What I do as a Trauma Coach: 10 Things about Coaching Trauma Survivors

One of the questions I get all the time that I want to spend some time answering today is what does a trauma coach do? As for almost a decade now, I have coached thousands and thousands of people on their journey to healing, whether that be through group coaching programs, one on one coaching programs, books, the podcast different events that we host and a litany of other things that we do on the day to day. And what I really do in a sentence, and I'm going to elaborate on this, but what I really do is I help people who lost their identity to childhood trauma gain confidence, get unstuck, and overcome self doubt so that they can be the hero of their own story. And what being the hero of your own story really in its most finite sense means is being the person that you choose to be. So what does that look like? I broke it down into these 10 areas that I bring to the table and help guiding and coaching people on their journey. And I'm going to give you a little bit of an insider view into what this looks like for me as a coach, because I think it'd be very beneficial for you to understand why it is not only that I do this, but why people actually like you listen to the podcast or come to a coaching program or read a book or whatever it might be. And the reason why I believe people ask me this question all the time is because there's not a lot of people in the world who do what I do. In fact, what I would say is I can count on one hand the friends that I have who are actually really narrowed down and focused in coaching people who had trauma.

One, I'll tell you is because it's very, very, very, difficult. I would say that this Career is like climbing Mount Everest every single day. I have had a lot of success in business and as I'm an entrepreneur. I run multiple other companies, but when I decided to come in here and build think unbroken and a coaching program, it is much more difficult than anything else that I've ever done, because the truth about it is, a lot of people don't want to go to the next level in their healing journey so that they can use it as a reason why they're not successful. Oh, I left, I listened to the podcast, I read the book, but you didn't level up. Now, I want to say this with love, right? If you are stuck in your life, and you are not reaching out for support, do not expect your life to be different. There is no podcast you'll listen to or book that you will read that will change your life, the healing truly comes in community something I believe tremendously. But the first thing that I do, probably predominantly over everything is I create an environment where people can come in and talk about the worst thing that has ever happened to them in a space that's constructive. And the way that we do this, whether it's one on one, which is private, that's a given, that's very much therapy esque or in groups is everyone's on the same page moving towards the same goal. And so that pressure of judgment or shame gets removed. This is why if you go to thinkunbroken.com and you look at all the All of the testimonial videos of all the people I've worked with over the years, they will all say very much the same thing. They have the space to have the hard conversation. That's the first thing that we do. It's about this supportive environment. And that's a thing you don't get at work. You don't get at school, you don't really get at church, you don't get with your friends, you get it through a community. Especially one that is focused on what your journey looks like. And that's been the most predominant thing for me, is can you make a container to have these conversations?

The second thing I do is I help you understand through the education. The education is the cornerstone of so much of this because ultimately at the end of the day, we are very analytical creatures as human beings. We are always making meaning of the experiences of our lives and in that meaning making, we are trying to distill down and decipher reality and how the things that happened in the past impact our mind, our body, how it manifests. And how it controls what's happening in our life in real time. What I do is help you understand a deeper level how you change your own experience. And instead of being reactive, become pro active.

The third thing that we do is we look at your environment by creating empowerment. Empowerment is really about you standing up for yourself. Like at the end of the day, that's what it is more than anything. It's giving yourself the power within yourself intrinsically by taking a sense of control of your life. And that could be through a collaborative effort. That's what like a coach does to create strategies and develop ideas to help you achieve goals. Now, look, what's really interesting is some of the goals that people will come into coaching with are like, I want better boundaries or I want to break a bad habit or I want to know my value in the marketplace. And the empowerment comes through building the confidence by helping them reshape the identity to become the person that they're capable of being. And so if you're in this position in your life where you feel disempowered disenfranchised because of the experiences of the past, one of the greatest things that I can do as a coach is I let you have some of my confidence, right? I give you some of me so that you can go in the world and build yourself up. As odd as this might sound, it's like a sourdough bread starter, it just takes a little bit. I give you a dash and then boom, next thing you know, you have confidence or sourdough. But empowerment is such a big part of this because what happens, I see more often than not people who are impacted by trauma come into coaching with almost no confidence. And by the time they walk away, they feel like they can take on the world. And that is the greatest gift I can give to anyone because that was my journey as well. And when I had a coach in the very beginning of this, that was the thing that changed my life. I was like, man, I don't really believe in myself. I don't know what to do. Where do I go? I keep messing up, I keep making the same mistakes. And then boom, next thing you know, life changed forever because I borrowed confidence from my coach to be able to be where I am today, and that's why I still have coaches, ‘cause there's new levels.

