to become the hero of their own story.

‘Til Next Time, My Friends,

Bu Unbroken.

I'll See Ya.