Watch THIS to Heal your Body and Mind | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Coach

HEAL YOUR TRAUMA THROUGH NUTRITION WITH BRIAN KEANE

 Michael: One of the things that I wanna talk about Brian because I think this happens so frequently is that people don't start these things because of fear of failure and what I'm wondering here is you know especially when coupled with from your own experience and having trauma and working through that and getting to this place in your life, how does one really start to step in through the fear of this entire process in consideration of a lot of times we carry a lot of darkness with us?

Brian: I have two trains, the first is probably one of the biggest mindset tech conception that I had for a massive chunk of my life and that was seen failure as a bad thing and seen failure as an in product, failure really the bad thing, failure is feedback, it's feedback on what's not working, it's feedback on where you need to make changes it's feedback on what you are doing right now for some reason isn't in line with where you wanna go and you use that feedback to make changes to make your life better; that's food related. training related, mindset related, trauma related you use it as feedback. My biggest mistake with failure and I also a misconception, I'm not sure if you had this as well Michael was, I would attach to the label failure didn't realize that failure was a thing that happened. I put my myself worth in my attachment of self to failure so when my language for that was, I'm a fucking failure like, you know if I did it did something that wasn't to my expectation, I'm fucking failure, I did it again, not realizing that failure is this external thing that happens based on the actions you've taken and it's not who you are. And I had to disconnect and disassociate from those two things and realize that it's just that failure is the thing that happens as a result of some of the actions that I've taken. So, once I was able to separate that which isn't applicable for everybody but it was for me then it was about realizing that fate really helpful and as an entrepreneur you know this. Failure is feedback, you can make changes based on failure, every failed relationship, every failed business adventure, it took me three attempts at my business off the ground, I made three attempts Michael before I eventually got off the ground because I kept fucking up, I kept making stupid mistakes. One of the things I did which was when I look back at hindsight in 2012 I was working as a teacher in elementary school teacher here in the day and a personal trainer at nighttime and when I try to make that transition over to make a full time as a personal trainer I rented out a gym and like six hundred and seventy pound at the time on top of my rent, I didn't have a lot of money because you don't make a lot of money as an elementary school teacher in London and I went and got a bad branded kit, I went and got business cards, I no fucking clients like not realizing that because I wanted to be a personal trainer that for me was down to the ego issue of people be like, well he's successful, he's a personal trainer, he did the thing he said he was gonna do and I just wanted to look the parish and as a result I fucking got broke.

The only time in my entire life Michael, I know we had different experiences again first were a problem on my side that it was the only time in my life on my bank account was zero you know what I broke college student, didn't have loads of money grown up, didn't have loads of money as a teacher but I always had something in my account but that was the time it went to zero and I had to put down the back of my couch in London to look for pennies so that I can get the boss to go to the bank so I could take a loan to pay my rent that month and that was failure. But now ten years later that's feedback I tell so many trainers that I work with and coaches that I work with don't make that mistake, don't pay those dumb taxes, don't focus on shit that doesn't move your business forward, focus on getting clients and helping people and things will grow that way so that's one example of failure feedback. And I think when you start to see it that way you change your relationship with failure, when you change your relationship with failure it opens up a lot of doors that previously remained close to you and then when it comes to the darkness I've kinda of changed my opinion on this in recent years because I've always been a subscriber had for long period of time been a subscriber of the union philosophy that you know your roots need to go down to hell if you want your branches to reach up to heaven and you know feeding that dark side like it's not a coincidence that I was able to make myself sick with leg workouts before a body, it's not a coincidence that I was able to run six back marathons in the Sahara or run through in the arctic, I tore my Achilles eighty six kilometers from the end and around the last eighty six kilometers, I use the term loosely, I moved to eighty six kilometers on a torn Achilles like that's darkness driving. You know, for me that's all the fucking the soul, the dark side of it that's driving us but it can be useful you know for a large period of my life it was helpful for me got me through those workouts, it got me through those races, it got me through times, when times get tough but I also don't fucking can live in that day, I don't be walking around playing my daughter and playing you know Elsa and frozen and dolls and be like having this fucking darkness this over me, you know. I wanna make sure that's a tool that I have and my personality I can check in with if I need it when times get tough because I quite like it don't get me wrong, it's like, the incredible hulk, you know, it's quite, it's nice to have is that darkness fuel you, you're thinking about the traumatic experiences as a kid you're thinking about the people about the shit out of you, you're thinking about all the things that happened and that shit fuels you like, that's fucking fire but fire like anything can light up your house or can burn the fucking link down so you need to be very mindful of how your relationship is with us and that's how I look about the darkness it's something that I want probably don't want to let go off just, yes because it's supportive but I also don't want you know steering in my car, I don't want be in the front seats it gets put back into the back until I need her into the fucking boost or into the trunk until I need us and then when time to get off I can draw and I can use it and it helps me. And again, I'm not sure how helpful that is for people but it's something that's massively supported me and it's been kind of one of my methods for dealing with some of my issues, some of my traumas, some of the things that have happened to me in a positive way.

HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF WITH RIA MESTIZA

Michael: How do you get into just setting goals and creating? I guess I would call it momentum. How do you start this process to move forward? Especially if you're in this place where you don't know where to begin?

Ria: So, it's again, identifying the end goal. All right. What is it that you wanna achieve? And then we reverse engineer it from that and work out the steps, work out the little destinations along the way, it's like, if you GPS to a destination you wanna get to, and then all of these other little destinations pop up along the way, and you might think, oh, I just wanna go straight to that destination, that's the ideal. But then along the way, you know, you get detoured over here and actually that looks pretty good, I'll enjoy the view from here for a little bit, and I'll take some time and the journey is actually probably, it is the best part in achieving that destination. And when you know that or embrace that not everything is going to go according to plan. You know, I was an event manager in my previous corporate life, and if one thing I knew is that nothing ever goes according to plan. So, even though you can set the north star, you can set your wire, okay, this is where I wanna go. This is how I'm gonna get there. These are the steps that I need to take. These are the contacts I need to make. These are the skills that I need to acquire. Knowing all of that is fantastic and really that does give you the depth of knowledge to set to say, by apply all these things, there is no way I can't reach that goal technically. But also, the daily reminders, the daily action, you know, making sure that you look at your week, you know, I like to sit my week from Sunday, I have a reassess where I'm at and how I feel about where I'm at on the whole scope of things, you know, not just professionally, but personally with my family and everything like we are a whole being, and so, we can't just look at one aspect. And so, when we look at all the aspects and constantly reassess reaffirm, make sure, this is the direction that I wanna go even though it may seem redundant to a point that, okay, I seem to just be writing the same things down, but that reiteration is that reminder that fuel and that desire to keep you going. So, I think that's probably one of the most important parts, as well as really honing in on who you are as a person and learning to love who you are in the moment. You know, a lot of things that people come to me about is they're like, I don't like who I am, I want to be this person, or I want to be here. And this person, like, they almost despise who they are in that moment, and it's heartbreaking because I never see them like that. But helping them bring out the beautiful qualities that they don't even realize are so wonderful and necessary in this world and the impact that they make on others, even though it may not be where they wanna be, but we need to just honor the process. Okay, you are here now, but these are the beautiful things you do now. And then these are the things that you need to do to get to where do you want to be in the near or distant future, but it's breaking that down into steps and just taking action, but understanding that there will be setbacks. But when we look at it, the stairway of success, it's like, yes, it might be going up and then it will crash a bit like the ebb and flows of the heart. But in actuality, the levels are just that little bit higher than next time and then you go up, up, up, and then it may crash down and you be like, oh man, I'm such a failure, but it's like, well, actually you're not, you've learned. And look, you're actually, again, progressively higher than you were the last time. So yeah, they're the primary things there, big, big things. The primary things that I look at when I work with people.