The fourth thing that we do is we talk about emotional regulation. This is so important because if you control your emotions, you control your life. If you control your emotions, you control your life. Most people who had traumatic experiences come into life on a day to day basis. Re active, meaning they are reacting to everything that's happening to them. Now, a lot of that is because of coping mechanisms and due to the lack of emotional regulation, we don't learn how to cope in healthy and effective and manageable ways. This is how you wind up down the path of these triggers that are really tied to our trauma being the cornerstone for all of the behaviors that we have that destroy our lives. And so people will come to me and they'll say, Hey coach, the thing that I'm having trouble with is every time I get triggered, I go and get drunk or I smoke cigarettes or I get high or I watch porn or I eat candy or I go work out for four hours or I go and work for 16 hours and I don't rest. And it's okay, cool. Most triggers lead down a path to emotional dysregulation and dysregulation leads down the path of coping mechanisms because a coping mechanism is about helping you cope with the discomfort of the moment. But what do you do when that discomfort and that coping is destroying your life? So that's one of the big things that we do in coaching.

Number five, as we look at resources. What do I mean by resources? One, we create internal resources, giving you the tools that you need on the day to day basis to be able to navigate not only what's happening in real time, but to navigate what has happened in the past that leads you into this moment. And when you have those internal resources, this isn't just yoga and meditation, right? This is also how do you have conflict resolution? How do you stand up for yourself? How do you set boundaries? How do you voice your wants, needs, and interests? How do you have difficult conversations with intimate partners, with a family, with employees or coworkers or your boss? It's also about creating external resources. That's why we have a community at Think Unbroken. That's why you have a coach and me to help, give you support when you need it, that's why I can offer you. If I don't have the answer, which I will tell you, I've been doing this almost a decade, I've been coaching people, thousands of them around the world and back again. And I don't always have the answer. But I will go and find it and that's one of the things that a coach does probably better than most people is I'm here to evaluate what is happening and then to give you the resources that you need to tackle the problem in front of you. One of the things I tell people all the time is my job as a coach is to help you identify your championship. Whatever that looks like in your life. And while I don't run the play for you, I get to assess the environment. I get to look at what's happening, help you make the right decision moving forward, and then give you feedback. Because one of the biggest things I hear from people who come to work with me is I just don't know what to do. And when I can help give both internal and external resources over time, you start to figure out how to make those decisions on your own.

Number six is, and this one's very important, is helping you process trauma. That's what this is really about. And the processing is about both a physical response, an emotional response, and a mental response in the healing process. And the processing happens in a multitude of ways, and it's different for everybody. For some clients, I help them process through understanding mindfulness tools, how to really step into yoga, meditation, journaling, breathwork, paying attention to their body, right? For some people it's grounding, like, how do we get you associated? One of the biggest symptoms of traumatic experiences is dissociation, which means you're effectively your brain and your body are disconnected from each other. You're in la land, you're daydreaming all the time, you are not grounded, you are floating up into the air. And what it is bringing you back down into yourself. Not escaping, not running, not hiding, but being able to feel whole and full as who you are. This is one of the things that's really beautiful about what I get to do as a coach, because I will watch people constantly come into the programs in the beginning, and they're so dissociated and disheveled, they don't know which way is up. And as we do more work, they become more connected to themselves.