Michael: Yeah. And I agree with that. And I think the only time you're ever actually a failure is when you don't try and that can be a hard pill for people to swallow and hear that. But it's the truth because the difference between success and failure in life is action period. There there's no other way that you're going to get to what you want. Right. And that's whether or not you're trying to be a high performer or a great parent or an awesome business owner, or just in this journey of getting this place of compassion and love. You know, you mentioned something about self-love, and I think it's a conversation that probably has not had enough, you know, because people get in this place where they're trying to build goals, they're trying to be resilient, they're trying to create this life on the other side of whatever that catalyst may be. And yet there's this elephant in the room, if you will about self-love and about the narrative, we have for ourselves. If you're a person who is in this place where you're like, yeah, I hear everything you're saying Ria but like, I don't love myself, I don't know what that means. I don't know how to connect to that. How could they start that process?

Ria: Well, one starting line is there it's start where you are and the most intense way that I've learnt to really look myself in the face, look myself in the eyes and try to connect, and that's looking in the mirror. When the first time you try to connect yourself and you look into your eyes in a mirror it's uncomfortable. And most people just don't wanna do it, you know? And like people say they have their mirror face, you know, they look in the mirror and they're like, move their face to look the way that they wanna look because, you know, they don't think that they're perfect enough or they're not happy with how they look in the mirror so, they've got their mirror face and I don't have a mirror face because I actually like looking into my own eyes, it's very intense. And I had an experience where and I know you've done a lot of work with Tony Robbins too. And for the life of me, I can't pronounce the practice, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say the affirmation of, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. And repeating that in the mirror, it just reduced me to tears. Like I sobbed, and to the point where I smiled and it's like, I've let go of a lot of hurt and pain that I had carried. And I was on the other side of that and it was like, it was freeing, it was just so beautiful and freeing to be in that moment. I really, truly loved myself in that moment. And I do every moment since you know, it's not like I didn't before, but when you truly connect to your soul, there's nothing more powerful.

BODY TRANSFORMATION AND HEALING WITH RUSS YEAGER

Michael: I have this moment. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't recognize the reflection on the other side and I started asking myself like what do I have to do to have the life that I want to have? And the words, no excuses, just results. Like just like waving like if Zeus to a lightning bolt at me like hit me in the chest and I was like I'm just so tired, I was fat once I got in great shape. I had a six-pack I got fat again like what is happening? And I made it my mission in my goal to get healthy again and to get a six-pack again. Now, because I was older. It took a much longer time to get that six-pack again, but I did because I was driven by it because I understood something, and that was how was I going to heal my mind? If I didn't take care of my body and I just stopped making excuses.  I got out of my own way and I just, I went through the hell of getting in shape.

Russ: Yeah. So I appreciate you sharing that man. And you just answered. So your question to me, you know, of how do you combat everything coming at you and do what you need to do to get the results you want versus what feels good in the moment. I mean, you just answered it. The side of the psychological part and then there's the physical strategy. So, go through both, you answer the psychological part. You have to get to a point where there's no other option other than change, where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of making change. And that's what it, unfortunately, takes for most people to make that change.

And so that's the real answer, the psychological answer. And if you don't have that, right? Then you're, all the physical strategies in the world are not going to work or not, going to work long-term, you know, the fit in terms of the physical strategies is, I believe, in the beginning, you need to figure out what to do, and it's not that complicated, I tell people, there are two types of workouts need to be. Number one, something you enjoy. So that you'll be more likely to do it because guess what, the number one factor in getting results in your business program is, like, when people come to us, and we take our time to customize everything, we look at their background, look at injuries, look at balances, we create the perfect plan for them nutrition says rips periodization all that. But the most important factor is that they're consistent and if they're going to that they're supposed to work out four times a week, they work out four times a week about everything else, but that consistency is you need to have something that you're excited about or at least that you believe in if you hate exercise to know some people do.