Number seven, this is a holistic approach to healing. At the core of this there are the physiological aspects of the healing journey that I believe that when done and this is my personal opinion that I believe when done without pharmaceutical intervention creates a container in which you're forced because it's necessary to face what is happening. I teach people all the time. The piece comes in the pause. When I first started my journey. One of the greatest things that happened is I had a coach who urged me, he really did a great job about this as well, to not take pharmaceuticals of any capacity, whether that was self medication or through a doctor, and trust me, there was a lot of self medication at this process, especially in the beginning, because it was hard, and there was a lot of things I was dealing with I didn't want to. And what happened in this holistic approach, it's about addressing the whole and the root of your experience. Now, one of the things that differentiates me as a coach versus a therapist is my goal isn't to have you talk about the entirety of the experience over and over again through a processing methodology. My goal is for you to say, Hey, this is what happened, here's where I'm at. How do we bridge the gap? How do we bridge the gap and close the cover on that book and remove it from interfering with the success that we're having in life, right? If I can help you identify why you don't have the health, the wealth and the relationship that you want to have, and we don't have to intervene with these things that are not holistic, getting in our way. It's unbelievable what the human mind is capable of doing. Now, again, I've said this before. There's definitely a time and place for some pharmaceutical intervention is just go look at the research. Most of the time, it's not more effective than a placebo. That's for the vast majority of people. So within the holistic approach, when you sit down with me and you come into this, we are talking about building your life through physical health, mental health, emotional health, intimate health, relational health. And changing the general scope of your well being.

Number eight is we create boundaries. And I help you create boundaries if, which I believe it is true, which many of the greatest experts in the world will take my side on. If it is true that trauma is the theft of identity and that what we learned to do in childhood is to survive and by surviving we have to break our boundaries in order to maintain the status quo for safety, eventually on a long enough timeline that no longer serves us. Now, the problem is that when that stops serving you, it's It actually begins to interfere in your life in this way. That's so detrimental that it ruins your health, your wealth, and your relationships in coaching. What I do is I help you create boundaries in your life through understanding the goals that you want in your life around your health, wealth, and relationships. And in those boundaries, Not only are you understanding how to create them in a healthy way in your health, your wealth, and your relationships, but we're also assessing all of the situations that can create themselves throughout the process of boundary setting that help you navigate them, you see this all the time. People come into a program and they start setting boundaries and then they fall back in the old behavioral patterns because the change has a lot to take on. And to support people through the change is one of the greatest things that I get to do. And that's one of my favorite things to watch transpire in people's journey is when the boundaries that they create in their lives, not only impact people externally, but internally, it starts to shape them into the person that they want to become. One of the questions I always ask people at the beginning, like before they're even allowed to come into a program with me, I ask them, what do they want in life? And then I asked them, what is the cost of not healing trauma? When I go look at the cost of not healing trauma in my life, it was tremendous. 350 pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep. 50,000 in debt, doing drugs every day. Family won't talk to me, cheating on my girlfriend, car gets repoed like I can go on and on, but those were the costs. That was the price of not doing the work. And so when we create boundaries internally and externally, and we evaluate the cost against the goals that we want to have, it's unbelievable what happens in people's lives.