And number two, the spring training and mentioned that earlier. And the reason for that is the strength training is the only thing that's going to transform your body. We know that it gives us muscles gives us strength, which is super important, not only for parents but for you know aging so that you have the strong functional strength of muscles and you don't, you know, start to punch forward and you've got strong bones and prevent osteoporosis and osteopenia, all that kind of stuff. But also lifting weights is your biggest fat-burning asset. And the reason is that every pound of lead, once you hit about 30, 35, every people start to lose lean muscle mass every year out of town, you know, half a pound every year, and the problem is lean muscle mass is what drives your basement rate, your basal metabolic rate is the number of calories, your body burns every day. So let's say you've got somebody whose base metabolic rate is 2,000 calories a day. That means they burn 2000 calories, they can lay in bed all day, theoretically, the 82000 calories, not going to gain weight, not going to lose weight. So what do most people do when they want to lose weight? They go on a huge diet, eat hardly any food, I mean a thousand calories, 800 calories can do tons of cardio. So they lose weight, they have to create a calorie deficit, you lose weight, the problem is some of that weight, a lot of that's water especially be you a low carb or a keto diet car behind people don't realize this carbohydrate hold two, three grams of water, get rid of the carbon water flushes out. They have lost 10 pounds in a week. Nothing's changed, not good or bad, you lose some fat, which is a good thing. But inevitably if your calorie deficit is too big and or you're not lifting weights or doing resistance, some kind of resistance training you're going to lose muscle, which is a huge problem because you lose that muscle. Now, you're probably starving because you did this frigging unsustainable diet, start eating like you used to again but big problem your base bit about grades, not 2000 anymore, it only says 1700. So now you actually gain more weight and most people repeat, then you get motivated again, the same thing, most people are driving their basic metabolic rate, lower and lower and lower every year and age are making it worse and that indicates harder and harder than they either stay in that vicious cycle where give up. So it works the opposite though, so strength training every pound that only, I know going through a lot, but if you guys can listen to this, every pound of lean muscle that you build burns, an extra 10 to 40 calories a day. So for example, my mail clients to work with me, the first-year average 10 to 20 pounds of lean muscle build, women average 5 to 10 nouns and that's not going to make you big and bulky spread out makes you nicely, you know, tone, looking great. But let's say you put on 10 pounds of lean muscle and you're just burning an extra 20 calories a day profoundly muscle, you're buying extra, 200 calories a day all day, every way you and I, both love Grant Cardone, right? It talks about passive income being we grill for finance, this is a passive fat-burning baby and there's nothing better than burning fat all day long. Whether you're working or sleeping or eating. So those so having a plan you believe in first of all making a commitment, making it through decision commitment, plan you believe in and then doing having the string trained over cardio any day of the week nutrition is important, we can talk about that if you want. And then the third secret sauce is accountability, you know, especially in the beginning, having someone and then you're a coach, I'm a coach having someone to show you the path, give you the right information, and then the holds you accountable and inspire you to keep you on track, when you feel like falling off and then the last thing is finding something that's sustainable. So, you know, I was talking about, you know, you got to make a decision was hardcore in this contest, all that works, but the problem is, it's not sustainable for most people, and I started to train my clients. Same way as a bodybuilder either chicken and broccoli every two hours, alternate your protein shake. Yes. What body strength form in 12 weeks, but then they're like screw this is no kind of life stuff. So for the past seven years, I've been obsessed with, now that I'm an old little bit older, I want to do for me, it was all about the abs. Now, I want to live a long time and with the hundred-plus one of my goals, I want to have great energy on feel good, I want look to mobile, I want to be there for my kids, you know, I'll be able to travel the world with my wife, Emily. We both love to travel, but guess what?  I still want to have the abs. Can I do all of that together and guess what, I still want to eat pizza. I want to be able to eat ice cream. I want to be able to pretty much do whatever I want have carbs and even have a couple of glasses of wine. Every once in a while that's been my mission, the answer is. Yes.