Number nine is we build resiliency together. You already are resilient, this is what's incredible. But as my friend, Bishop T.D. Jakes says, new levels, new devils. And what that means is that the more work that you do, the more work must be done. And as you encounter these new experiences, the things that start to transpire are going to require more and more development of a sense of post traumatic growth, and that's resiliency. And we look at creating strengths, values, and opportunities for growth based on what it is that you want to accomplish, because here's, what's incredible about humans and resiliency by proxy of your experience alone. You are resilient, you have grit, you are anti fragile, you've been able to create a lot in your life to this point. Then what happens is you want to go and create a bigger life. You want to do more things, you want to shape your experience into the possibility that you believe you are capable of having. And now you have to build a new level of resiliency, and this is one of the most powerful. difficult things that people do because your emotional home will change over time and you will cap out on your potential without having the proper support. And yes, maybe you're successful in one area of your life, which is a phenomenal thing to be, but in other areas of life, you are suffering tremendously. And that's because you haven't yet grown into that thing through that post traumatic growth to be able to have the resilience, not only to allow the new levels of success, but more importantly to maintain them. How often do you see the person who changes their life? And then within a month, six months, a year, two years, it's right back to where it was. If I look at my life today, I am not 350 pounds, I don't smoke two packs a day, I don't drink myself to sleep, I don't get high every day, I'm not cheating on my girlfriend, I'm not 50,000 in debt, all of my family members talk to me, and I have a really great truck, the opposite of 14 years ago. Now that only happened because I was able to build more and more resiliency and I could only do that through the support that I give people in the same capacity. How do I teach you how to do that? That's ultimately the question.

And finally, I think one of the really most important and I don't know that this is necessarily in any particular order, but finally what I will say is the thing that you get to do when I'm a coach, right? Because ultimately the question is what do I do as a coach? I get to watch people transform. This is the game. This is why I do what I do, this is why I climb Mount Everest, every day because I watched the lives that people have when they choose to invest in themselves, when they choose to invest their time, their effort, their energy, their money, their resources to become the person that they're capable of being. The transformation process varies person to person. I've seen people in my programs over the years within three months, everything is different. And they're like, dude, I'm good, and I've seen people where it takes much longer. And that's the thing that's interesting about the journey because we're all at a different pace. I'm almost 14 years into this journey. I'm still hurting, healing. I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm still doing the things necessary to become the hero of my story because new levels, new devils for me and what I teach people in these programs that is the most important thing is patience and grace, because when you can give yourself patience and grace in the healing process, you'll understand it doesn't matter when transformation happens. What matters is that transformation doesn't happen. Does happen and that's the most important thing that we can do in this journey is actually go down the path of creating transformation. And so when I'm in these programs and I'm coaching people one on one or group or at the events or whatever it might be, the greatest thing that I get to experience as a coach is the moment somebody comes up and they say, my life is different because that's the goal. I heard somebody once say, I didn't come this far to only come this far. And my hope is that I will get you to a new level. And once you reach that level, you'll recognize that you have to go to a new level, and that might be beyond me. That might be with a different coach and unlike, and I know I'm going to catch flack for this, but unlike therapists who wants you in their programs. Constantly for years and years. You're just a client coming back for five years, seven years, 12 years. I want you out like the greatest victory for me as a coach is you getting out of my programs because that means it worked and ultimately that means that transformation has taken place. So I hope that gives you a little bit more insight as to what I do as a trauma coach. I hope that gives you a little bit more insight to the differentiation between coaching and therapy, and I hope it gives you a little bit more insight about some thoughts that I have behind the scenes as I'm preparing to work with people. If you're in a position in your life where you're. Where you want to go to another level where you've been listening to this, you've been in the journey. Maybe therapy hasn't worked, maybe the books haven't worked, maybe the podcast you listened to haven't worked, maybe you've tried some things and you haven't had the transformation that you want. Then I encourage you to hop on a free coaching call with me to do this. Just go to thinkunbroken.com. There's a link on the landing page that says, complimentary coaching call. Click that schedule a call with me. I'm not saying I'm the one to help you. There may be someone else and I have a litany of resources we can help you with. But what I am saying is I've helped thousands and thousands of people just like you. I'm not saying that I can help you, but I'm saying I've helped thousands of people like you. So go to thinkunbroken.com. Let's have a coaching call. Let's talk, let's have a conversation about how I can help you and support you in your journey and your mission to becoming the hero of your own story.

With that, my friends, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for watching or listening to this.

And Until I See You,

Be Unbroken.

I'll See Ya.