 If you've got the right information, the right strategy, then you can do all that and you can't eat as much as you want it, whatever you want. That's unrealistic have to figure it out into a reasonable eating plan. But when you can do it that way, now, it's you can feel great, look, great have great energy and it's something you can do for the rest of your life versus killing yourself with something that is, you know, you can force yourself to do for a period of time, but then is unsustainable. But having that coach that person to hold you, accountable, to make sure you do it because the reality is if you're 30, 40, 50 years old and you hadn't gotten this part of your life figured out yet, maybe you can do it on your own, like, you did. I couldn't, I had to hire a coach so that I could get where I wanted to go quicker.

BATTLE YOURSELF TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE WITH DAVID RICHMAN

Michael: And I'm wondering how much of these physical endeavors that you've put yourself through is based in that and if I'm off base I'd love to talk about it because I wanna know what that is? Like what is it that drives someone to suffer in the way that you have physically?

David: Yeah, it's a great question, it's a great concept and it does really resonate with me because you know I'm sure that everyone has this to a certain degree and everyone this listening if you don't agree with me then you're living in denial but we oftentimes we beat ourselves up at work and relationships with friends and whatever situation because we think it's what we should do or we think it's what's expected of us or we or we've been told we need to do it that way by our parents or our boss or spouse or whatever, right? And it's like if we're over achieving, if we're driven, even if we're driven out of fear or a failure or whatever then we're gonna try to accomplish that thing whatever that thing is but in the end it is a little bit empty because unless it's the thing that we really wanted, like where you could say it's not for a charity, I'm not getting a sticker, I'm not, nobody's watching me you know, he's taking my picture during posting it on some websites saying like, what you know look what Michael did, right? If you're just doing it for you that's a very powerful, empowering, wonderful thing because like I wrote about this in in my book winning in the middle of the pack, how great is it to know that nobody's watching and nobody cares. I mean that's a very freeing thing because then it means I'm doing it for me and it's not important and not don't do it this is fine because nobody cares nobody's watching anyway. But if it's important to you to find out what you're made of then it's like it's freeing that nobody cares, that nobody's watching that you don't get a medal, there's nothing other than to see what I'm made of and its mind boggling, for me it's a little more like, for you it's more power and strength and endurance and fast twitch and that kind of stuff.For me, it's I found a little more meditation in the longer slower stuff and I remember I had to rewire my brain to be able to settle into that mindset so super quick, I'm getting ready to do a fifty mile run one of the first fifty mile runs that I've done and it's held the last weekend in June in Vegas, it's called rang with the devil, okay? Hundred and twenty-one degrees that's what the high that day was gonna be and I raced in a start line, I'm a few minutes late I'm cursing myself, I'm such an idiot, I jumped out a car, get to fit a start line and I start running in the first quarter mile is like straight uphill and I'm like really like seriously you're gonna make us run uphill for a quarter mile? And then I look at my watch and it's like ninety-one degrees at 6 A.M. and I'm like six zero, 5 A.M., I'm like really like what has to be this hot and I started did nobody page you to be here like change your attitude like get a different perspective because honestly if you go home nobody's carrying, no nobody's gonna care, nobody's watching you, stop being whole bitch and just do it if you wanna do it change your perspective. And then, I said to myself, Michael aah, perspective, why that mean to change your perspective? And I had the self-talk with myself super deep meditate self-talk myself and about four hours later Michael I hit the turnaround twenty five miles and I went holy shit, I just spent like four plus hours thinking about one word perspective and how you could change it, how you could apply it to yourself and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I had this like beautiful self-talk thing where I go oh, man you know you could accomplish whatever you wanna accomplish if you're doing it for the right reasons.